Chapter 4: Solitude

A/N: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended. (In other words – I don't own it, I'm just playing). Please take the time to leave some words if you really loved it or really hated it! Thanks to my beta FE71SH for working the magic.

- BPOV -

I was still hurtling headlong through the forest. My feet barely touched the ground due to the speed I had gained. When I was far enough from the house that I was fairly certain none of my family would follow I stopped. I turned and braced my back against a tree. I took a minute to take stock of what had just happened and what needed to happen now. My family were safe from the Volturi, or at least as safe as I could hope to make them, but was I safe from them. I realised I was now blind to the future. I had no Alice to guide me to the correct path, instead I had to do what I thought best. First, I had to concentrate. I had to fix anything that would lead Edward back to me too early. My clothes. I needed to clear them out of the house. I could think of only one way to do it, short of turning up on the doorstep, knocking on the door and asking. It would be risky and something I had never tried before. But I had to hope it would work.

I ran to a main road and found a gas station. I broke into the female bathroom and used their mirror to prepare a memory. I escaped back into the cover of the forest. I hoped what I was about to do would work, if not the presence of my clothing would drive Edward to distraction and I couldn't risk that. I found somewhere under shelter to lie, not for comfort because standing or lying made little difference, but because I couldn't have someone stumble across me standing and vacant when I shifted. Once I was certain I would remain undiscovered, I shifted.

Almost instantly, I could see through the dual viewpoints that I always had when I shifted into my own memories. I selected a random memory one week previous. That would give gave my past self time before Jacob's family left. Time enough to make the changes I needed to make. Once I was certain I had selected the right memory, I pulled back from my past self's mind. I needed to concentrate to even attempt what I was about to do.

- BPOV: one week earlier –

"Edward?" I called through the house. He'd disappeared a few hours ago, and so had Jacob. I was certain I knew where they were – in the forest out the back wrestling – but I wanted to double check he wasn't in the house before I decided whether to interrupt their 'boy time'.

I stilled and quietened when I saw a flash of an image. It was so quick I might have missed it, if I didn't have perfect recollection.

"Go to your room," my own voice had commanded in my mind.

I shook my head a little to clear it. I guessed what was happening, but I couldn't understand why. I obeyed the command though and went to my room. Suddenly my mind was assaulted with flashes and images that I had obviously prepared at a later stage and was showing myself now. I saw Alice having visions, and my own arms clutching onto her. Then I saw my own face reflecting back at me from a grubby service station.

"Here goes nothing... I hope this works," I whispered to myself. "My family... your family is in danger. Something will happen in a week's time and you might have to leave. You can't decide to go before then, or Alice will know and she can't know. You need to get around her.

"You need to take everything of yours, and everything with you in it, from the house. Clothing, books, photo albums, everything. You will need to disappear for a while to keep everything safe. To keep Edward safe." Her voice – my voice – broke when she said his name and I knew it was bad. I didn't care what else she – I – had to say, I would do it to keep Edward safe. "Over the next week, move it all to a hiding place, don't worry about deciding where – I will know when you know. I will collect it from there, but you have to make sure you take everything. And a car – I will need a car too. I can't go back to the house at the moment or I will be at risk, they will be at risk.

"Please, listen to this, trust me – trust yourself – if I could do this any other way I would, but I can't... I can't lose him for good. Can you?" I shook my head. I knew if I was seeing all this in my mind, I – or at least some future version of me – was feeding me this memory.

"I'll do it," I whispered in a broken voice.

Part of the memory repeated in my mind. "You can't decide to go before then, or Alice will know and she can't know. You need to get around her."

I nodded. "I'll get around her. I can do this."

I wasn't sure if I'd – she'd – shifted back to her present or not, but I decided now would be the perfect time to move some of my things. I worried about how to get around Alice at first, before deciding that I could 'donate' the clothes to charity. I would drive into town and drop them at a donation centre. With that in mind I packed up almost all of my clothes, just leaving enough for a week. Based on what my future self said whatever may happen would happen within that time frame.

I loaded up one of our lesser used cars. Edward's old Volvo – the one he'd had when we met again in Fairfield. Neither of us could bear to part with it, despite it being over twenty years old and no longer in immaculate condition. Rosalie kept the motor ticking over though so it would serve whatever purpose my future self needed it for, it would garner less attention than one of our other cars and would be the car that no one would miss if it disappeared, except perhaps Edward and I.

I drove twenty minutes out of town. When I'd seen my future self's memory I had recognised some of the sights outside of the window, so I knew where she – I – would be later. I left the car where it was before packing up a few of my clothes into a bag with the key. I dropped the bag into the hollow of a tree and ran back to the house.

"Bella?" Alice called behind me. I turned to look at her. "What are you doing? What's with the bag of clothes?"

"Oh you know," – I shrugged, trying to be convincing as I lied to her – "Edward and I can get a bit carried away. I thought it might be best to lay some out... for later when we go hunting."

She wrinkled her nose. "Don't do that to me," she said, obviously seeing visions of the next hunting trip Edward and I would go on. "What about the car?"

"Alice, stop being so suspicious." I tried to laugh, to pass it off as nothing, but I wasn't sure how successful I was so I changed tack. "Can you see any dangers on the horizon?" I challenged, raising my eyebrow at her.

She shook her head.

"Exactly." I smiled. "I just have some things to arrange for a surprise for Edward. You'll know all about it soon enough."

"Fine," she said. "But you can't keep secrets for long. Not in this family."

I resisted the sigh which would give away my lie. Instead, I forced my face into a smile. "I know."

I ran upstairs into the room I shared with Edward, or at least still shared for the time being, and waited for him to come home. The easiest way to distract him from noticing the absence of my clothes was to distract him. I stripped down to my bra and undies, the black lace set I was wearing sat against my ivory skin in perfect contrast. I sat on the bed with my legs outstretched and crossed at the ankles, ready to welcome him home. Then I closed my eyes and hoped I – and my future self – knew what I was doing.

Edward walked in a short while later. His reaction was exactly what I had hoped for. He rushed to envelope me in his arms. I reached behind his head and pulled his face to meet mine. I ran my tongue along his lips until they parted, then I pressed it deep into his mouth. I delighted in the taste of him, it was a delicacy that I would never grow sick of and which quelled the fire in my throat nearly as much as hunting.

All thoughts of what my future self had told me fell away as I allowed myself to enjoy every moment with Edward, like I always had and always would. I couldn't trouble myself with something that may not ever happen.

The following morning we rose to the sound of children playing the backyard. We knew it was finally time to pull apart and rejoin our family. Edward kissed me once more before climbing out of bed to make himself presentable for our guests.

"Bella?" His voice was soft, questioning.

"Hmm," I replied, still bouyant from our night of passion.

"Where is all your stuff? Your clothes... they're all missing. There are only a couple of items, enough for a week maybe."

Damn, I thought. I was madly trying to piece together a believable cover story. "I just thought Alice would like an opportunity to shop, so I dropped it all off to Goodwill yesterday to clear some room. I decided to take them because I was going into town anyway - while you were out playing with the boys. What were you doing anyway?" I asked, in an attempt to divert him from his line of questioning.

"Jacob and I were just bonding." He grinned.

I raised my eyebrow. "Bonding?"

He nodded and kissed my lips. I knew he was trying to get me to drop it. So both of us did. We held onto each other's hands, both knowing we were holding something back, but both trusting if it was important we would share. We kept our secrets to protect each other's feelings.

I shifted back to the present, trying to shake the sight of me and Edward in each other's arms. The pain of our separation was still too raw. Knowing that I was the cause of it made it worse.

I ran to the spot where I had left the clothes. I knew exactly where to find them; my memories had altered to include the location once I had altered the past. After I found the bag I pulled everything out as quickly as I could, searching for the car key. I was anxious. I was much too close to the house. Close enough that any one of them could stumble across me without my knowledge. I had found the car keys at the bottom of the bag and was just beginning to roughly throw the rest of the clothes in when I heard a sound a few miles off. Footsteps flying through the forest, too fast to be human – or animal, I grabbed the last handful of clothes before pushing myself as fast as possible in the opposite direction. I was almost a mile away before it registered that one item had fluttered to the forest floor. It was too late to go back for it though. I saw a glimpse of Edward's hair colour darting through the trees. I closed my eyes, if I saw any more of him I would run back into his arms as quickly as I could. I knew it was too early for that yet. I had to wait until after the Volturi had been. Two weeks, I reminded myself. I could wait that long.

I ran towards the car, sobs escaping from my lips every few minutes. I thanked my past self for the good foresight of this Volvo. As hard as it was to be inside it, between the scents and memories, it was definitely the best vehicle to take to Forks. It wouldn't stand out as much as some of the more flashy vehicles we had. I climbed in quickly and pushed the accelerator to the floor. It was much slower than running would have been, but I wouldn't have to keep to the cover of the forest either, so ultimately it would provide me with more freedom.

I soon found that concentrating on driving took up far too little of my attention. I just couldn't go to a happy place and focus on shifting and braking. Instead my mind wandered back over time. I couldn't help thinking about the last time Edward and I were separated. Then it was him leaving to try to save my soul. He was so certain that he was bringing danger into my life. He still hadn't forgiven himself completely for that decision. I wondered if I would be able to forgive myself now. I knew I would have to explain why I chose this course to Edward once I had given his memories back, but I would deal with that when I needed to. He would realise that there just wasn't the time to come up with another plan. I couldn't do anything that would bring him, or any of my family, pain. By the time they realised their loss I would be back in their lives... if they'd have me.

I turned my thoughts away from the dangerous direction they were heading. I had to remain positive. They would understand. Despite my mental reassurances, I felt myself slipping back in time. I tried to hold on to the present, aware of the danger of a shift while I was driving, but I couldn't.

I was standing in the forest, Edward stood across from me. I knew something was wrong, I had known it ever since the night of my birthday party.

"You... don't... want me?" I asked.

"No." Edward's face was hard, his normally liquid eyes were frozen solid. I couldn't see any contradiction in his eyes or face. He meant what he said.

"Well, that changes things." I said calmly, my body ignoring the words that he spoke, trying to protect me from the impact.

"Of course, I'll always love you... in a way. But what happened the other night made me realize that it's time to change. Because I'm...tired of pretending I'm something I'm not, Bella. I am not human. I've let this go on much too long, and I'm sorry for that."

"Don't." I wanted to scream at him not to leave but I couldn't, my voice was broken and pitiful, "Don't do this."

I couldn't see any of the love I thought had existed between us when he said, "You're not good for me, Bella."

The words were confirmation of exactly what I had always known – I wasn't good enough for him. There was no emotion on his face as he waited for me to respond. I forced the words out, "If...that's what you want."

He nodded once, a hard nod that shattered everything. The conversation continued but I couldn't follow it. I couldn't breathe. I knew this memory wasn't right, I knew the truth behind it now but it didn't stop me feeling every ounce of pain and rejection I had felt at the time.

"Goodbye, Bella."

"Wait!" I tried to reach out for him but I couldn't carry myself forward. His cold hands locked around my wrists and pinned them to my sides. He leaned down, and pressed his lips very lightly to my forehead for the briefest instant. My eyes closed.

I opened my eyes. I glanced quickly around and was relieved that I hadn't caused a multi-vehicle pile-up during my lapse. I saw no value in that vision. It just made me angry at everything Edward and I'd had to suffer from the moment we first found each other. Suffering I had thought was well and truly behind us now. Since my transformation I had never entertained the thought that we would someday be split. In my mind it was going to be the two of us together – forever – no matter what else came along.

I pushed the old Volvo hard during my drive. It was coughing and spluttering by the time I reached the outskirts of Forks. I wasn't sure whether it would be able to make the return journey, but I had faith Jacob would be able to fix it for me before I tried.

Jacob. I sighed. I wasn't sure what to do about Jacob and Cain, and their respective families. I wasn't sure what I wanted to do. I was relying on Jacob to help me through this temporary separation, but I couldn't go to La Push. Jacob may have allowed my transformation, but the terms of the treaty made by Carlisle a hundred years ago still stood. No Cullens were allowed on Quileute land. Jacob wouldn't mind as such, but the last thing I needed now was for one of the other wolves to get tetchy.

The one productive thing I had done during my travels was to come up with a cover story for the good people of Forks. I planned on hiding out here until the Volturi had left and I looked too much like myself, and there were too many people who knew the old me, to pass for a stranger. Instead I decided to pose as my own daughter. A love-child that resulted from a one-time reunion of high-school lovers. I had eyes like Edward's and enough similarities to his family now that I didn't think anyone would question me. People rarely questioned us anyway. I thought back to the conversation I'd had with Alice when I saw her for the first time in Fairfield.

"When did you come up with those stories?"

"Just now," she laughed. "Honestly, Bella, I know people become curious about us, but never to the extent where you'll need to know all this information. Usually so many rumours are started no one knows exactly what the truth is."

I hoped no one in this small town – a town I hadn't seen in over twenty years, not since my father's funeral – found out exactly what the truth was.

I drove to the Cullen's old house. I didn't know where else to stay. I didn't know where else to go. I knew there would be no electricity or phone, but there would be basic furniture and it was close to the forest. I knew it would get back to the wolves soon enough that someone, more specifically – a vampire, was in the Cullen house. I hoped it would be Jacob or Sam who would investigate, and not someone younger and less inclined to trust me.

I pulled into the driveway and edged along the now overrun path. I was reminded of the time I had driven this way after the Cullens had left when I was just a teenager. I had found the house frightening then, a looming reminder of what I had lost. Now it was no different. Nature was pressing so close to the house it was almost part of the forest. Vines twisted their way up the exterior walls, choking the house. Even from the car I could tell a thick layer of dust coated the once-white dust covers. As I walked closer to the house I was greeted with the softly lingering scents of my family. The interior of the house must be choked with them. I wondered whether I could force myself inside as I realised that the last time anyone stepped through this door was to leave me.

I diverted my course at the last minute, skirting around the house and running straight into the forest. No time like the present to announce my arrival, I decided. I ran in the direction of the La Push reserve, slowing only when the scent of werewolves started to cling to the Earth. I wondered if they still ran patrols, the scent here was washed out and ancient – it's presence a lingering aftertaste on the gentle breeze. I ran along the scent trail, it was clear this must be the defining border, although exactly where the boarder started and ended was uncertain. I hoped that I wasn't unintentionally intruding on their land.

I ran along the border for a few miles in either direction, trying to cast as big a net as possible over the area to grab the wolves' attention. If this didn't work I would be making a trip into town sooner than anticipated. I debated heading back towards the house but decided there was one stop I wanted to make along the way. I wondered if I would be able to find my way on my own again. I decided to run alongside the road until I reached the spot where Edward and I had left the trail the first time we had ever gone to the meadow.

I came to a shuddering stop as I neared the spot. Someone had cleared the forest. The meadow, the trees, everything was gone. Instead there stood row after row of generic housing. It stretched off into the distance like a suburban sea. I realised there would be no solace for me in our old favourite spot. The place where he would have proposed... if he hadn't left. A sob escaped my chest. I rested my back against a tree and released another sob. The events of the last few days finally caught up to me. My legs buckled beneath me under the weight of my sorrow, I slid down the length of the tree, the bark pulling at my hair. I pulled myself into a prone position. The earth beneath me was soft and warm, reminiscent of the bed I once shared with Edward... and would share again soon. I tried to remind myself that it would only be another ten days before I would be back in his arms. But no amount of trying could stop my mind's retreat behind my shield. Into a place of pain and sorrow. A place I had only visited once before, years ago – after Alice, when I thought Edward had left me. I knew I had made a promise to him that I would never retreat into myself again, but I couldn't prevent the thickening of my shield. The darkness within my fortress of pain was absolute. Nothing else existed or mattered.

A/N: Thanks everyone for the support you have been showing this. I am glad you are enjoying & I apologise for being so slack in responding to reviews, just know that each and every one brings a smile to my face & encourages me to write more.