DISCLAIMER: i own nothing. jk rowling owns everything. any language used in this fic is not meant to offend anyone so please don't hate me.
I WISH I COULD FLY LIKE SUPERMAN:
Remus knew he was taking risks, cutting classes, but he just couldn't stand the idea of being around people. Pretending to be fine was slowly wearing him down, and he didn't know how much longer he could keep all this to himself. The thought of telling anyone, of anyone knowing what he'd done, made him feel physically sick. Yet, somewhere in the part of his mind that still remembered who he used to be, told him he was being illogical, and that if he'd just tell James and Sirius, they'd help him through all this.
And then the rest of his mind would remind him that it was all his own fault, that he'd brought this on himself, that he deserved everything. No, he would never tell a soul.
Remus needed no one. He was fine on his own, just fine. All by himself. No one to depend on, no one to lie to. No one to fear.
All alone.
Because alone for Remus meant he wouldn't have to continue betraying his friends, and burdening them with all his pathetic sorrow. No more pretending. No more smiling. No more laughter. No more pain. Just emptiness. Holy emptiness.
Because they could never know. They could never know his dirtiest little secret. Shame. Faggot. Whore.
If they knew.
Oh, if they knew.
They'll never know. Oh, but if they did. He couldn't lose their respect.
What respect, Faggot?
He'd meant something to them, hadn't he? He'd been a somebody? Oh, but he was only a hideous coward now. They didn't deserve him. He didn't deserve them.
He didn't deserve anything. He had nothing. He had no one. They'll find out, and then he'll be alone in all his filth.
He'd never been a somebody. He'd never meant anything. He was useless. He was tainted. No one gave a damn. If they cared they'd know by now. Obviously they don't care.
And why should they? He hardly cared himself, anymore.
Remus is a nobody.
Heavy hands, swollen chest. Throat so tight, lungs so raw. Head spinning, world collapsing. All thoughts taken over, all panic set loose.
Breathe, just breathe.
Why is that not easy?
Hold your breath. Ah, temporary ease. No. Wait. Stop that.
Hold your breath. No don't, please don't. Breathe, just breathe.
Find someone, tell someone.
Tell them what? Tell them how?
Writhing on the bed, crawling on the floor. Fingers clenching, eyes bleeding. Breathe, just breathe.
Oh, it was once so simple.
All alone. So damn quiet.
Wheeze, out, silence, wheeze, out, silence. Silence. Silence.
Silence.
Silence.
Wheeze, out, finally. How am I still alive? When will it all end?
Breathe, just breathe.
Head so heavy, arms like lead.
Feet,
feet,
numb feet.
So painful. Chest so tight.
Breathe, just breathe.
Why does no one love me?
Breathe, just breathe.
Breathe Remus, just breathe.
"Breathe, Remus, come on mate, just breathe! In, out, in, out. Follow me, Moony. In and out. Moony, in. In, Remus, in! Remus, dammit, breathe!"