The Journey Begins

The ride home would have been an enjoyable one for any soldier. They told fascinating stories of their kills and their part in the mission. Some told of their families back home, others of the antics of youth. However; I am no soldier. I'm not even fucking human anymore. I'm a mad dog chasing a fast car.

I sat alone on the vehicle. Away from the groups of men visiting the night away. The bumps of the road might almost lull me to sleep if the damn seat wasn't so un-fucking-comfortable. My suit was dotted with blood and the other men somehow knew I had an intense night.

"So, tell me champ," someone began, "How cool was that, huh?"

I looked at him from beneath my cold lenses. Emotion was absent and my soul was empty. I raised upper body to begin speaking. Everyone was all-ears to what I had to say. As if I really had a bad ass story. And I just might have. But they weren't going to hear it.

"I have no problem using this gun again tonight," I smirked with an ominous tone.

The guys were quiet the rest of the night. Their lively spirits were crushed and the cheer of victory was now bittersweet. When I look back on it, I really did not want to have to do it. But I had to. It was my new nature, it was all I could do anymore. Destroy. Kill. What has become of me? What will she think of me when she sees me?

That night, everything was a haze. My neck was sore and my arms ached from lactic acid. I didn't sleep at all that night. Her face just haunted my memory as it did every single night since I arrived here as a prisoner. Why was she taken from me?

I watched as the sun came up, my scarred eye lids were bagged and heavy as the light pierced my vision. My lips and mouth were completely dry. My body ached from yesterday's battle. I left my mask and uniform on the ground next to my cot and drifted into the makeshift mess hall in the cafeteria. I grabbed the sorry excuse for food and a canteen of shitty water.

After eating, I placed back on my uniform. It had almost become who I was. There was no person under this suit. Just a scarred monster. I walked to Pike's tent after dressing. Inside, the Officer sat on his bed and looked into a tiny gold locket. It held a picture of a little girl. Her blonde hair glistened in the picture and her blue eyes were emeralds against the light.

He looked at me and quickly put the locket away as if to hide it from me. I could see a tiny tear peep out of his eye just before his tough exterior returned again. Maybe I wasn't the only one to loose it all in this fucked up universe. Maybe I'm not the only one tired of this shit.

"What brings you here, 34115?" he asked.

"I've done what you've asked of me. Now it's your turn to help me," I stated, "I need a ride out to Houston."

Pike looked almost shocked my request. He stood up from his sitting position and looked at me mask to face. If he fucking says no, I will kill him. I promise I will.

"You're in luck," the Officer began, "I just got a call from HQ saying that they need a squad to be sent to take out two major camps in that area. One outside of Dallas and the other is just outside FEMA HQ in Houston. I'm sure if you tag along, they will drop you off."

"Great, I gotta fucking car pool with these bastards again?" I snapped.

Pike retorted, Well it's better than fucking walking the whole way, ain't it?"

"Sometimes I wonder," I replied.

He laughed and grabbed a radio from off his desk, "I'll let them know you're coming. Convoy's down by the gate."

I left the tent with a strange feeling in my head. Had I just gotten myself in a bigger mess? When is this baby-shit going to end? I walked to the large twelve-wheel convoy. Its motor hummed and roared. The squad was almost packed and ready to leave when I had arrived.

"Hey, just go ahead and take a seat anywhere!" the squad leader yelled, "We'll be ready in just a second!"

I entered the vehicle and sat myself in the very back. Hopefully the others will be smarter than the group from last night and leave me alone. As I sat, a familiar face entered. Officer Pike smirked and climbed into a seat near mine.

He smiled and said, "I couldn't let you have all the fun! I'll let Officer Jameson take care of this place."

I almost grinned myself. Well at least I won't be the only bad ass going on this trip. I sat back and relaxed as the rest of the squad funneled into the bus. Their usual peppy and happy chatter was nothing more than silent whispers. Maybe this trip was going to be better than I had originally planned.

While I sat back, my head began to race once more. I never truly understood how deep in this shit I truly am. I thought of last night's mayhem and how much I enjoyed it that night. Then, my ever-present regret found its way back in my mind.

Maybe if I had just gone ahead and took that government job all those years ago, I might not be here right now. I just might be sitting in my bed holding her. God, I want that old life back more than I want my next breath. The life where everything's right-side-up. You might ask me, why live in the Past? That's easy. The past is all I have left….