NEWS: Your Biggest Fan is up for a Golden Lemon Award under Best Slash. Am I shocked? Yes. Giddy? Yes. Hoping you'll vote for it? Also yes.
You can find the ballot with all of the other fantastic nominees at www . goldenlemonawards . com
Also, a huge thank you to whoever nominated me.
A/N: Stephenie Meyer owns, I just play.
I spent the car ride this morning freaking out because, well, I'm me, and my brain just goes into overdrive sometimes. Bella and Alice knew our secret, and in all the chaos of tears and insults, I hadn't even asked them not to say anything. I was convinced Bella would tell someone, especially since she seemed so upset by it. Jasper, on the other hand, thought that was all the more reason she'd keep it to herself.
"Why would she tell anyone?" he asked. "That's just even more embarrassing."
"Embarrassing? That we're dating?"
He laughed a little and said, "More like, embarrassing that her crush is into guys."
Crush? I turned my head to stare at him. That came out of left field.
Jas was still grinning at me, raising his eyebrows expectantly and looking all in-the-know.
"You know, if it wasn't sort of cute, I'd be worried about how clueless you can be."
I gaped back at him, trying to come up with some answer that proved I wasn't clueless, but obviously failing.
Eventually, he rolled his eyes and said, "You. She likes you."
"How do you know?"
"Little things, I guess. I kinda thought she has for a while, just with the way she's always looking at you or asking about you, but yesterday pretty much sealed the deal."
"But," I said, looking for some evidence that that wasn't true. Maybe it was actually Jasper that she liked. Between the two of us, he was definitely the better catch. "I would have noticed. She treats me exactly the same she always has."
I thought that was a pretty good argument, but Jas was already sure he was right because he just kept smirking at me. "Maybe she's always adored you. You're like the big brother she never had. Except… not a brother, so it's alright if she thinks you're sexy."
I rolled my eyes, just not seeing it. Bella was sweet and adorable and still had puppies on all her folders. Somehow I doubted she thought anyone was sexy.
Jasper reached across the gearstick to put his hand on my leg – that was the one, and only, upside to not driving with the girls anymore – while I tried to keep my freakout to a minimum. I sort of believed him, or at least the part about her not telling, if only because of how kindhearted she was. Still, though, some reassurance would be nice.
I didn't see either of the girls all day until lunch, where Bella was staring a hole through the back of my head. I couldn't actually see her, obviously, but Tyler wouldn't shut up about it. He seemed to think it was pretty funny.
"What'd you do, promise her her first kiss?"
"No!" I swore, trying to get the conversation as far away from that idea as possible. When that didn't work I tried to just shrug it off, but I guess it was a slow day because Bella Swan staring at me was the new it topic. The truth was I wanted to get up and go talk to her but I wasn't sure how, since my track record for delicate conversations with girls was pretty shoddy lately. Still, the thought of her telling someone was enough to make my stomach flip, and I packed my lunch back up in defeat.
After a few minutes of Tyler's taunting and my patience fraying thin, Jas pushed his chair back from the table saying he would go talk to her. I was quietly thrilled, until the way she threw her arms around him led to jokes about how Jasper was stealing my chance to tap that.
It turns out, swearing up and down that you don't want to bone a girl is the best way to convince people you do.
"It's alright, man," Tyler said, "we'll let you have first crack at her. But if you and Jasper both strike out, I'm all over that."
"Isn't she, like, fourteen?" Mike asked.
"Yes!" I said, glad that someone was thinking clearly.
"Whatever," Tyler answered, leaning back in his chair and grinning. "Girls mature faster. Plus, she's hot."
That led to a lot of boob-miming where Tyler pretending to squeeze his own, or Bella's breasts. Either way, he was over-exaggerating them, and I just didn't want to deal with it anymore. I didn't know if Bella was hot, and I didn't care.
"Ty," I said, slinging my backpack over one shoulder, "just shut up, okay?"
"Don't worry Masen," he smirked, holding his hands up innocently, "I won't make a move on your girl."
I rolled my eyes for what felt like the tenth time that morning, and headed off towards the counseling office.
Mrs. Cope made a fuss about how I was waiting until the last minute to get my papers in, but they were in on time and that's all that mattered to me. I'd ended up keeping all the local colleges checked off, but added a bunch of east coast schools with good bio programs too. Jas had been looking over my shoulder last night when I checked off Cornell, but instead of saying anything he just gave me a big sloppy kiss on the cheek. It felt good to make him happy, and equally good to know I was leaving myself open to the chance of going off to school with him.
The rest of my afternoon was spent turning in homework and answering questions off the board, but really I spent it wondering how Jas and Bella's conversation went. I didn't see him until we were hurrying off toward track, and he filled me in on the way.
And, of course, Jasper was right.
I mean, he wouldn't exactly say so, since he'd promised Bella he wouldn't tell me whatever she'd said, but I needed him to at least say something. He pushed his wavy hair back from his face, and let out a quiet sigh.
"Basically, it's just what I thought. She was embarrassed."
So Bella did like me. Huh. That was interesting. I vaguely wondered if in another world, where Jas wasn't around and she was older, I would have liked her back.
…Nah.
Besides, that was a moot point anyway. What mattered was that Bella wasn't some close-minded homophobe, and she wouldn't tell anyone what she'd seen. In retrospect, I almost felt bad for thinking that someone as genuinely good as Bella would start spreading rumors. Then again, it was a lot easier to think of the best of her without cold flames of anxiety licking at the back of my mind.
"And Alice?" I asked.
"She doesn't think Alice will tell anyone either, but she said she'd make her promise tonight."
"That's such a relief," I said. "Was Bella, I mean, is she still upset?"
He kept his eyes ahead of him and said, "I think talking helped."
I nodded along, musing quietly. Jas was an excellent listener, and I guess it made sense that Bella would need to vent. Even if she'd told Alice, she'd still been hiding it pretty well. Then again, I guess the time for secrets had passed.
"Why didn't you tell me?" I asked quietly as we passed the last of the classrooms before the gym. If it was so clear to him, why didn't he fill me in?
Even just walking next to him, I could feel him tense. I was leaning toward him, trying to catch whatever he might say, but he kept his eyes fixed on the gym door.
"Well," he finally said, pausing. "By the time I was really sure, she was already, you know, competition."
I scoffed loud enough for him to hear. How could Bella ever compare to Jas?
"She's just a baby freshman."
"I don't know," he said, shrugging and shifting his backpack off one shoulder. "She's really pretty."
Hmm, Tyler had said the same thing. Sure, I could see that, I guess I just hadn't really thought about it. She was just… Bella.
Before I had the chance to say that, though, we were caught in a swirl of people pushing their way into the gym and Jas was heading for the locker room.
It wasn't until after we were dressed and I was watching Jasper jog around the track that it occurred to me… when did Jasper start worrying about competition?
Of course, hurdles were the wrong time to think about that, and I really didn't want to dive face-first into the waxy floor again, so I focused on visualizing my front foot passing clean over the wooden bar. One of the few other schools within driving distance was coming over for a friendly meet this afternoon, and we were all basically just warming up.
Hurdles were my worst event, so it was no real surprise when I lost. I won most of the sprints, though, and was happy with that, even though two months ago I would have won them all.
An unexpected victory actually went to Leah – not against me, but in a longer race – and seeing her pushing herself out there reminded me of what I'd learned yesterday. I wondered if she thought about her dad when she ran, the way I thought about Mom. I also wondered why she'd never said anything, since I was probably one of the few people who knew how that felt.
Then again, how would she even bring it up? She had only transferred to Forks High last year, and no one really wants to hear, 'So, the gossip mill told me your mom died.' Maybe there wasn't anything to say, anyway. She never came to pizza night, so it's not like I knew her all that well.
The thought of pizza then reminded me that Tyler was especially set on trying anchovies tonight, which I thought was disgusting.
When the time came, though, Jas and I put one oily, salty fish in our mouths, and promptly ordered a Hawaiian instead. The night was fun, overall, but the longer we sat around pretending that our track team was hot shit, the closer we got to the end of the night.
The end of the night brought tomorrow, and tomorrow brought the date. Our first date.
Of course, there's no way I could explain that excitement to the rest of the guys, so I just smiled and let them think I was gloating over the races I'd won. Jas was extra smug too, though, so I figured he knew what I was thinking.
However, despite all the excitement, Saturday afternoon still found me totally unprepared. It was one forty-five and not only was my hair still damp, but I couldn't find a sweater to wear.
I'm not really that picky about clothes. Sure, I knew which shirts looked best on Jas, mostly since I spent so much time staring at them, but it's not like I had picked out the sweater I wanted to wear or something. So when the brown one I first thought of wasn't in my closet, I tried to find the kinda soft black one I knew Jas liked. And when that was also missing, I reached for a third option. It was only after I realized that had disappeared too that I cursed myself for not looking last night.
I had checked everything else. I had made sure my good jeans were still hole-free and clean, I'd stopped by the ATM, and I'd even googled things to do in Port Angeles. I did find a nice place for dinner but, other than that, I didn't turn up much we hadn't already done. Sure, we had found a few good fall-back spots to kick around at over the years, but it was still the same old place. The main thing Port Angeles had going for it was that it wasn't Forks, and our date would probably just be dinner and a movie.
I could already hear the faint patter of rain outside the window, so that meant any stops by the beach were out.
I quickly buttoned up my pants and threw on one of my white t-shirts before padding through the kitchen to Esme's laundry room. It was set up just off the garage, and I ran across the cold concrete as quickly as I could on my bare tip-toes.
The laundry room itself was warmer, and Esme was there folding socks into neat little piles. I had a feeling Jasper's and mine would be stacked together, since not even we could tell them apart.
I startled her, jumping in from the cold garage onto the little rug beside the dryer, and she clutched one of Carlisle's dress socks to her chest for protection.
"Jeez! Edward! You scared me. Did you need something?"
"Yeah," I said, fidgeting and trying to stand with one foot on top of the other to warm them up. "Have you seen any of my sweaters? I can't find them."
"Oh, sure," she said, reaching into the dryer and pulling out my brown jersey-cotton v-neck.
It was still warm, and I wanted to pull it on immediately. "Was it dirty?" I asked, not remembering wearing it recently.
Esme raised one very motherly eyebrow at me. "It was wrinkled in the bottom of your closet, if that's what you mean."
I had the sense to look a little sheepish. Okay, so I was kind of bad at hanging things up.
"Can I blame it on the hangers?" They were slippery… or something.
She just chuckled and tsked me, and then went back to folding socks.
Now that I had this one in my hands, though, Jas really did like the black one better. I stooped to look for that one and found it on the top, also still toasty warm.
I pulled it against my chest and let the dryer's heat warm me up. I stood, planning to dash back across the chilly garage and try to be ready by two, but the look on Esme's face stopped me.
She was watching me very very carefully, and smiling.
"We're going to Port Angeles," I said, hoping that would explain my need for warm clothing.
She nodded and mm-hmmed. "So I heard. Jasper said you two might need some laundry done."
Her smile morphed, then, into a very minor smirk, and that's when I realized that she knew. Either Jas had told her or she'd figured it out but, either way, she knew.
I don't know why that was so embarrassing or, really, how I thought she could not know.
"It's not that big a deal," I murmured, trying to fight back my own smile.
"You take that back." She shook more socks at me. "My little boy has his first date today, so you'll just have to forgive my good mood."
I grinned wider but blushed harder. Her little boy wasn't so little anymore, but I wasn't going to be the one to tell her that.
"Here," she said, leaning over to root around in the dryer some more. "Will you bring him this one?" In her hands was the light blue v-neck I had asked Jasper to wear.
So he had told her. I felt a little safer knowing she hadn't just figured it out on her own, but I still ducked out of the laundry room with our clothes in my arms and sprinted on my toes back into the house.
I knocked and pushed Jasper's door open, knowing he might still be changing. Unfortunately, he already had an undershirt on, but I could still the broad muscles of his chest and the way his hipbones pressed against the waistband of his dark jeans. He was beautiful.
"I brought you something," I said softly, leaning against his doorframe.
"Ooh, thanks." He stepped over to me, the soft waves of his hair bouncing in front of his eyes, and stretched his arms out for his clothes.
I held his sweater up but, instead of grabbing it, he reached up to my chest and passed his thumb over one of my protruding nipples. I hadn't known it was hard, but I was sure as hell aware now. I shivered.
"You might want to bundle up, it's gonna be freezing up there." His eyes weren't on me, though, they were on his finger still tracing the nub under my shirt.
I reached up to pull his hand away, knowing we'd never get anywhere if he didn't stop. Taking a deep, bracing breath, I said, "Ready in five?'
He nodded, and I backed away to go finish getting dressed.
About ten minutes later, I met him at the front door where he was tying his shoes. He was leaning over, tugging at the laces, leaving his ass in the air for anyone to see. I definitely paused to admire it.
Pale blue covered what should have been a tempting sliver of skin, but the elastic peeking out told me he was wearing boxer briefs instead of boxers. I loved him in boxer briefs, with the way they curved over his ass and pulled around his bulge. It was a shame to hide something so good looking behind baggy boxers.
When he turned around to greet me, I got to admire the front of him. His eyes were the brightest thing in the room, and the lean bulk of his biceps stretched at the fabric covering them. There was something else, though. He looked different… older, maybe?
When he reached a hand up to pat his head self-consciously, I realized that his hair was a little darker, probably from some kind of gel, and it stayed pushed back even under his poking. Obviously, he couldn't decide whether styling it had been a good move or not, but I kinda liked it. Usually his shaggy hair framed his face, and he tucked it behind his ears to keep it under control. This kept it out of his way entirely, without making it look brittle or slimy.
Yeah, I liked it.
I wondered briefly if I should have thought of gel too. Then again, with my hair, it was probably a lost cause anyway. I had checked a mirror in the hall and my hair was still trying to pull in eight directions at once.
He was looking me up and down, nodding appreciatively. I was enjoying staring back, but his gaze made me a little too self-aware, so I took a deep breath to suggest we hit the road.
Our quiet bubble was shattered by Rosalie's voice before I had the chance. I hadn't heard her footsteps or the shifting of her purse but when we turned, there she was, chewing her gum and looking inconvenienced as usual.
"You guys look like Gap mannequins," she said with a roll of her eyes, before stalking past us.
I just stood there, blinking, because I really didn't know what to say to that. First of all, Rosalie hadn't said anything to me in weeks. And second, as far as insults go, that was kind of lame. I would have expected her to just say we looked like preppy assholes.
Well, I guess she basically did.
Jas didn't say anything either, and once she shut the door behind her he moved to me, placing a hand on my lower back. Somehow, that felt like the warmest point on my body.
"You look nice," he said quietly.
"You too. The hair's good."
"Yeah?" He brought his free hand up to prod at it some more, but I grabbed it and smirked a little.
"Yeah, so don't mess with it." His hand still tugged at mine, but I held it firmly.
Finally, he dropped the tension in his arm and said, "Thanks." Then, he pulled Esme's keys out of his pocket and jangled them, "Let's get out of here."
I followed him, tossing my jacket and scarf over my arm and making sure I had my wallet. Esme's car was in the garage and, with it, was Esme. She was blatantly peeking her head out of the laundry room and waiting for us.
"Oh, you boys look so nice!"
We stepped over to her, expecting motherly cooing and directions to drive safe, but instead she just held up her hand and said, "Wait right here." Then, from the kitchen, she yelled, "Come where there's better light!"
I had an inkling of what she was up to, and from the way he slowly ambled back inside, I think Jasper did too. On the way I whispered in his ear, "You're the one who had to tell her," and he had the good sense to look repentant.
Sure enough, Esme was standing in the center of the kitchen, angling herself so the dim light coming through the window was behind her. "Stand by the island," she directed.
Sure, I thought, take a picture of your son's first date. Because that's not awkward at all.
Jasper did the obligatory "Mo-om" but she was entirely unphased, ordering us to turn and lean and smile. She held the camera up for quite a while, and I kept waiting for the flash, but instead she finally lifted her gaze above it.
"Come on, guys, no need to be so formal."
I rolled back my shoulders, since they were pretty tense in front of the camera, and when I looked to Jasper, I realized he was almost a foot away.
He stepped closer and leaned in to whisper, "Maybe we should go for Old Navy mannequins instead."
That immediately cured my awkwardness and I full-on laughed. I knew exactly which commercial he was talking about, with the mannequins dating and gossiping and flashing their plastic parts to each other's plastic husbands, or whatever.
I felt the flash of the camera behind my eyelids, so I sidled up to Jas and asked Esme to take another, just so her only picture wouldn't include the inside of my mouth. I think she snapped several more, and eventually gave us a hug and some well-wishes.
And then finally – finally! – we were on our way to Port Angeles to… do whatever we ended up doing, I guessed. Jas hadn't said anything about potential plans, either. Almost halfway there, I decided to bring it up while scanning through the radio for a station that wasn't playing crap or static.
"So, I was thinking, air hockey?" I'd heard there was a new table at the bowling place.
He glanced sideways at me, but went back to watching the road with a smug little grin while he pretended to think about it. "Hmmm, no."
"Okay," I said, slightly taken aback. I hadn't thought it was that bad an idea, but I folded my hands in my lap and tried not to sound too phased. "It was just an idea."
The corners of his lips twisted into an even more obvious smirk. A few moments passed before he said, in an overly casual voice, "Well, the Marine Center has a new touch tank."
I instantly perked up. We'd wandered in there once, out of boredom, and their idea of a 'live' exhibit was hermit crabs. Snore.
A good touch tank, though… "Really? Like, a real one?"
Jas laughed from deep in his belly while he tipped his head back and watched the road through squinted eyes. "Yeah, a real one. It's some traveling exhibit from the Seattle Aquarium."
That actually sounded fantastic. Coming from Phoenix, I was a sucker for marine life. But I knew that he, on the other hand, could care less. The last time I'd run through seaweed after some huge purply-orange crab, he'd just sat on the sand saying if he couldn't eat it he wasn't interested.
"Are you sure?" I asked. "We don't have to." I didn't see how a dinky wannabe-aquarium would hold his interest.
"Well, if you'd rather get schooled at air hockey, we could do that instead."
I reached across the car to give him a light punch on the shoulder, smirking right back, but then I slid my hand down his arm to where his sleeves were pushed up. I traced my fingers through the soft blond hair dusting his forearms.
Then it occurred to me. "Wait, how do you know?" I had spent half an hour googling for something, anything, new to do.
He twisted his hand up to hold mine, keeping it captive against his thigh. "Mr. Banner told us. It's extra credit if we go."
I gave him a fake scowl and accused, "You're using our date for extra credit points?"
Nothing seemed to dim his smug grin, though, or the brightness in his gaze. He swept a thumb across the back of my hand and said, "I don't need the extra credit. Now, do you want to poke at fish or not?"
I laughed and conceded because I really did want to go, and he knew it.
The first thing I noticed when we walked in was that everyone at the Marine Center was either under ten, or telling their child not to put dirty fingers in their mouths. There were large picture windows to let in natural light, but the rain made the day look dreary and foreboding instead.
"You know," I said, leaning over to whisper in his ear. "We can just leave."
He pressed against me, close enough that I could feel his breath against my neck, and I almost shivered.
"Are you kidding?" he whispered. "You're gonna stick your hands in that nasty-ass water. Then you're gonna be all giddy like the bio-geek you are, and I'm gonna be the boyfriend who made you smile like that."
I leaned back to laugh, watching how his face was just as excited as mine would supposedly be. "So it's all about you, then?"
He nodded with mock solemnity. "Absolutely. Now go pet something slimy and make me look good."
I laughed again, wanting to slip my arms around his chest or kiss him, but this wasn't the place for it. Instead, I just grazed his arm with the back of my hand in a small, covert gesture.
Then, I was off to poke fish.
Of course, there weren't actually fish in the tank, but there was a whole variety of starfish and slugs and anemones and urchins. Kids were obligingly holding out two snotty fingers to pet these poor captive creatures, soaking their shirts all the way up to the elbow.
I learned from their mistakes and rolled my sleeves up. The sea stars were brittle and boring, and the sea cucumbers were especially slick. Most of the anemones had been prodded too long to still react at all, but I found one dark purple one in the deepest, coldest water that was well camouflaged.
Following the two-finger rule, I brushed against his stringy feelers. Sure enough, it felt like running my hand over the sticky side of scotch tape as he did his best to trap, poison and engulf my impervious fingers. Of course, once he was folded up the fun was over, but it was still worth it.
Jasper was hovering, watching me instead of the creatures we came here to see. I guess I had the goofy grin he'd been expecting because he looked pretty damn pleased with himself.
I pulled him up to the tank, insisting he at least touch something. He protested, saying the tank was only made for nerds like me, but I finally pushed up his sleeve and got him to cave.
After all that teasing, though, I didn't think he deserved a warning when he reached for an especially gelatinous sea cucumber. He tentatively stroked two fingers against it before hissing and yanking his hand out of the water.
"That is disgusting!" he said, too loudly, and I snickered.
Before I had a chance to protect myself, he lifted his hand in retaliation and flicked all that cold water at my face. I guess I should have seen that coming, seeing as how that's one of Jasper's favorite tricks, but I never thought he'd do it with something so gross.
"Eiw," I said, trying to grab his wrist and keep his hand away from me. "There's kid germs and urchin poop in there."
"And you made me put my hand in there!" he laughed, incredulous, before trying to flick more water from his fingertips at me.
I managed to get a hold of his wrist that time, holding it down between us so he couldn't get me, while he tried to wrestle back.
We were laughing and grunting loudly, trying to win control of his hand. When I finally noticed the docents staring at us like we were single-handedly ruining the education of every child in the room, I pushed Jas toward the exit.
Outside the rain had picked up, and we were in too much danger of getting soaked to roughhouse anymore so we sprinted to the car.
We wiped our wet hands off on our pants and recomposed ourselves before Jas turned on the car.
"Where to?" he asked, turning up the heat.
"A bathroom, for sure." We'd missed out on the antibacterial gels they had by the touch tanks, and I wasn't kidding about the crap in that water. I wanted to wash my face, too, so I could kiss him without worrying about whatever was dried on my skin. I still planted a big wet one on his cheek before we pulled out of the lot, though.
Jas was pretty hungry, so we opted for an early dinner. First we parked by the theater to scout out movies. I didn't care about any high-quality drama, since I pretty much just wanted to curl up with him for a while, and I told him so. He suggested one of the cheesy romantic comedies, but neither of us were that into chick flicks, and I saw no reason to see something with romance just because we were on a date.
"Can a date movie have zombies?" I asked, scanning the options. Brain-eating monsters were something we could both enjoy.
"Absolutely," he nodded, looking a little relieved. "I'm sure someone survives."
Two tickets to Zombieland it was, then.
We threw around choices for dinner, mostly the places we frequented like Cornerhouse or Maria's, but this is where my googling came in handy.
"You know, we could try Café Garden."
He raised one eyebrow. "What are we, vegetarians?"
I chuckled. That was exactly why we'd always passed it up before. "Naw. I looked it up, and it's just a normal place. They have pasta and reubens and stuff."
"Alright," he said, with a new look coming over his face. It was, I don't know, soft and almost nostalgic, expect it's not like we'd ever been there before. "It would be nice to try something new."
As we walked to the restaurant we didn't hold hands or anything, but we did share an umbrella. The sides of our shoulders bumped against each other's, and I let mine linger there as we talked and joked quietly with each other.
It was pretty much like it had always been, just a little more intimate. The change felt nice.
First things first, we washed the aquarium grime off ourselves in the bathroom. As I was drying my face, I felt two large hands move around my waist from behind. It was a one-person bathroom, and we'd locked the door, so I quickly spun on the spot to place my hands on the woolly fabric covering Jas's warm chest.
He'd restrained himself all day, and I had too, but this brief moment of privacy allowed us to finally give in to each other. I'd been wanting to kiss him senseless since we got to the aquarium, and I finally got to.
I wasted no time, pressing our lips together firmly and leaning the length of my body against his. We hadn't even taken off our coats, so we were a little bulky, but it still felt good to have his arms around me. His hands splayed downward to press my hips against his, and even through all the layers it felt exciting.
"This is fun" I said, between kisses.
"It always is," he answered distractedly, passing one hand up my back to where he stroked the exposed skin of my neck.
I grinned, clanking my teeth against his, and then pulled back. "No, I mean just being here, with you. I like… dating."
He leaned down to my neck, placing one soft, wet kiss against that spot that sends warm tingles through my entire body. Then he whispered, "Me too. I love dating you."
I wanted to say more, or maybe just say nothing and spend the night with his mouth right there, but we were interrupted by the gurgle of his stomach.
I gave his butt a friendly squeeze and then grabbed his hand. "Come on. Let's get you some food before people start wondering why two guys are hogging the bathroom."
That turned out to be a good plan, because by the time I got my pasta I was ravenous too. The food was delicious, just like the internet reviews said it would be, and we both dug in heartily.
We made it back to the theater just in time for the movie, and after we picked up some popcorn Jas pulled me down to the end of the last row. I didn't question it, since I felt a lot safer holding his hand back here, and it felt like we'd had a long day with only very minimal touching. I settled into the seat with our knees touching, and then with our whole calves aligned. Halfway into the movie Jas finally just slipped his whole knee under mine so that my leg was draped across his. Most people had filtered into the front half of the theater, so we didn't have to worry about being seen.
Still, though, I tensed when he slid his hand down my thigh. I was kind of afraid he'd want to start something here, and I wasn't sure I liked that idea. I tensed more when his other hand grazed my ribs and I was just about to say something when I felt him pull the arm rest up between us. His hand on my leg actually pushed my knee away from him, and I felt him scoot farther way, into the corner of his seat.
I turned to him, confused, and in the flickering light of some zombie being blown to pieces I saw Jas's hand, beckoning me to him. He had settled himself in the corner at an angle in a halfway-reclining position. When I didn't move he waved me over again, and then leaned forward to whisper in my ear.
"I want you closer."
I nodded, leaning over to lay against his body. His put one hand on my shoulder and the other on my chest, and I reached up to hold them both. I felt instantly warmer and happier, nuzzled up against him like this, except that Jas was twisting his shoulders trying to adjust his position every few minutes. I knew I was no light weight to be laying under, so I pulled my jacket off my chair and offered it to him.
When he stuffed it against the hard plastic of the chair behind his back, he seemed a lot more comfortable and I settled back in against him.
We both watched the movie, laughing at the zombie's idiotic maneuvers and the human's ridiculous plots, but the energy of the day never quite disappeared. I was kind of aching to get out of there and really touch him, and his fingers kept streaking arcs against my t-shirt that only made it worse. When he tried to drop a piece of popcorn in my mouth I reached up and grabbed it with my teeth playfully. He didn't fight back, so I closed my lips around his finger and sucked it into my mouth. Still, he didn't pull it away.
Instead, he left his finger between my lips, letting the weight of his hand hold it in my mouth. I swiped my tongue against it, tasting the butter and salt, and in response I felt the fingers of his other hand curl against my hand and shoulder.
I slid my mouth away from his hand, waiting until after the movie to rile him up.
When we spilled out of the theater, I pressed myself against Jas under the protective umbrella and whispered, "Let's go home."
He shook his head, sprinkling the few drops of rain that had landed in his hair onto my neck and whispered back, "I have a better idea."
When we got to the car we climbed in, but Jas grabbed my hand before I could buckle up. His face didn't have the horny look I was expecting but, instead, his eyes were wider than I've ever seen them. He looked so affectionate but also, somehow, intense.
"Jas?" I asked.
"Edward," he said softly, watching my face, but he didn't continue.
"Jas? Is something wrong?" I reached across the car to pull his hands into my lap, where I held them tightly.
He shook head and looked away, and when he turned back his expression had changed again, to something very open and vulnerable.
"Edward," he said again, "I'm really really happy."
I took in a deep pull of air in relief, and realized I'd been holding my breath. "Man, Jas, you don't look it." Then I moved one hand up to his cheek to stroke the soft skin there, and he relaxed visibly.
He smiled a little self-consciously, then let his eyes fall closed. His breaths were deep and audible. "I was just… trying to pick the right words."
I nodded, even though he couldn't see me, and kept up the movement of my fingers, working them into the tips of his swept-back hair. Jas was rarely at a loss for words, but I definitely understood needing time to turn thoughts into sentences.
I felt it too – this giddiness that put me at a loss for words – and I wanted to hold on to that feeling, to share it. I mean, I knew our date would be fun, because we always had fun together, but this had been something beyond our typical Saturdays out. This had been fun and intimate and private. The way we forgot about the restaurant around us at dinner, and the way his arms felt around me during the movie. Even how he'd brought me to the touch tank, despite how gross he thought it was. When I was with him I felt so carefree and adored, I just wanted wrap myself up in him so tightly that he never let me go.
Even thinking about it all was overwhelming, so I just said, "I'm really happy too, with you."
His eyes snapped open and he grinned unabashedly, that same crooked grin that made my heart speed up.
I looked into his eyes, hoping to encourage his happiness. "You're beautiful when you smile like that."
His grin turned bashful, but he quickly put his hand up to my own neck and pulled me in for a lengthy, heartfelt kiss. Our lips sealed together and our hands moved against each other's skin to the same cadence as our tongues.
When he pulled back he whispered, breathless and almost awed, "This is exactly what I wanted, to be like this with you."
I nodded and whispered back, "I think it's the best thing I've ever felt."
Then came the glint in his eyes, and when he kissed me again it was hungry and eager. We had gone from romance to lust in the span of a breath, but it didn't undermine either of the things we felt.
Just the idea of finally being able to touch him created a warm and pleasant pressure in my jeans. This wasn't the place to start any of the other things that felt so good, though, and I hoped that Jasper's 'better idea' would include someplace more opportune.
I cranked up the heat while Jas got back onto the highway. He kept both hands on the wheel to handle the rain, but I left a hand against his thigh, just to keep contact. We made idle talk about whether the zombies were actually scary, and the parts of the movie we'd liked best, but I think both of us were thinking about what we'd just said and what was about to come.
Only a few minutes went by before he turned off onto a secluded road along a cliff. The trees behind us and ocean before us instantly told me this was a popular make-out spot. That's my man. It looks like he did some googling of his own.
Once he shifted into park, I had no hesitations about leaning over to kiss him soundly. He responded eagerly, reaching up to twine his fingers in my hair and angling his head to kiss me as deeply as possible. As much as I loved his hands on me, it was nothing compared to when his lips found that spot on my neck again. He'd discovered it and what it did to me about a week ago, and it still left me at his mercy. I groaned quietly, and moved my lips to trace along his neck too.
"Edward."
"Mm-hmm," I said against his skin.
I pulled him to me, trying to get at much of our bodies touching as possible, but it was nearly impossible with the center console between us. After a few minutes Jas pulled away, breathless and unfocused.
"Push your seat back," he ordered.
Then, without another word, he pushed open his door and launched himself out in the rain. I did as he asked; finding the little plastic button on the side of the chair that pushed the front seat as far back as it would go. Jas hurried around the front of the car before pulling my door open and jumping in.
It was a cramped fit, even with the extra room, but Jas pushed his shoulders up against the roof of Esme's Mercedes and slammed the door shut. He moved to straddle me, and I immediately reached to pull his thick coat off and to the side. Now that I had him alone, away from the roving eyes of Port Angeles, I wanted him as close and as naked as possible.
He helped by reaching behind him and pushing off the fabric that had bunched over his hands. His broad shoulders stretched back as he did, light against the dark of night, and it highlighted the tapering of his waist wonderfully.
"You look fantastic tonight," I said, enjoying how his pushed-back hair gave me a full view of his beautiful face. The way his eyes were trained on me made me feel coveted and sexy, and I could already feel myself straining against my zipper to reach him.
He tipped himself forward, hunching over me to cup my face in his hands. "So do you," he whispered against my lips, before I opened up to kiss him fully, tongue and all.
He tried to push my jacket off too, and it was a tough process until he reached under the seat to pull the latch that let us recline. After that, it was smooth sailing.
We sat up to pull our shirts off, dumping them all on the empty driver's seat, before Jas pushed my shoulders down onto the soft leather. Our lips and chests met, our happy trails rubbing against each other's as he sinuously rocked against me. I could feel each of his breaths into my mouth as his stomach bounced against mine. His legs ran along the seat, wider than mine, and he wasted no time in rocking his hips against my jeans.
I groaned, raking my fingers up his back. His skin was smooth and already hot under my touch, and I ran my hands up to the back of his arms. His hands were snaking up and down my chest, flicking at my nipples along the way, and his arms and shoulders flexed with each movement. They felt powerfully sexy under my touch.
He continued with his full body assault, working me into sensory-overdrive faster than I thought possible. I retaliated by trailing my lips across his neck, finding my way to that soft spot behind his ear. I licked at it softly, then with more pressure, before pulling the skin into my mouth and sucking on it.
"Edward," he whispered, and I continued the attention to his sensitive skin. He turned his head, out of my reach, and returned the favor. "You like that, don't you?" he asked.
"Yes," I panted.
Then he moved his lips to my ear and said, "It doesn't exactly feel the same for me."
"What?"
"I like it, I do. It just doesn't get to me like it does for you."
I stilled my hands on his back, feeling oddly chastised and embarrassed. I had just assumed, since it felt so good, that he'd like it just as much.
I was hesitant to make another move, in case I reached for another spot that didn't 'exactly feel the same'. Jas definitely didn't see a reason to stop, though, as he kept up his strokes across my chest and the rhythm of his hips.
That gave me an idea. Squeezing my hands between our chests, I rubbed my thumbs in tight little circles over his nipples, and he took in a sharp breath.
"Do you like that?"
He nodded, so I kept it up.
"Do you?"
"Not as much as other stuff," I said truthfully, so he moved his hands back up to my face.
Just as he was leaning down to kiss me again, I got the idea to add a little more pressure, pinching and rolling each of his nipples in my fingers.
Instead of bringing his lips to mine, he gasped and dropped his forehead against my shoulder.
"Holy fuck."
Not just fuck, but a Holy fuck. That was one for the books. Pride surged through me, so I did it once again for good measure.
His hips had started to press against me more insistently, and I was aching to relieve the pressure in my jeans. I had been hard since we got here, and I bet he had been too. I pushed my hand lower, searching for the button of his jeans, and brushed my fingers against the bulge in his pants.
He immediately pushed forward into my hand, panting, "Jesus, yes, touch me." He had become more vocal since we were first dating – not too much, but still enough to be incredibly sexy. I loved the sound of his deep voice telling me how my touch felt.
I wrapped my hand around his stiff bulge through his jeans, giving it a firm squeeze, and he whispered, "Please."
He didn't have to ask me twice. I quickly went to work lowering his fly. He soon took up the cause, unsnapping my button fly, and we pushed our jeans and boxers off to crumple at our feet. It was a shame I didn't get to linger on his boxer briefs, but they looked even better on the floor.
He laid back down against me, and when our straining erections met I sucked in a deep breath of air. We had worked ourselves up into quite a frenzy and I stilled him with my hand on his hips, afraid that I might come already.
He slipped a large hand between us, grabbing both our dicks in his hand, stroking them together. Worse, still, was the fact that I was watching. I could feel and see the heads rub against each other, each leaking precum that mingled and spread under his hand.
It was too much, and I shut my eyes against the throbbing sensation of it.
Jas began to trail kisses down my chest, starting from my jaw and working all the way down to my ribs. It was only when he shifted back to reach below my belly button that I opened my eyes.
"What are you doing?" I asked, startled breathless by the sight of Jas kneeling between my legs, leaving wet kisses between my hipbones. I was instantly nervous, but Jas just continued working his way down to the top of my right thigh.
He pulled his hand away from my hard-on, rubbing it down the sensitive skin inside my leg. He moved to place soft kisses down to the underside of my thigh, watching me through his thick lashes as I watched him.
"Relax," he said quietly, replacing his mouth with his other hand as he centered himself between my legs.
Then, holding eye contact, he placed his long tongue at the base of my dick and licked upwards.
I got woozy from the rush of sensation.
Suddenly Jasper was reaching an outstretched palm up my body to rest it on my chest. "Breathe, Edward. I'll stop if you want me to, but you have to breathe."
I did, and while it was a relief it also brought back all my senses. The smell of our sweat, the heat of his hands against me, and the stickiness of my back against the leather seat – I could feel everything, and I knew I wouldn't last long.
Wrapping his hand around the shaft, he held it up away from my stomach, and gave a few more experimental licks. I was breathing heavily, trying to swallow all my moans. His tongue dipped into all the crevices, under the head and into the slit, and even breathing didn't stop the light-headedness.
When he reached up he slid his whole mouth over my dick, engulfing it down to his hand, and I couldn't stop my long moan. He kept his eyes on me as he pleasured me, and I was completely unable to look away. With one long sucking motion, he set my body quivering and my balls tightening. I grabbed Jas's muscular arm with one hand, and put the other one in my hair, trying to keep my breathing even. It was a lost cause.
He paused as he twirled his tongue around the head, glancing to my hand on his arm, but he seemed to know that I just needed something to hold onto. His free hand went up to my balls, where he cupped and tugged on them. I felt them tighten further, and when he pushed his mouth back down my dick, keeping his tongue firm against the underside, I knew I was done for.
"Oh no," I gasped, "I'm—" I groaned as my whole body throbbed, shooting jets of come into Jasper's mouth. My legs trembled, my toes curled and my vision blurred as my orgasm continued, sending bursts of pleasure through my body until even my fingertips tingled.
It wasn't until after I regained my breath that I managed to open my eyes and look down to Jasper.
He was still kneeling on the floor of car, turned away, looking like he was trying to swallow. There was some of my mess on his lips, and a glance to myself told me it was caught in my curly hairs and all the way up my stomach, too.
"I'm sorry," I said, reaching for him, and he forced himself to swallow. "I'm so sorry," I began again. "I tried to tell you, I'm really really sorry.
"It's okay," wiping off his chin with the back of his hand and looking back to me. "I knew you were about to, and I'd planned on it anyway. I didn't want to get it on my mom's car."
Ugh, Esme's car. I groaned, embarrassed.
"It's fine," he said. "The car's still clean, but I do think we got it everywhere else."
He snickered at our mess and I joined in. Everywhere else was right.
I reached for one of the undershirts we'd stripped off, and first used it to wipe the last of the stickiness off Jas's cheek. Then he took it from me, wiping his hands dry and running it down my stomach. I did the last bit of clean up on myself before crumpling the shirt up with the jizz on the inside, and then pulled Jas up into the seat.
He wrapped his arm around my waist and pulled his knee up across my legs, laying beside me as I caught my breath. I trailed my fingers through his hair, ruining the hair gel that his sweat had already dissolved.
His body was lean against mine as our toes tangled together against the floor of the car, and I felt so relaxed. Here I was, with Jas in my arms, after the most amazing blow-job.
Jeez. Blow-job. I'd just gotten my first blow-job. Okay, so it was probably the shortest one in the history of the world, but still. Next time maybe I'd be able to hold my load better.
"I can't believe you did that," I said, awed.
"I can't believe we didn't get any on the car," he countered, and we both laughed again.
Hooking a finger under his chin, I tipped his face up to kiss him. He tasted different – like my spunk, I guess, all salty and bitter – but I didn't mind. I whispered a thank you and let my hand run down the smooth line of his skin, from his ribs all the way down to his waist, hip and thigh. He seemed to go on forever, my beautiful, lanky boyfriend.
I think he tried to tell me not to thank him, but I kissed him right through it, not willing to not be thankful.
I could feel his stiffness against my leg, hardening as I kissed him. I let my roaming hand drop off his hip to the tender skin between his hipbones, and he bucked slightly at the sudden touch. I let my hand slide slowly to the base of his dick before I gripped it and gave a firm stroke upwards, and he moaned throatily into my ear.
The sound was like liquid pride. He had such an effect on me, and I reveled in the fact that I could make him just as wanton. I stroked him a few more times, milky the pearly fluid from him and rubbing it across the head with my thumb. He was thrusting into my hand and mumbling in my ear, letting his thoughts bubble out. I strained to understand his words, knowing they would be dirty and sexy if I could.
Finally, when I shifted both hands to his package so that I could roll his sac around in my other hand, I caught a wisp of his words.
"…really good"
I wanted more than 'really good', though, and I knew what I had to do. I shifted, tugging Jasper's hip toward the chair, trying to move him under me. He obliged, never breaking his rhythm into my hand.
God, I wanted to make him feel good. I wanted to make him shake and gasp, and not just in the ways I had before.
I did exactly what he'd done, trailing kisses down his chest to reach his groin. I made sure to spend plenty of time sucking his nipples, which earned me a long, deep moan and a mumbled, "… mouth is amazing."
When I got to his bellybutton, Jas hooked his hand under my arms, stopping me. I looked up to him and he shook his head, but I continued on anyway.
"Edward," he said with thin breath, "stop. You don't have to."
But I wanted to, and I told him so. If Jas could do it for me, I could do it for him. I wanted to give back everything he gave to me and more, if I could.
I started at his knees, stroking and licking and kissing until he was moaning just from my attention to his thighs. They were soft and noticeably pale even in the moonlight, with short wavy hairs that brushed against my chin. I kissed his skin, nuzzling up against the base of his dick, and when I got there he cried out.
This time, the mumble was easy to make out.
I ran my nose up the underside before licking firmly under the head, and his entire body bucked.
"Edward!"
Hell yeah. I had every intention of making him yell that as many times as possible.
Jas actually lasted a little longer than I did, which gave me time to try a few things. I swirled the head in my mouth and flicked my tongue at his opening. When I sucked him in, swiping my tongue underneath it like I'd done to his finger in the theater, I felt and tasted the precum bubbling up. I even had time to rub his balls and press on the smooth skin behind them before he warned me he was going to come.
The warning helped some but, he was right, and there was no other option is Esme's car. I did my best to swallow his come, but I choked instead.
Tasting my jizz on Jas's tongue was nothing compared to this pungent taste in my mouth. I kept my lips wrapped about his dick while he came, moaning and groaning and praising my name. His hands tangled in my hair, gripping it in clumps just for something to hold on to. No matter how sexy his orgasm was, though, I couldn't get myself to swallow it all.
I thought briefly of spitting it out the window, but it was still pouring and I didn't want to be hanging topless out of a car, anyway.
My lack of options convinced me to just man up, and I pulled as much of it as I could down my throat. If nothing else, it was a relief not to have it sitting in my mouth anymore.
I looked up to see Jas looking down, his head lolling on the seat but watching me apologetically.
"That bad?" he asked, his chest still heaving. He was slicked with sweat from his hairline to his knees, and I took a moment to revel in the effect I had on him. The moonlight was an improvement over the usual darkness of our bedrooms, and I loved seem him all worked over like this. His chest rose and shuddered, showcasing the outline of each muscle of his chest and stomach, and his eyes were half-closed in satisfaction. He was a stunning specimen of masculinity and sexuality.
Next time, I told myself, make sure to watch while he comes. I was sure it was a sight to behold.
Wiping myself off with the other undershirt, I cleaned off my face and hands before seeing to him. Then I climbed up his body, taking care to be gentle with our sensitive anatomy, and laid directly over him. I wrapped my arms up around his neck as he slipped his around my waist and I basked in the post almost-coital glow of our evening.
I clung to him as he trailed his fingertips along my spine, all the way from my shoulder blades to the top of my ass. I focused on that feeling, and nothing else. I just felt so… content. Happy, too, but there was something about feeling so sated with my boyfriend that just made the entire world slip away. I had no cares, no wants, other than being here with him. It made my chest feel tight but my head feel loose, like I could drop all my responsibilities and still feel this overwhelmingly blessed.
Eventually, Jas whispered, "You didn't have to do that," but I gave his chest a gentle, half-hearted slap.
"I wanted to." Then I pushed off his sweaty chest to look him in the eye. "Making you happy makes me happy."
He looked as lazy and content as I felt. I guess getting head can do that do you.
It certainly was a night for firsts.
He pulled his head off the headrest to give me a sweet, languid kiss. Then he whispered, "Edward, I…"
I pulled back to see he face, wondering if he was still trying to work something out in his head.
His eyebrows were tense again, and I could see his tongue pressed up against his front teeth, just waiting to say the words his mind was mulling over.
I waited patiently, just smiling up at him, until he dropped his head back down. Then he swept his hands down my back, all the way to the curve under my butt to stroke the backs of my thighs. The touch excited me again.
"I love your body."
I hummed in appreciation, and watched my fingers trace the bulge of his bicep. "I wish I could bulk up a little, like you."
"No way," he said dismissively. To accentuate his meaning, he wrapped his hands over the cheeks of my butt and gave a firm squeeze. I had a runner's butt, so of course there was muscle there, but it still wasn't quite as nicely defined as Jasper's. "You're beautiful, just like this," he added.
Beautiful… wow. The word made me feel strong, sleek and desirable. "No one's ever called me that before."
He scoffed, and I felt the gust of air leave his lungs.
It was true, though. I'd never thought of myself as beautiful.
"Hmm," he mused. "I'm surprised I've never said that before."
"That's okay," I said, rubbing my cheek against his warm chest. "I don't think I tell you nearly as often as I think it."
I loved the idea of Jasper finding me that attractive, and I wriggled against his body. Our body heat was starting to evaporate, though, and stirring the air around us made me shiver. Instead of telling me to get up, which I'm not sure I would have done anyway, Jasper reached for our sweaters and laid them out along my naked body. It was only then that I remembered we were naked in a car many miles from home, but I couldn't bring myself to really care.
I couldn't believe our date was coming to an end but, then again, sometimes I couldn't believe it had taken three and a half years to get us here.
"Jas?" I asked, breaking the comfortable silence.
"Yeah?"
"How long have you known?"
"Known what?"
Maybe it was the wrong thing to say, maybe it would break this blissful time-freeze we were in and bring the rest of our lives crashing back in, but it was only laying here in his arms that I felt collected enough to ask.
"That you were gay."
He sucked in a breath, maybe preparing words or maybe avoiding them, and for a few minutes it was completely silent except for the rain on the roof of the car.
Finally, right when I was about to tell him to just forget it, he spoke.
"I don't exactly know," he said slowly, trying the words out in his mouth like he was testing their accuracy. "I never understood what the big deal about girls was. I mean, to hear Ty tell it, the meaning of life comes in cup sizes."
I nodded against his chest. Tyler was obsessed.
"It had definitely occurred to me that maybe I would never understand the fuss, and I knew what that would mean. But I also thought being gay would feel different, you know?"
I hummed my agreement. That was a feeling I was intimately familiar with – it's strange to think you're different when you just feel like you.
"I was pretty much just waiting to meet someone I liked, but no one ever really measured up."
"Up to what?" I asked. What exactly was his golden standard?
Slipping his arms between our clothes and my back, he wrapped himself around me so that we had complete skin-on-skin contact. With his nose in my hair, he kissed the side of my face and whispered, "You."
That one word affected me physically, making me warm and elated, but also nervous. "So, you knew?"
"That's the thing, I didn't." He chuckled a few times, and I bounced with his rising chest. "I was pretty convinced that I was misinterpreting our friendship for more. I mean, you were my best friend, so of course no one could compare to you, right? But then, I started to… miss you."
"Miss me?" I didn't understand, I'd been living with him more often than not for years.
His broad palms began rubbing wide circuits along my back before he answered. "You'd go home, and I'd get so… antsy. I think Alice was staying at the Swan's a lot, so you were going home more instead, and I started getting this feeling whenever you walked out the door."
His hand pressed into my shoulder, but it didn't escape my notice that it was also directly over his heart.
"I guess one day it just clicked," he said into the open space of the car. "I literally saw it in my head, me grabbing your hand and asking you to stay. I felt this weird sense of… wanting, I guess. I knew it was ridiculous, because it was just another random day and I saw you all the damn time, but that didn't make it go away. So I just stood there, feeling miserable and thinking, this isn't just friendship."
I hated the thought of Jas feeling like shit, especially because of me, and pressed a kiss into the muscle I had made my pillow. Silently, I tried to remember any hints that he felt that way, but he must have hidden it well. Jas never seemed like he wanted more than I wanted to give. If he'd asked me to stay, I probably would have.
"When was this?" I asked.
His arms tightened around my chest as he said, "This summer."
Oddly enough, those words came as a relief. As flattering as it might have been for Jas to have some long history of adoring me, I hated the thought that he had found our friendship unfulfilling while I had been perfectly content.
My thoughts drifted to this summer. What had I thought about him, then?
"You know," I said, thinking out loud. "When I try to figure out when all this started – not when I knew, but when I started to want this without even knowing – I can't pinpoint it."
He sighed, a heavy, satisfied sigh that ruffled my sweaty hair and tickled my ear.
"Sometimes," he whispered, "I think it started long before either of us knew."
I nodded again, sliding my cheek against his still-sweaty chest, and then sunk my fingers into the flesh of his shoulders when I shivered again.
Jas sighed and shimmied the sweater higher up across our shoulders. "Do you want to head back?"
Despite how brisk the air was, I pushed myself up off his chest to give him my best pleading look. "Five more minutes?"
He smiled indulgently, sliding his lips across mine in a soft kiss. "Mmm, yes please."
I think he gave me ten.
.
Thoughts, suspicions, or favorite lines? Leave a review :-)
If you're not familiar with the skanky Old Navy commercials (and I know some of you aren't) PM me and I'll link you to some.
Mega-thanks to my beta Elvelethril, who listened to all my ideas so I could finish this chapter properly.