Disclaimer: The characters of Twilight are owned by Stephenie Meyer. The original content and ideas of this story are those of TheGirlNtheYellowShoes.

Leaving the Lollipopkins

"If you don't know where you are going, any road will get you there." ~ Lewis Caroll

February, 5 years later

My mother always said, if I didn't remember anything else she ever taught me to at least remember to be a lady (well and to take nothing for granted and make sure to live life to the fullest, but at this point, that part didn't come to mind). At this moment, I couldn't possibly remember anything else but that. So, as much as my body wanted to crumble into little pieces on the ground, I kept walking. I didn't look back, I knew that if I did it would all be over and I'd find myself running back into his arms. I reached my car two blocks away and fumbled for my keys.

"Just Breath... it's going to be okay..." I sang to myself as I found them & pressed the unlock button. I opened the door and flung my purse across the seat in one fluid motion, not stopping until I found myself sitting behind the wheel in the confines of my car. All of a sudden I cracked, I broke, it was over. My hands gripped the steering wheel, but I couldn't see through the wall of water to go anywhere. I hadn't even started the car. crap.

"Stop it... you can't do this... you have to be at work in 20 minutes!" yelling at myself didn't help. I sobbed uncontrollably for a good 10 minutes before I pulled myself together. I tried to remind myself this was for the best. A girl can only have her heart broken so many times and enough was enough. I put the key in the ignition and my car came to life - I threw it into drive, barely missing the car in front of me when I pulled out of my spot.

As I drove I tried to calm myself with my own reassuring words and when I pulled up to the Studio I took a few more breaths. Anna was standing at my door in a matter of seconds, opening it and beginning a run through of my day.

"There you are! I was getting worried! Hair & make up starts in 5 minutes. Bob will be stopping in to speak with you before filming begins. We have lunch at 12, do you want the usual? Oh, Josh called, he is going over to Calvin Klein this morning to look at the photos from the shoot, he said they were very pleased with your work. Not to worry. He also said that Damien got in contact with him and would love to use you again for their fall line. Oh and here's your coffee..." She said holding her hand out, I just stared at her.

"Bella, hellooo... are you okay?"

"Hm? Oh, um... fine.... salad for lunch, fresh strawberries and blueberries would be nice too and another coffee," I began as I forced myself into autopilot and thrust myself forward towards the stage door.

"Right... alright, are you sure your okay, you look like you've..."

"I'm fine Anna, just don't ask? At least not until this day is over."

I flung the door open and walked speedily towards Dana. At least getting my make up done, I didn't have to talk much.

At about 4 p.m., things wrapped up. When the last shot was over I just sat where I was standing. Luckily I didn't miss the plush white chair, because I wasn't looking. Overall, today had been an okay day, besides spilling coffee on myself twice & tripping over a wire on the side of the stage that almost face planted me into the floor. Reality of just how bad this day really was, and it was just beginning to set back in. I couldn't escape it anymore. Anna walked up to me and then began to turn and walk away.

"Jake and I broke up," I said flat out before I could stop myself, "Well, actually I broke up with him,... but regardless... it's over..." I didn't realize how loud I must have said it, not only did Anna look at me, but also Bob, Dana & Jeff. Anna turned around and came back to me, squatting in front of me.

"Oh, Annabelle, are you okay?" She put one hand on my knee.

The other's slowly started easing their way over, listening. I really didn't want to talk about it. There really was nothing to talk about.

As if on cue, I did that facade thing again, "Did Josh call you back? Did he say anything about CK?" Everyone froze, staring at me in shock.

"ummm... well, no, but I can call him if you'd like?" Anna didn't know how to react.

Jake and I had dated for 3 years and it was serious, I guess, but I didn't know how much my relationship meant to everyone else. I had kind of ignored all the "you guys are such a perfect couple", "I live vicariously through you" statements. Perhaps because the relationship I knew for the past 3 years was nothing to be jealous of. All of a sudden I felt awkward.

"No, it's alright, when you speak to him will you have him call me in the morning? Thanks," I immediately got up and went to my dressing room. I told myself I had to keep it together until I got out of here. I should have known when I opened my dressing room door again; all four of them would be standing there.

"Bella are you sure this is what you want?" Dana instantly blurted out.

"You guys love each other," Anna followed.

"I didn't know you guys were having trouble," Bob said half to himself. Jeff just stood there staring.

"Look, everything isn't always what it seems. He broke my heart multiple times in the past, I wasn't willing to let it happen again. Yes, we love each other, but we can't be together. It wasn't a healthy relationship. The end." I said matter of fact shrugging and motioning my hands like I was cutting of a choir. It almost scared me how much I actually believed everything I said, it had taken me long enough. Was I laying my feelings out on the table for once for everyone to see though? To critique? Well at least they wouldn't envy it anymore.

"I really can't talk about this right now. I have to go," they parted like they red sea as I began to walk forward and they just stood there staring after me. Yet again, I told myself I couldn't look back or I might just crack. I'd leave that for the walls of my apartment to witness, not the rest of the world.

Unfortunately, I broke down before I got home and it didn't stop all night. I pulled out my private stash of peanut M&M's and chocolate ice cream and pretended to watch television though I don't remember anything but a fuzzy screen. I finally fell asleep on the cold bathroom floor at about 5 am until my phone rang at 8. I got up and looked in the mirror, ugh my eyes were so swollen I could hardly see anything and I had a headache the size of Mt. Rushmore.

I hit ignore on my phone to stop the unnecessary extra pounding in my head and went to the kitchen. If I was going to focus I needed water and aspirin a-sap. The ice cream had melted and sat leaking on the granite counter top so I put it down the sink. What a waste, I must have not eaten any of it. The M&M's however... well there was at least still 12-24 still in the bag. It wasn't until about lunchtime I remembered why I fell asleep on the bathroom floor. I must have eaten so many M&M's amongst the tears that I made myself sick. Yuck. Whatever appetite I'd had was immediately gone.

"What can I get you miss?" I'd managed to make it out of my apartment and down the street to the coffee shop still in my sweats from last night. I'd put a hat on to hide my ridiculous hair that was what was left of yesterdays commercial and sunglasses to hide what was left of the make up I hadn't already cried off.

"Um, could I get a venti Coffee with room?" I asked handing the guy behind the cash register my card.

"Sure," he said taking my card and swiping it and then turning around to pour my coffee himself. He smiled as he handed it to me. I attempted what I thought was a smile, turned out more like a frown I guess because for a second he looked like a kid who just got caught doing something horribly wrong.

After putting nonfat milk and two sugars in my drug of choice I walked back home. I must have looked like the walking dead or someone contemplating suicide because every person I past looked at me with concern all the while managing to keep their distances incase I decided to go postal on them instead.

When I got back to my apartment I had three more calls from Josh and a call from my cousin Elane. Family would have to wait, if I gave them any more reason to hate Jake, they might just put him on a hit list. In fact, everyone would have to wait. I couldn't handle reality right now. I closed the blinds in my apartment and crawled back into bed. Sadly, even my coffee would have to wait.

I had some personal decisions to make first.

*~*~*~*~*

It took me about 6 days before I was ready to have any sort of human contact. Numerous people had knocked on my door, including Jake whom had also left me 7 voice messages in the past 24 hours. Elane was threatening to call my father, put out a missing persons report on me and send out a search party. Anna was leaving pamphlets for crisis hotlines and mental facilities under my door. And my agent... well he seemed to have been on a bender because he thought only 3 days had gone by instead of a whole week before I contacted him.

I sat cuddled up on the couch ignoring the growling in my stomach while the phone rang. Finally giving into its cries of desperation, I answered it.

"There's my beautiful green bunny!"

"Hey Josh," I didn't realize until that moment that I sounded like I had a frog in my throat.

"Whoa, Darling, what's wrong? You're not sick are you?"

"Jake and I broke up," I blurted out. It was going to come out at some point anyways, if it hadn't already via someone else. There was a long pause on the other end of the line, I wasn't sure if Josh was doing a victory dance or actually concerned.

"Oh... well is everything okay?" Wow.... maybe it was the later? Typically the only concerns Josh has are whether or not I get a part and how much I get paid (translate: he gets paid) or whether or not he's going to get laid (which is pretty much everyday).

"It's for the best," All of a sudden I heard whispering. Anna?

"Well, are you over it? I mean have you cried it all out and stuff?"

"What?"

"We're really going to have a lot going on in a couple of weeks. With the release of Calvin Kleins new jeans and your Cover Girl commercial coming out, you can't be falling apart on me. I just want to know if you need a couple more days or if you are cool?"

I just sat there, that's when it hit me for the first time ever. This was the kind of industry I worked in. Where it is only supposed to take a few days for you to get over someone you spent years of your life with. Where otherwise you're at least supposed to become a druggy and end up in rehab so that while you're on your career hiatus you at least grace the tabloids. Thus, you're still in the spotlight. Right.

"I know Josh. You know me better than that, I won't let it happen. I don't know if I'd use the word cool, but I'll be fine."

"Bella we can all only handle so much. You're going to be under a lot of pressure. Disney just called about a movie they start filming in late August. Wanting you, Literately, not even asking for an audition. It's around the same time you're going to be doing a lot of promotional work for CK & working a lot with Cover Girl. Maybe I should just interest Summit in someone else for the role of Zafrina in Breaking Dawn."

I practically sprang off the couch falling to the floor with a thud, covers crashing down on me, "What?" I may have been in the middle of a 20 something crisis, but I was no idiot. I didn't know much about the Twilight series besides him (and the fact that the girl in the book had the same nickname as me and everyone loved to point that out. My rebuttle was always that it was my name first. So childish, I know.), but I knew that the Movies were hot stuff right now.

"Summit called, they are casting for Eclipse and Breaking Dawn and as far as looks go, they think you be one hot vampire."

My mouth Gaped open, "I'll be at the agency in 45 minutes." I hung up the phone, I didn't have time for a response. I didn't know how I was going to pull myself together, but I was determined to. I pushed my "Personal decisions" to the back of my mind because this was the chance of a lifetime.

After I was showered and ready I slid on jeans and a white v-neck t-shirt. That was when I first noticed I had forgotten to eat this week. I put a gray cardigan on to try to hide that fact and slid on my gray sandals. I grabbed my Marc Jacob's bag off the counter where it had sat for a week and figured in my head that I could make it to the agency in at least 10 minutes as long as I avoided the highways.

As I reached my car though, I froze. I stared at the girl in the reflection of the driver side window. Her hair in a messy ponytail and little wisps blowing in the wind. Her cheekbones jutted out from under the bottom of her ray bands. Lips plump and round, somewhat swollen. In fact her whole face was swollen.

I touched a hand to my cheek. Look at me. I was a wreck. I was not okay and I had a sinking feeling this didn't only have to do with my break up with Jake. I was losing touch with reality. I didn't even remember the last time I'd taken time off to go home and see my father. I was falling apart and a part in a movie wasn't going to change that. It might for a little while, but I'd have to face this later if not now and what would I do if I fell apart while on my promotional tour? I sighed and got into my car.

*

When I walked in Anna was standing outside Josh's office waiting for me, I knew I had heard her. Anna was my personal assistant, however she had a crush the size of Texas on Josh. It was unfortunate because Josh barely noticed her. He just considered them friends, or maybe it was a front? Who knows.

"Hi Bella, how r you?" Anna looked at me concerned.

"There's my little money maker! Janice, do you not see Annabella Anderson standing in front of your desk? Get her a water! now!" Josh demanded of his terrified new assistant.

She quickly got up from her desk as we walked into Josh's office, Anna in tow. Janice brought me a bottled water, cap already undone. I gratefully took the water and tried to dislodge the permanent frog in my throat.

"So, we need to talk Bella!" Josh couldn't hide his excitement.

"Yes we do..." I said solemnly.

"Summit is wanting you to do your audition..."

"I can't do it Josh," I cut him off.

He stared at me dumbfounded, "What?"

"I can't do it. You're right, I need to make sure I'm on my game for the end of August. I can't just take a few days and get over this, that's not how I operate," I had to think quickly. What was I going to do... then it hit me. Vacation.

"But Annabelle."

"I'm taking a Vacation. I'm going to Izba for three weeks to get away, get some sun and sort myself out."

Anna and Josh both stared at me.

"What? Doesn't the press like a good extravagant vacation story?" I widened my eyes trying to be somewhat expressive.

"Well... I..." Josh stuttered.

"Make it happen Josh, you're my agent," I huffed. Part of Josh's job as an agent was to always make me think things were my idea, even if they were his. He was also good at making me think I was in control and he was always following my rules. This time I didn't give him a choice, I would play him at his own twisted agent game. I stood up and walked out without waiting for an answer, "Anna," I called behind me.

I walked out of the office with Anna following me like a little lost puppy and leaving Josh sitting there in shock. I got on the elevator and raised my eyebrows at Anna when she hesitated. She sighed and followed me, knowing it was against her better interests to argue with me.

"Bella, what are you doing?" Anna said when we were outside.

"I'm going on a vacation, It was Josh's idea. I need a break. Except I'm not going to Izba, but if you want to keep your job you'll keep that little fact to yourself," I turned around pointing at her.

"Right..." she said, "but what am I supposed to do for three weeks?"

"I'll make a list of things to keep you busy. Now go make sure Josh is still breathing and be at my place by 3 this afternoon."

"o...o...okay," She stuttered backing away from me before turning to rush back inside.

I closed my door and started the car. All of a sudden, I felt relief. For the first time in months... no... years, I was free to do whatever I wanted. I drove home, stopping on the way at the Beverly Center to pick up new luggage bags.