Title: Curse This Sexist World!

Sum.: While Francis already knew, Arthur was the one most impacted by the news. Alfred F. Jonesis female.

Sum.2: AU In an exclusive, international all-boys college, Avery is in disguise of a male. Since this school has the best chance of helping her become a pilot for the U.S. Air Force, why not spend four years as a guy? Of course, she didn't even think that maybe, just maybe, one of her room mates would be smitten with her, she would find her long-lost twin brother, her ex-boyfriend would be there—oh, and that she'd fall in love?

A/N: Urghleflablasglebah I threw up earlier today. Feel dead sick, and my parents are acting like they hate me. *cries*

Anyway, to pass time since I can't fall asleep, I'm going to write this chapter! :P

R&R! And enjoy! ^^

[-]

Chapter 4: Dating is Easy When You Know the Person you're Dating

[-]

I punched Francis in the nose.

"Thanks but no thanks, pervert!" I shrieked at him.

Let me re-cap. I had told Matthew and Francis that the first person I saw when I walked into the bar (that was a male and moderately good-looking and preferably someone I knew wasn't a psycho killer) I would ask on a date.

Matthew was skeptical, and then Francis offered to help me get dressed.

He smiled slightly and held his bleeding nose. "Okay, okay, I apologize!"

I shoved the two of them out the door. "I'll let you both back in when I'm finished getting dressed!" I yelled, and then, as an afterthought, held out my hand for Francis' room key. He sighed and placed it in my palm.

"You've learned your lesson, I see," he chirped happily, pointing to the bruise that was forming on the bottom of my chin.

I rolled my eyes and slammed the door in his face, then locked it.

Taking extra precautions, I took the clothes I picked out (from the clothes hidden underneath my mattress) with me into the bathroom, and stayed in there to change.

I slid out of my previous clothes and pulled on black skinny jeans, a gray fitted tee, and my favorite pair of gray Fergie's. After that, I slipped on a white hooded jacket with pink skull-and-crossbones patterning it, then quickly pulled my shirt hair into a small ponytail at the back upper part of my head. Knowing that the boys would be impatient if I took too long, I dashed out of the bathroom, unlocked the doors, grabbed my bookbag (which held a purse inside of it, as well as my usual school gear) and ran back into the bathroom.

For a few moments, they simply watched me put on make-up. Then, when that proved boring (what guy in their right mind would think it be entertaining?) Mattie started playing something or another on his DS and Francis began texting God-knows-who.

When I finished applying my mascara, I packed the make-up back into my purse and slung it over my shoulder, tossing my bag on my bed.

"Okay, you two," I said as I left the bathroom, "we need to get our story straight. This is for anyone who asks, you hear?"

The two simply nodded, Matthew taking in my sudden transformation, and Francis staring at my tight pants. Of course.

"I am Alfred's little sister. I'm only about a year younger from him, and I came to visit him. He ditched and is somewhere in town, and left me with his cell phone."

They nodded again.

"So, Matthew, where's Alfred?"

"Hiding from you, somewhere in town."

"Francis, who am I?"

"Alfred's petit sister. You came to visit Alfred. You are one year younger than him."

I pursed my lips. "And whose cell phone number are you to call when Arthur tells you he's on his way home?"

"Um…yours?" Matthew asked after a few seconds.

I shook my head. "No, you are to call my back-up phone."

Francis stared at me in entertainment. "You bought a back-up phone for when he confiscates it?"

I proudly held up the pink t-mobile sidekick. "I make sure he doesn't see this one because it has all of my high school friends' numbers and photos of me as, you know, a girl."

Matthew snickered. "You say it like you're an actual guy."

I rolled my eyes and moved to leave. "That's how I have survived this long, bro! Bye you guys, call me when Arthur calls!"

"What if he doesn't?"

I paused, hand on the door knob. "Then I'll leave at midnight. He said he was going to be home at twelve-thirty, after all."

I left before they could comment on how "Cinderella" the entire thing seemed.

I mean, I'm sneaking out to find a date, spend the rest of the night with them, and then rush home at twelve so I can change back.

Oh, I made it sound pathetic.

[-]

I held my license out to the doorman, who took it out of his hand and studied it carefully. (The afternoon shift doorman was always more attentive.) I took a compact out of my purse and checked my make-up.

He looked at me. "I'm sorry, ma'am, I can't let you in."

I crossed my arms. "And why not?"

"While you and whoever this is look the same, your hair is longer."

I stomped my foot. "All I did was straighten my hair!"

He looked at me closer. "Do I know you?"

I blinked. How many times had I been to the bar between three o'clock and six?

Oh, lord, lots of times.

I smiled timidly, turning on the womanly charm. "No, I rarely come to this school. I'm visiting my older brother, Alfred. Do you know him?"

He blinked. He always had been rather chummy with "Alfred." He blushed. "I'm so sorry, ma'am, you can go inside."

I smiled happily as he opened the door for me.

Right before he shut it, he timidly called, "Um, ma'am?" I turned my head to look back at him. "You wouldn't mind not telling Alfred about this, would you?"

I grinned at him. "Of course not! Why would I tell Brother about this little slip-up?"

He slowly nodded then shut the door. I strode confidently to the bar then glanced around the room as I waited for the bartender to notice me.

Hmm, Felixia was sitting again in her corner, texting away to that "Liet" person. No one that I knew (that was a male or good-looking) was here.

"What can I get for you, miss?" I heard a voice ask. I turned back to the bartender and pretended to be confused.

"What would you usually have?" I asked the flustered looking boy.

"Um, I don't usually drink here, and, um—"

I looked at him, obviously confused. "Then why would you ever have this job?" I shrugged it off. "I'll just have the fruitiest martini you have."

He raised an eyebrow at my sketchy order, but said nothing.

I heard the chime that was always heard when someone opened the bar door. I glanced behind me to see if I knew them—

And ended up staring.

There stood my good ol' best friend, Gilbert Beilschmidt.

And he was looking hot.

He rarely changed out of his torn black jeans and German metal t-shirts, and at this exact moment I hoped he would do so more often.

He wore a red collared button-up, the top three or four buttons undone. (Knowing him, he got too lazy to finish buttoning it.) Underneath was, as usual, faded black jeans. But he apparently took actual care of this pair, because not a single tear, hole, or rip could be seen. Underneath were black combat boots, only he actually polished them. He never polishes his boots.

On his head was a black fedora, and on his face were black (probably designer) sunglasses.

I couldn't tell where he was looking, but it was in my general direction.

I blushed and turned back to face the bartender just as he placed the drink in front of me.

I slid him the amount of money then went to sipping at my drink.

Well, Gilbert was everything that I had required. The first man I saw that I knew wasn't a serial killer and was remotely good looking.

I mentally groaned. Why did it have to be Gilbert, of all people?

Hm. Well, it would be fairly easy to coax him into a date, since I knew all the right words.

One being 'awesome' and several select phrases that would stroke his ego.

I heard a creak as someone sat next to me. Please don't be Gilbert, please don't be—

"Hello, I don't suppose I've seen you around here before."

Oh no.

I glanced at Gilbert shyly, not confident in the difference between my Alfred voice and my normal voice. He still hadn't taken his sunglasses off.

I swallowed my sip and smiled slightly at him. "And how would you remember me if you had?"

He smirked at me. "I'd remember someone as awesome as you."

Oh no.

I turned back to my drink and took another sip, trying to ignore the blush crossing my face.

No no no no no! Not Gilbert! Anyone but Gilbert! I couldn't dare date Gilbert!

"My name's Gilbert Beilschmidt."

I paused my panic-drinking and turned to look at him. Might as well suck up your pride and snag him, Avery.

"Oh? That sounds fairly Prussian, doesn't it?" I cocked my head to the side and smiled.

He blinked behind his glasses. "Actually, I am Prussian. How'd you—"

I looked around the rest of the bar, as if I was waiting for someone. "My name's Avery."

He pursed his lips. "Oh? Am I not awesome enough to be graced with your last name?"

I paused, then glanced at him. "Jones."

He blinked. "Jones?" And then he roared with laughter. "So that's where I recognized the name from! You're related to Alfred, aren't you?"

I stared at him. "You know Brother?"

He nodded. "Me and him are best friends!" He paused, looking a little hurt. "He hasn't told you about the awesome me, huh?"

I smiled apologetically to him. "Brother doesn't tell me anything, so you don't have to act so wounded."

He raised an eyebrow and slid the glasses off his face, as if his ruby red eyes wouldn't be shocking to someone he just met. "So you and Alfred have a bust relationship?"

I stared in his eyes. I had never actually really noticed how pretty the shade of red was—

I blushed and looked away. "N-no, Alfred and I don't get along very much." I shrugged helplessly and took another drink. "He ran off somewhere in the city when he heard I was visiting, so here I am, stuck at his school with no clue where I am."

Gilbert smiled at me slyly. "Must be pretty lonely."

I nodded, knowing what was coming next. "Yep."

"You know, if you don't have anything to do, then—"

"Okay," I interrupted, blushing but smiling at him.

He blinked. "You didn't know what I was going to—"

"No, I didn't need to."

He grinned at me. "Okay then!"

[-]

I was now being dragged by Gilbert all around the city, wondering if my jacket sleeve could handle much more tugging.

Gilbert was babbling on about this and that (most of it having to do with him), half in German and half in English.

He paused as he waited for a stoplight to change colors. "It must be confusing to you," he suddenly said.

I searched the context for clues. He had been complaining about how his brother had been telling him to get rid of Gilbird.

"Your brother's opinion?" I lamely attempted.

He laughed. "No, my German."

I shrugged it off. "I understand most of it."

He blinked back his shock. "Really? You know German?"

"Um, some…" I blushed. I was used to German because he was always talking in it around me, so I had picked up about a handful of words.

"How'd you learn?" He questioned as he and I ran across the street to the other side.

How did people learn German when they weren't best friends with a self-proclaimed Prussian?

I took a page out of the good ol' thing called television. "Internet?"

He nodded. "Internet just got more awesome, in my opinion."

I laughed, and he stared at me. I blushed in embarrassment. "What is it?" Did I have red teeth from that martini…?

He shook his head. "Nothing."

I rolled my eyes. "Sure."

He grinned at me. "I was just wondering how the awesome me had chanced to be on a date with someone as sexy as you."

I swung my purse at him and laughed. "I'm not sexy at all." Gilbert was my best friend. If he knew that it was really his friend Alfred, just in female form, he probably wouldn't like me. I mean, I most certainly had difficulty liking him, after all.

So why am I blushing?

I looked around us. "Where are we going?"

He shrugged. "I have no idea."

I giggled. "Oh, that sounded smart."

He rolled his eyes. "How about we go to…hm…Hastings?"

While I most certainly knew what Hastings was, I could not expect my female persona to.

"Hastings? What's that?"

He grinned at me. "You'll see!"

He grabbed my hand and I shrieked with laughter as he dragged me across another street.

[-]

I have no idea how it had happened, but he now had his hands covering my eyes.

I giggled as I heard the sound of electronic sliding doors. "Where are we, Gilbert?"

He pulled his hands off of me and grinned. "You are at the most awesome place in the world."

I looked around me, feigning shock. I was in Hastings, the best damn bookstore in the entire city.

I gaped. "It's huge!"

I knew he was refraining from saying "That's what she said."

I was purely shocked. Gilbert was being much more polite to me than I had ever seen him—even when he was with girls he had interest in. Usually by now, Felixia would be wanting to bash a beer bottle over his head because he kept flipping her skirt up, or else Ms. Héderváry shrieking at him about detention while chasing after him with a frying pan, just because he had made some perverted comment about her and the principal's relationship.

He grabbed my hand and dragged me to the Children's Books section. "It's my favorite store in the entire city."

I already knew this. I also knew that he was holding back from mentioning that he usually dragged "Alfred" along whenever he visited. (Because of the faux bad relationship I had with my male alter-ego.)

He sat down, right in the middle of the aisle, and pulled me down with him.

As he scanned the book titles for something that seemed even vaguely interesting, he asked in a caring tone, "So what's with you and Alfred?"

To anyone who had actually just met him, he would've sounded boredly curious. Since I already knew him, I heard the worried undertone.

I shrugged. "Alfred and me used to be really close. In, like, Elementary school. We just kind of drifted after that. Of course, when Mom remarried and emancipated him but not me, he probably felt hurt."

Actually, that was cutting it close to the truth. I had been hurt when Mom emancipated me, feeling like she preferred her new husband over me.

He looked at me out of the corner of his eye as he pulled a pop-up book off the bottom shelf. "Why's that?"

I pulled my knees up to my chest and laid my head on them. "I guess…Alfred felt hurt that I would rather be with my step-dad than him…" I stared at the floor, wondering if I was going to cry.

Gilbert paused in his page-flipping. "Sorry," he mumbled, staring at me.

I turned my head so I was looking at him and stared at him, confused. "Why are you…?"

He shrugged. "Apparently, it's a touchy subject." He laughed. "I should've guessed, with how girly Alfred acts whenever his emancipation is brought up."

I blinked. "Brother acts girly whenever it's brought up?"

Gilbert grinned. "He's practically in tears every time I ask him about it."

I felt like glaring at him. But I didn't.

I paused. "What do you think Brother should do? You know, to stop feeling so depressed and all?"

I was secretly hoping he would give me some good advice, so I could get over this dislike for my mother.

Gilbert shrugged. "It'll probably sound girly, but I say you two should just talk to each other."

I gaped at him. That was actually very intelligent. "So we should just talk?"

Gilbert laughed. "Sounds like something out of a romance story, huh?" He went back to reading.

I shrugged it off. Maybe I could talk to my mom about it…

I stared at Gilbert, a new affection for him sprouting in my heart.

[-]

Heh heh. "Sounds like something out of a romance story, huh?" XDDD

Hastings is a real store, yep! It's my favorite bookstore in the world! (Partially because of it's three rows long collection of manga, of course.) Whenever my friend first showed it to me, we hung out at the Children's book section and read a pop-out murder story. It was kind of a paradox, huh? Pop-out children's murder stories. XD

Well, review! Hope you all enjoyed yet another 3,000 word chapter. *laughs*

P.S. Avery's jacket? That is mine! And the shoes? Also mine! I love them! Their my favorite shoes and jacket! (The jacket was uberly cute and I found it at a Salvation Army by my house. It cost about fifteen dollars. And the shoes were from a Foot Locker. I have two pairs of Fergie's, one gray—like Avery's—and one black. They cost thirty dollars apiece. They have "Fergiliscious" written on the back of them LOLZ)