Title: Curse This Sexist World!

Sum.: While Francis already knew, Arthur was the one most impacted by the news. Alfred F. Jonesis female.

Sum.2: AU In an exclusive, international all-boys college, Avery is in disguise of a male. Since this school has the best chance of helping her become a pilot for the U.S. Air Force, why not spend four years as a guy? Of course, she didn't even think that maybe, just maybe, one of her room mates would be smitten with her, she would find her long-lost twin brother, her ex-boyfriend would be there—oh, and that she'd fall in love?

A/N: Agghhhhhhhhhhh this story is getting cheesier and cheesier. Sursly. You'll understand when you see this next few scenes. XD

R&R! Enjoy!

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Chapter 5: the Perfect Way to End a Cinderella Moment is to Make it All Come Crashing Down

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I stared at it. It stared back.

Gilbert watched in amusement.

Gilbird sat perched on the edge of my drink, since Gilbert and I had somehow appeared back at the bar, at around eleven forty-five. He and I were in a staring contest.

Okay, so it wasn't exactly a staring contest. But it most definitely was something deep.

For some odd reasoning in the way he focused his attention on me, it felt like Gilbird knew I was Alfred. And by the way I stared into his eyes, my lips formed into a pout, it was as if I was begging the bird to not inform Gilbert.

Finally, with a tiny nod and "piyo~", Gilbird flew up and onto Gilbert's head.

Gilbert laughed. "That was intense for a moment there. What were you and my awesome bird thinking about?"

I shrugged.

A bartender walked up and sternly asked for us to pay. I rolled my eyes. "Why, is the bar closing shop for the night?"

He laconically nodded.

I sighed and dug around in my purse, pulling item after item out. Lipstick, compact, mechanical pencil, mascara, letter from mom—

How did that get there?

I looked at it closer, and saw that it was actually just an empty envelope, the contents already emptied.

I rolled my eyes and set it back down, then looked at Gilbert pleadingly.

Who simply snickered but laid the required dollar amount onto the counter.

"I think it's a rather stupid rule that the bar be closed at midnight, don't you think?"

The words echoed through my head. Midnight, midnight, midnight…

I gasped and quickly pushed all of the stuff back into my purse. "Oh my lord Jesus on a cracker! I have to leave!"

He looked at me, obviously confused. "What? It's only midnight, and—"

After I slung my purse over my shoulder, I turned to leave the bar.

Over a slight hesitation, I suddenly turned back around and kissed Gilbert lightly on the lips.

After I pulled away, I said in a low whisper, "Don't follow me," then ran out as fast as I could.

I ran straight for the Dorm buildings and, after noticing the lack of open elevators, ran immediately towards the stairs. After going up the two flights of stairs, I dashed down the halls and slid into the bedroom.

And was met with a sheepish Francis, a scared Matthew, and a very P-O-ed Arthur.

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I did what I did best. Played along. "Uh, hi Arthur. You're home early."

He pressed his lips into a thin line. "Peter got sick and threw up." I was thankful that his glare did not even notice my current appearance.

"So, um, that's bad and all, and since you seem obviously mad about something or another, I'm going to just hide in the bathroom-"

As I made for a mad dash for the door, Arthur grabbed me by the shoulder, and I shrieked in shock.

And that was when Arthur finally looked at my appearance.

His eyes widened and widened as his eyes drifted down my body, and back up, landing on my mascara layered, eyeliner rimmed, contacts-instead-of-glasses blue eyes.

I smiled sheepishly as his hand fell from the bathroom doorknob.

"Hahahahaha, it's not what it looks like?" I grinned.

Arthur simply stared.

I turned to Francis and Mattie, a prayerful look in my eye. "Back-up?"

Francis smiled slightly and walked up to us, wrapping an arm around my shoulder. "This is Alfred's petit sister, Avery?"

I elbowed him. "It doesn't work when you add a question mark!"

"Alfred's a cross-dresser, eh!" Matthew offered.

I face-palmed, then looked at Arthur apologetically. "Hello, my name is Avery Freedom Jones. I'm a twenty-one-year-old woman, I love hamburgers with a passion, and I am the hero."

Athur blinked blankly at me.

I threw my hands up in the air and walked over to my bed, collapsing onto it in surrender. "I give up. I tried the old 'it isn't what it looks like,' I tried lying, and I tried telling the good ol' truth." I shook my head at Francis and Mattie. "It's official, we lost him!"

Arthur shook his head, then glared at me. "You're a girl?"

"I'm most certainly not a man with breasts," I supplied curtly.

He turned his gaze to Mattie and Francis, scowling fiercely. "And you two knew?"

Francis threw up his hands as Arthur crossed his arms. "I always had a sneaking suspicion. It was quite obvious when she freaked out over that mouse in the bathroom." Even I was glaring at Francis. Although it wasn't for his attitude, like Mattie and Arthur.

Arthur turned to Matthew. "What's your excuse?"

Matthew shrugged apologetically. "I only found out yesterday."

And finally Arthur turned back to glaring at me, looking like the housewife from hell who just found out her husband was cheating on her. "Why?" was all he asked.

I grinned. "I want to be a bomber pilot for the U.S. Air Force," his scowl intensified, and I did not miss the disapproving looks I received from Mattie and Francis, "and this school has a 97% acceptance to the best of the best flight schools. So I thought, you know, maybe if I dressed up like a guy and acted the part for four years, I could get the diploma, enroll in the flight school, get my flying permit and be set for life!"

Arthur opened his mouth, looking ready to tear down a wall with his words. "You…you…"

"Lying, conniving brat?" Matthew offered.

"Ignorant, cruel heartbreaking dame?" Francis supplied.

Arthur shook his head, and instead glared at me. "You idiot."

I smiled at him cheerfully. "That's what they call me!"

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Hahahahahaha! I've used so many phrases from TV shows here! "That's what they call me!" is from Cory in the House.

"Oh, if it isn't the country's angel?"

"That's what they call me!"

And then, in the last chapter, "Internet?" is from Fairy Odd Parents.

"Timmy! Where did you get this military tank with turbo boost?"

"Uh. Internet?"

XDDDD There's a few more media cameos. I'll write a one-shot for whoever figures out the next one! :) It'll probably be in one of the next three chapters, although that's the one I know is coming. (Internet and that's-what-they-call-me were unplanned.)

So! Review, and I hope you all enjoyed!