Overprotective

Chapter XX

I was sitting silently at my sister-in-law Enid's dining room table, staring at the floral pattern wallpaper.

"What are you going to do?" she asked me softly.

I turned my head suddenly to face her, "Well… I suppose this means I have to marry him again. Can't have another baby and not be married."

"When are you going to tell him?"

I placed my hand gently to my stomach, which was still unnoticeably swollen. "I'm not sure. I don't think I'm going to tell him yet. I need to get a few thoughts in order."

"Meredith, you're nearly two months already. How long can you expect to keep this from him?"

"Things are going well now. I don't know how he'll react. I mean, we can certainly afford another baby. But I'm not sure if our relationship is strong enough for it. We've only been back together since August. He's been living with us since then too, and it's like being a family finally. Although we still have our fights, but then we make up. Hence this." I patted my stomach.

"How long have you known?"

"About the baby? Nearly three weeks now." I heard Dylan trying to quiet down Joseph from the other room. I'd left the fourteen year old in charge of his cousins, who had been napping. Now AJ began to cry too due to his brother's upset state. Enid stood up with me to go into the sitting room, where Dylan was trying in vain to calm my two terrors.

I took Joseph in my arms and rocked him gently back and forth, humming softly to him until his red face stopped being scrunched up and he finished his ear-splitting cries. AJ was being tended to by Enid, and she calmed him down quickly, despite not caring for an infant in years.

"I already have two babies, how will I be able to care for a third?" I lamented, feeling a sudden burst of dread.

"Well, Mer, there is nothing you can do about it. You'll deal with it somehow. I'll help you out. I don't have to do much about Dylan anymore. He's going to be working soon anyway."

"Really? But the boy is only 14."

"That's the same age all of your other brothers were working at. Your father wants to get him an apprenticeship as a sailor. Like what happened with Harold."

"But let's hope he doesn't react like Harold did."

"Yea, that bleedin' dolt."

"He isn't a dolt. Just was a bit impulsive. He wanted to work for money, not as an apprentice."

"What's the big Titanic hero up to these days anyway?"

"He hasn't really written to me in a while. Last I heard he was on a different ship, sailing the Atlantic like he was before. Still plagued with nightmares though. As are most of us."

"Does he know Spencer is here?"

"I haven't told him. I want to tell him in person. So that will have to wait until next month. He said he'd be stopping home for the holidays.

"That's nice. We'll have a big family meal on Christmas. Just need to find a table that will seat George, Dylan, and I, you, Spencer, the boys, Edgar, Kendra, their girls, Harold, and your parents, and grandmother Bronwen. I would invite my father, but his health isn't that great and he really should be staying home to rest. Traveling even a few towns away could be a challenge for him."

"I'm sorry to hear that, Enid."

"It's fine. He's just been in a bad place ever since mam passed away."

"What about your sister?"

"Ceridwen is spending the holidays with her fiancé's family."

"She's getting married? How wonderful."

"More like foolish." she smirked.

"Well, nothing like fools in love, right? We've all been there." I smiled.

After spending a lovely afternoon with my sister-in-law, I brought the boys home so I could go to the store and buy food for the week. AJ wanted to come with me, but I shop much faster on my own, so he begrudgingly stayed home with his father.

Spencer didn't have much to do here in my town. He didn't have to work, but he considered finding a job anyway just to fill in his spare time. I was planning to join a woman's book club in town that Enid and Kendra had joined. But first I had to sort through a few things.

The next week passed quietly. Spencer still had no idea about my pregnancy. I was still very nervous about telling him. I had been nauseous, fatigued, and moody. Even Spencer was beginning to take notice.

I was sitting in an armchair, with my legs over the arm, and my head resting against the back. My eyes were closed, as I breathed slowly.

"Meredith?" I heard Spencer, who was leaning over the back of the chair slightly, "Are you alright?"

I opened my eyes. "Yes, I'm fine."

He came around the chair and kneeled beside me. "You look pale." he then placed the back of his hand to my forehead. "Hmm, you feel fine."

"Of course I do. I'm quite alright, just a bit tired."

"Have you been sleeping well?"

"Not really. Been kept up by nightmares, you see. But that's all. I'll be fine."

"Is it about the sinking?" he asked softly.

I nodded, even though I really hadn't had a nightmare about that in two weeks, but it was a good excuse for my tiredness and how odd I was acting.

"You know, you haven't really discussed it in awhile."

"What's to discuss?"

He got up and sat on the couch near me. "A lot. I mean, it was a tragedy, and it's still affecting you and I. If we're going to be together, shouldn't we be comfortable discussing it?"

"I suppose…"

We were both silent, thinking about how to possibly even begin this conversation.

"Would you like to share anything about your nightmare?"

I thought back to what my last nightmare entailed. "Those horrible, horrible cries for help."

"The most haunting thing I've ever heard. I still hear it every time I close my eyes."

I didn't respond. Now I could hear the shouts echoing in my ears again.

"When I was on that overturned boat and heard it, I kept thinking what if Adam or my father were out there, which they were, and even though I'd sent you up to the boats, I was scared to death thinking you could have been one of them. How could anyone not go back and save them?"

"My brother did."

"He was a bit late though."

I stood up, "Spencer, he did the best he could."

"I know, I'm just saying perhaps if he'd gone back even a little bit earlier, maybe my father or my brother or some other person could have been saved."

"Harold did what he could. I know you don't like him-"

"Last time I saw him he punched me out!"

"Because he was protecting me! If you've forgotten, you were being a right prat."

"I haven't forgotten, Meredith." he said through his teeth.

"Look at us. Fightin' again already. Let's just keep our thoughts of the sinking to ourselves from now on. It can only end badly." I said, and walked from the room. He didn't even attempt to call after me.

That night it was like nothing even happened. This was how our fights usually ended up. It would just magically be alright later on.

I had put the boys to bed after trying to get a very energetic AJ listen to me. I laid down beside Spencer, closed my eyes, and rolled onto my side, facing away from him. He didn't seem to like this, so he began to kiss my neck gently. "Spence, not tonight."

"Aw." he pressed his lips to my neck, and then my cheek, "But," he kissed my jaw, "Why?"

"I'm tired." I responded plainly. I rolled onto my back. I was feeling a bit of discomfort and just wanted to sleep.

"You can't possibly be too tired for me." he pouted slightly.

I placed a short kiss on his lips, and went to turn over again.

"Oh no you don't." he stopped me, and pressed his lips firmly to mine, and before I knew it, I was facing him, and we were glued together.

He pulled my lavender night gown over my head, and was about to toss it carelessly to the floor, when the shock of vivid red caught his eye. "Mer! You- You're bleeding!"

I jumped up, spouting off a series of curses, and ran into the bathroom. I shut the door behind me, and sat on the floor, pulling my legs to my chest. In my curled up position, I began to cry. There was blood pooling around me.

Spencer burst in, looking scared out of his mind. He kneeled down beside me. "Meredith." I didn't answer, "Meredith!"

I began to sob heavily.

"What happened? I'll take you to the hospital, come on."

"I don't need a hospital."

"You're bleeding."

"It's nothing. It's just a miscarriage…"

"You were pregnant?"

"Two months along. I was afraid to tell you."

"Two months? You've been carrying my child around for two months and didn't think to tell me?"

"Spencer, calm down!" I whined, with my voice cracking.

"Why were you afraid to tell me?" his voice, while sounding furious, was edged with worry.

"Our relationship was already precarious. I didn't know what this would do…"

"You know we would have found a way to deal with it. I'd love the baby, and I would have married you again in a heartbeat, and everything would have been fine. You should have told me. Did you just think it would go away?"

I sobbed, burying my face in my knees. "I'm sorry."

He held me, "It's fine." he kissed my head, and then stood up, moving to the bathtub. He turned the water on, and motioned for me to come over.

I stood up, and my knees felt weak, so he took my hand and helped. I sat in the tub, and allowed the warm water to soak away the blood and tears. Spencer found a towel, and cleaned the tiles, which now had a slight reddish tint to them. I'd have to scrub them later.

He got a small towel from the cupboard under the sink, and kneeled beside the tub, dipping the washcloth into the water and gently washing my skin.

I didn't speak, because I didn't know what to say.

"It's all going to be fine, Merry. I promise."

"It's crazy, you know…." I said, with a shaky voice.

"What's crazy?" he asked, as he washed my back.

I turned my head towards him, "I already begun to love the baby…"

"That isn't crazy at all. A baby lives inside of you, and it bonds with you for nine months prior to its birth. You spent two months caring for the child, so it is natural you loved it."

"I was hoping to have a girl. Since we had two boys already."

"A little girl would have been wonderful."

Spencer shut off the water and let it drain. I was now clean of the evidence of what I had just lost. I was about to get out, when Spencer stopped me, and turned the water back on, filling the tub slowly. He began to strip down, and slipped into the tub with me, maneuvering us so that he was behind me, and my back was against his chest as he held me close to him. It felt good to be held, especially after losing the baby.

"We could try again."

I turned my head, and looked at him, shocked.

"I didn't mean right now, Mer." he explained softly. "At the moment I just want you to feel safe and loved. I mean we could try in the near future. We could have the little girl you wanted."

I attempted a smile. "That would be nice. But I do think we should get remarried before trying for another child."

"I like that idea." he kissed the side of my head. "And don't think I'm mad. 'cause I'm not."

"Yes, you are. I can tell."

"No, I was just worried and a bit hurt."

"I never meant to hurt you."

"I've hurt you worse, so I deserve it. Don't worry about it. I'm just glad you're alright."

I rested my head against his chest and took a deep breath, letting it out slowly as I allowed my body to sink back into his. Under the bathwater, his fingers traced small circles on my stomach, and he pressed another kiss into my hair.

We decided to go to a justice of the peace the next week and get remarried. We didn't wish to make a big deal out of it, and just wanted it to be legitimate. The two of us even decided to still celebrate our anniversary as July fourth. The past year will just seem like a little bump in an otherwise loving marriage. We also decided to have a little honeymoon in England. I convinced him to go with me on a train to Liverpool because I really wanted to track down Emma's family. I had gotten an address for her a few months back, but hadn't a chance to travel there until now. Enid and George said they'd watch the boys one week and my parents would watch them the next. Spencer thought I could use a bit of a break from motherhood, and maybe he was right. After Liverpool we were heading to London to stay in a hotel, relax, and perhaps do some shopping. He also wanted to visit his uncle Dennison who lived in the city. He figured I needed a chance to relax and recover, and he was right. We left on a Wednesday morning, after I kissed my boys goodbye and left them with Enid and George. We boarded a train to Liverpool, and he allowed me to rest my head on his shoulder, as I watched the countryside until I fell asleep.

We arrived in Liverpool in the morning, and got a cab to take us to the Winfield residence, or at least what I hoped was still the Winfield residence.

Our vehicle pulled up to a street too narrow and crowded to drive down. The driver let us out and Spencer and I walked down the road. The streets were made of broken cobbles, and horses, vendors, and civilians clogged the way. Spencer and I, holding hands, made it through them all until we made it to row house number eighteen. The front door was a pale red that was chipping terribly. Spencer knocked on the door, until it was answered by a girl, slightly younger and shorter than me, with dirty blonde hair running down her back, and dirt stains on her cheeks. "May I 'elp you?" she asked, timidly.

"Is this the Winfield residence?"

"Y-yes."

"We're Spencer and Meredith Welch. Might we come in and speak with you?"

She nodded slowly, and stepped aside to let us in. The house was tiny inside, and the wallpaper was dingy and brown. She led us to the small sitting room, and smacked the cushions of the light blue couch harshly, beating the dust from it. She gestured for us to sit.

"I'm Priscilla Winfield. May I ask what this is about?"

"I made friends with a stewardess, Emma Winfield, on the RMS Titanic, and she told me about her family's situation. I thought I should visit her family for her. Perhaps explain anything about her last days I can to put your minds at ease."

"'Aven't been 'earin' much said about Emma in a while. We tried to stop bringin' 'er up. It 'urt too much to think about."

"I understand. If you don't wish to discuss her, we won't make you."

She wiped a tear from her eye. "No, no. It's alright. Emma was my older sister. She was also our last 'ope of keepin' our family together. But she died, mother died months later of her illness, but also of 'er poor broken 'eart. Our brothers, Frederick and Donald, went to live with my Uncle Alfred, Sadie, my younger sister went to live with my grandmother, but she passed away last year, leavin' Sadie to the orphanage in the middle of town. I'd get 'er if I could, but I've been left in charge of Alden, my youngest brother. 'e is three, and sleepin' right now. Cutest little thin'. I wouldn't even be able to care for 'im if it wasn't for my fiance, Craig."

"This was what Emma feared. She didn't want her family broken apart."

"Well, we're all taken care of at least. Better than we were before. I still miss Emma, Freddy, Don, and Sadie terribly."

"Sadie is in an orphanage, you say?"

"Yes, 'eart of the Cross Orphanage. She's only six. It kills me that she's stuck there." Priscilla wiped away a tear.

I looked down at my lap, thinking for a moment, before blurting out "We'll adopt her."

Spencer stared at me, looking incredulous.

"I mean… We'll consider adopting her."

"That would be wonderful. I'd love for her to have a family."

"We'll be back in a moment. Excuse us." Spencer said, grabbing my arm gently and leading me into the hall. "What were you thinking?"

"The poor girl needs a home, Spence."

"I know, and I'm not saying I'm against this. I just wanted you to talk with me about it before telling that girl you'd adopt her sister."

"Emma was my friend, and now she's dead because we lost her down in steerage."

"She was dragged away from us. There was nothing we could do."

"I can't stop feeling like it's my fault. I should have tried harder to get through the crowd to her. I should have been able to help her." At this point I felt like I was in the midst of an anxiety attack. I couldn't breathe well and I felt unreal. "And Clarissa and Adam, I was with them when they jumped off the ship. I waited and waited for them to resurface but they didn't. I should have done something to save them…"

Spencer grasped my shoulders, "Meredith, nothing you could have done would have changed their fates. It was a hectic time. You had to save yourself as well, and I'm so grateful you did. I'd love to have my brother back, but he's gone, and I've been able to accept that. I don't blame you, they don't blame you. You need to stop blaming yourself. Please."

"I'll try… Spencer, I feel like I owe it to Emma to do this… I'd love to be able to do this for her."

I suppose my slight pout convinced him, because he let out a sigh, "Alright, we'll go to the orphanage and inquire about the girl, and meet her. We'll give it a shot."

"Oh, Spencer!" I cried happily, throwing my arms around him tightly. I heard him let out a chuckle. "Thank you!"

"You're welcome, Mer."

I let go of him. "I'll show you how grateful I am when we return to the hotel later."

He smiled widely, "Oh really? How exactly?"

I turned to return to the sitting room, "You'll see."

We sat down on the couch opposite Priscilla, who was staring at a small photograph of Emma and dabbing her eyes with a handkerchief. I only now noticed her eyes were the same chocolate brown of her sister's. This jolted my stomach slightly, as I felt for a moment as though I were back in my stateroom talking to the young blonde stewardess.

"Miss Winfield, we've decided we will go to that orphanage and honestly consider adopting your younger sister." Spencer said to her, holding my hand and smiling.

"Really? Oh, bless your 'earts, the both o' yeh. Sadie will finally 'ave a 'ome."

I'm not sure I'd ever felt so much pride. I was making sure Emma's last sibling to not have a home was adopted by two loving people, and I was giving that young girl a home finally.

Priscilla gave us directions to Heart of the Cross Orphanage, and we got a driver to bring us there the next day. I put on a simple white blouse and dark green skirt, and a dark grey coat, seeing as it was late November and very chilly. When we arrived at the light stone steps of the orphanage, the driver came around to my door, and gave me a hand out. Spencer took my arm and we entered a dimly lit hall.

"Hello there, I'm Deidre Caruthers. May I help you?" a short woman with black hair piled atop her head asked.

"I'm Spencer Welch, and this is my wife Meredith. We're interested in possibly adopting one of the children you have here."

She nodded and led us into her office. "So this is a specific child you're asking about?"

"Yes. Sadie Winfield." I replied.

Deidre opened her filing cabinet and pulled out a blue folder, opening it to read it allowed. "Sadie Victoria Winfield, born January 8th, 1908 to Joshua and Emily Winfield of number 18 Ash St., Liverpool. Arrived at Heart of the Cross Orphanage on June 19th, 1912 after her mother passed away."

"Yes, that is the child we were interested in meeting with. We just met with her older sister, Priscilla yesterday."

"I'll go and retrieve her. Wait right here." she told us, and left.

Spencer plopped into the seat beside me. "You're absolutely sure you want to do this?"

I placed my hand on his arm lovingly, "Yes, I am."

"Good." he smiled, "Because I am too."

Ms. Caruthers returned with Sadie, who had long straight blonde hair trailing down her back, light brown eyes, and was dressed in a dull blue dress. She didn't look at us, and instead kept her eyes to the floor, and her hands behind her back.

"Sadie, this is Mr. and Mrs. Welch. They are here to meet you. Can you say hello?"

She took a step forward and looked up at Spencer and I, then looked away quickly. "Hello."

"She's a bit shy. Most of the children here are." Ms. Caruthers explained.

"Hello Sadie." I said softly, holding out my hand toward the six-year-old. "Do you remember your sister Emma?"

"Emmy." she said softly to herself, and nodded.

"I was friends with her, before her passing."

"I miss Emmy. She and Prissy would sing to me."

I smiled. "I miss her too. I decided I would check on her family, and when I met with Priscilla she told me about you."

She nodded. I could tell she was very shy, just like her sister was when I first met her.

Spencer crouched down to be at her level. "Would you possibly like to come live with us? We have a house by the water, and two little boys of our own, and a big family."

"I even have nieces about your age who would love to meet you."

Sadie looked up at Ms. Caruthers, who gave her a reassuring smile, then she turned back to us. "Okay." she replied softly.

She sat in a chair in the corner while we filled out the paperwork.

Ms. Caruthers stamped the top paper 'Approved' and put everything into a folder. "You are now the legal guardians of Sadie Victoria Winfield." she handed us a small stack of documents. Spencer took them, and I kissed him on the cheek. "If you two wish to change her last name to your own you may fill out this top sheet and bring it to a court."

"Thank you, Ms. Caruthers."

"You are welcome, dears. Take good care of her." she smiled, as we stood up and approached the girl in the corner.

"Sadie, are you ready to come with us?"

She nodded and took each of our hands as we left the orphanage and went to the waiting cab. We put her in between us.

"We'll stay at the hotel tonight, then tomorrow head to London as planned. We can pick up some things for Sadie, visit my uncle, because I really wanted to surprise him. He was always my favorite."

And that was just what we did. We stayed overnight in a modest motel, and then went to a shop down the street to buy Sadie a new white nightgown, and two new dresses just to hold her over until we could buy more in London. She put on one that was grey, with pink vertical pinstripes, and a pink sash around the waist, and we boarded the train. She had stayed very quiet, and we couldn't get her to talk much. We hoped we'd be able to get Sadie to open up to us the more she was around us.

The train arrived in London, and we got off and went to the post office, where I wrote a quick letter to my mother about Sadie, telling her to let the others know.

"So where does your uncle Dennison live?" I asked Spencer.

"He lives about half a mile from here. We'll catch a cab and stop by. He'll be in for a surprise to see me." he smiled.

We got into a cab and it was a short trip to the house of Dennison Welch. Once at the front stoop of his large, four story row house on a very clean street, I held Sadie's hand, and Spencer knocked on the door.

An middle-aged gentleman answered, holding a light red-haired toddler with big green eyes. Before the man could say anything, somebody walked up behind him.

"It's time for Bethany's nap, Uncle Den-" he stopped once he saw us.

My jaw dropped open, and we all stood silently looking back and forth amongst each other.

Finally, Spencer found his voice. "Adam?"

I am sorry if this chapter isn't very good, and it's not as long as I'd hoped, and it seems a bit random. I am hoping the next chapter will be better. I have it all in my mind. I left ya with a bit of a cliffhanger. lol. Adam? Whatttt? You'll just have to wait and see what this is all about. Please review. Let me know how awful this was. I can take it. Chapter 21 will be out soon. Thank you. And please forgive me. -Kell.