Felicity:An American Girl ROMANCE, PT3, CH31:A Position Proposition
Lord Covington all but begged his young guests to stay and enjoy the ball. Of course they all agreed without much hesitation, for Eric had indeed been a gracious host, once a lonely man who had been in mourning for three years and in desperate need of a reminder that he still had a life to live, and a son in need of a father. The invitations went out. Felicity, Ben, Elizabeth and Arthur were most willing to stay another week, which the crew of the duke's one available ship would receive pay for on account of the added delay (and the crew did not mind, for 'twas well known that the duke was a man of his word). Lord Eric welcomed his son home with wide open arms. Young Thomas was most happy to be back in his father's arms, in the home he had missed. The five year old was eager to meet new people and didn't mind at all being introduced to the four American Colonists, especially the one with red hair that called him 'Little Duke' and looked like a forest fairy without the wings.
He rather liked that.
Ben was as relentless as ever in his quest to remain by Felicity's side at all times, in constant physical contact with her. It had not escaped anyone's attention that he could not keep his hands off of her no matter how hard he tried to be discreet about it: an arm about her waist, a hand upon her back, one hand holding hers beneath the tablecloth or at least resting upon her arm, standing behind her with his arms about her. Stolen kisses when he thought no one was looking or when he didn't care if anyone was looking. Holding her often so close that she could not move without bumping him constantly.
Yet Felicity did not complain, not even when Elizabeth just happened to get a moment alone with her sorely missed best friend long enough to say, "Surely Ben is wearing upon your nerves, Lissie! He certainly is mine! How can you breathe with him practically on you all of the time?"
Felicity just smiled at her exasperated friend and looked mischievous
"That Ben is certainly a randy fellow, is he not?" commented Arthur as well. "But it is almost spring, the time when a young man's thoughts turn to those of fancy- or in this case, those of Felicity!"
Still Felicity just grinned as Maggie and Arthur haw-hawed and Elizabeth shook her head in annoyance.
What Felicity did not tell them was that Ben actually was getting on her nerves, just not to the extent they imagined. She found his constant attentions pleasing and sensual, his constant gazing at her as if he were undressing her with his quietly smouldering brown eyes quite playful. For the past few nights alone in their room, he'd been a perfect gentleman, though, holding her tight, nearly smothery but yet it was okay.
He'd been having nightmares about her.
She had been woken several times by his distraught movements beside her, his labored breathing and uttering her name as if she was being taken away from him and he was helpless to do anything about it. When she woke him he would hug her tight and nearly cry into her ear that he could never live without her, that he loved her so much that he felt as though his very heart would burst.
Felicity would stroke his long brown hair and lay back down with him, his head in the bend of her neck and her body encased in his death grip. He'd have dreams about Forsythe killing her, shooting her down and her not having a big cast-iron baking pan to protect herself with. He whispered that there was blood everywhere, her blood, and he had just wanted to die, too.
His words and his shaking moved her. In the faint light of the low fire in their room, he looked at her with somber eyes of pure love and devotion and told her that she was his life and to lose her would be the death of him. She believed him. No one could fake nightmares such as his.
But yet there were the annoying times, though they were not so bad. More comical than anything. He followed her everywhere she went, afraid that something would happen to her, like she was made of fragile glass and would break into a thousand pieces. She would literally have to put a halt to his trailing: "Ben, I need a private moment, all right?"
"Of course! I'll go with you."
"Chamber pot, Ben."
"Oh. I'll wait just outside.":
"I know you will, Ben."
And he did just that, despite calling through the door, "Are you all right? Will you be much longer?"
'Twas times like that when she was nearly at her wits' end. But when she would come out of the room, he'd grin at her sheepishly, his cheeks red and his whole entire body tense with the excitement of getting close to her again physically, and she'd melt like butter on a hot biscuit.
At least he'd stopped trying to carry her everywhere she wanted to go.
The evening before the gala, both Felicity and Elizabeth had gone upstairs for nice hot baths. For the first time in along time Felicity was actually able to catch her breath and try to ease back into peace and stillness. She and Elizabeth luxuriated in bathing tubs set side by side before the crackling fire in Felicity's chambers, collar-bone deep in suds, carrying on conversations as if no time had passed. As if Elizabeth had not over-reacted that fateful morning when their lives had been torn apart.
"Oh, Lissie, were those not the most beautiful gowns you have ever seen!" Elizabeth sighed dreamily, referring to the time they had just spent 'shopping' in Lady Evangeline's wardrobes.
"Indeed! She was the most beautiful woman that ever lived!" replied Felicity with just as dreamy a sigh, referring to the portrait of the late duchess upon the wall in Her Lady's chambers. "I feel rather guilty having gawked at all of her lovely things they way I did." She laid her head back against the rim of her bathing tub and let the warm water dissolve her tensions.
"I know, as did I. But the look on her face in her painting was very gracious. I believe the duke is right; she would not want her beautiful things to go to waste. She has the kindest eyes of any painted person I've ever seen."
"I agree- and the most unique. Violet eyes! I have never seen someone with violet eyes before!" Felicity marvelled, as Elizabeth nodded. After a moment Felicity asked, "So, have you decided what dress you would like to wear tomorrow night?"
Elizabeth sighed half-contentedly, half-decisively. "I do believe I shall choose the green one. The velvet over the silk is so lovely! And the white lace trim is so delicate and light, 'tis almost like falling snow!"
"That's a good choice, Beth. You look perfect in green."
"Why, thank you! And what about you? Have you made a choice yet?"
Felicity gazed into the fire, her mouth crinkling as it usually did when she was in deep thought. "I think I have whittled my choice down to two: The blue and gold, or the white with the red rose pattern all over it. What do you think?"
"Oooo, Lissie, those are splendid choices!" Elizabeth gave her an approving grin. "You will look like a duchess yourself in either one!"
Felicity smiled, a modest look in her green eyes. "It will be nice, I suppose, to be all dressed up and playing the part of the mysterious guest...but I feel uncomfortable attending a fine party when my family is at home across the ocean, worried about me so much."
Elizabeth reached over and patted her friend's arm consolingly. "You said the duke himself wrote to your family, right? That was weeks ago. Perhaps your mother and father have received the letter and know now that you are safe and sound and in the protective custody of an actual duke!"
"I had considered that," Felicity admitted curiously."But I have not written them myself, Beth. I do not know what to say. I really do not feel like writing in detail about everything that has happened. I would feel more at ease about it if I were home where I could be surrounded by everyone...maybe then. But I just feel so...isolated."
"Well you are definitely not alone, Felicity Merriman," Elizabeth reminded her confidently. "You have me and Arthur, and that guardian wolf-hound of yours named Ben, who is without a doubt prowling the hall outside waiting for you to finish your bath!"
Felicity smiled wider.
"Once he sees you in one of those fine gowns he is going to be all over you like a rash." She sounded more annoyed than excited. "Not that you need to be in a fancy ball gown for that to happen. I had hoped that once we found you he would calm down and be a gentleman, especially in the home of a duke, of all places, but he seems to be constantly at you, all of the time! How can you stand it?"
"He's feeling guilty, Beth. He is sorry for the way he treated me that day. At first i was angry with him for being so nice and attentive and loving. But then if he wasn't sorry, I'd be even angrier. I'm sick of being angry all the time. So I just let him do as he will and hope that he truly does love me. I shall see."
Elizabeth considered that and said, "Both Arthur and I do believe that Ben loves you more than his next breath of air. I understand that he feels so guilty- I do, too, Lissie, more than the English language can permit me to say! But I do wish he would just calm down now!"
Felicity giggled softly. "I don't."
The girls looked at each other and laughed. They both realized in that moment that they had taken another step closer to rebuilding the relationship they had once shared, before the whole horrible situation had started. It was nice to finally feel that something good was emerging out of a nightmare that was finally getting its end.
Elizabeth grew tired and nearly fell asleep in her tub, so she rinsed off and got out to dry, put on her shift and robe and go to bed. Felicity stull had warm water in hers, so she soaked a bit longer, nearly falling to sleep herself. It was getting late, so she rinsed and stepped out, grabbing the drying sheet off the stool beside her tub. But she had just gotten the long sheet up to her neck when the door to their chamber swung open.
She gasped, clutching the sheet to her damp body as Ben stood there, staring in awe. Felciity gulped, held to her drying sheet with white-knuckled hands.
"Ben you scared me!"
It took him a moment to find his voice, mostly because he was looking her up and down. Her bath sheet covered her front completely, but her back side was completely uncovered. He seemed to be very aware of that fact as he gazed at her steadily. "Sorry about that."
"Yes, well, if you will just step back out for a minute or two, I can get dress-"
"No."
"Now Ben, really-"
"No. I mean, I'm not going back out. I'm staying right here." He did sound quite determined.
She made an exasperated sound. "But I'm perfectly fine! I just got out of the bath, but I need to get dressed so that I do not catch my death of the cold!"
"I won't let you get sick," he murmured stepping closer, brown eyes flicking over her. In only the light of the fire he looked sensually dangerous, all long and lean, sinewy and quiet. "I want to see you."
"You can look at me all you want after I get dressed, and I cannot do that unless you step back outside!"
"That's not what I meant, Lissie. Move the sheet away. I want to see you. All of you." She gaped at him when he said that, not knowing whether to yell or get angry, just vaguely aware that her knees had begun shaking. "After all, 'tis only fair."
"What do you mean?" she demanded nervously.
"I know you remember that day you were bringing me hot chocolate in a mug and you walked in on me when I was getting out of the bath."
Felicity felt herself turn hot from face to foot, an entire body-blush that could not be concealed even in the meagre firelight. He had closed the door and locked it, then taken another step closer. Her heart was beginning to race. "Now that was purely by accident, Ben! You knew I was having a bath in here tonight, and you came in deliberately!"
"I will not deny it, my beauty," Be said softly, his smile slanting. "Once we are married we will see each other unclothed on a regualr basis. You have already seen me undressed. Now I want to see you."
Felicity raised her chin defiantly and smiled challengingly. "And what makes you think I am going to just drop this sheet simply because you want to have a pre-nuptual tour of me in my undressed state?"
Ben's breathing had gotten labored as he continued to look her up and down slowly, hungrily. "I don't. I was just hoping..."
"Well I'm not, you know. Now just turn around and march your randy self right back out, Captain Davidson." She was smiling still as she said it, her green eyes daring him to defy her.
"I'm sorry. I can't do that. You're enchanting me, Felicity Merriman. I've never seen you like this before." His wandering gaze finally met hers and held as he came up to her, trying obviously to control himself and his breathing. He was so close to her that she could feel the heat of his body even through her bath sheet. He moved closer still, his hands placing themselves gently upon her hips, which were half covered by the long cotton sheet.
Felicity held his eyes steadily for a moment, willing herself to not show her own anxiety over him being close to her like this and her not even being dressed. After he had come home from the war, this was the kind of scenario she'd daydreamed about being caught in with him. Now it was really happening, after all that she had endured and having believed she would never see him again. She didn't know if letting her guard down at this moment was a good idea or not: she just couldn't think when he was being sensual like this. Sleeping in his tight embrace at night was one thing. Standing here with only a sheet to cover her front with was a completely different thing!
"I've done nothing of the sort!" she protested, although lighty. There was something satisfying in seeing him reduced to this trance-like helplessness. Something powerful she felt in having this kind of effect on him. It dawned on her that she was the one in control here, she was the one who could will anything to happen or not.
Question was, what did she want to happen?
"I beg to differ," Ben murmured, his voice having gone husky. He was so close that his forehead was nearly touching hers. His hands still upon her hips, he pulled her lower half as close to him as he could. She was sorely tempted to remove at least one of her own hands from her death-grip on the sheet to touch his hair, but she wanted to see what he would do first. Bells and whistles were going off in her mind, quickly bringing to her attention the fact that she wanted physical contact with him. She wanted him to touch her. The 'where' and the 'how' of it, though, remained unanswered.
"I have loved you forever, Felicity," he continued in his spell-bound manner. "I cannot believe that I was so horrible to you that morning. 'Twas like I was a different person. I want to say that it was not me who said those horrible things to you and just left you there..."
Now she did remove a hand from the sheet, keeping only one fist balled full of it at her chest as she touched her fingertips to his lips and silenced him gently. "I want to get past it, Ben. I believe that I can more and more, every passing day, but you have got to let me think. I cannot think with you so close..I cannot think at all when you are saying such sweet things to me like you are." She closed her eyes as his face came so very near. "N-Not when you are doing this..."
He kissed her hard and hungrily, his tongue plunging into her mouth in full, firm sweeps. His hold on her hips tightened and her body responded of its own accord, pressing to him for more of that incredible sensation she had no name for yet, because physical intimacy of this sort was still so new to her. Her free hand held his muscled jaw as he worked her mouth with gulping kisses over and over. She had the sensation of tingly heat washing over her, obliterating all thought and awareness and leaving only an intense need she'd never felt before. Her legs felt like they had turned to pudding.
You are the one in control here, she reminded herself urgently. Do you want him to make love to you here and now, because if you do not stop him you will be returning to Williamsburg with a gigantic belly. Immediately Felicity drew back, panting just as much as he was, her hand falling to his chest, which was rising and falling quickly with the excitement of his breathing. His lusty, heavy-lidded eyes were dark brown in the firelight as he gazed at her, wondering why she had stopped. She caught her own breath just barely.
"Ben, we cannot do this. I told you why. I'm not ready to be pregnant. You know that."
After a moment he sighed, relenting. "I know. I remember. It's just so hard sometimes, especially when a man desires a woman as I do you. You are everything I want in life, all I desire. There is nothing else." He made to kiss her again, but she pushed gently against him, resisting.
"You think that I do not feel the same way? I do want to be with you, Ben, in that very special way. But not here. Not now." She eyed him slyly, testing him. "I will remind you that if you require a woman that badly, society will not condemn you for seeking out a woman of ill repute to be intimate with, you know."
He shook his head seriously. "But I would condemn myself, as if I would stoop to such a loathsome level. And I will remind you that I do not want that special physical connection with any woman but you. I will wait. I have you back now, safe and alive. I can wait a little longer. But upon our wedding night, I shall hold back no longer, will be my wife in every way, and I shall have you in every way a man can have his woman."
A spiriling, trickling sensation of thrill and wicked excitement coursed down her spine, making her actually laugh out loud. "Very well. We both can agree that I have been warned."
"But I cannot just stand here and ignore how intoxicating you are. Your hair all wet like that, the rest of you so...damp." He moved to her neck, half-kissing, half-sucking upon the hyper-sensitive flesh of her neck, making her utter an uncontrollable sound from her throat. Her free hand clutched his head, absently yanking the ribbon that held his hair back loose and dropping it to the floor. She loved seeing him with his hair loose; it fed some wild, secret fantasy that she had started having of him after he'd returned from the fighting.
"You like that, pretty Lissie?" he asked huskily, moving his eager mouth to her collarbone, where he ran his tongue over the hollow where the bones met, making her shiver with a pleasure that rocked her head to toe.
Yesss," she hissed intensely, grabbing his shoulder as his hands began moving up the sides of her still damp body, over her ribs then over her back as he went back to exploring her neck with hard demanding kisses that sent heat spreading all over her skin. One of his exploratory hands went to her lower back and stopped, holding her to him firmly. Her bare backside tightened with anticipation of feeling his bold touch move further down. But instead he put a great amount of attention on her neck and shoulders, skimming her flesh with his teeth, lightly scraping. She gasped softly, wanting more.
Then he made a bold move, but one she had becomed accustomed to in recent days; he scooped her up in his arms, held her tightly to himself as he took her to the bed and laid her down on it. For a moment he stood there, gazing down at her in wonder, then he sat down beside her and leaned over her snugly.
"There is so much love in me for you, Felicity, that sometimes I cannot contain it, it just slips out. I want to show you how I feel. make you feel the same things I do when the thoughts of you just get to me so that I have to..." He smiled shyly, tracing her collarbone with explorative fingers. "Ah, well, you'll find out soon enough."
"When we are married, you mean?" She suggested, looking up at him playfully.
"Of course. Maybe before that, if the opportunity presents itself." He grinned.
There was a glimmer of the adolescent Ben she knew when she was just eleven years old, before he left for the war. Shy and modest, but yet this grown-up Ben had all of the moves and the drive of a man in need. In need of her. He was just so handsome and appealing to her at that moment that she could not help herself from taking the back of his head in her free hand and pulling his face down to hers for more kissing.
And he responded immediately, shifting so that he could lay on his side beside her and stroke her neck sensuously as they kissed slower but just as deeply as before. This time his wandering fingers trailed down her chest just to the top of the sheet that she still had balled up in a fist. Her body reacted to his touch of its own accord, turning towards him eagerly. His hand skimmed over her balled fist gently, then down and back up her arm. The sensations he was causing to fire up inside her were about to get the better of her, too! His kissing intensified to where Felicity had a comical mental image that he was devouring her mouth with his. She arched up against him just slightly and immediately felt his hard body lowering to hers.
They really should be stopping, Felicity thought, but Ben's touch felt so good and his kissing like delicious fire! How could they? His roving hand moved down her side, around her lower back, then down to her backside. She stiffened for a moment, mid-kiss, her fingers tightening in his hair, for no one had ever touched her rear end before, especially in such a...grab! He rubbed, kneaded firmly, groaned against her mouth at how good she felt, so soft yet firm, appealing to every erotic curiosity he'd ever had from since he had been awakened to such things. His mounting enthusiasm was spurred on by his own blazing belief that she belonged to him, and no one else. He marvelled how exquisite and perfect the half of her tight little rump he was clutching filled his hand, like this particulare part of her body was just made for his touch.
As she opened her mouth wider to accommodate his intense, gulping tongue, he released her buttocks and felt his way down the outside her thigh, the knee of which came up obligingly for attention as well. She was writhing against him longingly, needfully, wanting more, not thinking of consequences anymore. This was pleasure like she'd never known, to be touched so intimately tus far and like it! The urge to just let go and give in to her body's demands was almost too much to bear.
But it was when his mischevious hand bagan moving toward her inner thigh that her eyes flew open and she broke their tight mouth-to-mouth contact. "Ben! We can't!" she gasped, stiffening again.
Ben breathed shakily and drew back, panting hard. He ran an equally shaking hand through his hair, looked at her laying there, nearly completely beneath him with just her thin bath sheet separating him from all that he desired to see. But even that in itself seized him in such a fit of need that he was suddenly springing off the side of the bed, scrambling for something Felicity coudln't see. "Oh God," he muttered tightly, disappearing from her view at the side of the bed.
She sat up quickly, clutching the sheet tight to herself. "Ben, what is the matter? What are you do-"
"No don't!" he gasped from where he was on the floor beside the bed. "S-Stay where you are..." Felicity heard him inhale sharply, groan raggedly, then there was a ound like the chamber pot had been shoved away. The entire bed quivered as he leaned against it like he had just been drained of all strength abruptly. Felicity could not see what he was doing, or what he had done, but she had a fairly good idea of what had happened, and she swallowed anxiously.
"Are you all right?" she asked carefully.
He heaved a long sigh, breathing now as if he was just calming down form running a foot race. "Uh...Yes. I am now...I think."
Felicity took a chance on asking what she assumed just happened with him. "Did you spill?"
"Aye," he mumbled wearily.
Then Felicity, of all things, grinned. She gathered her bath sheet close about her and scooted across the bed to where he was leaning against the side of it, his back to her, and wrapped her arms around his neck from behind, hugged him comfortingly. "Sorry."
"What have you got to be sorry for? I am the one who caused this to happen." He actually lightly chuckled, "All you did was warn me...as you laid there looking more beautiful than I ever dreamed."
"I just do not want to be pregnant before we are married, that's all."
"I know. I understand. It's just so damn hard to resist you, Lissie."
"Then allow me to make a proposition. How about we just go to bed? Sleep. You just sit where you are, I shall put on my shift and robe, and then we'll sleep like the blessed dead. And we shall position ourselves so that we are snug and warm. I am spent, too, you know." She thought about her words and then giggled softly."Well, I meant 'spent' as in 'tired', not 'spent' like you are...oh, you know."
His hands rubbed her arms that hung about his neck. "Aye, I know, pretty Lissie. What I'm wondering is, how can you stand me? I honestly do not deserve you, girl. I love you." He kissed her arms warmly. He didn't need to be looking at her to know that she was smiling. He just knew.
Ben did indeed remain seated on the floor where he was while Felicity quickly dressed and put on her robe. Then she got back on the bed and reached for him, taking hold of his shirt collar and pulling him up-with his help, of course- onto the bed with her. He fell back on the bed like a rag doll and favored her with a sly smile. "I will confess, my beautiful bride, that I sorely missed being tempted into insanity by you. You are the sweetest torture a man can endure."
She snorted humorously as she used the bath sheet to dry her long damp hair. "If you say so. After what just happened with you, do you really want to get yourself worked up again?"
"Yes."
She laughed outrageously, shoving his shoulder with her nearest foot. "Hush your self and get up here with me. Tomorrow night is going to be here soon enough, so let's get some sleep, all right?"
Ben mumbled something about her wicked wiles, but at least he was grinning as he said so. He crawled up beside ehr, helped her turn the covers down, thn slipped in beside her so that he could get his arms around her once more and hold her as if his life depended on her closeness. he kissed her cheek and neck and settled down as much as he could, considering he was still in awe of having felt an intimate part of her anatomy that he considered to be his own personal property. Felicity probably would not like to hear him say that, he assumed, but he couldn't help the way he felt. She was his and he was hers.
He was determined that she would see that it went both ways.