"He said, 'Whot's that on your head, mate?' And Rose – "
Jack spoke over Rose's oblivious laughter. "Theta Sigma. We're stuck in a time loop. We're about to be attacked by Muertons, but we'll all be okay as long as you don't fight."
At the mention of his old Academy nickname, the Doctor's grin dropped to gape at Jack. "What did you say?"
"Time loop, Muertons, do not fight," Jack emphasized. "If you fight, Rose will die." Not strictly true in all circumstances, but he didn't have Rose to back him up, and as much as he hated this technique, he knew it worked on the Doctor.
"What?" said Rose, still holding back giggles, "Jack?"
The Doctor's eyes darted around the room, and widened when he spotted the Muertons. Jack reached over and put a hand on the Doctor's arm to stop him. "I'm not kidding, Doc. Don't fight. Breathe it in."
Rose's laughter had fully faded now into the first traces of fear. "Doctor, what's he talking about?"
The Doctor's jaw snapped shut, and he wordlessly looked from Jack to Rose in terror.
Jack closed his eyes to avoid the sight of seeing his friends bagged yet again. Soon he felt the smothering bag over his own head. Stifling his own instincts to fight, he inhaled deeply. Rose's shrieks rang in his ears as he passed into oblivion.
Jack woke in the cell with his usual headache. Ignoring it, he sat up quickly and surveyed his friends. The Doctor was awake, frantically pressing two fingers to Rose's throat. Jack watched the tension in his shoulders slowly relax as he found her pulse.
"She'll be up in a couple seconds, don't worry."
The Doctor whirled to face him. "How do you know the name Theta Sigma?"
"I told you, time loop. You told me it's your old school nickname."
"That's – "
"Impossible," Jack finished. "You'd remember. You're a Time Lord, and if time were repeating you'd know right off. Well, we are."
Rose stirred, and the Doctor propped her into a sitting position with his arm. "Hello."
"Hello," she responded, straightening. "What's going on?"
"Good morning, honey," Jack said in a tone bordering on cheeriness. "Long story short, both of you. We're in a time loop, which means we are repeating this capture over and over again. Turns out the Doctor's making it happen and erasing everyone's memory but mine. We've been captured by Sontarans, and at this moment we're on their spaceship. In approximately four and a half minutes, the Muertons are going to return, looking for the Doctor. We're going to give them me. Questions, anyone?"
"What do you mean, I'm making a time loop?" the Doctor asked indignantly. "That's absolutely im – "
"—Possible, because that would require more Time Lords and there aren't any more. You would know if there were, and there aren't. I know, Doc, you've said the same thing every time. All I know is it's happened…" Jack counted. "Nine times. This is the ninth time, I think. It's hard to keep track."
The Doctor gaped at him, utterly speechless.
"But what do these Muertons even want with us?" Rose asked, appalled. "Did we do something on Warren Delta Three?"
"Yeah, that was a trap. The restaurant owner turned us into the Muertons, who were hired by Sontarans to capture the Doctor." He turned to the Doctor. "You think they want you to tell them about future Sontaran battles."
"They what?" The Doctor said in a low voice. "And I think this?"
"Yeah," said Jack, straining to remember, "You said it was like something with Daleks and people called Sarah and Harry."
The Doctor went absolutely pale.
"Sarah Jane?" Rose wondered. The Doctor didn't answer her. He looked like he'd seen the ghost of a Dalek.
"Still doubtful it's a time loop?" Jack asked. He saw the answer on the Time Lord's face, and didn't wait for him to say it. "The walls of this lovely cell are made of bilitane, which you could resonate in half an hour using setting 458-B on the sonic screwdriver. Should you do that, you'll be faced with a bunch of wires. Sonicing the purple one with setting 22 will open the door, but there are three Muertons on patrol outside, with guns. Even then, you don't have half an hour. There's only four-ish more minutes now until the Muertons come."
The Doctor strode to the wall and licked it, then turned to Jack with wide eyes. "Bilitane."
"Yeah. Believe me now?"
The Doctor rubbed the back of his neck. "I think…yeah. Possibly. I mean it's still impossible, but…"
"You said we've only got four minutes until those Muerton things come back and take the Doctor?" Rose asked in alarm.
"Yeah, but we're going to give them me," said Jack confidently. "See, the Muertons don't know what the Doctor looks like."
"And your brilliant idea is to pretend you're me?" the Doctor demanded, crossing his arms in front of his chest.
"Yeah."
"And exactly how do you plan on managing that?"
"Easy. When the Muertons come back, I step forward and say, 'Hello, I'm the Doctor.' Then you two can yell, 'No, please, don't take him,' stuff like that. Feel free to fawn over me."
"Fawn over you?" Rose scoffed. "Are you sure this isn't some twisted fantasy of yours, Jack?"
"I've got a much more twisted imagination, trust me."
"What, you mean like, 'please don't take the brilliant, stunning Time Lord?'" the Doctor suggested.
"Aw, Doc, I didn't know you cared."
"I was talking about me. And are you sure that's going to work?"
Jack raised an eyebrow. "Positive. That's how they knew to take you before."
"What, I walked up and just introduced myself?" Rose and Jack both stared at him until he let out a sigh. "Alright, then. Maybe that was a bit thick."
"A bit," Jack agreed.
The Doctor's wounded look morphed to a scowl. "And what exactly did you plan on doing after that? If they want battle strategies, they're not going to get them from you, because you don't know any. But they'll think you do and torture Rose and I until you make up something convincing."
"No, because I'll stall them somehow while you two escape the cell and find the TARDIS."
"The TARDIS is onboard?" Rose asked hopefully.
"Yeah." Jack remembered that time was running out and spoke faster, "It's in that general direction from here," he pointed, "But I can't tell you the exact hallway. I took a roundabout way to get there last time. TARDIS is in this big glass case, but one of the panels opens up. Watch for the Muertons by the cell – three of them, just to the right outside the door – and there may be more running around somewhere."
"How are we supposed to get past them?" the Doctor wondered.
Jack shook his head. "I don't know. But it's the best shot we got. Once you're inside, you can pick me up and then we'll all be out of here. It's not too far from the TARDIS."
The Doctor rubbed a hand down his face, still looking hesitant. Footsteps pounded from outside the door as he murmured, "Time loop. You said Rose…"
"It's not going to happen this time," Jack said with as much confidence as he could fake.
Rose bit her lip. "Are you going to be alright?"
Jack didn't know the answer, so he plastered on his most charming smile and lied. "Of course I am."
The Muertons crashed in as usual, filling the door with their bodies and weapons. The Doctor tensed, nudging Rose behind him.
"Take the Time Lord."
"Alright, I'm coming," said Jack loudly, stepping in front of the Doctor and Rose. "Just don't hurt either of them."
"Please, don't take him," Rose pleaded as the Muertons took hold of Jack's arms, actual fear detectable in her voice.
"You really don't need to do this," the Doctor said quietly, and Jack wasn't sure if he was talking to him or the Muertons.
Jack managed to not trip over his own feet as he was dragged more than led out the cell door. The slam behind him sounded just as ominous on this side of the door.
They took the left hall, eventually passing the stairwell where Jack and Rose had once hidden. Jack struggled half-heartedly, but the Muertons' grip held. He was not particularly surprised.
They reached the third hallway from the stairwell, and Jack's mind spewed different techniques memorised long ago on resisting and prolonging interrogation.
The Muertons opened the largest, most imposing door in the hallway, and threw Jack inside. Caught off guard – he'd expected to be taken in, not thrown – he stumbled and landed on his knees. This door slammed shut behind him as well. Groaning, Jack got to his feet and stared at the thing in the center of the chamber.
An enormous machine gleamed at him, its six curved sides swooping up to form a pillar. Wires and glowy bits that reminded him eerily of TARDIS console sprawled haphazardly out of the machine.
Surrounding it were squat figures carrying large laser rifles, all of which were aimed at him. One moved towards Jack and around him, nudging him closer to the machine with its rifle.
The only Sontaran carrying a smaller blaster instead stepped forward. "Doctor," he gave the tiniest nod of acknowledgement, "I am General Staal the Undefeated of the Tenth Sontaran Battle Fleet."
"Pleased to meet you," Jack said coolly. "There a reason I'm here?"
"Sontarans have long been denied entrance to the greatest war in all of time."
"And what war's that?"
Staal's face screwed up in fury as if he were being mocked. "The Time War! The war that raged across the universe! The war that we were not permitted to fight! I will not let this injustice stand, and nor will my superiors!" He waved a hand towards the massive machine. "We have obtained the Gallifreyan technology required to create the lock which prevents us from joining in the fight. This device has locked the Time War. You will use it to unlock the war. And then the Sontarans shall join in the glory, and conquer!"
"You think you can beat the Daleks and the Time Lords?" Jack asked incredulously. "I got news for you, pal: you clearly haven't seen either of them in action."
"Silence!" Staal commanded. "You will break the lock and allow us entrance to the Time War."
"And if I don't?" Jack demanded, horribly aware of the Sontaran blasters aimed at him.
"Then you will be tortured until you are willing."
"Yeah, I kinda figured that."
And with that, the Sontaran guarding him used its gun to shove him towards the Gallifreyan machine.
Jack stared at the metal, the wild tangle of wires, and the assortment of pulsing, glowing things that was so much like the TARDIS console. But despite the fair level of knowledge he possessed about the TARDIS and machinery in general, this was out of his league. Way, way, out of his league. He felt like a toddler told to build a hydrogen bomb.
A pile of tools he vaguely recognised lay at his feet. Tentatively he reached for what looked like a spanner and loosened one of the bolts. The piece fell out into his palm, and he tensed, expecting an explosion or for something to collapse, but nothing moved.
He stared at the bolt in his hand. It looked somewhat familiar, almost like a spare part he'd once used for his sonic blaster. Could he fashion some sort of weapon?
He jumped slightly as a Sontaran fired at the floor directly behind him. "Work!" Staal ordered, "Or I will harm a prisoner. The weak one first."
That meant Rose, Jack guessed. From what he remembered reading about in his academy days, the Sontarans were fairly chauvinistic. He absorbed himself in the task of looking busy, plucking up various tools and tweaking with the machine. Each screw he loosened and tightened, every wire he crossed, every joint he pried apart terrified him. He had no idea what this machinery was capable of. This machine was, he assumed, how the Doctor had been creating the time loop. For all he knew, he might accidentally trigger the collapse of time itself. Twice he burned himself when parts he touched sparked and fizzled. The Sontarans prepared to fire at him each time, but Jack put on his best convincing smile.
"Don't worry," he said confidently, imagining what the Doctor would say, "It's just a reversal of the quantum-mechanic polarity flow reacting a bit poorly with the magnocyclic time stream. They're very fussy. Nothing to worry about."
The Sontarans grudgingly accepted his technobabble and let him recommence his careful handling of the temporal minefield. Staal began impatiently pacing behind him, but Jack could feel the general's beady little eyes watching him. He knew he couldn't keep this up, that sooner or later they were going to realise he wasn't building a path to their precious war. He just needed to buy the Doctor and Rose half an hour.
Jack knew his sense of time was nowhere near the accuracy of the Doctor's, but soon he was pretty sure thirty minutes had passed. He was just contemplating how best to escape himself when the door opened and a Muerton entered. Jack froze, a heavy spanner clutched in his hand.
"Keep working!" Staal barked. Reluctantly, Jack returned to his unscrewing, ears straining to hear what the Muerton murmured to the Sontaran. He only managed to catch some of the words.
"The two prisoners…escaped…caught them."
Jack's stomach plummeted.
"What? How did they escape?"
"Hole in the wall…locking system…heading for the Time Lord's ship…."
Staal's face screwed up in fury. "Kill them."
Jack whirled, holding the spanner aloft like a weapon. "No!"
The other Sontaran guards snapped to attention, blasters making ominous clicking sounds.
"Kill the male," Staal said loudly to the Muerton before turning to Jack, "If you finish the machine, we will spare the female."
Jack's grip tightened on the spanner. "Bad news, pal. I'm not the Doctor – he is."
"What?" Staal growled, face screwing up in anger once again. "Time Lord trickery!"
"Name's Captain Jack Harkness. Human."
"Commander Kaagh, scan him!" Staal ordered.
One of the Sontaran guards aimed his wristband at Jack. "Human!"
"Kill him, then!" Staal roared, "And bring me the real Time Lord!"
Not a second later Jack felt the three blasts punch into his chest and the all-too-familiar embrace of death's arms.
A/N: One more chapter left.