A/N- This is my first fanfic which I wrote for a challenge at The Special Hell.
It's not beta'ed. I'm currently working on a multi-chapter fic and could really use one. Any volunteers?
The Burden I have to Bear
The flames are hot, jumping high into the night sky. Sam is standing next to me but we don't say anything, just stand there in silence; watching the body of our father burn.
Just a few days ago, I thought we could be a family again and everything would be just as it was. But it never can be now. I'm trying so hard to keep it together so Sam doesn't see the cracks in the facade; but it gets harder with each passing minute. I feel like I'm drowning and I can't hold my head above the water anymore. I should be dead, not dad. I should be the one being burned on a pyre and dad and Sam should be the ones to find the demon.
When I was small, before mom died, I used to believe there was a heaven and when we died we would go there to be with God and the angels. I wish I still did believe that. Then I could delude myself into thinking that dad has gone somewhere good. But I know the truth. He's in hell. His body is burning and so is his soul.
Sam asks me if dad said anything before he died and I lie to him. He can't know what dad told me, that I might have to kill him. It's not fair. Why'd he have to lay something like that on me? I can't kill Sammy; I couldn't even if I tried.
So I lie to him. Tell him that dad didn't say anything. I let a tear fall, but only one. I can't let Sammy see me weak. Have to be strong and sturdy because Sammy is the one that lets his emotions show.
I'll keep my emotions hidden, bury them deep inside me and not let the pain I'm in show. I can't give into the grief and the guilt.
I have to be strong. It's the burden I have to bear.