Sorry I'm so late with this…Jensen and I got back from our early anniversary trip and found out that Blakely had a raging ear infection…and still does. It's been a little hectic around here. And I'm not sure how long this chapter will be, because I have to take Blakely to the doctor again before they close!

Thanks forever and ever to Wendy, my pre-reader =)

…

BPOV

The silence in the car was heavy and palpable. Edward stared straight ahead, clenching his hands so tightly around the steering wheel that I could see the white of his knuckles. I kept glancing over at him- I couldn't help it. But it wasn't until he stopped at a stop sign that he finally glanced over at me.

And when he did, his eyes were so full of an emotion that I couldn't place. He looked back towards the road quickly, and left me curious. We had been together for over a year, and I had never seen him look at me in the way that he just did. And I was too scared to wonder what he really thought of me. It meant a lot to me that he had come. I had honestly expected for both Edward and Alice to blow off my invitation, so it was a pleasant surprise to see both of them. I could have been Alice's friend…she probably would have been an amazing friend to me. She tried to understand, she didn't judge me, and she actually listened to me.

But I had thrown that all away, much like I did with Edward. Even when we had fought, Edward always made some gesture to make things seem okay again. It would be a simple kiss or touch or hug, but that had always made me feel like it was all going to be alright. I would probably never get that back, either. I had lied to myself so much that I didn't even really know who I was anymore.

Everything felt like a lie. And ever since what happened to Jane and I…I'm so aware of all the things I gave up and all the things I could have avoided if I had just sucked it up and stuck to my responsibilities and obligations.

"Is this okay?" I jerked my head up at the sound of Edward's voice, surprised to see that we were parked in front of a small deli/café.

"Um, yeah. Sounds good." I said, fumbling with my seatbelt and getting out of the car. I left my graduation gown flung over the back of the seat, not caring in the slightest if it got wrinkled.

I followed him inside with my arms crossed uncomfortably and awkwardly over my chest. We sat down at a table by the window, and Edward just looked at me. He looked older- his eyes tired and worn, his mouth pulled down in a slight frown. "Bella…I'm not sure if this is a good idea." Edward blurted out, running his hands through his hair and tugging on the ends.

"No, please, I just want to talk about some things." I pleaded, catching his arm. He jerked away from me quickly, the look on his face practically breaking my heart. He looked terrified and angry, but quickly controlled himself. "I know you must hate me, Edward, and I don't blame you for not missing me.

"You think I don't miss you?" Edward interrupted me, sounding angry again. "Bella, I miss you so fucking much that it's driving me crazy. Because you're right, I should hate you for everything that you've put me through and everything that you've done to me. But I can't."

I stiffened in my seat, taken aback by his confession. "Edward, I-" I paused, no idea what I wanted to say. "I…" I trailed off, at a loss for words.

"That's what I thought." Edward murmured, picking up his menu and looking at it instead of at me. The waitress came up and took our orders, and I couldn't help but notice how she looked at Edward. I bristled slightly, but then the waitress left and that was it. "I'm sorry, this is too weird. What exactly do you want to talk about?" Edward finally asked, clearing his throat.

I didn't respond immediately- I unwrapped my silverware and place my paper napkin on my lap, and then I tightly clutched my fork in my hand. "I know I messed up a lot and haven't been a very good person." I began, looking down at the tabletop. "But I'm trying. I finished up high school and I want to find a college to go to and even though I haven't been at all mature in the past, I want to be now. I know I left behind a lot, and that you didn't deserve me deserting you like that, but I was hoping that you would consider…uh, letting me see Avery again."

Edward stared at me for a long moment, the frown on his face more pronounced than it had been before. "You have got to be fucking kidding me." He finally spat out, his eyes burning into mine.

"I know it sounds retarded, but I'm not." I said, biting my lip. "I'm not asking to be what I used to be…I just want to see her. I've missed both of you…a lot."

"This is ridiculous. You can't have it both ways, Bella. You were the one to leave us- you gave up the right to be around her." Edward snapped.

Tears stung my eyes, even though I knew that Edward was right. "I know." I said, gritting my teeth, hoping that I wouldn't start crying. "I know." I repeated. "I'm trying, though. I'm trying to be different and I know that I was wrong and that I shouldn't have left, especially the way I did."

Edward continued to stare at me, one of his hands tangled in his hair. "You're fucking insane." He muttered under his breath. But he continued to stare at me, and eventually his gaze softened. "Her birthday is next week." He finally said softly. "My parents…they want to have some people over. Charlie and Alice are coming…I guess you could come with your mom. Stay for a couple of hours, and then leave."

"Okay." I said quickly. "Okay, thank you." I bristled slightly at the mention of Alice coming to his parent's house, but shook it off quickly. I had no idea what was going on there, and it wasn't my place to ask. Our food arrived then, and I pushed it to the side slightly. "Will you call me? My dad has my mom's phone number, so you can get a hold of me that way."

"Yeah." Edward muttered, looking down at his sandwich and then glancing at his watch. "I'm sorry, Bella, I can't sit through this…can we leave?"

"Um, sure." I said, blushing bright red. He couldn't even stand to be around me…and I couldn't blame him. "You can go. I'll get a taxi back to my mom's house. Thank you so much, Edward. It means so much to me." Edward mumbled back a reply, asked our waitress for the bill and takeout boxes, and then after he paid for our food he pressed some money into my hand, mumbling something about paying for a taxi.

And then he left.

…

Off to the doctors…wish us luck!

Xoxo- Melodyella aka Mellie