Chapter 5: Gone

A/N: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended. (In other words – I don't own it, I'm just playing). Please take the time to leave some words if you really loved it or really hated it! Thanks to my beta FE71SH for working the magic.

Okay I know this was supposed to be Chap for Chap between BPOV & EPOV, but B just had too much to say before she met up with E's present.

- BPOV -

A soft snuffling beside me alerted me to the presence of an animal. I ignored it. The rancid smell that filled the air told me it was a werewolf. I wanted to open my eyes and look, to find out who it was, but I couldn't. I felt a shift in the air, a cool change, like the heat was sapped away. I knew it meant the wolf was gone – they had obviously phased because a human replaced him. That was a good sign. That meant it was someone that knew me and trusted me not to attack. Hopefully that meant I would not be attacked either.

I tried to pull myself out of the darkness but I couldn't. Edward was gone. No, I reminded myself, I'd let him go. The full impacts of my choices were now swirling around me. Ten days without him. Then, when I returned, I would have to explain why - why I had done what I had done. What if he never forgave me? What if he sent me away from him permanently? I felt myself being lifted but I couldn't care - I didn't move or acknowledge the presence of whichever wolf had me.

I didn't know how much time passed with just the soft fall of human footsteps to fill my mind. The darkness still held me tightly in its grip.

"Bells?" Jacob's voice echoed around my mind, working its way into the depths of my sorrow.

I couldn't listen to him. I couldn't bring myself back for him.

"Bells..." his voice was more worried now. "Where's Edward – is everything alright?"

I shook my head infinitesimally, but hearing Edward's name from someone else helped me to find a small piece of myself. I tried to mentally slap myself. I needed to keep it together for Edward. For us. If I couldn't keep it together he would never know me. He'd never know about us. He would never experience the deep, all-encompassing love we shared. Or worse – maybe he would find it with someone else. My muscles twitched in reaction to the jolt of pain that coursed through my body with that thought. Jacob's breathing steadied a little as he took in my movements.

"Is she all right?" I started at the second deep voice. I had thought I was alone with Jacob.

I clawed my way back from the pit of despair I had cast myself into. I opened one eye and then snapped it shut again. I shouldn't be where I was. I was in my father's old house, although legally Jacob still owned it. I was lying on something; I guessed it was a couch. It was thick with dust, just like the rest of the house. Cain was standing behind Jacob in his police uniform. I knew that meant he wasn't here as a friend at the moment - he was Police Chief Markson.

"Bella, what you are doing here?" he asked when he saw my eyes were focused on him.

"Edward..." was all I could manage. The heartbreak in my voice was evident.

Jacob growled, or at least gave a human approximation. "Is he hurt? Are the Cullens alright?"

I nodded. "They're all fine," I whispered.

"What's the matter then?" he asked.

"They just... don't know me anymore."

"Why not?" Jacob asked.

"I... I... I had to leave them." My voice was a soft broken whisper. I could tell Cain couldn't hear me, but Jacob's hands found mine.

"Why?" his voice echoed my heartache. He knew what Edward and I had been through, and I knew he didn't want us to suffer through anything else.

"The Volturi. Alice had a vision. They wanted me."

A look of confusion crossed his face. "The Volturi wanted you?"

I nodded. "And they would have done anything to get me."

"But that doesn't explain anything. Why don't the Cullens remember you? You are a Cullen."

I shook my head. "Not now. Not anymore. At the moment... I'm just... lost."

"You didn't answer my question, Bells."

I couldn't answer him because sobs were running through my body and had stolen my voice. I wished I could cry, to sacrifice tears to erase some small part of the pain I was feeling, but my eyes remained dry and unaffected no matter how painful the sobbing became.

"Cain, can you go for a little while?" Jacob asked. "I need to speak to Bella alone."

Cain hesitated for a moment, looking back at me. I knew he thought of me as his saviour. If I hadn't intervened after he'd shot me, his life would be very different. I could tell he saw this as an opportunity to help me in return. But I couldn't have him feeling any obligation to me. Any extra help he offered now would only put him further in danger. I nodded to Cain to let him it was all right, I wanted to talk to Jacob alone. He smiled and nodded back, turning to leave.

He turned back to look at me as he opened the door. "If you need me, Bella, you know where I am."

I nodded. I knew his family were living in the house at the end of the street. He'd bought it ten years previous, saying he wanted to set himself up on his own two feet and not rely on charity from his friends. I had been so proud when it had happened, it vindicated my trust in him. I watched as he shut the door behind him. I hung my head in shame that I had dragged him into such a dangerous world.

I focused on Jacob again. His face was inches away from my own. "Explanation. Now!"

I looked away for a few minutes, trying to get my explanation straight in my own mind before I opened my mouth. "I erased their memories," I said. "So that the Volturi wouldn't know I even existed." Edward's words from when our situations were reversed hit me, it will be as if I never existed.

"Who's memory?" he asked, clearly confused.

"Everyone's."

"Even Edward's?"

"Yes," I sobbed again. "I had to. I couldn't let the Volturi kill him to get to me. I couldn't lose him for good."

"Surely there was some other way to do it?"

I shook my head.

"You mean to say that between the eight of you this" – he indicated the house around him – "was the best option you could come up with?"

"It was my choice," I wailed.

"Why? Tell me what happened?"

I looked into his eyes. "I saw the future in Alice's mind. This was the only path that didn't end with my family being splintered and hurt."

"But Bells," Jacob said, laying his hand on my face, his fingertips burning my skin and helping me to focus on the present. "Your family is splintered, and you are hurt."

"Do you think I don't know that?" I snapped, pulling myself into a sitting position. I took a deep breath to calm myself down. I had to remind myself that it wasn't Jacob's fault - he just hated anything that tore Edward and I apart. He knew how much it hurt to be away from the one you loved. "But it's just for two weeks."

"What do you need from me?"

"Nothing," I said. "You don't owe me anything. I just needed to make sure you knew about the Volturi and the risk they posed. Cain will be in danger if they ever know he knows. I'll do anything necessary to make sure that everyone here is safe."

He dropped his hands and leaned back from me. "Are you going to steal my memories too?" His voice was sharp and hurt.

I shook my head and reached out to him. "No. I need you Jake. I can't make it through alone."

He sighed. "Bells, you didn't need to do any of this alone. I've seen the way the Cullens come together in a time of crisis. They would have come up with another solution."

I shook my head, despite the doubt in my mind that maybe, just maybe, he had a point. "There wasn't time," I sobbed, mostly in an attempt to soothe my own guilt.

His face softened as he took in my distress. He blew out a breath. "It doesn't matter, what's done is done I guess. What happens next?"

"We wait until the Volturi have gone, and then I go and beg for forgiveness."

Jacob grasped my hands. "Forgiveness?" He cocked his head at me.

"From my family."

"I think they'll understand," he said, gently.

"I won't survive if they don't forgive me."

"I don't think they'll stay mad at you. I'm sure Edward won't."

"I hope you're right," I whispered.

"I know I am," he replied. "In the meantime, why don't you get yourself cleaned up?" He raised his hand to my hair, and pulled away a stray leaf.

I nodded. "Thank-you, Jacob. For understanding."

"I never said I understood. But I'm here for you."

I nodded. "My clothes..." I whispered. "They're all at... at their old house."

"I'll go get them, you draw yourself a bath. Just relax, Bells. We'll get through this."

I nodded, and trudged up the stairs of my father's old house. Memories flooded through me with every step. I shifted into a memory and saw myself walking up them, knowing Edward was in my room - waiting for me - after our day at the meadow. The first time we declared our love for one another. But the love I had for him now eclipsed the love I had felt then. It was like comparing a molehill to a mountain.

The next week was nothing short of a nightmare.

Jacob tried to keep me sane as best as he was able. He even had Harriett bring Sue and Max down from the reservation. It helped... while they were with me. Although Edward's absence was a pain I felt constantly. But eventually each evening they needed to return home. In the middle of the night, alone in my old room - lying in the place where Edward and I had fallen deeper in love – my sorrow hit its peak. I found myself sinking back into memories of happier times. It was the only way I was able to manage getting through the time without running back to Rochester. Finally enough days had passed that it was time to head back to my family. I loaded my clothes back into the Volvo and kissed and hugged Jacob and Cain and their families good-bye.

I wrung my hands nervously. It would take me a little under three days drive to get back to my house, to my family, but I had no idea what I would do after that. I couldn't exactly just knock on the door and introduce myself as Edward's wife. There was every chance they would rip me to shreds before I even had a chance to get the words out. I knew they had to be on edge after the way I had left Alice, and they would have noticed my scent around the house.

Harriett wrapped her arms around me. "It'll be fine, Bella. I've seen the way he looks at you. That sort of love isn't just forgotten, no matter who many memories are lost."

Stolen, I thought to myself, but I nodded, hoping she was right.

When I had done it - ten days prior - taking my families' memories had seemed like the best choice I could make. Now, I just couldn't help but wonder if I was wrong. A sense of apprehension built in my stomach, growing with every mile I travelled through. Edward's face filled my vision, haunting me constantly.

As nervous as I felt, I couldn't help but feel a little excited too. If things went my way I would be back in Edward's arms before long. I stopped only for fuel and one quick hunt, I hadn't hunted at all since leaving, but I wanted my eyes to stand as evidence that I knew of, and supported, their lifestyle.

My hands gripped tightly onto the steering wheel as I pulled into the driveway. My face broke into an involuntary smile and a long shaky breath escaped my lips. I debated whether to keep my shield up or drop it. On one hand, if I let a name slip in my mind - which would be easy to do - Edward may become concerned that I knew their names before I was introduced. But on the other hand, having my shield raised would raise their suspicions immediately. In the end I dropped it but tried to keep my thoughts as neutral as possible. It wouldn't help to profess my undying love to someone who didn't even know me.

I stopped in front of the house and took another deep breath. I immediately knew something was wrong. The scents in the area were too faded. Judging by the way the smell had washed out none of my family had been in this area for almost a week. I tore from the car in a rush, running to the front door as quickly as I could.

I knocked softly on the door. There wasn't a sound or a movement from within the house. I knocked louder. Still no movement. My nerves fractured. I pushed the door open and my heart fell into my feet. The larger pieces of furniture were covered in dust sheets, the smaller furniture and personal effects were gone. I ran through the house – tearing from room to room.

Nothing.

There was nothing.

Everything was gone.

I ran to my room. The room I had shared with Edward. It was empty. His clothes gone. His journals gone. My life... gone.

Anger at myself, and my own stupid decision, coursed through my veins and before I knew what had happened I had kicked the bed and sent it flying across the room, shattering the window.

The sound of the glass shattering tore through me and was reminiscent of the shattering of my heart. I began to sob as I tried to straighten the room. It didn't work. The mess grew greater as I lost control and exerted too much strength trying to do simple things. My frustration rose like bile in my throat. I ran through the house, pulling the dust covers off everything – trying to find something, anything, to show me where they had gone. I would chase them to the ends of the earth. If only I knew where they were. After I finished tearing through the rooms I ran from the house and into the forest. I ran for a few miles before I fell to my knees.

My life was over.

My love was gone.

I was all alone.

I sobbed into the earth.