I have to add a shout out to Bell the Scribe for her awesome Beta work for me. I know it was a headache! And ya'll should go read her too! Apologies for the frequent and rapid perspective changes, there should be alot less as we move forward. I hope.

Yes, Alistair is being a bit of a creepy stalker at the moment.

Also: Musical credit goes to Collin Raye, and "I can Still Feel You"

Amaranthine didn't seem bad. And by 'not bad,' it meant there was a decent tavern. The Crown and Lion Inn was busy enough to hide in and still be ignored. Alistair had reserved a room, the only one with a view of the street, and preferred to have his drink there. He didn't know why he'd come here. He could have stayed in Starkhaven, but no, he came back. At the risk of seeing her again, he'd come back. He just couldn't…what was it Zev had joked about?...'Hop borders'. It turned out he was right. It wasn't all bad; he'd managed a deal with a local homestead to kill any darkspawn on their lands for a bit of coin per kill. At least he was good for that much he thought.

It was here that he sensed them come in. More wardens. He'd heard all the Orlesian wardens were slaughtered, but he could definitely feel two…three…oh Maker, it was her. Magic tickled the back of his throat whenever a mage was near.

But he could feel her, as if she were standing there caressing him. He shook his head and took a drink. This was not new, it happened every now and then. Only he knew she was near Amaranthine. It was just his mind playing tricks on him, and he'd wash it away. He was busily trying to do that when he heard voices across the hall.

They were busily searching Kristoff's room for any clue as to where he was.

"I can't believe you conscripted me, right there in front of the queen and out from under the Chantry! That was amazing, and great, and did I say amazing? Yet, you won't help me with this!" Anders sputtered.

"Anders, you saw what happened the last time I helped a friend find his phylactery, right? I know you saw that on your way to solitary confinement! If Duncan hadn't listened to Irving, or if he'd changed his mind after seeing…I'd have been sent to Aonar! You are a Grey Warden. They can't touch you. Trust me, I ran around for a year, doing not so great things, even as a blood mage and look…no chains!" Jaina tossed back, wildly waving her arms around in exaggerated demonstration.

"Pshhh, you should have escaped with me, not that idiot Jowan." Anders teased

Suddenly she was lost, in her own world with a letter in her hand.

Dearest Kristoff,

My sister and her babe are well. I shall leave Jader as soon as they're settled. Expect me at Vigil's Keep within the month.

Ferelden is cold and wet, so make sure your socks are dry before you put them on. I know how it is with men. You can slay a thousand darkspawn, but when it comes to clean clothes and dry socks, you're hopeless! I can't wait to see you.

Love, Aura"

She remembered Wynne being so indignant at finding Alistair's sock in her pack, and further disgusted at its condition, and that he'd wear it in such a memories always hit her at the most inconvenient of moments. She was trying her best not to burst into tears in front of her Wardens. But the letter in her hands, that could have been them. And suddenly, she swore…she could feel him.

Nathaniel, picking up on her sudden discomfort, turned Anders toward a map on the wall. She caught Nate's eye and nodded a silent thank you as she collected herself while Anders and Nate found the answers they needed. Once she had her voice back she picked up where they'd left off.

"Oh? He was smart enough to go for his phylactery before he tried his escape." Anders gave his best 'you hurt me wittle feewings' look. Add that to the small hope her own phylactery might be there, and she knew she was lost. "Fine. Let's go. But then it's right back here. Let me freshen up in my room. Meet me downstairs."

Jaina walked around the corner and could swear again that she felt…but no. That was impossible. It was just the same trick her mind had played on her since he left. It was always worse alone, and especially in her bed. She could swear she felt him beside her. Sometimes it gave her strength, other times it just brought sadness and pain. She kept walking until she found her room, and went inside. Once she closed the door she realized she wasn't alone and screamed.

It took all of Alistair's will not to run toward that scream. It was her, he felt it, he knew it, and most of all he'd never mistake that voice. Suddenly there was commotion out in the hall, he opened his door enough to see a golden haired mage running to her. She was still beautiful. The mage engulfed her in his arms as the darker haired man ran into the room. That could be him if he'd stayed. He watched as she looked up at Anders and pulled away.

Jaina appreciated Anders' friendship, but being held in his arms was too much. It was a kind gesture, but it reminded her too much of…him. "I'm…thank you, but it was just a ferret. It startled me. I'm ok. Really. Come on, let's go find this warehouse for you."

As they moved toward the stairs Jaina heard a door click. She couldn't explain why she felt the need to do so, but she walked to it. Again she felt him. Again she told herself it couldn't be. Yet she still gently placed a hand against the door.

He stood there, and shook in disbelief. He knew eventually he'd see her. But he didn't think it would be this soon. He would have to be careful. A part of him wanted to run, and part wanted to tell her off. But the biggest part wanted to love her again, he realized as he leaned his cheek against the door, and yet again felt as if her hand was there. He took another drink and threw himself on the bed. He laid there a moment and then decided to be foolish. He was going to follow them.

The Warehouse wasn't far and easily found. It was odd that it wasn't guarded. That should have been the first clue. They should have left then, but they didn't. They should have brought Nate, not sent him off to find his sister. But they didn't. They should have known it was a trap. But they didn't.

As they entered the back room, Rylock, the templar Jaina had stolen Anders from, confronted them with two of her men. Three Templars versus two mages weren't the best odds. The templars figured they'd have it easy taking down the two, but they were wrong. They were facing Jaina Surana. Hero of Ferelden, slayer of darkspawn, and she was suddenly bubbling with anger.

Alistair heard Jaina yell "You cannot touch him!" and battle broke out. He felt the holy smites shake the floorboards. Three templars against two mages, it was unfair. He should help, but he was unarmed and far from sober. He looked over his pile of crates to see Anders on the ground, but Jaina was still standing. She was a brilliant sight.

Staff raised, she slammed it to the ground, stunning all three. Without hesitation, she unleashed a ball of fire, knocking them off their feet. When Rylock stood up, she again drained Jaina's mana. She was so sure she had them then. All Alistair could do was watch, mesmerized by how much she had changed.

No longer was she, or did she seem to need to be protected by a shield bearing warrior.

Anders was still struggling to get up, Jaina was paler than he'd ever seen, and had no mana left. That's when he watched her use the dagger at her waist. She raised it, not at the enemy but at her hand. Drawing power from her own blood. She could have used Rylock's, but she didn't.

Just before Rylock could slam her wicked, spiked mace into Anders' head she was bombarded by Jaina's power. Alistair watched as the templar gasped for breath in a crushing prison, and saw the horror on her face when a magical bomb was injected into her. She looked once more at Jaina, trying to speak, and Jaina quietly said "You will not. Take. Him." As Rylock died at her feet and she sat to tend to her friend.

Why hadn't she stood up for him that way, he wondered as he crouched behind some crates. Then again, why had he stayed hidden when she could have used his help? What was wrong with him? He looked at the bottle in his hand, knowing that was what was wrong with him, and drained it anyway while he listened to the pair.

"Wow, commander where did that come from? You saved my arse there, thank you." Anders had struggled to a sitting position to speak.

"Friends stick together, Anders. They don't abandon one another at crucial moments; they trust, they have faith, they stand with them." Jaina said with a passion neither expected.

"Jaina, what's happened to you? I...I know there is something eating at you. You're all business, you're not as…fun as I remember. You've never been so...angry. Who hurt you?" Anders asked as he healed her palm.

Jaina sighed, and finally told the whole story. What she'd done, what Alistair had done, what they had been to each other.

"But this anger…I, I've never had this anger. I've had sadness, I've had guilt, I've had complacency, even, but I'm suddenly so…mad!"

Anders chuckled. "Well, let's have it. Let it out. What are you mad about?"

Alistair wondered the same thing from his position behind the crates. As if she had good reason to be mad; it was him that was betrayed. Or...was it?

"I loved him, dammit! I trusted him. Maker's breath, Anders, I gave him everything I had. My heart, my soul, my love. We had arguments before, but we always made up. We always talked. There was always a 'when we get done here...' I figured that was no different. When Anora finally shut the hell up, I ran to our room, I ran to camp, and he was gone. He abandoned me! He never let me explain. I did it to save us both. I did it to help us win the battle." She paused and looked at Anders, who was listening attentively.

"I want you to know this now. If there is a blight, you need to know that the warden that kills the archdemon dies. They absorb the essence into their soul, and that soul is destroyed. I suspected the death part. That's why I wanted to let Loghain join. So he could take that blow, and so he could lead the army. I…I didn't think I could do it. Lead the army. I know better now. I lost the man I loved, because I wouldn't let him die. I lost my friends, because I wouldn't let him die. I'm angry at myself for being selfish. I'm angry at him for leaving me. I'm angry that I have to be commander, and I'm angry…so angry that I didn't die on top of Ft Drakon." She paused, her eyes damp, and hands shaking. "I can still hear the last thing he said to me. 'I guess I always knew I didn't deserve to be this happy. I never thought it would end this way for us, I had these dreams...they don't matter now. Take care of yourself.' And he turned his back on me, on us, on everything. He should be commanding with me, but I..." She couldn't continue anymore.

"I'm sorry, love, would you like me to hit him with lightning? I'm pretty good at that, trust me." Anders smiled as he let her lean on his shoulder, trying to lighten the mood. They got up to head back to the inn.

"No, then you'd just get yourself smited again; he was a templar." She stopped to chuckle at Anders' shocked expression before she added "Not a full templar, he was conscripted before his vows. But thank you, I feel much better since talking a bit." She squeezed his hand, as if to reinforce the words. "The worst part is, I can still feel him. It's like…he's right here. Crazy right?" Jaina said as the pair walked away.

"Crazy is as crazy does." Alistair thought to himself from his cramped hiding spot. He imagined that secretly following the woman you abandoned and claimed to never want to see again probably qualified as crazy, at the least. But as much as he didn't want to see her, he couldn't stay away from her. After hearing her side of things, he almost understood. Unfortunately, understanding is a long way from forgiving. She sacrificed a lot that fateful day, but she took a lot from him as well. She took his trust, his faith, his heart. She took away his chance to avenge Duncan, and his fellow wardens. He too remembered those last words. But more than that he remembered how her expression remained calm. He didn't think she'd cared. Was he that wrong?