Marauder Magick Chapter 31: You Don't Know Everything, a harry potter fanfic

Ok…I got like NO REVIWS on the last chapy…that's y this one took soooo long…plz plz plz review. Also…next week will be exactly one year after my grandma's death…so I'm kinda down in the dumps

Chapter 31

You Don't Know Everything

10/28

I'm not sure why I'm writing. I don't really have anything to say. Well I do. I think I do. I don't really know. I'm upset, so maybe that's why I'm writing. I feel like I'm suffocating. You know when you feel lie you can't breath even though there's plenty of air, like you've swallowed a golf ball and it's caught in your throat. It's that kind of feeling.

Lily paused and sighed. The sun was down now. She had charmed a rock into a lantern so she could see. It was twilight. Not day, yet not night. The sky was dark, but not quite black, an almost midnight blue color.

I guess I'm writing because I'm confused. I think. I'm not sure. It's kinda like when you want something, but know it's wrong to have it. Like when you on a diet and really want a cookie, but know you shouldn't. That was a bad analogy. I compared James to a cookie…that's kinda sad. I don't know what I want. I think I like him…I guess I know I do. But I don't want to be the reason they break up. I don't want that on my head. It's not like I need yet another reason for the Slytherins to hate me. Well she already does hate me. I understand why, but it's still not fair. I don't know what to do. I'm at a loss for ideas, and I'm Lily Evans, that never happens. Except that one time when I was writing a History of Magic essay, but that's besides the point.

She stopped and reread what she wrote. It didn't really make sense, and was rather incoherent.

Once again, she sighed.

Wondering what time it was. She knew she should go back up to her dorm, but she couldn't bring herself to do it.

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"Guys, Lily's not here" exclaimed a panicked Kay.

"What?" said Rach

The three girls had gone to check on Lily, not believing James about her not being there. But like he said, Lily wasn't anywhere to be found.

"She's not here." Kay repeated.

"Bloody hell!" Rach swore and went to check the bathroom.

"Do you think she's on the roof again?" Kay asked.

"I tend to doubt it. But let's check just to be safe." Lila said, and with a sigh added. "If she doesn't want to be found, she won't be. You know Lily."

They checked the roof, and as Kay predicted, Lily was no where to be found.

"Shit."

"What do we do?"

"I hate to say it, but we wait. When she's ready she'll come back." Lila said

"We can't just wait around. We don't even know if she's in the castle. It's dark out, it's not safe out there." Kay said in a worried tone

"We could try looking for her." Rach suggested.

"If she doesn't want us to find her, we won't." said Lila. She sighed once again. "Right now we should stay here, to be here for her when she decides to comeback."

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James walked into the Gryffindor common room, and promptly took seat by the fire next to Sirius.

"Why so happy?" Sirius asked.

"Lizy cheated on me."

"Since when is that a good thing?" Sirius said now rather confused.

"It gave me a reason to dump her."

"You need a reason? What about "I don't like you." That always works."

"It's more complicated than that."

"So uncomplicated it for me."

"It's not that simple."

"So simplify it."

"It's a long story."

"I have time."

"I don't really want to tell anyone just yet."

"Oh. Well why didn't you just say that in the first place?"

"I don't know…"

Sirius rolled his eyes. James could be quite confusing at times.

"So, Halloween party. Three days. It's a Friday night. You in?" Sirius said.

"Naturally."

"Good, let's start the planning!"

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Lily looked at the sky. It had gone dark.

She knew it must be late by now, and that she should return to the castle.

She looked at the diary, memories of her parents rushed back to her, but she cast the thoughts aside. It wasn't the time or place to get upset.

She sighed and grabbed the book and she got up to return to the Heads dorm…it would be a long night.

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By the next morning rumors were flying around the school about James and Lizy's break-up.

At Hogwarts, nothing stays secret for long.

Needless to say, Lily heard those rumors from the time she went down to breakfast and then all day.

She didn't know what to think. She was so angry…and happy.

But she didn't want to be happy, which just made her more put out.

All that she could think of was it's my fault. He dumped her because of me. I'm a bad bad person. And how can he be trusted if he just dumps girls when he finds someone else he likes? And it's my fault he dumped her, this is all on my head. People will hate me when they find out. And if she's upset or broken hearted it's all my fault.

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She head her name called as she tried sprinting from Transfiguration.

"Lily."

She recognized the voice and kept walking, speeding up a little.

"Lily, wait for a sec."

She sped up more.

"Please stop."

She only kept walking.

She could tell that he was jogging to catch up to her.

By now she was walking so fast she was practically running.

He caught up to her, and still she refused to stop.

She knew she couldn't outrun him, but she could at least refuse to acknowledge his existence.

After a few minutes of silence, he grabbed her arm to stop her; and after she struggled to get free for a few minutes, she agreed to let him talk. Mostly because she couldn't break his grip.

"We need to talk." He said plainly.

"No shit Sherlock." She replied in a harsh voice and turned so her back was facing him.

"You could at least be civil to me."

"Why the hell would I do that?" She said as she spun around to face him, her temper was flaring up.

"Because I didn't do anything wrong!" He yelled, loosing his temper completely. He was sick of everything being so confusing, and her always being angry. For once he didn't do anything wrong, and things should have worked out in his favor, and she still wouldn't listen.

"I didn't do anything wrong." He repeated in an almost-sad whisper.

"I told you not to do this. I told you I wouldn't like you if you dumped her. I told you I didn't want you to dump her for me. I told you not to, and you did it anyway. How do you think that makes me feel. It's my fault, my fault that you two are broken up, my fault that she's probably heartbroken. And just because you've moved on to the next thing. How do I know you wouldn't do that to me if I gave you the chance? How can I even trust you? Especially when you don't even listen to me."

"You know I'd never do that to you!"

"No I don't!"

"Lily, you don't understand." He said in a pleading, yet frustrated voice. Why wouldn't she just let him explain?! "You don't know—"

But she was already storming off down the hall.

"Everything." He finished sadly, talking to the air where she had just been.