AN: My wife has been playing "Teenage Dream" by Katy Perry on a loop for the last hour in hopes that I'll stop what I'm doing and write a lemon. Joke's on her. I don't negotiate with terrorists.

Chapter 11

Eugene doesn't make a fuss when he meets up with Rapunzel to work on a jigsaw puzzle and finds the captain sitting next to her, separating out all the edge pieces. It's not like they would have been alone anyway because the queen is also there. Eugene feels a bit of vindictive amusement at the look the woman shoots him. Maybe he's not the only one who wishes the captain would get out or grow a better personality.

He bows to the queen and Rapunzel and gives the captain a look of utter boredom before he takes his seat.

"Don't you have a job to do? Some poor sap to chase and throw in jail and execute?"

"Don't you have something to steal somewhere?"

"Nope. My afternoon is completely free."

Rapunzel giggles and Eugene determinedly pieces together more of the edge than the captain.

He doesn't make a fuss when a portrait of the captain makes its way into her sketchbook. It's mostly just a study of the man's hat and an attempt at portraying both the metallic texture of the helm and the feathery texture of his crest and mustache. This is the sketchbook that until recently featured a sketch of a lizard, and now features two. The original sketch is now framed and hung over his bed. Rapunzel wanted to get a rather elaborate frame, but he had convinced her to get a simple one of dark wood, that was thick enough for Pascal to rest on. It's now the frog's preferred place to sleep.

He doesn't make a fuss when she starts referring to the captain as "Walter." She calls everyone by their first name, so it isn't really a big deal.

He is taken aback when he hears Walter call Rapunzel by a nickname. A nickname. She's the princess. Where does he get off? He calls her Zel, and he does it effortlessly, as if he's done it before, as if they are actually friends.

Zel. What the hell is that? It's stupid is what it is.

He's taken aback, but he doesn't make a fuss. Instead, he spends an hour that evening trying to come up with a worse way to butcher her name.

"Rap," he says, looking up at the ceiling for inspiration and running his fingers up and down her spine.

She makes a face. "Wrap?"

"You know, like you how wrap around something." He pulls her leg over his waist so he can rub her thigh.

"That's awful," she giggles.

"Rappy?" he tries.

"No."

"Pun?"

"Like the jokes?"

"Like the middle syllable."

"Ah. No."

"Ra… Ra… Oh! I got it. You ready?"

She nods.

"Rarrrr!" he shouts and attacks her, flipping her over as she laughs hysterically. He kisses her, possessively letting most of his weight rest on top of her so he can feel her soft breasts compress against him, and he can feel the gentle strain of her diaphragm as she breathes. In this moment she is all his, and no one can take that away from him. He looks down into her sparkling green eyes.

"I love you, Blondie."

He thinks that maybe if he says it with enough seriousness, she'll understand that he's being honest.

She smiles and chirps, "I love you more."

"It's not a competition, you know."

She blinks at him in bewilderment for a moment before he claims her mouth again and all her confusion slips away.

Eugene doesn't even make a fuss later when he accidentally hears Walter talking to the queen .

"…He's a criminal, who should not be allowed to walk free, let alone consort with the princess."

Eugene pauses in the hallway outside one of the studies that the king and queen regularly use when they don't want to go through the trouble of meeting in the throne room. He knows that he really shouldn't eaves drop, and he considers just ignoring it. Then he considers just marching in and allowing the jerk to tell him his problems to his face like a man. In the moment that he's hovering between these two options, it's already clear that he's just eaves dropping and he might as well just keep doing it.

"Mr. Fitzherbert is a hero who rescued my daughter."

Eugene grins. He never had a mother, but he thinks he might be beginning to understand what it's like to have one.

"Your highness, my understanding of the situation is that he stumbled upon her and was blackmailed into bringing her to the castle."

"Perhaps, but he has been on his best behavior lately."

"For him that doesn't mean much. You can't honestly believe that his change of heart is genuine."

"People change after experiencing extraordinary events."

"I am convinced he is faking it, your highness, to ease you into a sense of security before betraying you."

"And I must disagree with you, Captain. Mr. Fitzherbert is perfectly capable of taking whatever he wants from this castle without bothering to rub elbows with everyone inside. I also do not believe that Mr. Fitzherbert has the patience for such a convoluted scheme."

Eugene frowns, unsure if that was an insult or not.

"Furthermore," the queen continues, "he is helping my daughter through a difficult time, and they are quite fond of one another. I am certain that he would do nothing to harm her."

"Oh, really?" Something in the captain's voice makes the hairs on the back of Eugene's neck stand up. There's a bitterness to it, but also something triumphant. "I regret to inform you that I have evidence that he has been taking liberties with the princess."

"Evidence?"

"Yes, your highness."

Eugene has no idea what it could be. He can't come up with anything that's not both disgusting and an invasion of privacy. He barely controls himself from peeking in to see what it is, but he can hear that something has been passed to the queen. There is a pressing moment of silence.

"I beg your pardon, Captain, but I don't see how a sketch of Rapunzel's pet chameleon proves Mr. Fitzherbert's depravity."

Uh oh.

"If you would turn the page..."

A page turns. Then another. Eugene plans his escape.

The captain clears his throat. "I know that the images may not be… suitable for your eyes."

"Please," the queen says, a distinct note of irritation creeping into her voice. It's unclear whether it is from her distaste of the sketches or from the captain's assumption that she's never seen something so vulgar.

Another page turns and the queen begins to speak again. "Are you suggesting that these sketches depict actual events?"

"Yes."

"You should tread more cautiously when casting doubt over the princess' virtue."

"I didn't mean to… that is, I'm sure she's not at fault."

"I'm sure." Another page turns. "My daughter has a very active imagination." Another page turns. "Oh, here's a picture of you."

"I… uh…"

She ignores him and turns another page.

Then another.

"Surely you're going to do something about him," the captain pleads.

"Will this be all, captain?"

"I…" He seems to recognize his defeat and sighs. "Yes, your highness."

"Very well."

The captain exits the room with a bit more stomp to his steps than is polite. He comes up short when he catches sight of Eugene, and his eyes contract to slits.

"Your time is coming, Rider," he hisses. "Someday soon."

Eugene shrugs. He has the feeling that he might be right, but he's sure as hell not going to show it. The captain shoots him a disgusted look and storms away. Eugene watches him until he disappears around the corner.

"Mr. Fitzherbert?"

His blood runs cold. If he makes a run for it now how far could he get?

He swallows and pokes his head into the study, where the queen is still inspecting Rapunzel's sketchbook. "Have a seat." He does as she says, remembering to bow appropriately.

"Everything shows on Rapunzel's face," she says. "I know you haven't had sex with her." Eugene takes the breath he didn't know he was holding. "But be aware that if you do, I'll know, and I will not be so forgiving."

"I understand."

"Good." She flips another page. "It looks like I should have a talk with her about discretion."

"That'd be a good idea."

She gives him a penetrating stare. "I assume I don't need to have that talk with you."

"No, ma'am."

She turns back to the sketchbook. "The captain doesn't like you."

"I noticed."

"You should watch yourself. He could make things very difficult for you."

He grimaces.

She sighs. "Just behave yourself and don't give me a reason to expel you from the castle. It's been pleasant having you around."

"Thank you. I'll try."

"Good."

He feels light as he leaves the study, dizzy from his narrow escape.

The weather is beginning to turn and he can feel the bite of autumn in the wind as he sits on the railing of the balcony where he can overlook Rapunzel's archery practice. He stretches out his legs and leans his head back against the wall. Watching her from this far away is really pretty boring, but he doesn't trust Walter any farther than he can throw him.

"How is she doing?"

He snaps his head around to see the king step onto the balcony. He hurries to stand, but the king waves him off with a gesture. "You look comfortable. Don't bother yourself."

"Thanks."

"So, how is she doing?"

"Pretty well, I think. At least she hasn't shot anyone today."

"Has she done that before?"

"No, but she's come close."

The king laughs. "Well that would be the captain's fault more than hers."

Eugene smirks and turns back to Rapunzel. The captain has his arms around her to adjust her posture. His smirk slips a bit.

"Do you know much about archery?" the king asks.

"I know that it hurts if you get hit."

"But you don't have any experience being the one to do the hitting."

"Once I grabbed an arrow from a quiver and threw it at someone." He mimes the appropriate arm gesture. "It didn't hurt him too bad, but it did distract him."

"Clever."

Eugene shrugs.

"I'm awful at archery. Everyone agrees. But the thing about being king is that no one wants to tell me how inept I am to my face."

Eugene laughs. "That's a nice perk."

"It is. One time I was meeting with the Earl of- oh." The king frowns, looking down at the practice area, his eyebrows drawing together harshly.

Eugene follows his gaze, and this is the point when he makes a fuss, because his world has stopped spinning and there, on the practice field, the captain is kissing Rapunzel.