I meant to update last week, and then we had some tragedy in our family. My younger brother's ex-girlfriend (they just broke up not two weeks ago) was involved in a car wreck and passed away. It's a wonderful example of how even if two people break up, they still matter deeply to each other. Mallory was a truly beautiful girl, graduated from high school this past year in the top ten in her class, and had just started at college. In the short year that I knew her, she made a huge impact and I'm never going to forget her!
Thanks for sticking with me through this. Right now, I'm estimating that there will be a little more than ten chapters left, unless some things change. Which, with my sporadic-ness, is very possible.
As always, thank you so much for the wonderful reviews. And just a little while ago, I was interviewed for the P.I.C. FanFic Corner's blog. The interview can be found here, and thanks to Mrs. White for being awesome and interviewing me:
http:/picffcorner (dot) blogspot (dot) com/2010/09/mrs-white-makes-such-difference-with (dot) html
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EPOV
Instead of going into the kitchen where I knew Alice and Bella both were, I took Avery into the living room for a little quiet time. She was only a year old and probably liked all the excitement around her, but it was wearing me out and I needed a little break.
So I stood by the big picture window and held Avery, kissing the top of her head and cooing in her ear. She was getting more and more beautiful as each day passed. And I wasn't taking anything for granted when it came to Avery.
Each day was special, each day was important. Avery was my daughter, the most important person in my life, and I was always going to be there for her.
I knew there would be times where she would resent me and be mad at me and rebel against me, but that was part of being a parent. It was my job to make sure that when the time came, she was smart enough to make her own decisions and become independent.
I wouldn't acknowledge it out loud, but my biggest fear was that Avery would be like her mother.
That sounded so wrong, even when I just thought it in my head, but it was the truth. I didn't want Avery to grow up and make the same stupid, hurtful choices that Bella made. Even though I could no longer deny the feelings that I still had for Bella. But I couldn't help it. For over a year, Bella and I had been so closer.
We had tried to keep it somewhat platonic when Bella and I had first moved in together. And then we started getting closer- sleeping together, touching, kissing. It had all spiraled out from there, and resulted in the twisted mess that we were stuck in now.
It was my own fault. I was in this much pain because of my inability to keep my feelings in check. And this was the most pain I had ever been in. This was worth than my estrangement from my parents, the blur of drugs and alcohol I had gotten wrapped up in at a young age, and even worse than the pain of rehab.
As I continued to hold Avery, I suddenly glanced up and saw Bella standing there in front of me. I stared at her uncertainly, totally unsure of what to say or how to act. This was getting to be too much for me.
She took a step closer to me, and I tensed up further. "Edward." She whispered, continuing to walk towards me slowly. "Edward…please, can I hold her?" She asked me- pleadingly, quietly. Her voice was so soft I could barely hear here. "Please." She added, and I sucked in a deep breath and looked down at the ground.
This was too much. Too much. But I was a masochist, I was addicted to her.
"Bella…I don't know if-" I started to speak but Bella cut me off, shaking her head.
"Just for a moment." She was begging, her brown eyes wet with unshed tears.
I hesitantly looked down at my daughter, content in my arms, and then without even thinking about it, I agreed. I didn't want to say no to Bella. "Okay." I placed Avery in Bella's arms, and seeing her standing there, holding our daughter, was causing me even more pain.
I watched them, feeling like an intruder as Bella looked down at Avery in an indescribable look in her eyes. Even I had to admit that Avery looked…right…in Bella's arms. And she should. Bella is her mother, she's supposed to be a part of her life. I continued to watch them as Avery snuggled into Bella's embrace, and Bella's eyes filled with more tears.
"Oh my god…" She whispered, and I had to bite my lip. "Oh my god." Bella said again, and I saw tears starting to fall down her face. I saw her grip on Avery tighten as she continued to cry, and it was all I could do not to cry as well. "I'm so sorry." Bella sobbed, more and more tears falling. "I love you." She said to Avery, and then suddenly her eyes were on me. "And I love you, Edward."
I froze. I just froze, totally at a loss for what to do. This was Bella. Bella. She was the woman I knew I loved, the mother of my child. But she was also the woman who had broken my heart and broken my family. She had hurt so many people that loved her, without a second thought. Just because she was selfish and immature and scared.
So I just stared at her. I knew I loved this woman standing in front of me, but I couldn't say it. Telling Bella that I loved her meant I was forgiving her, and I could not do that yet. I just couldn't. So that's what I told her.
"I can't do this right now, Bella. I can't." I said, reaching forward and taking Avery out of Bella's arms. Bella stared at me, sobbing silently, and I felt like my heart was being ripped in two. "I'm sorry." I added lamely, and that was it. I left here there, and I couldn't even bring myself to feel bad for it.
In a sick way, it was my way of getting back at her.
…
"And you just walked away?" Alice asked incredulously, and I had to tell her the truth.
It was the day after the disastrous birthday party, a day after I left Bella standing there alone in the living room, crying her eyes out. After she told me that she loved me.
"Yeah. I just walked away." I said truthfully, and Alice shook her head.
"God…" She trailed off, rubbing her forehead as she looked at me. "Yesterday before she talked to you, she talked to me. She told me about what happened with her a few weeks ago, and then she assumed that you and I were…you know, dating. She freaked out about it, too." Alice informed me, and I groaned.
Leave it to Bella to somehow manage to make things even more complicated than they already were.
"I can't believe this. And I can't handle this." I said angrily, rage bubbling up within me. Where the hell did Bella get off doing this to me? How could she continue to act like this, continue to make things even more difficult? "Alice, I'm sorry, but would you mind staying here with Avery for an hour or so? I want to go and talk to Charlie."
"Um, sure, no problem." Alice said, probably a little confused by my request. Charlie still looked after Avery every once and a while, but I knew it was hard for him without Bella around.
When I pulled up to Charlie's house, though, I was surprised to see another, unfamiliar car parked in the driveway. I slowly walked up to the house, hearing voices through the open living room windows.
"I don't think that's a good idea, Renée." Charlie's voice rang out, and I hesitated before knocking on the front door or ringing the bell.
"She's your daughter too, Charlie." A woman spoke then, and I knew that it had to be Bella's mother.
"You've got to be kidding me. Yeah, I know she's my goddamn daughter. I was the one who took care of her when she came to me, pregnant and without any parental support. And I was the one who was there for her until she decided she didn't need me anymore. I watched her mistreat and hurt Edward, and I never said anything about it because I didn't think that it was my place."
"She doesn't want to go to college. She wants to be with her daughter. That's all I came here to tell you." Renée huffed, and I heard footsteps approaching the door. Without thought, I yanked the door open and came face to face with Bella's mother. "Oh." She faltered and looked me up and down, obviously knowing who I was.
Charlie appeared behind Renée, his arms crossed over his chest. "Yeah." He echoed, his eyes meeting mine. "Oh."
…
Sorry that was a bit short. Going to church early in the morning, and then to the funeral.
As always, please review and let me know what you thought.
Xoxo- Melodyella aka Mellie