A/N: I'm sorry about how long it has taken me to type this blasted work of "literature". My dad has been holding my laptop hostage since last Friday, so blame that, and the fact that I'm lazy. Anyway, I now present to you.. The Slash Fairy, Chapter Two. Such a tremendous achievement in ze field of ze Written Arts.

If you don't understand Pokemon, you will be confused. Very confused. Very, very confused..mwa..mwaha..mwahaha..MWAHAHA!

-The beginning is the most failed piece of nothing I have ever written. It gets better/slightly more insane. I promise.

…..

The inhabitants of Gryffindor Tower were afraid.

No, not afraid. Terrified. Finally, after a full minute had passed, Harry, trembling with fear, stood to face the crowd of whimpering students.

"I'm going to the Great Hall, in hopes of finding Malfoy. I need someone to violently beat with a floating chainsaw."
'We're going with you, Harry! Hermin and I-"

"HEY!"

"-Hermione and I can't stand this -SLASHY TOWER OF MARY SUE FANFIC DOOM!- much longer", announced Ron.

The trio scrambled out the door, hoping to leave the disturbing crackpot fanfic idea in the common room. They had finally gone two whole steps out of the portrait hole when they heard an ear piercing shriek.

"Quick! It must have come out of that classroom! I just *knew* Snape was up to something! Let's stop that deranged wizard before he inflicts Hogwarts with any serious damage!" commanded Harry.

Well, Snape *was* up to something. Something that did inflict serious damage, not on Hogwarts, but on Harry, Ron, and Hermione's sanity. The thing is, usually, Harry would have simply gone down to Madam Pompfrey's for a nice bottle of Premium Mafalda's Magical Mind Bleach 2.0.

But he did not get a chance to ask Madam Pompfrey, because they healer screeched and hurdled out of the room, completely ignoring Snape who was shouting "NO! MY LOVER! MY WONDERFUL, SEXY LOVER! WHY DID EVERYTHING HAVE TO-"

RANDOM FANFIC READER APPEARS

RANDOM FANFIC READER USES *CONFUSE THE GENERAL PUBLIC*

"..But I thought this was called "The Slash Fairy"..Isn't Slash-"

DODGY MARY SUE AUTHOR APPEARS

DODGY MARY SUE AUTHOR USES *BAD PLOT DEVELOPMENT*

"Yes"

"But Madam Pompfrey is a wo-"

"Pardon?"

"A wo-wo-wo-wom-woma-oh dear Merlin, that's just-"

"Move along, here's a bucket"

IT'S NOT VERY EFFECTIVE

Harry, Ron, and Hermione sprinted wildly in a random direction which conveniently turned out to be the Great Hall. After barricading the doors with tables and various chairs, the trio sighed and fell down to the ground in a crash, relieved to finally be far away from the horrific fanfic crack that you should never question because this is the internet and if you're on the internet and click "The Slash Fairy" and think you'll be fine, and then act all surprised with the author, well then that's your own fault and you obviously haven't been here long enough, bub.

"Phew..that was a close one.." said Ron.

Suddenly, with no warning or obvious foreshadowing at all, they heard a crash.

Hermione's instinct was to run, very fast, and very far. But she knew it was her duty as the only sane and reasonable witch belonging to Gryffindor, to sort this whole overall creepy mess out.

Harry, Ron and Hermione slowly creaked their necks around in that completely inconspicuous manner you would never expect anyone to ever achieve in real life.

Chaos, panic, disorder, unusually disturbing props and horrible ideas for future slash fangirls were literally everywhere. Like, really, Crabbe, Goyle, and a freaking OOD were on the CEILING. I mean, really. How in the name of Merlin would they even-and WHY THE HELL IS THERE A FREAKING OOD AT HOGWARTS? OODS HAVE NO BUSINESS IN HOGWARTS EVER. Well, I suppose they do sort of look like the Dark Mark on the cover of the hardcover edition of Goblet of Fire, but really, that suggests an undeniable crossover and I really don't have time at the moment and now I'm going to make inappropriate Doctor Who references like in my last fic and-

Please ignore the crazy muttering author behind the curtain. She is only an illusion.

Draco, Lucius, and Proffesor Binns were compromising with a live shark fin. Snakey the Pimp Cane, Flitwick, and Cedric Diggory (Oods are on the Ceiling of Hogwarts. Cedric at least deserves to be alive again) were entertaining Fred Weasley and Snape (same goes for them, yeh judgmental cannon worshipers) with Hermione's Time Turner. Dobby, Hagrid, Grawp were running through the crowd dressed in inappropriate Stormtrooper costumes scattering pancakes all over the floor.

And was that Aragog..rollerblading..with Trelawney..and Captain Jack Ha- MWAHAHHA!11 I LURKED INTO MY OWN STORY AND HID A DOCTOR WH-mmph..mph..-THEY'VE GIVEN ME SLEEPING PILLS! I'M DRUGGED! I'M DRU-uu-gg-….finland…

"FLYING CHAINSAWS!" screamed Harry. He had finally snapped

Suddenly, out of the corner of her eye, Hermione saw what appeared to be a giant pink floofy lump, whirling around with something that looked suspiciously like dust, sprinkling sparkles on unsuspecting victims.

Hermione's realizations slowly morphed into fear. Thankfully, Hermin kn-

"HEY!"

-Hermione knew what to do.

"TO THE HERMIONE-CAVE! AWAY!"

Sneaking to the dungeons, humming the Mission Impossible Theme song, Hermione lurked past the paintings , past the Slytherin Common Room, past Draco-

/insert fangirlish Dramione plot here

-past a bunch of old random abandoned passages until she got to a certain floorboard. She whispered "Zeeky Boogy Doog"-must..make..REFERENCES…THEY CAN'T FIND ME HERE..OH GOD OH GOD THEY'RE COMING WITH THE KNIVES OH GOD THEY'RE GOING TO-

-and flipped upside down, into her secret chamber of destruction. Pressing a specially pre-selected code into a nondescript looking pile of bricks, a door whirled open in the other side of the chamber. She stepped forward into the light, admiring the perfectly shimmering stealth suit emitting it's own rays of Mary-Sue-ism.

"Your time has come" sang Hermione, almost in a trance-like state.

…..

A/N: I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. Wow, I started writing this at eight PM and finally finished at 11. I think the quality increases as the sanity decreases. Anyway, ignoring that strange noise your head is making, and the suspicious smoke coming out of your hair, I have to give credit to my awesome friend whose fanfic name I have conveniently forgotten. I hope she still refers to herself as Crazy Chocolate Girl. Or Winged Freak Because if she doesn't, then I stole her idea and stealing is bad and I DON'T STEAL DOCTOR WHO EPISODES FROM MEGAVIDEO WHY WON'T YOU PEOPLE JUST LEAVE ME ALONE I LEFT THE EXPLOSIVES IN THE WAREHOUSE WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT-