A/N: Yay! New episode of BTR tonight! It looks like it will be a fun one from the preview. Not that BTR episodes are ever NOT fun…Gah! I'm doing it again! That thing where I obsessively explain myself to the point where I over-explain. You all are probably like, "Okay! I get it already!" Yeah, so I'm shutting up now…

Disclaimer: I'm the youngest of eight kids. I own nothing. I just get hand-me-downs…Great. Now I'm all depressed…

Til I Forget About You

Drifting

Camille and I had been in New York City for almost a month now. I hated how her busy schedule kept us from seeing each other. It was like she had her own life here, and that life didn't include me. I had my own life here too, and sadly, it didn't include her. It wasn't for lack of effort though. I was trying. I had been trying. I couldn't do it alone though. A relationship is a two-way street. Quite honestly, I was kind of getting sick of trying at all.

I'd wait up for her only for her to go to bed as soon as she got back to our apartment. Sometimes I wasn't even that lucky. Sometimes, I would fall asleep, and when I woke up she was sleeping or other times didn't even come to the apartment at all. Or maybe she did, but she just left before I woke up. I don't know. I didn't want to know, so I didn't ask.

I cared about Camille. I liked Camille. I really liked Camille. I may even have been in love with her. However, that was before we came to New York City. Now, I'm not even sure who she is anymore. We don't talk. We don't do things together. We don't kiss. We don't do couple-y stuff. She hasn't even given me one of her patented slaps. Who would've thunk I'd actually miss getting those?

I tried not to be pessimistic, but I couldn't help but wonder if maybe she had met someone and no longer had feelings for me. That would certainly explain why I hardly ever see her. That would certainly explain why it's difficult to even converse with her. It wasn't like that at all back in Los Angeles. Back then, we were on the same wavelength. There were no awkward silences in the middle of our conversations. There were times when we didn't even need to speak at all. We could just look into each other's eyes and know what the other was thinking. Now, when I looked in her eyes, I just wished I knew what she was thinking. I had no clue though.

I was surprised when I noticed that my eyes were brimming with tears. I hated it here. I missed my friends back at The Palm Woods. I missed Kendall, James, and Carlos in particular. I missed Hollywood Camille. I liked her much better than New York Camille. I was so frustrated. Camille and I were drifting apart, and I couldn't seem to do anything to stop it. Things at school weren't getting any better. In fact, I didn't roll up the sleeves of my long-sleeved shirts anymore like I used to. There were far too many bruises on my forearms to do that. I was still getting bullied at school, and I didn't foresee that changing anytime soon.

Now that I think about it, Camille probably did find someone else. She was probably just biding her time with me until she could upgrade to something better. After all, it's not like I was much of a catch. I was scrawny. I was geeky. I was a klutz. I was a far cry from the "tall, dark, and handsome" guy that girls my age flock to. To top it all off, I had next to nothing in common with Camille.

To make matters worse, I was listening to the radio, and I heard "Worldwide" on the weekly countdown. Despite my eyes stinging with tears upon hearing the song, I couldn't bring myself to change the station or just turn the radio off. I had noticed that my singing parts went to Carlos. Kendall, James, and Carlos sang it as though it was originally meant for just the three of them to sing; like I was never a part of the band.

"That was 'Worldwide' by Big Time Rush. It seems to have peaked at number two on our weekly countdown. It just can't quite get to the number one spot. Here's a little tidbit about the band. Big Time Rush was originally a four-member band. Its fourth member, Logan Mitchell, left the band to move to New York City with his girlfriend. Now, Big Time Rush is a three-member band," the DJ said.

I reached over and finally turned the radio off. I had heard enough of that. A solitary tear trickled down my cheek. As far as I was concerned, the DJ was an insensitive jerk! He made me out to be some sort of monster. He doesn't know how much I struggled with the decision to leave BTR and leave L.A. It wasn't an easy choice for me to make. I can't even look at my own reflection without hating who I see looking back at me. I wake up every morning regretting even coming to New York City.

It was the weekend. It was Sunday in fact. I had finished all my homework Friday night. Camille was at the studio filming. Surprise, surprise. I was all alone at our apartment. I was bored. I was bored and depressed.

Even my calls to Carlos had grown more and more sporadic. I hated how I was lying to him by telling him that everything was fine here. It's just I couldn't tell him that Camille barely spoke to me. I couldn't tell him that I rarely ever saw her. I couldn't tell him that I was getting picked on at school on pretty much a daily basis. I couldn't tell him that I didn't have a single friend here. Plain and simple, I couldn't lie to him anymore, so I kind of stopped calling him. At least that way, I wouldn't have to lie.

About the only friend I had here was Courtney. The only problem with that was she was Conrad's girlfriend. He, for whatever reason, made it his personal mission to make my life a living hell. After I had tried and failed to get the solo, Conrad must've forbidden Courtney to talk to me. The most I got from her anymore was a smile or a wave. My guess is Conrad wasn't very happy with her for her voting for me to get the solo.

I don't know, maybe it was just because I wasn't getting along with Camille, but I found Courtney to be attractive. Of course, it's not like she was single. I wasn't technically even single either. We were both taken. However, if we were both single, then maybe…For now though, it was one of those unrequited things. For all I knew, she didn't even like me like that. It's just I couldn't stand to see her with someone like Conrad. She could do so much better. I hated how he treated her. I hated how controlling he was over her.

My phone vibrated. I looked at the screen and saw that I got a text from Camille. She was done filming for the day, but a bunch of the cast had plans for the rest of the day, so she'd be home late. See? That's primarily how we communicate now—texting. I'm not even sure I remember what her voice sounds like.

As I said before, I've been trying to make this relationship work with Camille. One night when she got in, I had a romantic candlelight dinner waiting for her. As it turned out, she had already eaten recently, and was no longer hungry. She headed off to bed while I scraped her plate in the trash. Another time, I surprised her with tickets to see the Broadway version of The Lion King. However, she had already made other plans with her fellow cast. Then, one morning, she woke up to find flowers and chocolates on her bed. They were from me of course, but she didn't even say anything. No thanks or…anything.

But by far the worst was one time when she got back to the apartment…only she wasn't alone. She had a co-star with her. A guy co-star. I tried not to be jealous and insecure, but I couldn't help myself. The way they were laughing, joking, and flirting with each other made me think there was something going on between the two of them. I didn't have the guts to confront her about it though. I guess I didn't want her to get upset at me. She'd probably deny anything was going on anyhow.

That was the last time that co-star ever stepped foot in our apartment. However, that didn't mean that Camille still wasn't doing stuff with him. Stuff that at one point in time, she used to do with me.

As smart as I was, I sure felt stupid. I was at a complete loss. I had no idea what to do concerning Camille. I had tried practically everything I could think of. I had tried being sweet. I had tried being romantic. I had definitely tried being patient. Nothing was working though. She still continued to drift away from me.

I literally had nothing to live for. Truthfully, there were a bunch of times recently where I simply didn't even care if I woke up alive the next morning. If I were to just die in my sleep for whatever reason, it would have been okay with me. I wasn't suicidal though. I couldn't bring myself to actually take my own life. It's funny. People say suicide is the cowardly way out. I see it differently. I see it as a courageous thing. I see it as taking charge. I see it as almost empowering in a sense. Of course, I couldn't muster up the courage to end my own life. I was sort of ashamed I was even thinking about it.

My tears were flowing freely now. I sank to my knees. I clutched my temples with both of my hands. I squeezed my eyes shut. I let out all my sadness—about Camille, about the band, about school, about everything—and all my frustration out in a bloodcurdling scream.

To Be Continued…

A/N: Wow! Okay, so that got pretty dark there towards the end. I have no idea where that came from. Thank you so much everyone who has supported this story so far! Without your support, I would have no motivation. Without motivation, there would be no story. Now that I have two In-Progress multi-chapter fics, I'm going to update My Best Friend Is a Vampire next. Barring Writer's Block, I'll try to alternate between stories, okay?