Not a day had passed that Jaina Surana hadn't wished she'd been the one to kill that arch demon. But no. She let a murdering, genocidal, paranoid, disgrace die a hero. And from all accounts, had let a good, honorable, truly decent man, the only man she'd ever loved, become a disgrace. That was the last report she'd had from Zevran at least. Alistair was holed up in a tavern waiting for a ship, drunk as Oghren on a bender. What did that make her? Oh right she knew that answer. It made her miserable, and alone.

Miserable, alone, and cold and wet in Amaranthine. Lovely really. She'd been escorted there by a knight named Mhairi who chattered exuberantly the. Whole. Way. She'd been greeted by darkspawn, who had pretty much eliminated every Warden in the keep and learned to speak. This left her with potentially four, if they survive the joining (which, she supposed was one more than she'd had for the battle of Denerim), and assuming she survived the impromptu visit from Anora. The only saving grace was Anders. A familiar face, a comforting presence, and a friend. Oghren was there, and he was familiar, it was true. However, he was also, like the most of the rest of her companions after that fateful landsmeet, bitter. He was already making use of the working kegs in the keep; Anders was still sleeping after the joining. Mhairi sadly didn't survive it, making Jaina feel badly for thinking ill of her chit chat. She'd handled business with Garavel, Varel, and that pinch faced uppity Woolsey woman, and had time to relax, and sulk a bit that she was still breathing. That's always when she got hit with the memories.

Jaina had raced from that Landsmeet Chamber, back to Eamon's estate to try and stop Alistair from leaving. But there was no sign of him. From there she ran to camp, hoping maybe she'd catch him there. They'd had fights before, they always got past them. Even when she'd let Isolde sacrifice herself they go past it, surely they could get past this if she could just explain. Nothing. As she turned to leave, she found herself facing Leliana. The bard tore into her as if she'd never seen the inside of a chantry let alone been a cloistered sister. She'd wanted so badly to tell her why it happened but she couldn't. Grey Warden secrecy, which was part of the duty. Maker, she wasn't even sure still that it was true but she couldn't risk it. She tried to explain she wasn't ready to lead a whole ARMY, and Alistair hated leading, and Loghain was a good leader, but that fell on deaf ears. Wynne was next to tell her what a backstabbing bitch she had been. As if she didn't already know it. Oghren harrumphed and headed for a tavern. Morrigan, though they had grown close was being oddly distant. Only Zev proved to be a friend. Listening as she said over and over "I did it to save him!" and requiring no explanation past "it's a warden secret". He'd stayed by her side, holding her as she wept, getting her through the nightmares, and though she knew he'd like more, was happy just to be her friend. He was there through their return to Ostagar where every single turn had a memory of Alistair and Loghain and Wynne bickered like children adding to the pain of their leader.

The night before the battle was the last straw. That's when she was proven right. Riordan revealed that the reason no Warden that slew the Arch demon had lived, was because they absorb the soul and are destroyed. They aren't just killed; their soul takes the soul of the demon and is destroyed. That's all Jaina could hear, "destroying the soul of the warden". She knew she'd done the right thing. Loghain then not only understood why Wardens are in fact needed to kill the blight, but why she had spared him, besides his leadership. It was after this meeting, she'd found Morrigan in her quarters. It was here she got to walk a mile in Alistair's shoes.

Morrigan knew the entire time what it took to end blight. She'd known from the time she was sent with them. She'd known when she asked her question about choosing between each other and the blight. In fact, she asked that to test the waters for what she'd ask later. What she was asking now. And once again, Jaina knew she chose correctly. If she hadn't, it would have been Alistair's bastard child she asked for. It would have been HIM she wanted in her bed, to create whatever abomination her and her supposedly dead mother were trying to bring into the world. It was do this or die and Jaina decided then…death sounded pretty good. Morrigan, the woman who'd so emotionally called her a friend and sister just weeks prior, called her a fool and stormed out. Just when she thought she couldn't hurt any more. But it was only one more night.

Jaina slept that night, for the first time since Alistair had left her, knowing that it would be over soon. Zev begged her not to do it, she simply asked him to care for her hound, Deeohgee. . Wynne and Leliana ignored her completely unless they had to speak. Both had agreed to stay til the battle was over. Wynne would heal; Leliana would stay at the gates with Sten and Oghren. No one but Zev and the dog knew the plan. That plan went horribly wrong and landed her here. Just as they faced the Arch demon, just as it was ready to be killed, with one final blow, Loghain knocked her out. He took it himself. He died a hero. He'd left a note for her and another for Anora, explaining that this was his one chance at redemption.

When Jaina awoke in a cozy room back at Warden's Keep, Zev was there, he told her what had happened, and how he had her brought here for privacy to recover in not only mind, but he hoped in spirit. That's where the messengers found her, while Zev was out gathering wood. The Wardens wanted her in Amaranthine. It sounded like as good a sword to throw herself on as any. So she left the ring, and a note as she left. "Warden Business. Amaranthine. Get this to Alistair; tell him I'm sorry, I'll always love him. And Thank you Zev, you are a true friend, the best I'll ever have"

"Excuse me… You there" Came a booming yet unfamiliar voice. Jaina opened her eyes. Oh no. She was having her memories in the fade? She must have drifted to sleep. She quickly looked for demons, as is a habit. Being a mage and a blood mage to boot made reliving bad memories in your sleep a dangerous thing.

"Do not worry, I am not a demon. I am a spirit." Said the voice again as it appeared before her glowing white and armored. Relief washed through her. She'd met the Spirit of Valor during her harrowing.

"What do you wish of me spirit?" She asked

"You have been dealt injustice? Betrayed by those closest to you. "He stated

"No, I betrayed him, not intentionally, but that matters little. I understand, I understood then. But I'm grateful he lives even if he hates me." She answered.

"I speak not of just this Alistair, but of your other friends."

Jaina shrugged. "It's nothing spirit, I deserved it."

"NO! You deserved the chance to explain!" He insisted

"Spirit, there are far bigger injustices in the world than these. The Wardens that were butchered here for a start, the families suffering from the effects the blight had upon the country…" She tried explaining

"I cannot deal with those things; I can only deal with matters here in the fade. I will do something. I know not what, but your injustice will be seen too" insisted the odd spirit

Jaina awoke to Anders nudging her shoulder. "Having good dreams Jaina? Were they about me? You had the biggest crush on me when you were a kid…or so I heard…." The blonde mage teased until she smacked him on the back of the head as she walked off to her room.

"Ow…what was that for?" Anders wondered to an empty room. As he stood there rubbing his head, she returned, pack and weapon in hand.

"Come on, with me. We have work to do."