Chapter 18

"If you keep rolling your eyes like that they're going to fall out."

Eugene turns away from the carriage window to face the queen and her perfectly posed eyebrow. Seated next to her on the bumpy bench, Rapunzel makes a short strangled noise, her eyes growing wider in dismay.

"She's just exaggerating, Blondie."

"Oh. Right. I knew that." She goes back to absently digging her fingers into what little of the cushion is available for clinging. At first she had been excited about the carriage ride, but the jerkiness and the closeness had gotten to her quickly and she had gotten so motion sick that Eugene had thought that they would turn back. He had hoped that they would turn back. But she had pulled herself together after a break of sitting very still in the grass, leaning against his shoulder with her eyes closed, counting her breaths.

"So," the queen says cutting straight to the heart of the matter with her usual forwardness, "How many Fitzherbert children are there exactly?"

"Boat loads."

"That's not a number, Eugene."

He runs a hand through his hair and… painstakingly… does not … roll his eyes. "I've met three. I've heard of two others. No idea how many I don't know about."

"Do those figures include Lord Wesley?"

"No."

Lord Herbert had been prolific in everything he did, whether it was his generous donations to charities, the amount of bad poetry he wrote, the quantity of wine he ingested, or the number of bar maids he knocked up.

"I thought you didn't have any family," Goldie says, her voice still a bit strained and her face still a bit pale.

"We share blood. That doesn't make us family."

Her eyebrows draw together as she considers this, her lips press together into a thin line, and Eugene tries to quickly think of a way to change the subject. He's saved from this when the carriage jerks violently, and he instinctively reaches forward to place a steadying hand on her knee. The queen similarly grabs Rapunzel's elbow as the girl stiffens and swallows thickly. When the carriage settles again the princess shoots them both a look that says she doesn't need their help, and she irritatedly moves the conversation along on her own.

"How come you never told me about your siblings before?"

"I don't do back-story."

"Yes, you do, Eugene."

"Fine. It just doesn't come up very often and I don't much like thinking about it."

"Oh." She absently curls Pascal's tail around her finger. "Why is it that Lord Wesley lives in a manor and you lived in an orphanage?"

"He's legitimate."

"Legitimate."

"It means his mother was married to his father."

"Oh… Oh."

"Yeah."

"Hmm… That's strange. I mean, it's not your fault what your parents did. Or didn't do. That's not really fair. You didn't do anything wrong."

He doesn't bother to remind her that he's done quite a bit wrong. "You're a little rebel, aren't ya, Blondie?"

The queen suppresses a smirk by turning her attention out the window.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Rapunzel snips.

"It's just one of those 'the way things are' things."

She huffs, the trip making her more agitated than he's ever seen her. It's almost cute, but he remembers that at any moment it may involve vomit and that's really not very attractive.

"Sometimes I think 'the way things are' needs to change."

"Well, if anyone can handle that it's you."

"Do you think Lord Wesley has invited any of his other siblings to stay at his manor?"

The queen's eyes roll. "Now whose eyes are going to fall out?" Eugene says smugly. She gives him a look that says she does not find him amusing, and he decides to shut up.

It hadn't taken Lord Wesley long to manage to get himself invited to dinner, and from there he had started dropping hints that he and Eugene should hang out, and he had somehow convinced Rapunzel that he was charming and friendly and nonthreatening and generally the best thing since sliced bread. They should be best friends (Hurray!) and – what was it they wanted to do together? Gardening? Eugene wasn't quite sure but it definitely involved plants and a lot of giggling and arm waving.

Or maybe he was remembering it wrong.

The king turned out to be similarly impressed with the young lord, but Eugene was starting to get the idea that the king was impressed with everyone. So when Lord Wesley suggested that they should all come visit him in his manor where they could do more gardening or giggling or whatever the king had enthusiastically accepted, and made arrangements for Rapunzel, Eugene, and the queen to "go on holiday" for two weeks.

Eugene and the queen were not so thrilled. They both suspected that Lord Wesley was up to something. They weren't quite sure what it was, so they just silently suspected him of everything. They'd bonded over the last week through their mutual overprotective reservations, and he suspected that this would only intensify during the fortnight they spent at Wesley's manor.

They bonded because no one else wanted to hear what they had to say, even though they were the two most reasonable people in the kingdom (in Eugene's opinion) and their distrust was entirely justified. No one wanted to hear it, and they didn't want to bring the party down, so they came to an unspoken agreement that they would watch from the sidelines until they had some evidence and it was time to step in and put a stop to all this nonsense and save the day.

"No," Eugene says, "I don't think he's invited anyone else to his manor before."

"When I became princess," the queen says, "I had long lost relatives crawling out of the wood work too."

"How'd you deal with them?"

"With poise."

"So I don't have a chance then."

"I wouldn't think so, no."

Rapunzel leans forward in her seat excitedly, pressing her nose against the window pane. "Oh my gosh, I think we're almost there! The first thing I'm going to do when we stop is lie down on the ground with a big glass of water."

"We'll have to greet our hosts firsts, but you'll be able to rest once we're inside," the queen says diplomatically. Rapunzel doesn't look too thrilled with this plan, but she accepts it, happy enough that she'll soon be out of the carriage.

The manor house is made of stones painted bright white against the dark gray of the window trimmings and the expansive, sloping roof. It stretches out to either side without any architectural marvels to break up the flat, three storied façade. They ride up a neat little drive, passing an elaborately planned flower garden on either side that inspires awe in Rapunzel and queasiness in Eugene.

This is the house he would have lived in if things had been different. This is the house he always pictured his castle would look like, even though now that he's looking at it, it's not all that spectacular. These are the people who had everything he was denied, wealth, stability, family. These are the people who didn't want anything to do with him until he stumbled upon the lost princess and became a celebrity.

These people do not care about him.

Which is fine really as he doesn't care about them either. His life turned out for the best without the benefits of all their manners and finery. And anyway, now he lives in a castle ten times as nice as this place, and he has the king and queen on his side, and a sexy girlfriend, and a frog - who was currently nibbling at the hair on the back of his neck.

"Stop that," he snaps, glaring down at the little lizard on his shoulder. "What are you doing?"

Pascal shrugs, and Eugene snatches him up and stuffs him into his breast pocket.

"Quit being weird."

"He's just excited," Rapunzel tells him.

"He just better not crap in my pocket."

Pascal smirks up at him.

"No. I'm serious. I'm watching you."

They wrench to a stop, and both Eugene and the queen have to grab Rapunzel's arm to keep her from bursting out of the carriage to roll around in the flowers. They need to make their ruse that they have manners last at least until dinner.

Rapunzel fidgets anxiously until someone comes to open the door for her and assist her and the queen in stepping out. She finds this completely unnecessary as she's jumped several stories before with nothing to assist her but a great mass of hair, but for some reason people think she can't handle a two foot step by herself. Oh well, it's just one of those things.

One of those things that will change as soon as she's queen.

No one helps Eugene out of the carriage, which is perfectly alright with him.

Lord Wesley stands on the front steps to meet them, a broad smile stamped across his face. Next to him is his mother, who looks overly tight and orderly and prudish.

"Your highnesses," he says with a bow, "we're so glad that you could find the time to join us. How was your journey?"

"It was a bit tiring," the queen says with a small smile, cutting Rapunzel off before she can start a rant about how awful it was.

"I'm dreadfully sorry. We'll make sure to prepare something to lift your spirits for dinner. May I introduce my mother, Lady Sophia?"

The lady curtsies deeply to the queen, "You honor us, your highness." Then she curtsies with the same level of exaggeration to the princess. "Our prayers for your safe return have been answered. We are so pleased to welcome you to our home."

"Thank you," Rapunzel says.

Lady Sophia completely ignores Eugene's presence, and an icy, malevolent chill settles over everyone but Blondie. "Please allow me to show you to your rooms."

"That would be wonderful," Rapunzel says with relief, quickly following the lady off into the house.

Eugene and the queen exchange a look as Lord Wesley tries to stammer something, then gives up.

"Oh, this is going to be the most fun ever," he mutters to her.

"Hmm," she agrees.