Chapter 10: Sorrow

A/N: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended. (In other words – I don't own it, I'm just playing). Please take the time to leave some words if you really loved it or really hated it! Thanks to my beta FE71SH for working the magic.

- EPOV -

I'm sorry.

I was angry. Every memory, every moment of my life with Bella had flooded back into my mind in a series of flashes. I could remember everything about her, about me and about us. I was furious. I was annoyed with myself for not being able to remember the one thing that was most important in my life. The one thing that I valued higher than anything else - even myself. I was upset with Alice for taking Bella away and making her feel forced into making the choices she had. I was frustrated with Bella for being the one who had taken herself away. "Sorry? You took away the most important thing in my life - and didn't even leave me any reminders - and all you can say is sorry?"

What else could I do? Her internal 'voice' was so full of pain I couldn't help but feel terrible for her.

"Anything!" I hissed. I was still angry but I tried to calm down. I had seen her thoughts when she'd made the decision; she had given me that memory too. She honestly thought this was the best path to tread. I wondered if she still felt that way. I tried to put myself in her position. I had endured thirteen months of missing memories, of not knowing the anguish I would have felt had I known of my loss. Just thinking about Bella's absence in my life now was an ache that ran through my entire being and rendered me almost immobile. I knew well enough what living without her was like. I had done it for seven years after I left her, thinking it was the best thing for her. Bella had lived with that agony for the past thirteen months. Her mind was currently wide open to me and all of her thoughts were coloured with regret and pain. Sorry wasn't strong enough a word to cover how she felt, but it was the only one she had available. I closed my eyes and let her pain overtake me. I wanted her to share it, it helped temper my anger and still my tongue, ensuring I wouldn't say anything to worsen the situation or push her away.

It wasn't until I opened my eyes again that I realised I had pulled her into a tight embrace. It felt right to be this close to her. I didn't doubt a single thing she had shown me. I could still remember my thoughts, doubts and suspicions during our separation. I knew if she were trying to plant false memories, she wouldn't have left those thoughts intact. But it was more than that. I just knew it. Every part of my body knew who she was, had always known who she was, even when my mind was coming up blank.

She began to sob tearlessly against me. I held her head and shushed her. "Bella," I whispered. "It will be all right. Shh, we're together now."

I was so worried that you would be angry. That you'd hate me and never be able to forgive me. I was afraid that you'd send me away forever.

"I am angry," I said. I felt her start to pull away, so I held on tighter. "But not at you, or I should say not only at you. I do understand why you did what you did - I just wish you would have trusted me more. Talked to me about it."

I couldn't. Every decision I made, every choice, made the situation worse. This was the only thing I could do - to ensure your safety.

"Alice could only see the outcomes affected by your choice. Together, we might have been able to come to some other solution."

She shook her head. I don't think so.

I grew frustrated with her arguing, until I realised that she needed the belief that the decision was the only one she could make to be able to live with herself - to justify the pain she had been through.

I put my finger under her chin and tipped her face towards mine. "Don't worry, Bella. I could never send you away. You are far too precious to me."

I felt her body react reflexively to relax into me. Relief flooded her mind and she closed her eyes and raised onto her tiptoes. I knew what she was seeking and I was more than willing to give it to her. I pulled her up into me, ducking my head at the same time. My lips met hers with a crash. What began as a desire for a small token of the love I still felt quickly turned into a desperate need. Thirteen months of repressed desire came crashing to the surface. I pushed hard against her body as my tongue crept into her mouth. I stepped forward against her, pulling her body into me. I grabbed her hips and ground them into mine. She moaned loudly, the sound spurring me on. I backed her up until we crashed into a tree. We hit it with such force it cracked along the trunk, but thankfully it remained upright giving me something to pin her against to stop our forward momentum. I needed to have her pressed hard against me. I needed her to fill every one of my senses until I could take no more. Her body and mind both called for me. I let my emotions take over. My anger and remorse mixed with relief and love and all of it came through me and into my kiss.

I pressed myself between her legs, wrapping her legs around my waist one at a time.

I've missed you, she thought. So desperately,

"I know." I could hear it in her every thought. "I would say I missed you too, but..."

I know. Her regret was palpable again.

I pulled away from her a little and kissed her forehead before resting my head against it. I needed her so desperately, but not now, not like this. We needed to fix us before we could take this any further.

I was so scared I had lost you forever... I couldn't bear to think of it. If anything happened to you. She shuddered.

"You were the one who was alone. I always had the others. It must have been dreadful for you. If anything had happened to you..."

You wouldn't have cared. You wouldn't even have known.

I shook my head in disagreeance. "I would have felt the loss. I've been drawn to you, ever since that day... the day you left... I've searched for you. Even when I didn't know who you were... what you meant to me... I looked for you."

She shook her head in disbelief.

"It's true," I whispered. "See for yourself."

I felt her mind seek mine out until I felt myself beneath her shield. I pulled up the memory of my hunt for her in the forest near our old house, of finding the blue blouse and growing aroused by her scent. Of my quiet whisperings to the brown-eyed fantasy girl I had created in my mind - who was a mix between Bella as a human and Bella's vampire self. I watched the scene through her eyes.

Edward lay on the ground, his face was filled with confusion and frustration. His hand gently stroked his straining erection, but there was no urgency to his movements. His eyes were closed and he seemed concerned.

"I don't understand what's happening," he whispered to the empty air around him. "I have found so many things that I cannot explain. I don't know if I can talk to any of my family about how I feel. I just don't think they'll understand.

"I feel like a part of my heart is missing. It hasn't beaten for over one hundred years, and yet it feels like it's out of step. I feel like I am out of step - with everything. I wish I could remember more of my past.

"Things are out of place. I have possessions I've never needed before, but things which I've always relied on are gone. My journals haven't been touched in years."

I was so sad for him. My heart broke as I watched him whisper his fears to the night. I knew why his journals had remained untouched. He'd explained it to me long ago. At first he had grown fascinated by me. He spent his nights watching me sleep rather than documenting his thoughts. Then, once we'd fallen in love, he had continued to spend his nights with me. After he left me, he couldn't stand to think his thoughts, let alone write them on page. He'd often told me they were the darkest years of his existence. Darker even than his time away from his family - then he had tried to be a vigilante, but at least he was able to hold onto hope. After he'd left me, hope left him. Since our reunion, he had shared his innermost thoughts and fantasies with me. We'd kept each other occupied at night and he'd had no need of his journals.

Seeing him so heart-broken, even without a reminder of our love, pained me.

I could see what Bella was going to do. I had to stop her. I hated what happened to me - and her - but I could see that it had stopped Aro from finding out the extent of her talent. Even if it had sent the Volturi after her anyway.

I wanted to give him something. I clenched my fists, getting ready to return his memories then and there. To stop all the nonsense before it got worse.

I tried to get her attention, desperately calling out to her with my mind and my voice. I even tried to pull up another memory to dislodge her from the one she was in. It was too close to the Volturi visit to arrange another plan.

As I began to reach toward Edward, I felt a tugging. It was like an urgent call for attention.

I took heart in the fact she could sense me, at least on some level. "Bella," I whispered softly into her ear, calling for her attention. "Bella, come back to me."

I felt the shift in her mind that indicated her return.

"Why did you stop me?" she whispered. "I could fix this." I could stop it from happening.

"We have to talk, to work out what's going to happen first. It's too dangerous."

"But you've suffered so much."

"As have you, my love. But at least you are safe. You are alive. Beyond all hopes and dreams, we are together. At the moment, your safety is my main concern."

"Edward, we have an opportunity to fix this."

"Not if it risks your life. We can't make any rash decisions... that's what got us here."

She dropped her head onto my shoulder and regret filled her again. "I'm so sorry."

I wrapped my arms around her and let her sob into me. I knew she needed the release. "Come, my love, let's get you home."

I led her back along the path we had travelled. I wasn't sure why she had led me out here to reveal the truth, so I asked her. "Why didn't you tell me all of this back at Charlie's house?"

I was worried, she replied. About Alice. I thought the wolves might have been able to help me stop her from seeing anything. Her mind turned to thoughts of Alice, and I saw exactly why she was worried - and why she had planned to have a wolf present when she did her big reveal.

"You think there might be issues?" I asked.

I had no idea how you would take it. I was concerned you would think I was lying, or that you would be so upset with me you would send me away. But I allowed myself to hope, just a little, that you might forgive me and I was worried about what would happen when she saw you have a turn-around about me without knowing the reason. Because... she paused, seemingly unsure how to continue. I'm not sure whether I should return memories of me to the rest of your family. I mean my talent is what got us into this mess - the more people who know about it, the more dangerous it is for everyone.

I shook my head. "The Volturi want me, and Alice, just as much. At the moment, you are just a tool in Aro's game, simply a means to an end."

That will change when he finds out what I can do.

I shook my head. "No, my love. It won't. Because he will never find out."

Grief, paranoia and stress all radiated off her lovely body. I wanted to help rid her of her demons. I could tell thirteen months alone had damaged her already fragile self-esteem. There was nothing I could do or say that would make it up to her. It was at that point I let go of the last remaining shreds of my anger. She didn't deserve my anger, but neither would she want my pity. She did what she thought was necessary to save me - to save our family. And hadn't I just stopped her from fixing it? Didn't I know all too well the pain of making a decision to hurt yourself in order to protect the one you love? Of course, neither my choice, nor hers, worked out the way we hoped.

I knew the only thing she wanted from me was the one thing she deserved more than anything - my love and my forgiveness. She had forgiven me when I had made a bad choice that had hurt us both. I could do nothing less in return.

As we walked side-by-side back to her house, I linked my hand with hers. It was such a small symbol, but I hoped she understood what it meant. I wasn't going to leave - I wasn't going to run.

As soon as we reached Bella's house she walked around the front, unlocked the door and trudged inside. I wanted to sneak up the side of the house once again as a reminder of our early years together - now that I remembered them - but I couldn't let her out of my sight. I didn't know if I would ever be able to again, bad things happened whenever we were apart.

I followed Bella into the bedroom, as she turned back towards me her eyes were still downcast and I could tell she was unsure of my ultimate reaction. I knew there was one thing I could do which would prove to her how I felt - how I would always feel.

"Bella, you gave something to me earlier," I said, pulling the ring from my pocket. I knew I couldn't do it the way I would want - with a grand gesture and down on one knee - because there was too much risk Alice would see and I understood Bella's concerns there. Alice would question why I was suddenly madly in love with this beguiling female when only days ago I was determined to hunt her down to protect my family. I felt sickened thinking about the way I had thought of Bella during our time apart. Guilt that I could ever have been angry with her ate away at me. I held the ring into my hand and grasped Bella's hand. I gently slide my mother's ring back onto her finger where it belonged. "It's yours, it will always be yours."

She closed her eyes and sighed loudly. I could hear the relief echoing from her mind in the sound. My phone started to trill and Bella jumped. I ran my fingers along her cheek. "It's alright, love," I assured her, suspecting I knew who it was.

"Edward, what's going on?" Alice asked, her usually chipper voice low and restrained.

I nodded slightly to Bella, answering her thoughts as she asked whether it was Alice. I had no idea what to say to Alice on the other end of the phone. I knew she wouldn't understand if I told her that I had rediscovered my reason for existing. "It's complicated."

"What's complicated?" she hissed. "The fact that you were making out with the female you were hunting? Maybe it's the fact that you just put an engagement ring on her finger? Or is it what you are going to do next?"

I pinched the bridge of my nose, closing my eyes. I didn't even want to know what she was seeing - I could imagine. "Alice, I'm safe. She's not going to hurt me."

Bella look aghast at the suggestion.

"How do you know that?" Alice sounded concerned, her voice dropping lower again.

"I just do. I trust her."

Bella gave me a small smile but her thoughts gave away the depth of the relief she felt as I uttered the words. Each action or statement which confirmed I was staying seemed to solidify her confidence.

"Edward, I think she might be talented. I've never seen someone's future turn around so fast."

I smiled. I realised how to get Alice to drop it - at least for now. "What do you see in the future now?" I asked.

"Nothing," she muttered.

"Nothing?" I asked, pretending to be shocked. I could imagine what she was seeing. I could remember all of my relationship with Bella now and we were insatiable when it came to each other.

"Nothing I want to see," she clarified.

I stifled my chuckle. "Is there any danger?"

"None that I can see."

"Why don't you look harder?" I knew she wouldn't.

"Look, Edward, just be careful, please? There's something more going on with the female, I know there is."

"It's Bella."

"What?" Alice asked distractedly.

"Her name is Bella, and you two are going to be good friends."

"I thought I was the one who could see the future," Alice replied dryly.

"Thanks for looking out for me, Alice, but please just trust me. She's not going to hurt me, or any of our family. You know that, and you'll be the first to know if that's going to change."

She growled and mumbled for a moment before acquiescing and hanging up.

"I don't want to cause problems for your family," Bella said.

I ran my fingers along her cheek. "They will find it hard to trust my turn-around. We've had too much experience with talented vampires for them not to wonder what could have happened to make me love you so deeply so soon. They may think it's some form of brainwashing, but in time I think they'll understand."

I ran my palm along her cheek and tipped her face to give me access to her sweet lips. I kissed her again, but this time there was no anger or regret. There was only love. I gently lifted her and carried her across to the bed, lying her down on top of the comforter. I noticed the wall closest to the bed had coped a battering but I decided not to ask her about that just yet. Instead, I peppered light kisses across her jaw.

"I love you, Bella," I whispered. I wanted her to know that was the reason I was doing what I was. It wasn't an attempt to fix anything, it was just a desperate need to show her physically how I felt. How I had always felt.

She whimpered softly as my mouth moved from her jaw to her neck. I continued kissing her as I gently peeled off her shirt, revealing her creamy white skin. I worked slowly, not in any hurry to rush the rediscovery of her body. I needed to take my time. To show her that I still revered her. That I still cherished her. I ran my mouth from her collarbone to her breasts. I hummed as I tasted her for the first time in over a year. I could clearly recall the taste I had imagined when fantasising about her, it had nothing on her actual taste. It would be impossible to dream up a scent as delectable and hers, or a taste as wonderful.

I ran my tongue across her nipple and a shiver ran through her skin.

I love you. I want you. I need you. I don't want to be away from you ever again. Bella's mind ran on repeat, echoing my own thoughts.

I brought my lips back to hers again, kissing her deeply. My tongue found its way to hers and they danced between our mouths in a slow, scintillating tango. I caught her lower lip with my teeth and gave it a gentle tug, earning a low groan. I rubbed my groin across her apex and she whimpered louder. I climbed off her, never letting my mouth leave her lips or my hands part from her skin. I slid my hands across her stomach and to the waistband of her jeans. I undid her clothes as quickly as I could. I wanted to give myself to her slowly - but my need was too great.

I stepped away from her only long enough to remove the remnants of her clothes and the last of my own barriers. I climbed back up the bed towards her. I didn't pause as I captured her mouth with my own again and her body with my arms. I wrapped myself around her tightly before pressing my pelvis forward to meet hers. She tilted her hips and I felt myself slide into her. We hissed in unison at the sensation of pleasure that ran through us. We had barely been separated since discovering each other intimately - certainly never for so many months - so it felt right being back together. Like pieces of a puzzle that fit perfectly together.

Holding onto Bella, I twisted until she was on top - in the position of power. I was hers and hers alone. There had never been - nor would there ever be - another woman I wanted or needed as much as her. She took control quickly, shifting her hips in slow, steady movement that sent my desire skyrocketing. Her fingers intertwined with mine. Her eyes met mine. They burned a rich golden colour, echoing her choice - her continued devotion to our lifestyle despite not having our influence or support. It must have been dreadfully hard for her to retain so much control when she was so alone.

"My beautiful, strong, resilient girl," I whispered. "How could I ever survive a day without you."

You'll never have to again, she thought. I would rather face death by your side than have to live through another separation.

I nodded. I knew precisely what she meant.