Overprotective
Chapter VIII
Spencer and his mother wanted me out so they could have some time alone, and I understood entirely. I was able to hold in my tears until I reached the deck, and I plopped down onto a bench and let it all out.
"Meredith!" I heard heavy footsteps approaching me fast. I looked up to see my brother.
"Oh, Harold…" I said emotionlessly, and then I had a hard time speaking. "How are you?" I managed to choke out.
"I'm managing as well as possible, under the circumstances. Are you alright? You're crying."
"Really, Harry? Am I?!" I screamed at him sarcastically.
He sat down beside me and put his arm around my shoulder. Leaning in towards me he whispered, "Merry, it's going to be okay." he began rubbing my upper arm in an attempt to calm me down.
"No, it's not. Two of my close friends are gone…" I explained with a broken voice.
"I'm sorry, Mer. I really am. I would offer some sort of advice if I could, but I'm just as confused and shocked as everybody else who survived last night. I probably lost half of my friends, seeing as they were crew members. They were also brave men who stayed to the end trying to help others. I saw a few of them last night, in the water when I went back for survivors." his eyes were now tearing.
"How many people are dead?" I asked, staring into his eyes that I could sense were filled with pain like mine.
"From what I hear, it could be well over a thousand… I saw hundreds of bodies last night. The ocean was so thick with corpses, it was difficult to row through them. I saw men, women, children. I even saw a woman with a baby frozen to her chest in her arms. And I also came across a young man and woman. They were hanging onto a floating chair, with their hands clasped together, and their other arms were tightly around each other. It was as if they were doing a waltz. The girl was so beautiful too. Her blonde hair was frozen over, but that gave it the appearance of glittering gold. She was about your age, I assume."
It actually sounded like Clarissa. "What did the young man look like?"
"Brown hair. He looked about your age as well. The sight of them broke my heart a little."
Yes, I'm pretty sure that was them. I began to cry again at the thought of their frozen bodies.
"Meredith… I want to apologize for hitting you last night. It was out of line and I never meant to hurt you. I was just becoming frustrated at the fact you were being so stubborn."
"I forgive you, Harry."
"Do you really?"
"Yes. No point in wasting time being angry at you. Life is too short."
"That it is…"
After a minute of awkward silence, I asked, "Have you seen James anywhere?"
"I'm afraid he is still unaccounted for, as far as I know." he answered, not making eye contact with me.
"Oh…" I looked away from him. What if James wasn't here? He had to be though, right? He would have gotten right onto a boat. I'm sure of it… He had to….
"Don't worry, Merry. We'll find him."
Another officer approached us. I could tell that by his uniform, which was wrinkled. He looked disheveled, but still attempting to seem unfazed.
Harry stood up, "Mr. Lightoller. It's good to see you've made it out alright."
"You too, Harold." the too men shook hands.
"This is my sister, Meredith." he introduced me, and we shook hands.
"Very nice to meet you, miss." he said kindly, "Harold, the surviving officers are having a meeting for a few minutes, just to discuss a few things. We need you to come."
"Sure. Would you mind if I brought my sister along? I don't want to leave her alone."
"That'll be fine." he said, and we followed him to a stateroom where two other men sat. They stood up as I entered the room.
"Meredith, this is Third Officer Pitman, and Fourth Officer Boxhall. Men, this is my sister, Meredith Lowe." Harry said, and I shook their hands and we all sat down.
"First of all, I'd like to express how grateful I am to see that you are all alive and well after last night's events. And I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the men and women who we've lost."
We all bowed our heads slightly and remained silent.
"We lost Captain Smith. He was a good and honorable captain who went down with his ship. We also lost Chief Officer Wilde, and First Officer Murdoch. Possibly Sixth Officer Moody as well, seeing as nobody has been able to locate him."
My heart jumped into my throat.
"Charles," Harold spoke up, "What are the chances of us finding him on this ship?"
"I'd say not good, Lowe. All of the lifeboats we had were picked up by the Carpathia, along with every passenger and crew member to survive. He wouldn't be able to survive in the water at this point. If he isn't on this ship, then I'm afraid that would mean he perished as well."
"He must be on the ship! He must be!" I cried out. I couldn't contain it.
Harold put his arm around me. "Mer," he said soothingly, "Calm down, please. I'll do whatever I can to find him. Try to stay positive."
I was shaking now, and all the men in the room had their eyes on me, looking bewildered.
"Miss Lowe, what is going on?" Officer Lightoller asked worriedly.
"Nothing." I answered with a shaky voice and I fled the room.
Harold came after me, and when I stopped in the middle of the hall when I was overcome by tears and a flood of anxiety, I could feel his arms around me. "Shh…" he tried to quiet my sobs, "Merry, it's going to be alright. I promise you."
"You find him, Harry!" I screamed between sobs, "You find him, and you bring him back to me!"
"I promise you, I'll do my best to find out any information I can about him." he was softly stroking my hair.
I sniffled, "Thanks, Harry."
Officer Lightoller stood in the hallway, "Excuse me, Harold, but we have a few issues to discuss. We need you to rejoin us."
"Would you please excuse me for a few moments? I need to walk my sister to where my Aunt is staying. She is very distraught and in need of my assistance."
"But, Harold, this is important." Officer Lightoller urged.
"Family comes first, Charles." he said, which caused me to smile slightly. He placed his hand on my back and led me down the hall.
We saw Aunt Gwen opening a door and she looked over to see us walking. She stopped and approached us. "Oh, Meredith. Are you alright, dear?" she asked. This time I actually felt sincerity.
"Yes, Aunt Gwen, I'm fine…" I said emotionlessly. "I'd just like to lay down for a while."
"Sure, come right in." she opened the door and led me to a bed. "Just lay right here and relax."
I slipped between the sheets, and Harold came over and tucked me in as if I were a little girl again. "Thank you, Harry." I whispered.
He gave me a smile and a kiss on the forehead.
The warmth of the sheets was so wonderful. I was still wearing the same blue beaded dress from last night, and it was dry now. I wished for new clothing. Perhaps I'd find some later. But for now, I was exhausted from crying so hard and my eyes were sore. I quickly drifted off to sleep.
I awoke later to find the room was now dark. I had that groggy feeling of waking up after a long slumber. I pulled the blankets off of me and stood up. There was a plain, light green dress hanging up on the wardrobe that wasn't there before. Iris entered the room holding a cup of tea. "Oh, Miss Meredith. You're awake." she handed me the tea. "I figured you would be awaking soon, so I fetched you something warm to drink. If you hadn't woken I probably would have drank it myself." she laughed for a slight moment.
"You can drink it, Iris. I don't need it." I held it out towards her.
She took the mug graciously. "Thank you, Miss. A warm cup of tea will surely warm my bones." she smiled, taking a sip. She then put the cup down and went over to the green dress in the corner. "We must get you out of that dress."
She unhooked the back of my old dress and took it off, and then threw this new one over my head. The light green fabric was soft, and it had sleeves that went down to my elbows. There were tiny white flowers embroidered onto the bottom and the ends of the sleeves.
"The passengers of the Carpathia have been donating clothing to the survivors. Some kind woman gave us this for you. It fits well, and I'm sure it is more comfortable than that other dress you've been stuck in all day."
"Yes, it is better." I looked at my reflection in the mirror. My hair was unkempt and looked ratty. I could smell the scent of salt water in my locks. My blue eyes now appeared to be a dull bluish grey.
Iris began to brush my hair.
"I thought my aunt gave you off so you could rest?"
She made eye contact with me through the mirror and smiled, "She did. I just thought I'd be nice. I heard you had a rough day. Plus I can't just sit about and do nothing."
"Thank you."
She put my hair up in a comfortable and simple bun, which I was thankful for.
"What time is it?" I asked, having no idea what hour of night it was.
"It's after eleven. You slept the day away."
After Iris left a few minutes later, I went up to the deck to walk around. The night was cold, and for a moment I thought I was back on the Titanic.
I saw a man leaning with his back against the railing. He was staring down at his shoes, not moving. As I looked closer I realized it was Spencer again.
I didn't approach him. I stood by another section of railing and stared out into the ocean. How could something so beautiful have killed so many? Why did the sea have to take my friends from me?
A felt a tap on my shoulder and turned. Spencer had found me.
"How are you holding up?" I asked him.
He shoved his hands into his pockets. "Not so good." I was thinking of something to say when he added, "My father is gone too…"
"Oh, I'm so sorry." I reached out my arm and placed it on his shoulder.
"It's fine. Adam and my father died as men. And Clarissa, God rest her soul, is at least with Adam now, in a place where nobody can take away their love and their happiness."
"What about her unborn child? It will never get a chance at life…"
"It is very unfortunate. I had hoped they would have gotten married. She would have been a wonderful sister-in-law. Her child could have been my nephew. I would have accepted them, even if my mother wouldn't."
"Speaking of your mother, how is she doing?" "Well I couldn't get her to take any supper, but she's gone to bed. Some rest ought to do her some good. She laid there for a bit, calling out their names. She's really torn up over this, as am I. I'm just trying to act strong, you know? For my family."
I was quiet. I wanted to say something to cheer him up, but could come up with nothing.
"I really miss him. I never thought I'd actually miss my little brother this much," he chuckled for a moment, as if remembering something from long ago, "But now that he's gone, it's hard to deal with it. I actually miss all the times he annoyed me."
"I wish I'd gotten to know him better. He was a sweet guy. I mean, did you see how he dealt with the news about Clarissa and that affair? Most men would shut her out of their life. But he wanted to help her and be with her."
"He was always a hopeless romantic. When he was little he always used to say how one day he'd meet the perfect girl, and he'd treat her like an angel. My mother would tell him that she'd find a good first class girl for him, but he'd argue he wanted to meet somebody on his own. And he did. The only thing really keeping me together right now is the fact that he was happy in the end, and he's with Clarissa now in a place nobody can stop them."
"Their love found a way." My eyes were tearing a bit, but I smiled at the thought of Adam and Clarissa finally able to be together without judgement.
He gestured me to go sit on a bench, and I did. He sat beside me. "So you'll be going to your aunt's home in New York City?"
"Yes. I've never been there before. Never actually left Wales, so this should be interesting. You'll be going to New Hampshire, right?"
"That was the plan. I'm not sure my mother is ready to go back home without my father and brother. Your aunt has actually invited us to stay with her for awhile. And I think my mother accepted."
"So you'll be staying with me?"
"Yes." he smiled, "We can stay up late and invade the fridge and talk about men!" he squealed in a fake way.
I found myself laughing uncontrollably. "And we can discuss how we like to wear our hair, and what is in the latest fashion magazines."
He chuckled so much that he ended up snorting. Which only resulted in more laughter. "The reason I'm so excited to get off this ship now is because I can't wait to spend all the time possible with my best friend, Merry."
"It will be fun." I grinned, and our eyes locked for what felt like hours, but in reality was only seconds. I averted my view to my lap, "Perhaps we should go back to our rooms. It is late."
"No, please don't leave me." he pleaded, grabbing my arm. "I don't want to be alone right now. I've lost most of my family…"
"Alright." I couldn't just leave him by himself. He was right. He did lose two out of the three people in his family. He needed a friend right now, and at the moment I was the only friend he had. He rested his head on my shoulder, and I put my arm around him, and stroked his hair. He soon fell asleep right there, and instead of waking him up, I fell asleep too, on that bench on the deck. If James found us like this, I'm sure he'd understand. I couldn't wait to see him. Oh how I hoped Harold had found him. I couldn't think about this anymore, I just wanted to go back to sleep. And that's exactly what I did.
My eyes opened slowly, and I covered them with my hand because the morning sunlight was so bright. I could feel Spencer stirring next to me. His head lifted off my shoulder, and he stretched his arms overhead while yawning. "Good morning, Merry."
"Good morning, Spencer." I stood up and straightened myself up. My back was aching from sleeping in a sitting position on a bench.
There were a few people walking around or sitting, having light morning discussions. A lot of the survivors didn't look sad, and they didn't look hysterical. They were more in shock than anything. They all seemed to simply not know what to do with themselves.
"Would you like to go track down some tea with me?" he asked, and I accepted this offer. We went inside and to the dining room, where we saw a steward pass, "Excuse me, sir, are you busy?" Spencer asked, and the man shook his head timidly, "Could you bring us two cups of tea?" the young steward nodded and ran off.
"I'm still waiting for information about my friend Emma. She was a stewardess. Also James is still unaccounted for, last I heard…"
"I'm sorry to hear that. And I actually do mean that. I hope they find him alive."
"Me too."
The steward returned with two steaming mugs of tea, which we took and sipped. "How about we find a list? We can check and see if that girl's name is on there."
Before I could answer, he had already grabbed my arm and was dragging me off to the deck again, where we saw a steward with a list, surrounded by a few women.
We waited a few minutes, listening to a few of the woman lament, and a few become overjoyed. Once they were all gone, we approached the steward. "Excuse me, sir. I was wondering if I might trouble you for a name." He nodded, so I continued, "A young stewardess by the name of Emma Winfield."
He shook his head, "No survivors by that name, Miss. I'm sorry. Although I do think a body may have been recovered and identified by that name. Some blonde stewardess who froze to death in the boat."
I almost started crying. Spencer spoke up, "Is there anyplace we can see the body?"
"I'm not sure. I think they've been keeping the few recovered bodies packed in ice in one of the holds. You'll have to ask a sailor about that."
"Spence, I'm not sure if I want to actually see my friend's frozen corpse!" I yelled at him irritably.
He looked to the steward, "Are you sure that was the name of the body?"
The man flipped to a page in his list. "Yes, it's right here. 'Emma Louise Winfield. Age 19. Stewardess. From Liverpool.' That's the identification given to us by some of the other surviving stewardesses. If any of that matches your friend, then I'm sorry, Miss. She's gone."
I turned and tried to hide my tears. Another dear friend of mine was gone. "Thank you." Spencer said and turned to me. "Do you want to ask about James?" he asked.
"No. Harold is looking for him. Any news, I want to hear from him."
"Go sit down for a bit. I'll join you in a second." I found a deck chair and sat, while watching him walk away.
Emma was gone. I had tried to save her. If we hadn't gotten separated, she could be here right now. At least her body is on the ship, and her family would have something to bury. Oh my… Her family… Her mother is dying, and there is nobody to take care of all her siblings. Perhaps I could find out where they live and send them some money. It's the least I could do for her.
Spencer returned, looking like somebody had punched him in the gut.
"Spence! What happened?"
"Oh, nothing. I was just asking that steward about a friend of mine. He's been lost." he spoke nervously.
I embraced him, "I'm sorry."
"It's alright." he sat down on a chair next to me. He was speechless.
"Who was he?"
"Oh… He was a friend. A friend of mine." he was stuttering worriedly, which was making me suspicious.
"What was his name?"
"Uh. His name… It was Frank." he hesitated a little, which made me wonder if he actually was telling the truth.
"You're lying." I looked him straight in the eye until he looked away.
"No, I'm not. I just lost a friend of mine. How dare you accuse me of lying?"
"Because I know you are. Now what's really going on?"
He didn't answer, and I saw Harold approaching. His hat was in his hands as he walked over to me.
"Harold!" I jumped up from the deck chair.
"Meredith, sit down, please." he said in a regretful tone.
I remained standing. "James is dead, Harry, isn't he?" he spoke I a voice stronger than I would have believed I could muster.
"Mer, sit." he spoke in a commanding voice.
"No. Just tell me, Harry. Just say it. Tell me what I'm sure I already know." I said, now becoming hysterical and unable to control it.
"Sit down now, Meredith!" he yelled irritably, tossing his hat on the ground.
I sat, and Spencer put his arm around me. Harold knelt down beside me and took my hands. "Merry, I've looked everywhere. I've searched this whole ship, and I've spoken to every person I can. James isn't here. He's gone, Mer. I'm sorry. I really am." his voice broke, "He was a good friend of mine. So young. And he meant so much to you. I'd do anything to bring him back for you, Mer. If that were possible."
I swallowed a cry, "It's fine, Harry."
"Are you going to be alright, Mer?" he asked worriedly, stoking the back of my hand with his thumb.
"I'm fine."
"Are you sure? Perhaps you should go lay down. You should-"
"I said I'm fine, Harold!" I snapped, causing him to flinch.
I turned to Spencer. "You were lying. There is no Frank. You asked the steward about James, didn't you?"
"Yes." he hung his head down. "I'm sorry. I would have told you, but you said you only wanted to hear it from Harold."
"I have to go." I stood up, as did Harold and Spencer.
"Where?" my brother asked.
"I don't know. Anywhere but here." I could feel more tears welling up inside my lids. I walked away quickly before either of them could notice.
"Meredith!" I could hear them both yelling. "Please, come back!"
I didn't listen to them. I didn't want to. I just wished to run away and go somewhere to be alone with my thoughts. I stopped by the stern of the ship, and leaned on the railing. Oh cruel and vile ocean… You've taken four people from me. Adam, Clarissa, Emma, and James. All gone… I'd only known them for a few days, but I was hurting as if I had known them a lifetime. My heart was torn, and I don't think I'd ever felt so alone in my life. Except for the day my brother left. Now I had him back, but I lost so many others. Oh, beautiful ocean… Cruel ocean… Merciless ocean…. Why would you tear these four from me? Why?
Thanks for reading chapter 8. Now that James, Emma, Clarissa, and Adam are all dead, what is Meredith going to do? You'll have to keep reading to find out. I hope you enjoyed this chapter, and I hope you're looking forward to the next one. I'm working on chapter 9 right now. Thank you. Reviews are appreciated. Tehehee. Love, Kelly.