Disclaimer: I do not own Danny Phantom. Butch Hartman does. Nor do I own any of the comedy provided by Eddie Izzard (who is amazing, by the way, go watch him on YouTube).

The high school-ers were calmly eating their lunch when the Lunch Lady floated into the room.

"YOU!" she screeched, pointing at Sam (Danny took this opportunity to run out of the cafeteria and transform). "Cake OR DEATH?"

Sam looked decidedly unnerved. "Uhh…cake, please."

The Lunch Lady looked slightly miffed. "Very well!" she huffed. "Give her cake!" She snapped her fingers and a slice of vanilla cake with creamy chocolate icing floated out of the kitchen, landing in front of Sam.

"Oh, um, thank you very much," said Sam, slightly dazedly. She had the inexplicable urge to eat it and gave into the temptation. "Mmm, this is very good…"

The Lunch Lady glanced around the room. She spotted Valerie, who was trying to sneak out of the cafeteria and change into her Huntress outfit. "You!" she called. "Cake or death?"

Valerie paused, then spun and faced the Lunch Lady, disbelief plain on her face. "Cake for me, too, please," she said, habit making her add an automatic 'please' to the end of her sentence.

"Very well!" the Lunch Lady said, looking even more annoyed. "Give her cake too!" Another slice of cake floated in front of Valerie moments later. She grabbed it and ran out the door. "We're going to run out of cake at this rate," the Lunch Lady murmured to herself as Valerie left.

As nobody besides the two ghost hunters had left the cafeteria yet, there were still plenty of people for the Lunch Lady to ask. So of course she zeroed in on Dash. "You. Cake or death?"

"Uh, death, please," he said. Then his mind caught up with his mouth and he threw his arms up in front of his face. "No! Cake! Cake, cake, sorry, cake!"

"You said death first, nah-ah ah-ah," said the Lunch Lady, waggling her pointer finger at him. "Death first!"

"No, I meant cake!" said Dash desperately.

"Oh, all right," said the Lunch Lady, crossing her arms and frowning at him. Cake appeared in front of him. "But you're lucky I'm the Lunch Lady, others might not give you this chance."

Dash let out a relieved sigh at the exact moment that Danny phased through the ceiling.

The Lunch Lady turned on him. "Cake or death?" she asked, her eyes narrowed.

"…cake, please," said Danny.

"Well we're out of cake!" howled the Lunch Lady. "We only had three slices and we didn't expect such a rush!"

Danny just stared at her.

"So what do you want?" asked the Lunch Lady, regaining her calm disposition.

"What, so my choice is 'or death'?" asked Danny incredulously. The Lunch Lady just kept looking at him expectantly. He sighed and, his mind flashing back to Walker's prison, said, "I'll have the chicken."

"Very well," the Lunch Lady said sweetly, materializing a giant chicken leg. "YOU MAY HAVE YOUR CHICKEN OF DOOM!"

The fight just went downhill from there.

A/N: Sorry, I had to do this. 'Cake or Death?' is just perfect for the DP universe, what with the Lunch Lady being in it...random side note: I have a friend at school who Crinzust and I swear looks creepily similar to Eddie Izzard.