I have lost count of how often over the last year, year and a half I've looked in the mirror and wondered who the woman was starring back me. There was a time around last February that I couldn't look her in the eye. It made putting on mascara very difficult. I lost myself somewhere on my quest to be Ms Political Operative of the Year 1974. The thing is I don't want to lose everything I am now to go back to being the me I found before I lost me… that makes no sense.
I can't believe I'm the one having a nutty over a relationship with Josh, it's supposed to be him. He's not supposed to be good at this, he's supposed to be the paranoid commitment-phobe who fell into this backwards and keeps screwing up. He's not supposed to be the one keeping me on track, telling me we're not broken, making the grand gestures. I'm supposed to be coaching the idiot through this not vice versa. I've had relationships - Dr Freeride – and just look at how well that turned out! He's had sex with Mandy Hamilton and Amy Gardner in the last ten years and then avoided their phones calls until they went away. He shouldn't be good at this.
It's killing me that I'm the one who added to everything Josh has had going on in the last two weeks. That night is the hotel room after the infamous (Can something be infamous if only two people know about it?) key incident, he put his arms around me and we kissed and the world was right, God was in his heaven and the angels were singing in the sky. Then the aliens landed, I got scared and I took it out on him. Scared is a long way from what I'm feeling right now. We're in a car on the way from Honolulu airport to the Kaluna Beach Resort - 5 luxury beach resort situated on the peaceful south side of the island. Guests will enjoy their own private cabin by the beach complete with spa tub on the lanai, king size bed, sunken bath and separate shower room - I'm sitting in the backseat of a car making it's way along the coast, in the arm of Josh Lyman, my head resting on his shoulder and every so often he kisses the top of my head. If God is in his heaven he must be sitting in the passenger seat because it's right here.
"Are you sleeping?"
"I think I must be"
"You're talking"
"Doesn't necessarily mean I'm not sleeping"
"You don't talk in your sleep"
"How would you know?"
"Because you've fallen asleep on me for years"
"On you?"
"Yes on me"
"O.K., I'm just saying if this is a dream and you're not actually here as my pillow and we're not actually driving along an Hawaiian coast I want to sleep longer and just stay in this dream"
"O.K."
"O.K."
"Donna?"
"Thank you"
"For what?"
"Well the Josh in my dream wouldn't be talking right about now so therefore this must be reality and we are actually here"
"Yes"
"O.K. so thank you"
"You're welcome… you know the reality Josh is much better than your dream Josh"
"Is he?"
"Oh yes"
"You might want to find out some of the things my dream Josh has done before you say that"
"Nothing I can't do better I promise you"
"You're competing with my dream you"
"No"
"You are"
"Donnatella, darling there is no competition"
"Did you just call me darling?"
"It was in the sarcastic"
"It should stay there"
"Duely noted"
"Good"
"Donna?"
"Yes Josh"
"In the office earlier?"
"Yes Josh"
"You were screaming at me"
"I may have been yelling a bit, to emphasise a point"
"A point on which you were wrong"
"I may have been mistaken"
"So you'll sit there in you mistakenness and be mistaken"
"Yes Josh"
"O.K."
"Donna?"
"Yes Josh"
"In the office earlier when you were mistakenly screaming at me"
"Yes Josh"
"Did I happen to hear you refer to me as the man you've been in love with as long as you can remember?"
"What?"
"Did I happen to hear you refer to me as the man you've been in love with as long as you can remember?"
"I've done it again"
"You have a problem answering closed questions, do you know that?"
"In fairness I do, what do you think I should do about it?"
"And Sam thinks I have a pathological avoidance thing going on!"
"You do"
"I ain't got nothing on you kid"
"'I ain't' Sam would tear you apart for that"
"Back to my original question"
"Which was?"
"Did I happen to hear you refer to me as the man you've been in love with as long as you can remember?"
"Yeah I'm sorry"
"You're apologising for having been in love with me"
"Yes, I shouldn't have said it"
"Dam right!"
"Josh please I didn't mean to ruin…"
"Dam right you should apologise"
"I am I'm sorry"
"You should apologise right now for using the past tense"
"What?"
"For saying 'have been' because you see had I said it I would have used the present tense"
"That you're the man you're in love with? Yes I can believe that"
"Well just for that I'm not saying it"
"Not saying that you are in love with yourself, that's fine Josh, you don't have to"
"Fine"
"You're huffing"
"I'm not huffing"
"You're huffing because I won't get it that you're trying to say you love me"
"You got that did you?"
"Yes"
"Good"
"Why good?"
"Because it seems we've got that conversation communication thing back and you're actually getting what I'm saying and instead of some how hearing the exact opposite. It bodes well for the rest of the week"
"Josh, you're an idiot"
"And now you're insulting me, good, it's just as well I used my new Chief of Staff-elect security privileges and rang Fort Knox and requested that the aliens release you, all of you, the whole Donna is much more fun"
"I really dislike Sam"
"Good"
"You like that I dislike Sam?"
"I like that you dislike all men"
"You're not a man?"
"Donna, sweetheart I intend to prove to you this week that I'm all man"
"I'm assuming the sweetheart was in the sarcastic again and am ignoring it, what are you going to do Josh? Chop some wood and build your woman a buggy?"
"Is that what men do in Wisconsin?"
"Yes"
"Connecticut men have much more fun ways of proving their manhood to their woman"
"Really?"
"Yes really"
"Like"
"We build her a barn"
"Funny, funny man"