Good news is that Blakely is finally starting to respond to some medication the doctor is giving her for her ear infections, at this rate, she won't need tubes and if she does, it won't be for a few more years. So I've got that off my chest.

The bad news is that I work. A lot. I have no 'regular' hours during the week, and I spend a lot of my time on weekends doing free lance stuff. Babies are really expensive, and I'd like to retire some day, you know? But I'm still going to be here, even when there are long delays in between updates or when chapters are short. I'm not going anywhere!

For the millionth, billionth time, thanks to Wendy for pre-reading. I don't think I can ever thank you enough!

…

BPOV

I awkwardly sat down next to Esme on the couch, and watched as Edward sat down next to Alice. She looked away from Avery and whispered something to him, smiling. It hurt to see them together- carefree and easygoing. I had never been truly carefree in over a year, because of everything that has gone on in my life.

Unable to stop myself, I immediately started to compare myself against Alice.

She was pretty. Her pale skin was complimented by her big hazel eyes and extremely dark hair that was almost black. Her features were so petite that she almost looked like a little porcelain doll. Her makeup was perfectly applied- light eyeliner and mascara with blood red lipstick. Alice wasn't pretty, actually, she was beautiful.

And here I was. I had gotten even paler in the past couple of weeks, and I couldn't help but notice the slight grey tinge to my skin. My hair had lost its luster sometime in the last few months, and hung in a limp ponytail. I knew my skin was dry and my lips were chapped, and my eyes probably looked tired thanks to the very little sleep I had been getting.

When I put myself up against Alice, it was clear who was better. And not just when it came to looks, but in everything. She was a better person than me- I was always going to define myself by my mistakes, I couldn't help it. They were burned into my brain and there was no way I would ever be able to forget. Alice however, seemed to be weighed down by nothing.

The silence carried for a moment, and then Esme spoke.

"Let's go have cake before Avery needs to go down for her nap." She said suddenly, standing up quickly. "And then Avery can open her presents."

Everyone else stood, and Alice handed Avery over to Edward. I watched enviously as he immediately kissed the top of Avery's head and then clasped Alice's shoulder with his hand, squeezing gently.

I tore my eyes away, heat rushing to my cheeks, and then my dad came to the rescue.

"Are you okay, Bella?" He asked in a hushed voice, the two of us hanging back.

I managed a smile, looking up at my dad and realized how much I had really missed him, too. "Yeah." I whispered, and then threw my arms around him. "I'm so sorry, Dad. I love you."

He was still for a moment, and then hugged me back, holding me close. "I love you too, Bella. It's been tough without you. Edward…he's been going through a hard time." Before I could respond, Charlie took a step back. "We should probably join them. And I've missed you, Bells."

I wiped my eyes and Charlie led me into the Cullen's dining room. There was a pretty purple and pink cake on the table, and Avery was babbling nonsense words, trying to wriggle out of Edward's arms to get closer to the cake. As I stood back and watched, the Cullen's and Alice and my dad interacted easily, laughing and watching Avery and chatting. Esme placed a candle in the cake, and lit it as she did so Carlisle flipped off the overhead lights. I tensed slightly as the lights went out, trying not to remember that night.

Darkness always made me remember.

Luckily, I managed to stay in the present as I focused on Avery, watching her and wishing I had been a better mother.

As we sang her happy birthday, Avery's wide eyes remained transfixed on her cake, and my heart continued to ache. She refused to blow out the candle when the song was over, so Alice laughed and did it for her. My heart ached even harder as Avery giggled, clapping her hands together at Alice's antics.

I was still a little out of it as Esme cut the cake and started handing it out, until Alice nudged me. "Bella? Do you want chocolate?"

"Oh. Um, yes please." I said, a light blush coming to my cheeks as I took the piece of cake from Alice. "Thanks."

She nodded, taking a bite of her own piece. "Why don't we sit down somewhere?" Alice asked suddenly. "I want to talk to you."

A sense of dread filled me, but I nodded anyway and followed her into the kitchen. The others were still in the dining room, so there was little chance of us being overheard or interrupted. "What's up?" I asked, looking down at my piece of cake but not taking a bite of it yet.

"When Edward told me you left, I really didn't want to believe him." Alice began, diving right in. She looked down at her piece of vanilla cake instead of at me. "I thought…I don't know, I guess I just believed you when you said everything was okay." She glanced up at me, and then quickly looked back down. "I don't know you very well. I thought we could have been friends but then you left and…" Alice took a deep breath, squinting slightly. "I'm really sorry for hating you, Bella." She said abruptly.

I silently put my plate down on the kitchen counter, just staring at Alice. Her normally pale cheeks with tinted pink, and her eyes were glassy as she stared at the half eaten piece of cake on her plate. "I wouldn't hate you, except I saw what you did to Edward. And I'm sorry, Bella, but that was awful."

"I didn't have any other choice." I lied.

Alice saw right through it, shaking her head. "I'm not even going to call you out on that. Edward's a great guy, Bella. And you've already missed so much with Avery. Truthfully, I don't even really hate you…I pity you more than anything else. You gave up Edward, who you probably loved and probably still do love, and you gave up Avery. They're both amazing, Bella."

"You don't think I know that?" I retorted immediately. "God, Alice, I know. But you don't understand what I was going through, and what I've been through since leaving-"

"If you would have told, I would have helped." Alice cut in immediately, her eyes narrowing. "You know I would have- when you told me about Avery I said I'd be supportive and that I wouldn't judge you! If you needed some time away I would have watched for a weekend or something…you didn't have to totally walk out of your daughter's life."

"I needed more than just a weekend away." I said coldly, turning away from Alice. "I needed to grow up and mature for real. And thanks to recent events, I've been forced into trying to grow up too fast once again."

Alice was quiet for a moment, and then spoke. "What the hell happened to you?"

…

She tells Alice in the next chapter, and there will be a little more of the party. And then some more Edward/Bella interaction…they'll exchange words. And even Alice sees through Bella…sigh.

So please review!

Xoxo- Melodyella aka Mellie