Chapter 9: Reload

A/N: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended. (In other words – I don't own it, I'm just playing). Please take the time to leave some words if you really loved it or really hated it! Thanks to my beta FE71SH for working the magic.

- BPOV -

When I arrived back in Forks I ran straight for Charlie's old house. Although it was in Jacob's name, he had told me that it would always be my house. He'd made that clear as soon as Cain had moved out. I hoped he still felt that way even after I abandoned him at my old home nine months ago, but I couldn't cross onto the reservation to find out, so I just had to risk it.

The first meeting with Jacob was a little tense, but he understood. He knew what it would feel like for him if suddenly Harriett was to disappear. He knew he would hunt to the ends of the Earth to find her, so although he was still upset with me for running when he'd told me he was coming, we were able to put it past us. But then he'd dealt one of the biggest blows I had received since Alice had seen the Volturi coming. He told me Edward had arrived back at the house less than a day after I had left it. If I had just waited around for twenty-four hours, maybe less, I would have been able to fix this situation a year ago. I begged him to show me the memory, to show me that Edward was safe and was... happy, but the past showed me that Edward wasn't happy. He was full of rage, he lashed out at Jacob - throwing him from the house.

One statement Edward had made stood out amongst all the others. "I mean, if she is your friend, than you should be able to give her this warning. Tell her someone is coming for her. They will find her, and when they do, they will corrupt her or destroy her. The Volturi think they can use her to get to me, but I have no interest in joining their guard and nothing will lure me to them. She needs to go into hiding and stay hidden."

I didn't know what to do. I wasn't sure whether chasing my family would put me - or them - in harm's way or whether reuniting with them while the Volturi were still hunting for me would be in anyone's best interest. I wasn't sure and didn't know how to decide. I spent days, then weeks, then months, in debate. Eventually, I knew it was time. Time to stop wallowing in self-pity, and instead turn my focus on finding my family, but I knew that in order to do that I would need to go out into society. I would need a cover story. I enrolled in high school as a senior. According to the fake ID I had secured with the last of the emergency cash I had procured from the Cullen's house in Forks I was eighteen, old enough to live on my own. Jacob helped me spread a rumour about the arrival of Charlie's granddaughter. Not that it mattered because Alice was right - no one was ever interested enough to know the full truth, they survived instead on a small amount of scandal and gossip.

I knew that registering in school would mean I would need to hunt more frequently. In the months I had been back in Forks - hiding out in my own house, pretending not to exist and living in the past because it was too painful to make a choice in the present - I had neglected my needs because hunting was too painful. It held too many reminders of him. But in the early hours of the morning following my registration I knew I couldn't deny myself any longer. I was going to be too close to the students for too long a period. I had a perfect record when it came to human blood and I didn't want to break it now, not while I started the hunt for my family.

I was in the forest behind the house, trying to find enough sustenance in the rapidly declining wilderness, when I heard a noise to my right. I instinctively pulled my shield tight around my mind. I spun around toward the sound. I immediately felt like I was hallucinating because I saw him. I couldn't believe he was in front of me. After just over thirteen months apart - he was really there.

"Edward," I whispered in shock.

He froze in his hunting crouch. He was poised to spring - at me. His hand reached out for me, giving me a small amount of hope that maybe, just maybe, he knew me on some level. But then he clenched his fingers into fist and forced it by his side. "Who are you?" he asked venomously.

I felt any hope I had fall away. My heart broke hearing his beautiful voice issue those three words. I didn't even think before I took a step closer to him. He retreated, hissing as he went.

"Please, can I explain?" I pleaded with him. I raised my hands to show him, to demonstrate my ability.

He growled at me. His eyes were filled with hate and rage, but there was something familiar buried at the back of them. Love. It was that love which called to me like a siren song. I took another step towards him and he took another step backwards. He looked as if the last thirteen months had been difficult on him, but I didn't understand that - he at least had the luxury of not being able to remember a love so strong it tore me in half to think of losing it.

I saw his eyes run trails across my body, but the way my body reacted I could have felt the path of his gaze even if I'd had my eyes shut. Despite the lingering glances though, there was no recognition... and no backing down. He wouldn't let me explain. I dropped my hands to my side and clenched my fists. I stepped backwards, giving him the space he so clearly wanted, but he surprised me by matching my backwards retreat with a step forward.

I stepped to the side, closing the distance between us ever so slightly. It was something Laurent had done to me the day in the meadow, before the wolves had attacked him. Edward matched my step, but in the opposite direction. He seemed determined to keep the exact same distance between us - down to the inch.

I chuckled involuntarily. "Always so stubborn," I whispered. I had been living in the past so often for the past thirteen months I had fresh reminders of all his stubborn acts during our time together.

"How would you know whether I am stubborn?" he whispered dangerously.

"Because, I know you, Edward," I whispered. I met his eyes, trying to communicate soundlessly the connection between us that I knew he could feel, even if he didn't know why he felt it. I didn't want to drop my shield through and inadvertently think of something that would frighten him away faster.

I watched him closely, relishing in seeing his stunning features up close and personal again His eyebrows furrowed in a gesture I knew. I managed to stifle the chuckle when I realised he was trying to figure out why he couldn't read my mind.

I dropped my shield long enough to ask him a question. You are wondering why you can't hear my thoughts aren't you?

He took two steps backwards as my words hit him. His face wore open shock... and hurt. I wanted to erase the pain and my arm reached for him instinctively before I remembered the situation and forced it to my side.

He stepped back again. It hurt to see him retreating from me as if I was a stranger, or worse - a threat. I pictured the times when we were happy. I needed him back. Please? I dropped my shield and begged him silently.

He shook his head slightly, as if to clear a bad memory. Then... he ran. I knew I had no chance of catching him, he was the fastest vampire I knew. But even if I thought I had a chance of catching up with him it was hopeless because there was no way I could move. My body was frozen by a pain so binding that I couldn't move at all, except to whisper, "Edward, please."

I waited, but he didn't come back. When feeling finally returned to my body I ran back to the house. I climbed through the bedroom window, unwilling to risk being seen going through the front door. I kicked the wall, adding yet another impressive hole to the already Swiss-cheese like plaster-board. I had to wipe the pain of our encounter out of my head to clear it enough to think - to be able to track his scent. I decided I would start in the morning - I would follow his scent for as long as I could and hope to high heaven he didn't cross a stream or anything that might make me loose his trail.

I decided in the meantime to go back into my happy place - the place where Edward was by my side. I lay on the bed and closed my eyes. I knew for all intents and purposes I would have looked asleep to anyone intruding. I pulled my shield up and concentrated on keeping it up as I shifted back into the past.

Edward was on my bed, with me curled on his chest. I remembered this night clearly. It was the first night Edward stayed in my room - or at least the first night I knew he was staying there. It was the night after we declared our feelings in the meadow. So much had changed that day - I knew I would never be the same again. I sank into the viewpoint of my past self. Edward linked his fingers with mine, and I could have sworn both parts of myself felt the familiar current pass through my hand.

Being in the memory was hard. I listened as Edward and I talked. I watched him as he watched me sleep. I saw him brush the hair off my face before leaning over and, taking great care to ensure he was in control first, kissing my forehead gently.

I shifted back to the present. I didn't know at what stage my shield fell down, but I knew my mind was currently wide open and Edward was in the room - clutching my hand and staring at me. I blinked to clear the fantasy that my mind had created. Occasionally when opening my eyes from the past I could see a lingering image of Edward's face. I looked down to my hand, at his fingers linked tightly to mine - almost as if he never wanted to let it go - and I realised it wasn't a dream. He was really there.

"Edward," I breathed in relief. "You came back?"

Edward stared incredulously at my face for a few seconds before dropping my hand. "What the hell did you do to me?" he demanded.

I sighed. "I promise, I'll explain everything. I just can't right now." I knew I couldn't risk Alice seeing a vision of my revelations to Edward and not understanding what was happening. I would have to give everyone's memories back at just the right time. I couldn't risk undoing what I had done in order to protect them. But there was also no way in hell I was going to let Edward get away from me again. I knew now that we were stronger as a team - we were weakened every time we were broken apart. We'd been apart when I'd been hurt by Jacob, when Laurent had hunted me, when Victoria had come for her revenge and when Cain had shot me. But above all else, I knew that I would rather face death hand-in-hand with Edward than have to endure a single moment without him.

"Tell me," he insisted. "Now."

I can't, I told him mentally. I couldn't help how much love and relief coloured my thoughts.

"Who are you?" he asked.

"Follow me," I whispered.

I walked to the window before offering my hand back to him. He stared at it and I could almost see his thought process written on his face. He didn't trust me - and I was giving him no reason to. I sighed, knowing I would need to give him some sort of sign, something to gain his trust. I reached up to my neck, giving the chain around my neck a brief tug. I heard the gold snap instantly and closed my hand around the ring that I hadn't been parted from in the more than twenty years that it had been in my possession. I held out my clenched fist in offering. He held his open palm out to receive it.

This is my most prized possession in the whole world. I haven't parted from it in over twenty years, but I will give it to you as a token of trust. You can give it back when, and if, you want to.

I dropped the ring into his palm.

He stared at it in amazement for a moment before growing angry. "What the hell are you doing..."

I pressed my finger to my lips. "Please, Edward, you need to listen to me. We can't talk about this now. I promise to answer every question you have - although you might not have many questions once I've finished my explanation."

He furrowed his brow at me, looking between me and the ring.

I sighed and showed him a memory - just a partial memory, a flash at the most - of him down on one knee as he offered the ring to my past self.

He shook his head in denial. "What the hell?"

"Please..." I stopped, the words kept sticking in my throat. "Please just trust me."

He closed his eyes, deep in an internal debate. When he opened them again he nodded slightly and my legs almost buckled from the magnitude of the relief I felt.

"Thank you," I whispered, reaching out for his hand. He stowed the ring away in his pocket. I wondered if I would get it back from there - or whether my revelations would cause irreparable damage to our relationship but put the thoughts out of my head as quickly as I could. His fingers linked with mine. I stifled a moan at his touch. After so many months apart, it was almost heaven to have any sort of contact again. It wasn't until I felt his grip loosen that I realised my shield was still down. I closed my eyes in embarrassment. It had been so many years since I had felt self-conscious around Edward. We had grown so comfortable and confident around each other there wasn't a single thing we weren't able to discuss with one another.

I led him out of the window and into the forest behind the house. It was still dark enough that prying neighbours wouldn't be able to see us. I ran in straight to the Quileute line.

Edward pulled my arm as we closed the miles. "But that's the way to..."

La Push, I thought to him. I know... please - just trust me. I won't break the treaty.

"You know about that?"

I know everything about you.

"How?" He stopped and yanked on my arm, pulling me to a sudden stop. I twisted and narrowly avoided crashing into him.

Not yet. Please?

"I'm not moving until I get answers," he said.

I could tell he was being serious. I looked anxiously towards Jacob's land. I wanted a wolf nearby to cloud Alice's vision and give me some privacy as I told Edward everything. But I didn't want to leave Edward and risk him running away.

"Who are you... to me?" he asked in a quiet whisper.

I closed my eyes. I had no idea how to answer that question. I'm the love of your existence even though you can't remember a single thing about me. "Bella," I said in response.

His hands came to my face. It was not quite the loving gesture the way he used to do it, but it wasn't threatening or painful either. He forced me to look at him.

"Open your eyes," he demanded quietly.

I did as he commanded and found myself to be inches away from him. I breathed in his heavenly scent. I met his eyes and wanted to burst into tears but I knew they would never fall. I wanted to confess everything to him and have him tell me he forgave me. I wanted to kiss him. I needed him desperately.

Don't react, I thought. I will show you everything, but you mustn't react. Your family might be in danger if you do.

He seemed to regard my face and my eyes for a minute. Then he nodded.

I raised my hands slowly, not that I really needed to use them, but I found they helped me focus on the information I was providing. I shared with him the memory of our first meeting at Forks High School. I gave him the memory back, allowing him to remember how he felt. I watched the various emotions play out on his face, fear, then amazement, then anger and finally sorrow. I offered the next memory.

One by one, I returned to him his memories of our life together. Each time I purposefully picked the memory and gave it back to him, watching closely for any sign that indicated whether he would forgive me or not.

My breathing grew more shallow and his grip grew a little tighter as each memory was shared. Finally I gave him two memories of my own; one of Alice's vision, of why I did what I did and the other the pain I felt when I actually had to take his memories away.

He issued a low growl. I closed my eyes as the sound ripped my heart apart. "How could you?"

I wanted to hang my head, but it was still firmly clasped between his hands.

"Do you know how bad the last thirteen months have been for me?"

I shook my head as best as I could. I'm sorry.

"Sorry? You took away the most important thing in my life - and didn't even leave me any reminders - and all you can say is sorry?"

What else could I do?