After leaving Cuddy's office and the clinic, which was strangely empty, Light hopped on one of the elevators and rode up to the third floor. As the metal doors slid open with a 'ding!' she poked her head out and glanced down the hall, freaking out some of the passing nurses. She ignored them with the ease of long practice.

Upon seeing that Wilson was sufficiently distracted by a patient Light casually, but cautiously, started making her way down the hall. As she got closer to House's office and conference room, she was glad that the glass walls allowed her to see that both rooms were empty. She continued fher meandering saunter down the hall, never once losing her stride.

Upon reaching her office door, she stood with her hand on the handle and took a deep breath. 'My name is going on this plank of wood. There's no turning back now,' she thought to herself, somewhat anxiously. Taking another deep breath, she allowed her eyes to slide closed as she twisted the lump of metal she held captive. Opening the door, and her eyes, she felt her breath leave her lungs in a rush.

A look of wry humor passed over her face. Tilting her head to the side, she smirked and let out a wolf whistle. As the amorous couple looked up at her, shocked to have been discovered, she cleared her throat. "I'll give you two," she stated with a smirk, "five minutes to finish and clean up. If you aren't finished by then, I'm going to find an audience willing to pay to watch your humiliation…and I'll make sure that House is included." With that said, Light backed up and closed the door on the brightly blushing duo, then turned and walked back to the elevators.

Riding them back down, she got off on the main floor and re-entered the clinic, which was still empty. Cuddy was bent over her desk, doing paperwork. Light stealthily snuck in again and hid between the filing cabinet and the bookcase. About ten minutes later, House came rushing in (as much as a crippled man can, anyway) and began yelling at Cuddy for not approving some treatments that could save his patient's life. Cuddy finished the page that she was working on and looked up to address the screaming diagnostician.

Just as Cuddy opened her mouth to berate the limping twerp, her voice came from the fake potted ficus behind her desk. "Goddammit, House, I'm busy! Quit your juvenile bitching and start making up your clinic hours, and I'll think about authorizing your treatments."

Both the Dean of Medicine and the Head of Diagnostics stiffened in surprise, though Cuddy quickly hid her expression from House. After a few moments, House turned and left the office. Cuddy waited until she was sure he was gone before she suspiciously looked around her office, a terrified expression on her face. Finally, she sighed. "Light, could you please come out of wherever you're hiding? I'm too stressed to deal with this right now…"

Light stepped out and faked a rather convincing pout. It would have been totally convincing if she hadn't been trying to stop her grin from spreading from ear to ear. "Aw, how did you know it was me?"

In a completely serious voice, with only a hint of amusement, Cuddy replied, "All the other ventriloquists employed on my staff are male and can't mimic my voice nearly so well." Cuddy raised an eyebrow at the deeper pout on the younger doctor's face before speaking again. "Why are you in my office again? Other than trying to send me to an early grave…"

Light giggled at the despondency in her boss's voice. "Sorry, Boss Lady. I won't be able to work in my office for at about a week or so." She watched in fascination as Cuddy's jaw muscles clenched and relaxed, and she later swore she heard her boss counting backwards from thirty.

Finally, Cuddy was able to speak without screaming. "And why can't you work in your office?" she asked in a syrupy-sweet tone.

Light smirked. "There are three reasons, my lover. First and foremost would be the couple currently having sexual relations in there."

Cuddy's face pinched in annoyance at the appellation, but she waved her hand to get Light to continue.

"Reason two: the color scheme in there is all wrong. I refuse to work while surrounded by such revolting colors. Nutty-poo-brown carpet and I-can't-believe-it's-not-butter-yellow walls? I mean, really? I'm not going into that office until the colors meet my exact specifications."

An extremely annoyed look crossed Cuddy's features as a negative sound escaped her throat. Just as she was about to tell Light to work in the offending office anyway, Light interrupted.

"Might I remind you, Boss Lady, that this hospital just received a rather hefty donation and has more than enough money for a very small renovating session?" Light said, a hard tone in her otherwise soft voice. "Besides, I didn't say I wasn't going to work, period. I said I wasn't going to work in that office. Big difference."

"Uh huh. And where do you plan to work, if not in your office?"

A sly grin stole its way onto Light's face. "Why, I'll share offices with House, of course. It'll be much easier to bug him for my money if I'm in his office, where he is. Reason number three I won't work in that room: I found a couple in there, fornicating. When I walked in, they were on the floor. But who's to say how many others have used the chair, the desk, the walls, the bookshelf, or even the damn door? Ew! I want to bring in new, different furniture. I'd even be willing to pay for it."

Cuddy narrowed her eyes at her newest employee. "Would you also be willing to work double clinic hours for a month, in exchange for me allowing all of this?"

Light dramatically placed a hand on her heart as her face adopted an obviously false look of hurt. "I offer to buy my own office furnishings and annoy House at the same time, out of the goodness of my heart. Why do you seek to punish me by making work double clinic hours? You'd think I'd be aggravating you instead of House!"

Cuddy reconsidered for a moment. "If you work double clinic hours for two weeks, you can do whatever the hell you want with your office."

Light beamed a smile at her boss, momentarily blinding her. "Thanks, Boss Lady! I'll bring in some color and carpet samples in the morning. Bye-bye, Lover!" With that, Light flounced from the office, humming a vaguely Russian tune. Making her way through the clinic, which was now bursting with patients, Light went out to the main lobby and decided to take the stairs up to the third floor.

Turning left once on the desired floor, Light saw House, Wilson, and three unknown doctors in the conference room. 'Lucky for me,' she thought with a smile, 'they're all facing the white board.' With a mischievous glint in her eye, Light quietly opened the door and took up a spot behind Wilson, just in case House decided to look away from the list of symptoms, which were written in green.

As she listened to the DDx, she looked at the board. What she saw made her grin. House really couldn't figure this out?

Discharge from left ear
Dizziness
Vertigo
Frequent ear infections
Hearing loss in left ear
Headaches
Nausea

Without even looking at the patient, Light knew what the diagnosis was. Perhaps House and Wilson were having a bad day… Light refocused on the room as the only other female spoke up.

"The CT scans showed several small tumors in the middle ear," Cameron said.

Wilson shook his head, even though no one (except Light) could see it. "They aren't important, or at the least, they certainly aren't cancerous. They've been there for a very long time, probably congenital."

House added tumors to the list. "What about the patient's parents? What are their medical histories? Anything that could help us diagnose this kid?"

Chase sounded a negative. "Kyle is a 15 year old orphan. He was left on the orphanage steps just a few months after he was born. No one knows who the parents are."

House glanced over his shoulder, probably to yell at the Australian doctor for one reason or another, and saw a team of workers going into the office across from his. With a frown, he grabbed his cane from the edge of the board and began limping his way over, Wilson and the ducklings following and voicing their confusion.

While House was questioning the men trying to remove the poo-brown carpet, Light sauntered her way up to the board and began marking on it with the red marker, making sure to mimic House's chicken-scratch handwriting.

Discharge from left ear
Dizziness
Vertigo
Headaches – Pressure on inner ear
Frequent ear infections
Hearing loss in left ear
Nausea – Caused by dizziness and vertigo
Tumors
Final Verdict – Cholesteatoma and Type II Waardenburg Syndrome

When she was done with that, she snuck a quick peek to make sure the other doctors were still busy. Seeing that they were, she stole into House's office and began looking for something on the internet. She spent a moment wondering why House never seemed to change his password, then shrugged and decided it was better for her anyway.

About three minutes later, the team and Wilson returned to the conference room. They were shocked to find House's handwriting all over the board in red, giving them the answer to their little medical puzzle. House was livid.

"Who in the hell touched my markers? Where the hell are you, you bastard?" he shouted. "Who the hell pulled this bullshit?"

Light, over in House's chair, smiled to herself and hit a button on his computer. Since his chair faced away from the conference room, and no one was looking anyway, Light was still hidden. The song Sexy Naughty Bitchy Me began playing throughout the two rooms. The three fellows were looking around in confusion, looks of slight fear on their faces. House and Wilson, on the other hand, glanced at each other with a smile on each mouth.

Light stood up from the chair and began swaying her hips to the beat, drawing all the attention over to her. Once the chorus came around again, Light turned around and started sashaying her way to the stunned team. As she reached the doctors, the music trailed off and Light laughed at the drool falling from Foreman and Chase's mouths, the envy disfiguring Cameron's face, and the pure amusement in House and Wilson's eyes. When the older doctors began clapping, Light smiled and gave a sweeping bow. She turned to the three younger doctors.

"Hello, little ducklings! I am Doctor Light, the new Head Pathologist here at Princeton-Plainsboro Teaching Hospital, and Greg and Jimmy's Mistress, with a capital M." Ignoring their gaping looks of disbelief, she turned to House with a gleam in her eyes. "Greg, you naughty, naughty boy. You still owe me five favors and $500." She glanced over at the board and grinned before looking back at the cripple. "Make that $600."

House grinned. Wilson gulped, causing Light to cut her eyes over to him. "Don't think I've forgotten about you, Jimmy. You still owe me three favors and $500 as well."

Cameron spoke up, getting Light's attention. "Who exactly are you," she asked, sounding more than a bit jealous, "and why do you look so familiar?"

Light just smirked at Cameron and turned back to House, thoroughly pissing Cameron off. "By the way, Hobble, I'm going to be using your office for the next week or so. If you don't like it, take your impending bitch-fest to the roof and get over it. Because this is going to happen, whether you like it or not. Kinda like sex with Kobe Bryant. You can struggle and fight all you want, but it's gonna happen."