Chapter 6
What was happening? They just kissed, Jackson fell into it, he felt him, he felt him fall into the kiss!
He needs to stop him, he needs to stop him talking, he's talking rubbish. He can't lose him, not now, not now he has seen a glimpse of him. The real him has not died, the Jackson he knew is still alive!
"No, FUCKING NO, IT AINT HAPPENING!" Aaron shouted, seething with sheer rage, and panic.
"Ssshhh, you'll wake my mum!" Jackson pleaded urgently, he really couldn't deal with Aaron AND his mum at the same time.
"Why, she should hear this, she should hear how fucking selfish you are!" Aaron fumed.
"Aaron, I can't touch you, I would give anything to give you what you want.
But I can't, I can't, I'm gonna let you go, selfish would be keeping you.
I'm broken Aaron, and as much as I love you, you know I do. You can't make me happy, because I'm always going to be bitter. I'm not real, I'm not real with arms and legs anymore.
I'm sad, and being with you isn't enough now, it can't be, because who I am, is not me.
THIS WASN'T MEANT TO BE ME, THIS WASNT MEANT TO HAPPEN!" Jackson screamed, crying softly.
"When I came in, you were smiling, I saw you, I saw it" Aaron pleaded desperately, trying in vein to think of the words to open his eyes, to make him see sense, they belonged together. It wanted so badly to wrap Jackson in his arms, but what was the point? He wouldn't feel it and it wouldn't fix this.
"Aaron, I smiled for the first time in months, and I can't tell you next time it will happen again. I'm too tired to fake it, and I can't put you through it, I've already put you through hell.
You can visit me, we can still be friends".
Aaron felt the tears build behind his eyes, what could he say to make him change his mind?
"I can't be ya mate, it will never work, because mates can't do this..." Aaron stepped forward leaning his face into Jackson's.
"No Aaron, no, don't touch me, please just, just move away from me!" Jackson said. If it was possible, his own words would have killed him instantly, he hated what he had done to the younger man, what he continued to do to him, well, not anymore, not after tonight.
Aaron moved away reluctantly, rubbing his hands over his head, time was running out!
"I opened my heart up to you tonight, told you the only man I want is you.
Jay, let it be enough, let me be enough...I, I love you" Aaron whispered truthfully.
"You love me! well, where is this love, because I can't see it, I can't touch it, I can't feel it. And I never will be able to feel you expressing it to me again will I?
Just go Aaron" Jackson spoke, he desperately wants him to leave now, he can't watch this, he can't watch the love of his life breaking. He can't break, don't let him be broken like him!
"IM NOT HAVING YOU SPEND THE REST OF YOUR LIFE BEING LOOKED AFTER BY FUCKING STRANGERS" Aaron cried, had his time run out?
"Why not, it's not like they will be looking after me will it, not the me you knew.
The me you knew, died a long time ago, right before you're very eyes, all I do now is wish I was someone else, I'd be better off dead" Jackson tearfully confessed, unable to look at Aaron now, it was too painful.
"I can't lose you, I can't lose you because...It will be like losing a part of me" Aaron whispered, the tears now pouring down his cheeks.
God, the sweetness of his words, making Jackson feel like he was the cruellest man on the planet. But his own blank stares and bitter memories of his old life, are all he has now, he was on his own from now on, he couldn't allow it to be any other way. He loved this world, and now he would just have to watch it from afar, his life is always going to be hard now, dreaming of the days when he had all the power and the glory is what will have to get him through till it was over.
"GET OUT, GET OUT, I DONT WANT YOU HERE, GET OUT!"
The loudness of Jackson's voice startled Aaron, sending shivers down his spine. He had to do as he wanted, but this was far from over!
Aaron walked to the door, defeated for the moment, before turning around and saying
"I'm not giving up, I'm not giving up on you Jay, like you never gave up on us, on me. I'll be back" Before closing the door gently.
Hazel heard the commotion downstairs, but knowing she was powerless, she just had to stay put, she can't console the sobs wracking her son's lifeless body.
All she could do is listen, praying it all would work eventually. But the tears streaming down her face, let her know the situation is real, no magic cure lies in wait, she only hopes time will console and help her son come to terms with the life he has been left with.
...
Two days had past, and Aaron had decided that was long enough to give Jackson his head space, today would be the day he is going to win Jackson back.
For the past few nights he has been lying awake, going over and rehearsing material in his head. Hoping the illusions in his head would covert to words, he needs Jackson to give them a chance, a proper chance, for them to try and make this work!
It was Sunday morning, and Aaron was just about to jump in the shower, to wake himself up for his task ahead. Jackson was, like him, very stubborn, once an idea gets into his head it's very difficult to sway the older man. But they worked, because they are similar in ways, but worlds apart by nature.
The hot water was just steaming the mirrors, when he heard the front door nearly forced off it's hinges from the excessive banging it was receiving. He shut the shower off and wrapped the towel around his waist tightly, making his way downstairs to answer the door.
"Aaron...he's gone, I got back from Hotton just in time to see him being carted away in some ambulance, I don't know where he's gone" Hazel cried uncontrollably.
Aaron just stood there, waiting for her words to register, waiting for the pain to wash over him, to take him.
But the hardest part is, he couldn't feel anything, he just couldn't feel anything. He wondered if this is how Jackson feels, all the time?
Everything he knows is wrong, everything he does just comes undone. His life is torn apart into a million little pieces and he couldn't even feel...
He couldn't feel him.