Hey everyone, I'm back. I'll skip the small talk. Just letting you know that I've been working on this project for months. I think I started it back in November of all times. Yeah, got tired of waiting. Truth be told, I'm still not done yet.

Got distracted with some things- mostly I fell back into alcoholism and got my car stolen.

Yes, in that order.

Sooo, not in the best place right now.

Enough personal stuff. Instead of waiting until this super long chapter is 100% done. I'm chopping it up and posting it in parts. Sound good? The first chapter is going to be mostly plot stuff setting it up.

Chapter 2 and on- if there will be an on- will have the lemons.

And no, it is not related to my other Gravity falls works.

Please read and review.

Enjoy.

Simp And The Beast

Chapter 1- Pilot

"And we're here."

Thompson said, parking his car on the side of the road. It was a beat up clunker. An old ford that had been limping along Gravity Falls longer than its current owner. Said owner, was Thompson. He was a heavier set fellow, and on the shorter side. He was about Wendy's age and she had known him since first grade. They went to school together. Of which, all that time, Wendy knew he had a crush on her since day one. Something the daughter of a lumberjack noticed, but neither encouraged nor care for. In the time since graduation, the portly man had started losing his hair and decided to shave it all off while growing out his beard. Wendy guessed it was meant to make Thompson look younger, but it kinda did the opposite.

"...Why are we here?" Thompson asked, looking around. The small blue ford was surrounded by miles and miles of forest, grass, and the occasional bird. The only sign of civilization at all was the SUV sitting on the side of that same road about two miles back. "Its the middle of nowhere. You sure you've got the right place?"

"Hmmmm... yup." Wendy nodded, spotting a certain something about 10 feet away. A little dent in the ground. Wendy smiled, turning back to her old friend from high school. She caught him staring at her hard. Mostly her legs. No surprise, considering what she was wearing. "I got a tip from a buddy of mine. Said there was something out here. Thought it was worth a look."

"What could be worth anything out here?" Thompson asked, a crow swooping down from the sky and onto what Wendy had thought was a log but was actually a rotting deer carcass. The black bird started pecking, its beak dripping red.

"Dunno." Wendy explained, unbuckling herself and getting out of the car. "Hopefully something I can sell enough at a pawn shop or online to pay rent."

"H-Hey, Wendy." Thompson pleaded, tilting into the passenger side of the car enough to look at her through its door window. "I-If you need a pl-place to stay, I'm sure I could f-find a way to help you."

"Aw, that's nice." Wendy said, tilting over herself. Pushing her chest out. Just enough for him to get a decent look down her shirt. "But you already are."

"Oh, um. The ride." Thompson mumbled, his eyes drifting down from Wendy's face to her chest. He just couldn't help it. "Right."

"Aaaand..." Wendy smiled, reaching her hand out to him.

"H-Huh, oh yeah." Thompson said, pulling something out of his pocket and giving to the redhead. It was a small plastic baggy with something green in it. "Free of charge."

"Thanks." Wendy smiled, taking the bag and blowing her old 'friend' a kiss. The drinking age man was actually blushing. "You're cool to wait for me here until I get back, right?"

"Uhhh, I don't know. I should be getting back at the movie theater soo..." Thompson trailed off when he saw his cute crush tug down her shirt. His eyes practically bulged out of his head as the top of her breasts were bulging out of her top. Wendy ignored him as she stuck the free baggie between them. The pretty red head just left her shirt there. Not bothering to correct it as the bossy theater owner stared at her. His face as red as a cherry. "N-Nope. Never m-mind. I'm c-cool here. I'll j-just pl-play on my ph-phone or... s-something."

"Great."

Wendy gave her ride a thumbs up. She knew he was lying, of course. There was no signal out here. But Wendy was sure he'd find some way to pass the time. Probably with all those photos Thompson took of her that he thought Wendy wasn't looking. Turning around and making her way toward the woods, knowing her old 'friend' was looking hard at her the whole time. Wendy shrugged, thinking he'd earned it- and the pretty red head liked having her chubby bald drug dealer on her hook, Wendy put a little extra hip action in her step until she made it to the treeline.

"Gotta love a good simp."

Off into the woods she went- and it went on like that for a while. Wendy fallowing the dents in the wild, untamed ground. One after the other. They were weird prints. Not big enough to be a bear. Not small enough to be a deer. Even for humans, they didn't fit. Forget about the shape. In any other town, this would be worth having the local news come out there to show the world that some mysterious unknown walked these woods. In Gravity Falls? This was just another Tuesday.

The fact that it could be anything, or everything, didn't really matter.

Luckily, it didn't take that long. At least not for someone who's family lived and breathed 'off the grid'. About a mile into the woods, Wendy found her mark.

"ROOOAAAARRRR!"

The beast howled, or rather beast-man. Specifically, a bull. It stood half as tall as the nearest tree. Had more muscle than the NFL, and a beard that would make Santa Claus proud. It stood upright, with only its legs on the ground... well, it had legs. The backward knees kind you'd find on a heifer, which its hoofed feet matched. It was human from the waiste up though, aside from the head.

That was mostly bovine. Mostly. It had the fur, ears, horns. All that. Even the metal circle thing pierced in its nose. Like what farmers do to keep their livestock from digging out. The only human part about the head were its eyes- regular pupils there. Oh, and instead of a snout, it has a human mouth.

Which it used to roar!

"ROOOAAAAHHH!" The beast-man bellowed, longer this time and sounded like he was... having fun. In front of this monster of muscle was what looked to be a random family of campers. A couple of portly middle-aged folks. An old gray haired man. Fallowed by a kid holding a tiny dog. The last of which was barking its little head off at the horned bull beast. All of them carrying outdoorsy bags of some kind, shiny and new ones at that.

"These are my woods, mortal men." The bull monster roared. His head shaking wildly from side to side. White slobber dribbled from the sides of his mouth. The pointy horns on his head jutted out likes spikes, just begging to rip into something. The family was clearly terrified. Wendy... was not. Being raised by someone calling himself 'Manly Dan', Wendy knew when a guy was showing off, but didn't plan on doing anything. The daughter of a lumberjack just stood there, leaning against a tree. Looking at all this. Wendy noticed something else though. Something shiny on the dad's wrist. "To intrude, you must challenge me or pay tribute. Drop your valuables and run... or face me."

To finish it off, the male cow with two arms and legs gave out a low, Grrrrrrrrm. It reminded Wendy of trick or treaters trying to get candy on Halloween. Which, Wendy supposed, it wasn't that far off.

Needless to say, the family dropped their bags and ran for the hills... road. The same one Wendy came from, though a little more to the left than when she came. Wendy shrugged, remembering the SUV she had seen on the drive over. The family would be fine.

"Haha, works every time." The Bull man laughed, the family that dropped everything but each other disappearing into the woods. The horned monster spat out the last of the white slime- Which Wendy could tell was some kind of candy, if the minty smell in the air said anything. The bull with arms clomped toward the bags, clearly eager of its prize. "Alright, lets see what i've got this time."

"Judging by that fancy SUV down the road and the $3000 watch on the Dad's wrist... I'd say pretty good." Wendy announced, loudly. To her surprise, the monster of muscle and horns all but flipped over onto his side. The thing was out of breath as it finally noticed the skinny red head that has been leaning against a tree for the last few minutes. "How you doing, Minotaur?"

"Ma-Manotaur, you, mortal... w-wench." The Minotaur stuttered, it's voice deeper than a moment ago. The same overblown deepness when he threatened the family.. All in a cadence like someone trying WAY too hard to sound cool. Honestly, it reminded Wendy of her first few boyfriends in high school. "What brings you to my, my... do-domain?"

"Wow, you didn't practice that, did ya?" The daughter of 'Manly Dan' snorted.

"Wha..." The Minotaur asked, confused. No longer out of breath, but still only half facing the human girl.

"Tribute, wench, domain." Wendy listed off on her fingers. "You really got the bedtime story villain lingo down. I'm half expecting a fee fie foe fum."