Chapter 21

Someone is kicking Eugene's boot and it's the most annoying thing he's ever experienced. Ugg. Can't people just let a man sleep? Can't they see how cozy he is?"

Prod prod.

Nope. Apparently they can't. Jerks.

He cracks open his eyes to see four royal guards, dressed in a red far too bright for this time in the morning (or afternoon. No, it's probably still morning) and faces so pinched with irritation that there's no way they could be comfortable. The man in front, prodding at Eugene's boot, has the most irritated face and the most elaborate helmet, marking him as the new captain.

"You the new guy?" Eugene asks. "Huh. Weird. Suddenly I miss Max."

"Unhand the princess, Rider."

Eugene takes in his surroundings. He's still in the Snuggly Duckling, which has cleared out except for the few other drunks who weren't able to get home and are now snoring on whatever flat surface they found most convenient. Lord Wesley is still sprawled out on the other side of the table, his face smooshed against the sticky wood grain. Pascal blinks up at him blearily, his skin a gross, yellowed shade of brown. Eugene almost remembers that the chameleon ate the limes out of Rapunzel's drink, and he has a blurry notion that that might have been his idea.

Eugene has managed to stretch out a leg across the booth bench and rest his back against the wall. And Blondie has made herself at home on his lap, arms wrapped around his chest like an octopus, legs curled up and tucked neatly beneath his bent knee.

He raises his hands in surrender, but Rapunzel doesn't move at all. He could probably stand up and she'd stay attached to him like a barnacle.

The guards are not nearly as amused by this as Eugene is.

"Get up."

Eugene makes a face and eases the princess' arms up around his neck, where she latches onto him again and mutters something under her breath. He awkwardly adjusts them both until he can slide an arm under her legs and scoot off the bench, hefting her dead weight up into his arms.

He aims a swift kick at Wesley's shin, and the kid jerks up, one of his eyes wide and bloodshot, the other swollen and pinched and a brilliant shade of purple. There's some cupcake frosting on his face, and his hair sticks up at odd angles, which actually suits him better than his usual style. A second after his abrupt movement he cringes as if in slow motion, and clutches at his throbbing head.

"Uuuuuggggggh."

"Come on."

"Wha?"

"Our ride's here."

"Nggh."

Wesley struggles to his feet and follows without protest.

"Can you get my frog?" Eugene asks the nearest guard. "Thanks."

The guard gives Pascal a disgusted look before plucking him up between his thumb and forefinger. The chameleon shudders, as though he's about to be sick, and Eugene looks away, not wanting to see that.

"Oh, and grab the princess' shoes too." He stoops a bit to look under the table. "There's one. And the other should be…" He scans the room. "Ah. There it is." He nods at Blondie's left shoe, which is hanging from Shorty's right foot while Shorty dangles suspended from the ceiling, dressed in nothing but what at one point in the evening was a toga.

The guard holding Pascal looks aghast.

"They have the same size feet," Eugene explains.

"Oh."

With that he strides out of the bar, his arms full of hung over princess, and his goofy half-brother and a half dozen confused guards trailing behind him.

"Max! Buddy!"

The horse glares at him as he approaches.

"Didn't know you were here."

Maximus gives Goldie a suspicious look, then sticks his nose in her face an sniffs her, his breath causing her hair to flutter. He snorts in what's almost a sneeze, shakes his head wildly, and glares at Eugene with even more venom.

"What?"

I hate you.

"Oh, we both know that's not true," he says with a smirk.

Maximus looks like he might hit him, then his eyes dart down to Rapunzel. She's like a cute, little human shield.

Eugene's smirk grows, and the horse rolls his eyes and flops down onto his belly to let him get on without having to set the girl down.

"Thanks."

Snort.

Blondie wakes up about halfway back to Lord Wesley's manor. But after realizing how bright it is and how much she's being jostled, she decides that opening her eyes and sitting up just isn't worth it. Finding a more comfortable spot against Eugene's shoulder, she lets out the saddest little moan he's ever heard. It's a moan for his ears alone, and somehow he finds that adorable.

"Go back to sleep," he whispers, laying a soft kiss against her temple. "We'll get you some water when we get back. That'll help."

She seriously doubts this, but going back to sleep does sound like a good idea. It turns out that this is difficult while riding a horse and feeling queasy. And it turns out that Maximus is feeling particularly vindictive for no good reason, going out of his way to wiggle and run into tree branches.

She's a bit worse for wear when they arrive at the manor, and the sick feeling in her stomach only hardens as they are greeted on the front steps by Lady Sophia and the queen, neither of whom look amused. She swallows and shoots a look up at Eugene, who's suddenly also feeling sick.

He rubs a reassuring hand against her back as he helps her down off of Maximus.

"Don't worry," he whispers, but she does anyway.

They line up on the lowest step like children preparing to get their knuckles rapped. Standing on the step above them, the queen looks even more intimidating than usual. The look she gives him makes him feel more guilt ridden than anyone's ever been able to make him feel before.

And that's before she speaks.

She starts with Wes, and with that way she has of making her words cut with uncanny precision she says simply, "You worried us."

Wesley flinches, as worrying people was the last thing he wanted to do. He never wanted to make a scene or cause a fuss, he just wanted one brief adventure, one short break from his usual routine.

The queen moves on, looking straight into Rapunzel's eyes to convey the seriousness of the situation.

"You know better."

She flushes, and Eugene fights down the urge to reach for her. Rapunzel is always so proud of herself for knowing things about the world. She seeks out knowledge and soaks it up and revels in it, and then she tries so very hard to implement everything she's learned. And then there's the fact that this is possibly the kindest dressing down she's ever received, and the only time it's happened from someone she ought to respect, from someone who loves her and cares for her wellbeing.

Then the queen turns to Eugene, and for a second they stare at each other and he is paralyzed by the honesty in her eyes.

"I'm disappointed."

He has to drop his gaze to the ground. If she was disappointed, it meant she was expecting something. It meant she trusted him.

He'd been reprimanded before, sure. He'd had people yell and curse at him, hit him, and tell him he was in the wrong. He'd had people slap up wanted posters and throw him in jail. But never from someone whose opinion mattered. Never from someone who had his best interests at heart.

The queen reaches out to her daughter, squeezing her shoulder and meeting her gaze, giving her a silent reassurance that yes, she is in trouble, but she will always be loved. Rapunzel sniffs and throws her arms around her mother. When they pull apart a moment later, the girl hastily wipes her eyes.

"Now I believe it's time for you to all go to bed."

There's a small chorus of "yes, ma'am," and the three of them troop up the stairs together. For a moment Lady Sophia looks as though she's not satisfied with this special brand of chewing out, but she bites her tongue at a sharp look from the queen.

Eugene squeezes Rapunzel's hand as she slips into her room to lie down, and she offers him a little smile to show she's ok. He finds his own room and slumps into a chair, running a hand over his face and massaging the bridge of his nose.

Glurp.

Glurp? What the hell kind of noise is glurp?

The sound repeats itself, this time with an added wheeze, and this time Eugene realizes that sound is emanating from his pocket - from his pocket where a very sick chameleon is hacking up several mojitos worth of limes and mint and quite a bit of strawberry frosting.

"Ugg! Pascal!"

He fishes the frog out of its own mess and hurries to the washroom, where he strips off his shirt and carefully tries to clean the little guy up as much as possible.

Glurp.

"Shit." Eugene sighs and gives up trying to wash Pascal off, opting instead to hold him over the sink and rub a soothing thumb back and forth over his little, scaly eyebrows.

The chameleon blinks up at him, looking more pathetic than anything has a right to be.

"I know, buddy. It's gonna be alright."

Blink.

"It's ok. Just take it easy, now."

Eugene spends most of the day looking after Pascal, who eventually coughs up a penny, falls asleep, and returns to looking green. It's dark by the time Rapunzel shows up, looking refreshed and ready once again to find Wesley to do something fun.

"Fun within limits," she clarifies with a half smile. "Fun while telling mother where we're going."

"How about we find him and go to the library?" Eugene suggests. That seems pretty innocuous, and wouldn't really require permission.

Her eyes light up, and she slips Pascal onto her shoulder and grabs Eugene's hand, chattering away about what kinds of books Lord Wesley might have in his collection. Maybe more art books? Or maybe some adventure stories, because she found one in the castle library about pirates and it was fascinating.

They turn down the hall towards where they guess Wes' rooms are, and Blondie's excitement is cut short by the sound of an icy voice coming from one of the sitting rooms down the dimly lit hallway.

"You shouldn't be spending time with him anyway." Eugene recognizes it as Lady Sophia. Great. "He's a scoundrel, a criminal, and a manipulator. He's already gotten you into trouble and who knows what else he'll have you involved in if you continue down this road. You're too good for the likes of him."

Eugene knows that he ought to turn and leave, but somehow his legs won't allow it.

"It's my own fault for getting into trouble, mother," Wesley says.

"Oh please. You couldn't get up to anything if left to your own devices."

Eugene's eyes narrow, a defensive fire lighting in his chest.

Wesley however handles the insult more diplomatically – most likely because he's used to such abuse. "I can spend time with whoever I choose. I am an adult, and I am Lord of this manor, and Eugene is my brother."

Lady Sophia makes a sound of the upmost disgust.

Wesley sighs, and Eugene can tell from the tone of his voice that he doesn't believe what he says next. He's heard people lie and tell half truths his entire life. "Someday he will be the prince. It would do us well to be in his good favor."

"In his good favor? It seems to me you should be working on the princess' good favor. Someday she will realize that he's filth. Someday that simpleton will figure out that he's using her and he'll be tossed out like the trash he is. You are the much smarter match and you are wasting your efforts to try to impress that ruffian when you should be trying to make an impression on the princess."

Rapunzel makes a noise of outrage at his side, and he looks down to see her filled with more fury than he has ever seen in her. She clenches her jaw and stalks towards the sitting room, tensed like a tigress ready to rip out a beating heart. To keep her from making a scene and embarrassing everyone and possibly hurting the old bat – and since when has he cared about any of that? - he grabs her around the waist and in the ensuing struggle they completely miss Wesley's response and Eugene gets an elbow to the ribs that hurts way more than it should.

"Let go!" she shouts, wriggling out of his grasp and marching straight into the sitting room. He follows her hesitantly and stands in the doorway with every muscle in his back tensed to watch Rapunzel explode. Maybe he'll have better luck restraining her if Wes helps out.

"You," she says, staring daggers at Lady Sophia, who looks so shocked and pale that she might faint at any moment, "are a horrible, mean old woman. Your son is very nice, and kind, and doing the best he can, and you should be proud of him. You should tell him that you're proud of him and that you love him instead of being so rude. And you should be nice to Eugene. And if you can't be nice to him you should at least be polite, because he is the bravest, sweetest man in the world. And if you ever call me a simpleton again I'll…" She shakes from rage and fear and shock at her own daring, and he finds this much more concerning than anything else that's happened today. "Ugg! I'm not staying here another minute. We're leaving!"

She shoves past him, and he has enough time to crumple his eyebrows at Wes to say, "Sorry. What can you do?" and to then cock an eyebrow that the near stricken woman to say, "yeah, you're a bitch," before he hurries after the princess.

He catches up with her three hallways away, her face flushed and her eyes swimming. "Rapunzel, wait a second." He needs to calm her down because her new infuriated state is scaring him, and he's almost positive that she's about to start crying again and this sobbing fit is going to be one for the books.

She stops so suddenly that he almost runs into her, and for a moment she stares into space and swallows before making her announcement.

"We need to get married."

He freezes. "We- Wh- wait, what?"

"We should get married," she repeats, nodding her head with growing confidence and pushing back her tears. "It would solve all sorts of problems."

He tries not to look as terrified as he suddenly feels, but he's cold and clammy and a bit numb and a bit nauseous. He swallows thickly as bile rises in his throat, and when he speaks it comes out in an undignified squeak. "Problems?"

"People would stop trying to…" She glares down the corridor, back towards Lady Sophia's sitting room, and she waves her hand at it, unable to come up with the right word. "Stop trying to kiss me and impress me and things. And then you'd be royalty and people would treat you better and like you better, and it would just be easier for everyone."

Only about half of what she says makes it into his head to take root. He's still caught up in a panicked fight or flight reflex that's making it difficult to breathe, much less think.

"Well? Don't you think so?" she snaps.

"I… uh… I don't know."

She blinks at him, finally coming out of her anger enough to notice his distress. "You don't know?"

"I…" He clears his throat and scratches at the back of his head. "It's just… not something to rush into."

She doesn't understand that at all, and her irritation slowly starts to transfer from Lady Sophia to Eugene, and the bite returns to her voice. "Don't you want to marry me?"

"I…" Honestly, he doesn't know. The whole concept is just too freaky for him to think about logically.

"You said you loved me."

"I do love you."

"And you want to be with me forever."

"Of course." He can't imagine his life without her.

"And most people already think we're going to get married eventually."

"Yeah, but-" This is different. Very, very different.

"And then I wouldn't have to sneak into your room every night."

"…uh…" Yeah, that argument doesn't help him form a complete sentence.

"I don't see what the problem is."

He starts to explain, but immediately realizes that there just aren't words to describe this kind of claustrophobic idiocy. Another stupid croaking noise escapes his throat before he closes his mouth with a snap and drops his eyes to the floor.

He really is just being stupid. Isn't he? Maybe? But… Arg!

"Eugene."

There's a plead to her voice that makes him cringe, and he glances up to see her eyes sparkling with hurt and confusion, her brow creased more than he thinks he can handle.

"I don't know how to explain it," he says. "Just… just give me a minute to think."

"You need to think about it?"

"Well, yeah."

"Why? Either you want to marry me or you don't. It's not that hard."

"It is for me!"

"Why?"

"Because! Ugg! Can we please not have this fight in the hallway? You're not really mad at me anyway, you're mad at her and you're just taking it out on me."

Her eyes narrow to dangerous slits, and for a second she actually looks quite scary.

Then she spins on her heel and storms off, leaving him to stand alone in the hallway, staring after her, feeling like a dejected fool.