Once again, I'd like to point out this is an adult fic. Sorry this one is short chapter, ff will only let me upload so much in one go, its frustrating. That said, I hope you enjoy. Let me know what you think!

Chapter 5

It took us a while to calm down from our laughter, but eventually we were reduced to occasional chuckles.

'So.' Ranger said. 'It's definitely over with you and Joe?'

'I'd say so. It's hard for a cop to go back to being all smoochy after his girlfriend commits ABH with a deadly weapon - especially if he's the victim. They really hate that.'

'Yeah, that'd put a dampener on things. But seriously Steph, you ok?'

'Yeah, I really am. I know I should be upset that it's over, but it's been coming for a while now. I tried to be upset and go on an ice cream binge with movies and tears and stuff…'

'But?'

'But it was a funny movie and it's hard to be all self-pitying when you're trying not to bust a gut laughing…and the only tears I could squeeze out were ones from laughter.'

'The best kind.' Ranger said.

'Ah, Sensei, you are wise beyond your tender years.'

'You taking the piss Babe?'

'Would I dare do such a thing?'

Ranger blew out an exaggerated sigh, 'I almost preferred it when you were afraid of me.'

'But not quite huh?'

'No, not quite.'

'You wouldn't want to miss out on my wicked sense of humour.'

'Definitely not.'

'Is it true?' I asked, out of the blue.

'Babe, you're gunna need to be more specific that that.'

'Is it true that when people piss you off, you ship them to a third world country?'

'No smoke without fire.' Ranger said, his voice non-committal.

I thought about it for a second. 'That's bullshit.' I concluded.

Ranger laughed, 'Correct. I never sent anyone to a third world country – I just threatened to once.'

I shrugged, 'works for me. I'm not disturbing you am I?'

'No, I'm on stakeout duty. Boring as hell, and the skip's not moving – we're not even sure if he's in there.'

'I'm impressed; you can do surveillancey stuff and talk to me at the same time – that's good multi-tasking skills there.'

'I'm a modern man.' Ranger said, the humour evident in his tone.

'Does that mean you cook and clean and read romance novels too?'

'No.' Ranger said vehemently, 'Sometimes I cook, rarely I clean, and I never read romance novels.'

I heard a snigger in the background.

'Who's that?' I asked.

'Tank. He's in the car with me, and Bobby and Lester are in another car further up the street.'

'That's a lot of surveillance for one guy.'

'He's slippery, and it's our last night tomorrow.'

'Who is it?' I asked.

'Mike 'the fish' Flannigan.'

'Mikey? What did he do now?'

'You know him?'

'Not personally. He's Mary Lou's husbands second cousin's babysitter's sister's ex-boyfriend.'

Pause. 'Are you serious?'

'Yeah. You're not staking out his house are you?'

Pause. 'No?'

'No. Not a good idea. Mikey never comes home. His grandmother died in it and he thinks it's haunted.'

'So where does Mikey stay?'

'He's kinda what's known as a floating homeless person. He goes from friend to friend to party to party. He's never in the same place for very long.'

'Why didn't his mom tell us this? She gave his address out easily enough!'

'That's because it keeps you camped out here waiting for Mikey to never come home…'

'Shit.' Ranger said conversationally.

'You want me to find out where Mikey is?'

'You could do that?'

'Sure. It's easy. Give me an hour and I'll get back to you. Meanwhile, go, warm up, drink some coffee or peppermint tea or whatever.'

'Thanks Babe.'

'Sure.' Then I hung up and did a happy dance cos I got to hang up first!

Then I started dialling again, 'Hi Sue Ann? It's Stephanie Plum…'

POV Ranger

'Back to Haywood.' I said, turning the key in the ignition and cranking the engine over.

'Why?' said Lester over the comms.

'This stakeout's a bust. Mikey never comes here, he thinks it's haunted.' I replied.

'No shit?' Said Bobby, 'Is Steph finding out where he is?'

I paused, quickly calculating how much of our conversation they could hear over the comms; certainly everything I had said.

'You don't like Princess Leia?' Tank asked.

'No.'

'You gonna explain what made you laugh so bad?' Lester enquired, the comms crackling slightly.

'No.' I repeated. I doubt Steph would like me spreading the Morelli Cheer around. I recited it again in my head and I felt the laughter welling up inside me. I pulled over and laughed until I could barely breathe.

'Aw come on Ric.' Tank whined, 'tell us.'

'Yeah.' Bobby chimed in, 'tell us.'

'No.' I said firmly, and then I pulled the car back out and headed to Haywood to wait for my Babe's call, unable to stop smiling.