A/N: At long last, here is the next installment of 'Til I Forget About You.' I hope the wait was worth it.

Disclaimer: Big Time Rush is the property of Nickelodeon. This story is only for entertainment purposes. Although, I don't know how 'entertaining' you find suicidal Logan, but yeah…

Til I Forget About You

Awakening

When I heard the beeping of a heart monitor, I knew that I wasn't in Heaven. When I heard the beeping of a heart monitor, I knew that I wasn't dead. When I heard the beeping of a heart monitor, I knew that my suicide attempt hadn't worked; I had failed.

It was a shame too. It would have been so much easier if it had worked. It would have been so much easier if I had just died back there in that car crash. I didn't want to face everybody and the myriad looming questions they had for me. I couldn't.

Why did they even care anyways? If they even cared, for that matter. If they did care, they sure had a funny way of showing it. The only person from Los Angeles I had actually talked to—albeit on the phone—since coming to New York was Carlos. Now I'm supposed to believe that everyone else cares about me too? I'm sorry, but I don't.

I didn't even want to open my eyes. What was the point? So whatever was bound to happen anyways would happen sooner? Thanks, but no thanks. I wasn't ready for the questions. I wasn't ready for the fake sympathy. I wasn't ready for the stares and questioning looks I knew I would receive. I just wasn't ready, period.

So instead of opening my eyes, I just listened. For all anyone knew, I was still unconscious. It was better that way.

"Carlos, you heard the detective; there were no tire treads from Logan's car. He didn't even try to slam on the brakes. I know it's hard for you to accept, but Logan tried to kill himself," Kendall said.

"No! You're wrong! I don't care what you or the detective or anyone else says! I know Logan! He would never try to kill himself!" Carlos exclaimed.

I felt like the worst human being on the face of the planet right about now. Carlos—sweet, innocent Carlos—was defending me. He was adamantly sticking by my side even though Kendall was right; I did try to kill myself.

"Don't forget, Carlos; we know Logan too! We've known him just as long as you have!" James commented.

"Not recently you haven't," Carlos muttered under his breath.

"What did you just say?" Kendall demanded.

"How can you two stand there and say that you know Logan when you didn't even say bye to him when he left Los Angeles? How do you know Logan when not once since he's been in New York have you picked up the phone and called him? Did you know that he joined show choir and the hockey team at his new school?"

Kendall and James both fell silent.

"I didn't think so! Did you know that he scored the winning goal giving his hockey team their first victory of the season? Did you know that he auditioned for a solo in choir and got it? I doubt it. That would involve you talking to him, which the two of you haven't!" Carlos remarked.

Hearing Carlos put Kendall and James in their place was bittersweet for me. It was sweet because it reminded me of what a great friend Carlos really was. Through all of this, he stood by my side. His loyalty to me was unwavering. It was bitter because I didn't deserve Carlos' loyalty. I had tried to take my own life, and Carlos was certain that it was some car accident. There was nothing accidental about what had happened.

"Carlos, please don't cry," James begged.

The fact that Carlos was brought to tears really pulled at my heartstrings. Out of the four of us, other than me, Carlos was the most sensitive. I wanted to do nothing more but to comfort and console him and tell him that everything would be okay. I just didn't want to blow my cover though. Everyone thought I was still unconscious after all.

"I'm crying because the two of you are here pretending like you and Logan are best buds! I'm crying because the two of you are pretending like the last four months never happened! I'm crying because the two of you actually think Logan tried to kill himself when I know he would never do such a thing!" Carlos exclaimed.

One thing Carlos said really stood out to me; four months? That would mean that I've been here in the hospital for three months. Three months? Really? Had I really been in the hospital that long? How long had Kendall, James, and Carlos been here then? Where were Katie and Mrs. Knight? Where is Camille? Where were my parents?

"Carlos, I can't speak for Kendall, but I know I haven't been a very good friend to Logan lately. Frankly, I wouldn't blame him if he was mad at me. However, whether he tried to kill himself or not, we almost lost him. That's why I'm here. I don't want to lose Logan. Not now, not ever," James said.

"I'm supposed to be like the leader of our group, but I've been a terrible leader. Like James said, I wouldn't blame Logan if he was mad at me. We did almost lose Logan. If I've learned anything from these last four months, it's that we're better when it's the four of us. We're not so good when it's just the three of us. It feels like a part of us is missing, because a part of us is missing," Kendall stated.

As touching as their words were, it didn't change the fact that Kendall and James had practically disowned me over the last four months. They were saying all the right things now, but that did nothing for the damage their words and actions had inflicted upon me.

"You don't really think Logan tried to kill himself, do you?" Carlos asked sadly.

"It looks that way, but the important thing is that we'll get through this—together," Kendall replied.

I had to admit that now that sounded like the Kendall I remember. That sounded like the Kendall I had been best friends with for eleven years. That sounded like our leader. Kendall sounded so sure that we would get through this. I wasn't so sure.

At the end of the day, I had tried to take my own life. That scared me to no end. No matter how bad things were, it should have never come to that. I wasn't suicidal. No one knew me better than I knew myself, but even I didn't recognize myself anymore. I was at a complete loss over what to do next. I had no idea what to do. I had no idea what to say.

I cracked my eyes open, and immediately regretted doing so. I was blinded by the white light, and squeezed my eyes shut.

"Guys, I think he's waking up," Carlos said.

"Come on, buddy! You can do it! Open your eyes!" James encouraged.

I tentatively opened my eyes again. Despite wanting to close them because of the brightness of the white light, I struggled to keep them open. I sat up in my hospital bed as if that would help me keep my eyes open or something. Carlos gently pushed me back down so I was in a prone position.

"It's okay, Logie. You're okay," Carlos said with tears in his eyes.

"You're in the hospital, Logan. You were in a car crash that left you in a coma for three months. We didn't know when you would wake up again. We didn't even know if you would wake up again," Kendall stated.

"Yeah, so don't you ever scare us like that again!" Carlos remarked, shaking his finger at me.

Once more I felt like the worst friend in the world. My selfish actions had scared them. I just thought it would be easier for them if I were dead. That way, they wouldn't have to deal with the mess of a person I had become.

I was stunned when James rushed over to me and held both of my hands in his. I was stunned when I saw a solitary tear roll down his cheek.

"I'm so sorry, Logan! I was wrong too! I was so wrong! We need you! I need you! It's just not the same without you. We reached number two on the weekly top 40 countdown. We were there for two weeks, but then we started to gradually fall off the countdown. Big Time Rush isn't a three-member band! It's a four-member band! You're our fourth member! All the things I said about your singing weren't true! You've come so far! I couldn't be any prouder of you! Your singing has improved by leaps and bounds since we first started. I think even Gustavo notices that. You're getting more and more solos. You're getting to sing lead more and more. More than that though, you're our friend. The four of us have been friends since pre-Kindergarten. We have been through way too much together for me to throw our friendship away now. I miss your random nuggets of sage-like wisdom. I miss your ever-present, often-annoying sarcasm. I miss…I just miss you," James said all in one breath.

I was practically speechless. I had never heard James say so much so fast before. I wasn't used to hearing him ramble either. Usually, I was the rambler of our group. I noticed that there was more than just a solitary tear streaming down his face; there were several tears cascading from his eyes. He was out of breath, and understandably so; that was a lot to say in such a short amount of time.

My vision was all cloudy. It took me a second to realize that it had been clouded by tears. Now I was crying too. I was crying because that was the sweetest thing James had ever said to me. I was crying because I finally realized how much he cared about me—how much they all cared about me. I was crying because I almost took my life because I thought that nobody cared about me. I couldn't have been any more wrong.

Kendall must have seen that I was crying. He walked over to me and put his hand on my shoulder, and gave a gentle squeeze.

"How do I follow that?" Kendall asked, gesturing over towards James. "I'm like the unofficial leader of our group, and as such, I feel…protective…over all of you; especially you, Logan. I can't help but feel like I let you down. I mean you were in a coma for three months because you were in a car crash for crying out loud! How is that me protecting you? I'm so sorry, Logie. I've been a Grade-A jerk to you. Maybe you think that it was easy for me to stay mad at you for so long, but that was hardly the case. Every single day you were gone was sheer torture for me. Even the day you left was probably the most difficult day of my life. I wanted to say bye to you before you left Los Angeles. I really did. I was an idiot though. For whatever reason, I chose instead to hold onto my stupid grudge. Not saying bye to you was something I regretted each and every day you were away. Leaders aren't supposed to be afraid, but I was. I was afraid to talk to you because I knew you were probably really mad at me for not saying bye to you. I felt like I didn't even deserve to talk to you after what I had done. The fact that you tried to commit suicide is a reminder of how much I failed you," Kendall said as a solitary tear trickled down his cheek.

There are five stages of grief. The first stage is denial. Though I consciously knew that I had tried to take my own life, I couldn't bring myself to admit that to the others.

"I didn't try to commit suicide! I'm not suicidal! Come on! You guys know me! You know I'm not suicidal!" I exclaimed.

"Logan, then why did the detective not find any tire treads from your car? If you had slammed on your brakes, there would have been tire treads," James replied.

I furiously shook my head left to right repeatedly.

"I did try to slam on my brakes! I remember! They weren't working though. Something must have been wrong with them!" I retorted.

Carlos backhand slapped James in the shoulder.

"See? I told you! Logan didn't try to kill himself! It was just a horrible accident!" Carlos commented.

I happened to catch the expression on Kendall's face. I could see it as plain as day in his eyes—doubt.

"Kendall, you don't believe I actually tried to kill myself, do you? I would never! Come on! You know I wouldn't!" I exclaimed.

"Quite frankly, I don't know what to believe anymore. The Logan I know would never try to kill himself, but the Logan I'm talking to now isn't the Logan I've been friends with since childhood. You've changed. I'm partly to blame for that, I know. The bottom line is that I don't know what this Logan is or isn't capable of," Kendall explained.

Kendall was right. Of course he was. Most of the time, he was right. This was no exception. That bothered me to no end. He doubted me. I mean he was right to doubt me, but…I don't even know what I'm saying anymore.

"Look, if what you're saying is true, and this was all just a big accident, then you should have no problem if we have the detective check out the brakes in your car," James said.

Though my heart raced after hearing James say that, I willed myself to calm down and relax. I had to keep my composure.

"Go ahead. I have nothing to hide," I replied calmly.

"Kendall, James, the two of you should be ashamed of yourselves! How could you actually think that Logan would try to kill himself? This is Logan we're talking about here! Logan!" Carlos remarked.

"Logan, you're awake!" a familiar voice gushed.

I looked over to the doorway of my hospital room and saw her standing there—Camille.

To Be Continued…

A/N: So I'm not sure how I feel about this chapter, but at least I got something up. There's a new poll on my profile page. What genre do you think I'm better at writing? The two choices are humor and angst. Once again, the only way for your vote to be counted is for you to go to the poll on my profile page and vote there. Lastly, I have some good news; the one-shot based off the episode 'Big Time Pranks' is starting to come together nicely…in my head. It may end up as a fic after all. Here's a little summary:

When it came to the boys' annual Day of Pranks, Logan hasn't always eliminated himself from the competition by pranking himself…well actually, yeah he has. However, he hasn't always been the first one out of the competition. Believe it or not, he actually made it to the Final Two one year. This is the story about that one time.