It's gonna be ok,
It's gonna be alright,
Tomorrow is a new day
Oh, you see it in a new light.
Try to keep your head up,
Don't you ever give up,
Even if your heart breaks
Yeah, it's gonna be ok.
It's gonna be ok...
--Theres Andersson
Chapter 11----
Mackenzie's POV
"NO, I'M IN LOVE WITH SAHSA!! WHY CAN'T YOU GUYS JUST ACCEPT THAT?" Al screams at Scor and Rose.
I'm fairly certain, that in that moment, my whole world stopped. My ears were ringing "in love with Sasha…in love with Sasha". So Al didn't like me as more than a friend after all. I feel really pathetic; I must have misinterpreted his actions. He didn't love me. He loves Sasha, my archenemy. 'In love with Sasha…in love with Sasha." He didn't love me. He thinks of me as a sister, as a friend, he doesn't love me like I love him.
When I realize this, I feel an incredible pain. I gasp. Rose and Scor turn and look at me simultaneously, identical looks of horror on their faces. I can't look at them, they know. Did they know before? Could they have known and not told me? No, Rose would've said something, maybe not outright, but she would've dropped hints.
God I must have looked pathetic when I practically pleaded with him to go to the ball with me. I was only fooling myself, he didn't like me. I turn around quickly, and run in the other direction. Any direction, I couldn't face them. I see Ben Armstrong sitting with his buddies; he must have come to the ball alone. I walk up to him; maybe he'll stop the pain.
"Hey, Benny" I say to him smiling, can he tell that I'm faking it?
"Uh, hey, Z" Ben says, uncertainly.
"Do you want to dance?" I ask politely. His face breaks into a smile and I realize that he is actually kind of cute; I must have been really obsessing over Al not to notice it before. All his friends raise their eyebrows, probably wondering if I was only toying with Ben, or if I was just a slut. Ben hardly seems bothered.
"Sure" he says smiling, while his friends watch me cautiously, wondering if I am in my right mind.
Ben leads me out to the dance floor and we begin to dance. "Look, Ben," I begin to say to him "I really really wanted to go to the ball with you." I did?
He raises his eyebrows in surprise. "But, see, Al asked me to do him a favor. He really likes Sasha, and he wanted to make her jealous, so he asked me to go on his date. We don't have any romantic feelings for each other." Well, one of use doesn't anyway.
Suddenly, the song changes to a slower song; and Ben smiles even bigger and scoops me up in his arms and presses me against him. "Well," he says "I'm just glad I get to dance with a beauty like you." Aww, he's a romantic. The pain is slowly going away. I'm not numb, but I feel comfort. I giggle and put my hands around his neck.
We continue to dance to this slow song, and Ben looks into my eyes. I stare straight back into his. The only thing I remember thinking before he kissed me was "His eyes aren't green".
The kiss was nice, comfortable and I enjoyed it. It wasn't hot and passionate, but it wasn't terrible either; and I could live with that.
I realized that the music was no longer slow, but we were still slow dancing. I point this out to Ben and he just laughs and says "So? I happen to like slow dancing with you." I laugh and pay him the same compliment, and we continued slow dancing.
I never noticed three people watching me. They only watched for a short time before one left, walking away slowly, and one left crying in the other person's arms. I didn't notice. I just needed to stop the pain.
The following weeks went along quietly and slowly. Al and I just kept growing more and more apart. We would still eat together, talk together, and hang out together, but it wasn't the same. I couldn't tell if it was him or me that was pulling away more. I guess it was different now that we were all dating someone. Scor and Rose were obviously dating each other, I was dating Ben, and Al was dating Sasha.
And boy, did Sasha never let me forget it: Albus was such a great snogger, Albus just did the most romantic thing! Albus this and Albus that. Didn't she know that the people closest to him call him Al? Did she know his middle name that he hates? Did she know who is first kiss was? His favorite color? The way his eyes show all his emotions? I didn't think so, I knew that. I was his friend, I loved him. Probably more than he loved me, I loved him so much that it hurt. I knew him, I knew him more than any other person in the world would know him, except for maybe his mum.
But I couldn't say anything, I had Ben. I sat quietly, biding my time. I spent time with Scor, Rose and Al but when they all broke off to be with their beloveds, I found my Benny.
Ben had asked me to be his girlfriend the day after the Halloween ball. He did it all romantically too, with flowers and he went down on one knee. I accepted because I had just heard that Al and Sasha were practically going out. Ben numbed the pain.
Slowly but surely, it grew easier; Easier to laugh, to joke, to make fun of Al, to be around him and Sasha. Granted, I still wanted to puke every time that Al and Sasha did something cute, but that I could handle.
I thought I was fooling everyone.
One random day in November, November 17th, Rose confronted me. "You're being really stupid." She said.
I was confused, "What?" I didn't know what she was talking about, I had just gotten back from a date with Ben, that involved walking around Hogwarts, and my mind wasn't totally back.
"You need to break up with Ben" She says, clearly, with great certainty. "You're hurting because you love Al, it isn't fair to Ben, you're only using him."
I was stunned; I thought I had fooled her, but she knew. I become angry "What if he likes being used?!" I argue back, grateful that we're in our dormitory, and no one else is around.
"No one likes being used," Rose scoffs, "You're being a coward! This is not you," she states. I look at her.
"I only want the pain to go away." I say quietly, but the sound seems to fill up the room.
Rose's look softens and she steps towards me and puts her arms around me. "Oh, sweetie, I know,"
"No, you don't know, Rose! I thought I loved him! Then it turns out he's in love with my arch enemy!" I feel tears welling up in my eyes. "I couldn't take the pain, Rosie, Ben numbs the pain. He makes it go away, I can't leave him."
She puts her arms around me, comforting me, "Shh, shh it's ok" she says. But Al said those exact words to me. I remember Al, laying with me, worrying about me, comforting me when I was crying, I remember everything about him, everything I loved, everything I still love.
But I don't cry. I can't. Crying shows weakness. So I smile pathetically at Rose then say "Rose, don't make me break up with him. I need him." my voice cracks as I say this, making me feel even more pathetic.
She studies me and she must see something, maybe she sees I'm pathetic, or stupid or depressed, or insane, but she still loves me. And she says "I won't make you do anything." I smile at her again, this time, more of a real smile, and then I hold my head high.
"I need to get over him, Rose; obviously he is not in my happy ending. Or maybe he is, he's just not going to be the role I thought he would be playing." See? That is definitely some positive thinking!
This time, it's her turn to smile pathetically, and we spend the whole night talking about how great Ben is.
Then, I remember a song that I wrote on the night of the Halloween ball. "Do you want to hear it?" I ask Rose and, as always, she nods enthusiastically.
I grab my guitar and begin to play:
I stop to catch my breath
And I stop to catch your eye
No need to second-guess
That you've been on my mind
Well I, I dream days away, but that's OK
It's like I want to hear a silent sound
And then hold it in my hand
But a rose won't blossom from a ground
Of desert sand, but I like to pretend that
One day I'll turn around, I'll see your hand reach out
I'm only fooling myself, yeah yeah yeah
But maybe when you smile
It means you'd stay awhile
Just maybe you'd save me now
I'm only fooling myself yeah yeah yeha
Only fooling myself
Well, now it's etched in stone
That I can't survive alone
You have the missing piece
That I need so desperately
Yes, I slip away to a day that'll never come
It's like a splash of water to my face
When I suddenly realize
That you could never find a place
For me in your eyes, and I don't know why I keep thinking
One day I'll turn around, I'll see your hand reach out
I'm only fooling myself, yeah yeah yeah
But maybe when you smile
It means you'd stay awhile
Just maybe you'd save me now
I'm only fooling myself yeah yeah yeah
I'm only fooling myself
It's love in disguise
I'm lost in your eyes
Lost in your eyes
Lost in your eyes
One day I'll turn around, I'll see your hand reach out
I'm only fooling myself, yeah yeah yeah
But maybe when you smile
It means you'd stay awhile
Just maybe you'd save me
One day I'll turn around, I'll see your hand reach out
I'm only fooling myself yeah yeah yeah
But maybe when you smile
It means you'd stay for a while
Just maybe you'd save me now
Save me now
I finish quietly and Rose looks at me sadly. "Is that about Al?" she asks quietly.
Of course it is, who else would it be about? "Yeah," I say dejectedly.
But then I smile; the first smile that I've smiled for a long time. "But I'm going to be okay! It will always hurt, but I will make it through!"
We just have fun and laugh for awhile. I hadn't realized how long it had been since Rose and I had done something together.
We giggle and laugh and annoy Sasha to no end, even though she's Al's girlfriend, she doesn't get our approval.
Actually, nobody likes Sasha. James, Freddie, Rose, and Lily most definitely hate her guts. They all just ignore her whenever she talks, much to her annoyance and the annoyance of Al. I attempt to be polite to her, but I'm afraid I always come off as bitchy. Frank and Owen dislike her as well. This is strange because normally they're pretty easy-going people, but once they attempted to have a normal conversation with her and she started talking about shopping and herself and how great she is. They never really talked to her after that. Lauren and Alice have known for a long time what a bitch she was, so they didn't even attempt to be nice to her, just like the rest of us. Only Hugo was the slightest bit polite to her, occasionally giving her a small smile.
These kinds of thoughts cheered me up. I wasn't the only one who disliked her so much and thought that she and Al are a bad couple.
My friends didn't really seem to mind Ben. I mean, they definitely didn't love him, but I think they saw him as the lesser of two evils, which he most definitely is. They were polite to him, and I was glad that they accepted him.
I wake up on Saturday morning unusually early. This is strange because I never ever ever wake up early; especially on a Saturday.I soon realize (after several times of trying) that I will never be able to go back to sleep so I quickly, take a shower, dry my hair, and put on jeans and some random t-shirt, then I head downstairs for the Common room.
As I'm heading downstairs I hear voices discussing loudly. I find this strange because who discusses loud things in the common room and 4 o'clock on a Saturday morning? I quickly descend the stairs to see what is going on.
I'm not sure what I expected, but I'm sure that the sight I saw before me was not what I was expecting. Sasha, Al, and Scor were all in the common room, standing and yelling at each other.
"Whoa," I said, "What is going on?" They all looked up at me, surprised.
"Kenzie," Al said, "Um…what are you doing up? You're never up this early!" He hadn't called me Kenzie in a long time, since the Halloween ball. I had forgotten how nice it sounded.
Sasha scoffs, rolls her eyes, and stomps her food. She then proceeds to let out a frustrated scream and start charging at me.
You know in those Muggle action movies when everything goes in slow motion? That's totally what happened here. I had just woken up, and my arch nemesis has decided to charge at me like a wild bull. I look at Scor and Al, completely shocked and wondering what was happen, the terrified looks on their faces quickly confirmed that a rabid girl was running towards me at 4 in the morning.
Just as she got close to me, I step to the left to dodge her attack. Al runs up to me and puts himself between me and Sasha. "Sasha, you're acting ridiculous and you're only making a fool out of yourself" he says to her.
This just seems to make her even more frustrated and screams a terrible shrill scream that makes the hairs on my arm stand straight up, and I get goose bumps all over. She then starts screaming at Al, "YOU COMFORT HER!! IT'S HER! IT'S ALWAYS BEEN HER! SHE IS YOUR FIRST PRIORITY!! YOU'RE PROTECTING HER INSTEAD OF YOUR GIRLFRIEND OF ALMOST A MONTH!!"
"Well," Al says, trying to be diplomatic, "you kind of started charging at her, and Kenzie has been my friend much longer than you have been my girlfriend."
This is true, and I ponder this thought. I wondered why I ever thought that I couldn't be close to Al. I had been his friend long before I realized that I had romantic feelings for him. I could be his friend, just like he had been mine.
"You know what? We'll just finish this later, I'm exhausted. No normal person wakes up at 4 o'clock in the morning!" Sasha says looking at me scornfully and then strides out of the room.
I just look at Al and Scor in complete shock. "What the hell is up her arse?" I ask.
Scor just starts laughing but Al sits down in a chair. Al looks exhausted, he rubs his eyes, and it dawns on me that he probably never went to sleep. I studied him more closely and I realize that he looks a lot older than his 16 years.
I feel pity for him, and go up to him. "Al," I whisper, "I'm so sorry."
He looks at me, confused "What are you sorry for?"
"I didn't know that I had been interfering in your relationship." I say, I can afford to be nice to Sasha now that Al is obviously angry with her.
He looks at me like I'm crazy, "You haven't been interfering; Sasha is a crazy bitch." Wow that's harsh. "She's always trying to say that you and I are sneaking around behind her back or that I love you and I hate her. She's a bloody psychopath!!"
I giggle, "Well, I could've told you that!" then, I stop giggling, "If you want me to be nicer to her, I'll try." I can do that; I can make him happy.
He just rolls his eyes, "I would never ask you to do that. I'm breaking it off with her as soon as she comes down to the common room this morning."
I whoop and I start to dance around the common room. I have Scor join me, and Al watches us, laughing.
"Ahem," we see Rose standing on the staircase, looking at all of us confused.
"AL IS BREAKING UP WITH SASHA!!" Scor and I scream at her. She whoops too and joins me and Scor in our dancing extravaganza.
I go over to Al and pull him up. "C'mon, you need to dance at your own party!"
I didn't know that it was possible to be this happy. Pretty soon, we're all dancing around the common room, laughing our arses off at 5 o' clock in the morning.
Just then, Sasha comes down, yet again, and she looks furious. "WILL YOU LOT SHUT THE BLOODY HELL UP? NORMAL PEOPLE ARE TRYING TO SLEEP RIGHT NOW!!" she doesn't seem to realize that she just insulted her almost-ex-boyfriend and his best friends.
Scor, Rose and I look at Al, expectantly, "Sasha, we're over." He says clearly. She looks stunned for a moment, and tears well up in her eyes. I'm almost sorry for her. Almost. "But, everything was going so well." She says pathetically.
I can't help it. I start giggling. Rose joins in and Scor looks like he's about to loose it too. Suddenly, we're all laughing again, and I realize that I hear the beautiful sound of Al's laughter. Sasha now has tears streaming down her face, and she turns quickly and runs back to the dormitory. She thought that relationship was going well???
"Just for that, Al, you can come with me and James and Freddie to play our end of November prank!" I say to him.
He smiles, and I smile back at him, everything is normal.
James, Freddie, Al, and I spend the rest of the day transfiguring pillows from the room of requirement into pigs. During dinner that night, we brought all the pigs into the Great Hall and put wings on them, and put a levitation spell on the pigs to make it look like they were flying. Then I wrote in gold script (my handwriting was the neatest) in the air "Today is the day when pigs fly! Anything is possible!"
Everyone had a blast, playing pranks and kissing random people for the rest of the night.
I think this is one of my favorite days ever, but then I wonder about Ben. I've definitely developed some feelings for him, we've been going out for almost a month. And now that Al is single, I can't just drop him. Why does life have to be so difficult?
A/N: Ok, I hope you like this chap. I really hated the whole Al/Sasha thing, so I decided to end it quickly :) Thank you so much to all my reviewers!! :) I've finally decided on a plot, somewhat, so hopefully the story will get better. Please keep reviewing, I love to hear your opinions! I've been thinking....it would be interesting to write some of this story in the guy's POV....what do you think?? Let me know!!
~wwccd