Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto or Bleach
Chapter Nine: The Field Trip
"Hey n00bs!" Renji had gathered all the ninja onto the field, save Sasuke, who was mysteriously MIA. "We're going to meet the captains today."
"Says who?" demanded Lee. "I wanted to train!"
"Captain Yamamoto of the first division said so," said Renji. "He is one of the strongest Soul Reapers in all of Seireitei, so you should come if you don't want to be roasted."
"Fine, I'm going," Lee said. Renji led the group through Seireitei until they came to a complex with the sign that said "First Division" on it. They walked through a maze of corridors and passed by serious looking Soul Reapers who didn't even look at the ninja. Finally, Renji opened a wooden door. It opened to a long room. All the captains were there, and at the front stood an old Soul Reaper with a white beard.
"Welcome!" boomed the man. "I'm General Shigekuni Yamamoto, captain of the First Division. Today you'll meet the other captains and their lieutenants. Let's go in order starting with you, Soifon."
"I'm Captain Soifon of the Second Division. I'm the leader of the special forces department."
Naruto raised his hand. "What?" Soifon asked.
"Do you have a last name?"
"Yes, but I don't feel like telling you all," Soifon said.
"I'm Captain Byakuya Kuchiki of the Sixth Division," said Byakuya. "I'm the head of the Kuchiki family. And I'm a noble, which means I'm better than you."
"I hate those kinds of people," Neji muttered with disgust.
"Hey!" shouted Naruto. "What about the captains for the other divisions?"
"Oh, them?" said Yamamoto. "Gin Ichimaru and Sosuke Aizen are…absent. Captain Retsu Uohana of the Fourth Division isn't here because she's too boring. Next."
"I'm Captain Shunsui Kyoraku of the Eighth Division. "And I…like to drink sake."
"Let me guess," said Gaara. "The captain of the Seventh Division isn't here because he isn't interesting?
"Yep," Yamamoto replied.
"I wonder why I came when half the captains didn't show up," muttered Shino, shaking his head.
"I'm Captain Toshiro Hitsugaya of the Tenth Division," said Hitsugaya. "I'm the boy genius and the youngest in a long time to ever become captain."
"Boy genius?" said Shikamaru. "You must be good at Shogi, then."
"Actually," said Hitsugaya with a smirk, "I'm the champion of Shogi in Soul Society…"
"Next!" shouted Yamamoto. "Oh yeah, and the captain of the Ninth Division…is also boring and missing."
"I'm Captain Zaraki Kenpachi of the Eleventh Division," said Kenpachi, glancing at Naruto and Gaara. "And fighting is a game for me!" He laughed maniacally.
"And I'm captain Mayuri Kurotsuchi of the Twelfth Division," a man with a strange, colorful mask said. "I'm the head of the of the Soul Reaper Research Institute."
"That guy's creepier than Orochimaru," Sakura whispered to Ino.
"Where's Jushiro Ukitake?" asked Yamamoto.
"He is…having a coughing fit at the moment," said Captain Shunsui.
"Oh," said Yamamoto. "Well, new Soul Reapers, you can talk to the captains. Some of the lieutenants have come, too."
Several ninja approached the captains and lieutenants and began talking. Shino was standing by the wall when he saw Captain Kurotsuchi making his way toward him. Shino had a bad feeling about this.
"So who are you?" asked Captain Kurotsuchi.
"I'm Shino Aburame," said Shino.
"Many people told me that the new Soul Reapers possess strange powers. Do you have any?"
"Well, I have destruction bugs living inside me," said Shino, trying to scare the captain off.
"Really?" said Captain Kurotsuchi, quite unfazed.
"Yes. See?" Shino made a swarm of bugs rise from his arms. If this doesn't get rid of him, I don't know what will.
To his discomfort, the captain looked excited. "Why don't you come to my laboratory so I can dissect you?" said Captain Kurotsuchi, thinking of all the experiments he could perform.
"No!" shouted Shino, who had the sudden urge to kill him with his bugs of doom, but restrained himself.
"Is anything wrong?" asked Hinata, who saw Shino's tense face.
"Wow!" said Captain Kurotsuchi, turning to her. "Just look at your eyes! Would you like to come to my laboratory to get your eyes dissected?"
Kiba came to the rescue and punched Kurotsuchi in the face. "What's your problem? You don't go up to random people and ask them if they want to be dissected!"
Not far away, Shikamaru and Captain Hitsugaya were talking.
"So you're the best Shogi player out of all the captains?" asked Shikamaru, interested.
"Yes, I can beat all of them in five minutes! So would you like to play?" asked Hitsugaya, who was already devising all the different plans on how he could beat Shikamaru.
"Sure," said Shikamaru.
"But I don't have a board or pieces," said Hitsugaya in a disappointed voice.
"No worries!" said Shikamaru, taking a suspicious black box out of his pocket. "I brought my small collapsible Shogi board complete with miniature pieces!"
"Perfect!" said Hitsugaya. They walked to a corner and played Shogi.
In five minutes, Shikamaru said, "I win."
"I call a rematch!" shouted Hitsugaya, clearing the board. "I will win now!" But after another five minutes, he was beaten again.
"This isn't fair!" he roared. "I declare a rematch!"
Farther away, Neji and Byakuya were bickering about superiority.
"Just because you're the head of a noble family doesn't mean you're better than everyone else," said Neji. Superiority complexes annoyed him to no end, since Naruto beat it into him that arrogance is unfounded.
"Of course I am. I pwn you all," Byakuya said indifferently.
"Oh? Are you to strongest captain here?"
"Of course. I have the most powerful bankai in Soul Society."
"That's a tall statement."
"Not at all," Byakuya responded. "It's the truth."
"Says who? Yourself?"
"I did, with my divine logic. It is useless to defy it."
Not far away, Ten Ten was talking to Soifon.
"Hello, I'm Ten Ten," said Ten Ten. "So what do you like to do?"
"I like training with lady Yoruichi, I like going on missions with lady Yoruichi, I like eating with lady Yoruichi, I like talking with lady Yoruichi, I like thinking of lady Yoruichi, and I like having midnight walks with lady Yoruichi…"
"Do you like doing things that doesn't have to do with Yoruichi?" asked Ten Ten, who was quite surprised that this captain worshipped someone so much. (And she thought she used to be obsessed with Neji.)
Soifon thought for a moment. "No, and I wish lady Yoruichi was here…" Ten Ten left Soifon still muttering about Yoruichi.
"That captain is so obsessed with that lady Yoruichi that it scares me!" exclaimed Ten Ten.
Close by, Ino and Lieutenant Rangiku Matsumoto of the Tenth Division were discovering they had many common interests.
"So do you like my new nail polish?" asked Ino.
"Oh my gosh!" gushed Matsumoto. "Where did you ever get that shade of purple? It's so beautiful!"
"Oh! I got it at the best make-up store in the Hidden Leaf Village," replied Ino. "I also have great shades of pink, blue and green!"
"Can I see them?" Matsumoto asked. "I wonder if Seireitei has the exact same colors as in…your village." An idea suddenly struck her. "Would you like to go on a shopping spree with me?" Matsumoto asked in a cheerful voice.
"Sure!" said Ino, delighted. At least one ninja was having a good time.
On the other side of the room, Chouji and Rock Lee were talking.
"This is so boring," said Lee. "I want to be outside training!"
"Maybe we can ask Yamamoto if we can leave early," suggested Chouji. "This room is getting stuffy."
"Well, I'm not sure," said Lee. "That Yamamoto person looks scary to me."
"We'll just have to wait then," said Chouji, taking out a bag of barbecued chips.
In the corner, Kankuro and Temari were trying to console Gaara.
"Gaara, cheer up!" said Temari brightly. "It's a gathering, and now's the perfect chance to meet the strongest captains. Just stop being antisocial, will you?"
"I'm dead," said Gaara sullenly. "How can I have fun when I'm dead?"
"Always so negative," said Kankuro with a shake of his head. "Listen to Temari, Gaara. Have fun."
"But I was the Kazekage!" moaned Gaara. "What state is the Hidden Sand Village in now?"
Giving up, Temari and Kankuro walked away from the sulking Gaara.
Not far away, Sakura, Naruto, and Shunsui were talking.
"You remind me of pervvy sage!" exclaimed Naruto. "You're exactly like him!"
"Who is this pervvy sage?" asked Shunsui.
"He was his sensei," explained Sakura. "Jiraiya, the Toad Hermit, one of the Sannin or Three Legendary Ninja."
"I see," said Shunsui, not seeing at all. He wondered what a "ninja" was, but didn't want to appear stupid in front of the newbies.
"Come to think of it, I'll call you pervvy sage number two!" said Naruto. "Now I'm going to show you a jutsu that will…"
Sakura hit him in the head. "Don't you dare think about it!" she shouted.
"It was only a joke!" Naruto said. "Sheesh." As Sakura turned back to talk to the confused captain, Naruto grinned slyly. "Sexy Jutsu!" he shouted, turning into a girl with skimpy clothes.
"Ahh! So pretty!" said Shunsui, his eyes popping out of their sockets. "You're too beautiful to even look at! You're even more beautiful than my lieutenant!"
"Gosh, you're so pathetic," said Naruto, turning back to his regular form. "You really are exactly like pervvy sage."
"Naruto!" roared Sakura and punched him on the head again.
Sitting on a throne-like chair, Yamamoto shouted, "Okay, the getting-to-know-each-other meeting is dismissed." All the ninja and captains ran out the door. Kenpachi, who was trying to find Naruto and Gaara in the crowd, looked for them, but couldn't find them anywhere.
"Shoot," said Kenpachi disappointedly. "I lost my chance to slice them into bite-sized pieces!"
Naruto blinked. He blinked again. Did he just see who he thought he saw? "He-ey, Sasuke! Where were you?"
Sasuke looked strangely absentminded. "What? Uh…nowhere. Why, did something happen?"
"You bet. You missed meeting with the captains and lieutenants! We got to meet almost everyone, except for a few that were…'too boring' or 'missing' or something like that…"
"Wait a moment." Sasuke stared at Naruto. "The captains? Did you see Captain Kuchiki of the Sixth Division?"
Naruto scratched his head. "Hmm…oh yeah! Neji told me about that Byakuya Kuchiki guy. Said he had a superiority complex or something—"
"WHAT?!" Sasuke grabbed Naruto by the shoulders and started shaking him like a madman. "Why didn't you tell me?! I can't believe I missed out on something so important!"
"Geez, Sasuke, calm down, will you? And stop yelling in my ear!" Naruto broke free from Sasuke's grip. "Well, we were looking for you all over the place but we couldn't find you anywhere. Besides, the captains seemed boring to me."
Sasuke huffed and stomped away. What's with him? Naruto wondered.