I've lost count of how often I've been up and even in my office before sunrise. I've lost count how often I haven't left my office before sunrise; Donna's been with me many many of those times. This is a much much nicer way to spend the hours before the sun comes up.

We arrived in Kaluna late last night, we didn't do much but come to the room, sorry beach cabin, order room service and eat sitting cross legged on the bed, talking about anything and everything. Donna stole my fries and we shared a beer. Then we slept. It could have been any number of nights over the last number of years – apart from the fact I get to lean over and kiss her now and then and when I fall asleep holding her close I don't have to feel guilty about it. To me this is different but the same, I'm living out loud what I've been living somewhere in my head for quite a while. Maybe that's why I'm not running scared of this, I came to terms with the fact that Donna was 'the one' quite a while ago, this is easy for me - it's natural progression. Slow natural progression I'll admit but a natural step nonetheless.

This is possibly where that ego people – mostly Donna – keep telling me I have comes into play. Yes it hurt when Donna left, the ego got a bit bruised. I could even say the heart got a touch bruised too but I won't because I'm scared that after having him back for less than a day that I'm going to start sounding like Sam. It hurt, but still there was something telling me that when I decided to take this step with Donna that we'd work out, that once we were together we'd both be sure that there would be nobody else for either of us - together, done, happy ever after, thank you for coming, please tip your waitress, goodnight. It never occurred to me that everything I'd done to get to this point, everything I'd done not to act on my feelings too soon or what I knew to be too soon, Donna may have taken as rejection.

Being with Mandy was rejecting Donna, being with Amy was rejecting Donna, throwing myself into a work night was rejecting Donna, putting up the barriers the few months after she came back from Germany until my head had a chance to catch up with my heart was rejecting Donna. I thought she knew me better than that but apparently if my head and my heart don't always function together neither do Donna's. I should accept that and listen to her – yes I may have called Sam when a certain blond lady put on coffee and left my apartment a couple of nights ago. We're here now and I haven't felt this relaxed in months, years maybe, I'm enjoying that last ten minutes of sort of sleep. Donna moved, kissed my shoulder and got up a few minutes ago, I sure in my conviction that she's coming back:

"Josh"

"Uuh"

"Josh, Josh, Josh"

"Uuh"

"Josh!"

"Donna as much as I love you bouncing up and down on me, can you please wait until I wake up?"

"Nooooo!... Josh please you've got to see this…"

"Five more minutes"

"Josh, you have to see this place… there's a hot tub just outside those doors, we're right on the beach Josh, right on it…"

"Do you want me to tell you what else you're right on?"

"Josh, please come see this…."

"O.K., O.K. I'm looking"

"Get up, come here, look, look"

"O.K. Tigger, I'm up, I'm looking"

"Look isn't it beautiful?"

Donna's standing at the patio doors looking out over a private white sandy beach. The water meets the sky on the horizon, the sun has just begun its daily climb through the sky. Palm trees frame the picture perfectly but all I can look at is the woman standing framed by the doorway. Her hair pulled into a messy bun on her head, wearing my boxers and an old campaign t-shirt. I walk up behind her and wrap my arms around her waist.

"Yes it is"

"I mean look at the sky"

"What sky?"

"You just said it was beautiful"

"I wasn't talking about the sky"

"Josh…that was…"

"Don't you dare say corny"

"Sweet, I was going to say sweet"

"How about devastatingly sexy?"

"That too"

She turns and wraps her arms around my neck and her lips touch mine slowly, testing before she takes control of the kiss. My hand slips under her t-shirt caressing the soft skin of her back. We move apart and she smiles at me.

"I didn't think you did that anymore?"

"Did what?"

"The four year old on e-numbers impression"

"Excuse me?"

"The bouncing up and down excitement thing"

"The bouncing up and down excitement thing?"

"Yeah, it's just you've been taking everything in your stride lately, cool calm and collected Donna I forgot how excited you used to get"

"Oh"

"O.K. the face just changed, what is it?"

"That's what I'm afraid of"

"Your face changing"

"You really do do that on purpose"

"Maybe, what are you afraid of"

"That you don't like me, that you like the idea you have of me"

"Why do you think they are so different?"

"You don't know me now and while I haven't been ecstatically happy with myself lately I like some of the bits of the person I've become since…"

"Since you walked out and abandoned your poor pathetic boss to a life of temp assistants and coffee every morning"

"Josh!"

"O.K. I'm being serious; tell me the bits you like?"

"I like the position I'm in now, I like seeing my ideas being used, I like being taken seriously, I like having the confidence and the ability to do what I'm doing"

"O.K. and the bits you don't like"

"I've felt selfish sometimes, like I was putting on an act, that I was having to pretend I was someone I'm not"

"Why were you pretending? Or when were you pretending?"

"A lot of the time with Russell, I did it with you a couple of times over the last two weeks"

"I can pin point those, could use little coloured flags and everything!"

"Josh!"

"O.K., so you like the position of power, your ideas being used, being taken seriously, having confidence and having ability"

"Yes!"

"And you think those are new?"

"Before I didn't, have those things I mean"

"Donna, maybe not to the whole outside world although there are a couple of congressman and a senator from Maine who more afraid of you than they ever were of me!"

"He was being an idiot"

"Donna you need to understand that those are things you've always let me see in you. You maybe didn't let everyone else see them so if leaving the White House gave you the ability to let them then great, I'm proud of you for those things I always have been"

"Really?"

"Yes really, and them being part of you now isn't me not knowing you now, it's me knowing all of you then. If I'm making sense"

"You rarely do but I'm following you"

"You're tuned to me"

"I am"

"So what about the bits you don't like, where did they come from?"

"Isn't all that what a woman needs to do to get ahead in D.C.?"

"You're asking me if a woman needs to turn into a ball-crushing robot to get any power in the district?"

"Yes"

"You're asking me if all women need to be Mandy Hampton or Amy Gardner to make an impact in Washington?"

"Yes"

"Yes, but it also helps if you are my ex girlfriend"

"Josh!"

"Which you, by the way, are never going to be, not if I have my way"

"Josh!"

"Donna, yes you need to be professional, have ability and intelligence and be tough, really tough sometimes to get there but you've always been that, only maybe you didn't see it"

"I don't understand?"

"Donna, you managed an operations and planning team of over 100, you had all the other stuff too and having been on the receiving end of your rules you definitely can be tough!"

"You got better didn't you?"

"Yes and for your rules I will always be grateful"

"You're welcome"

"As the First Lady's COS, yes you'll have to exude a demeanour…

"You think I should take it?"

"It's your decision but yes"

"You think I can do it?"

"You were my Chief of Staff, after me Helen Santos is a walk in Lafayette Park"

"That's true"

"What I'm saying is you'll have to be strong and tough or whatever but that doesn't change the person you are, it doesn't mean I don't know the person you are and it doesn't mean I don't love the person you are"

"You said it"

"Yes, I said it"

"You love me"

"Yes Donnatella Moss I love all of you, all the bits and pieces and quirks and everything else"

"Thank you"

"For?"

"Loving all of me"

"You're welcome… Do you have anything to say in return?"

"Like what?"

"I don't know maybe something similar?"

"Don't think so, come on I want to try out that really big shower room"

"Donna?"

"Come on Josh"

"Fine"

"There's towels on the rail and there's gel on the shelf, Come on"

"We're sharing?"

"Yes we're sharing"

"Are we trying to save water? You know save the planet one double shower at a time?"

"I love the environment Joshua"

"Yeah, I know"

"I love you too and that is more of a reason to share a shower than saving the planet just at this particular moment"

"Ha! You said it, you said it, you said it, you said it"

"Come on Tigger, before I change my mind"