Title: Curse This Sexist World!

Sum.: While Francis already knew, Arthur was the one most impacted by the news. Alfred F. Jonesis female.

Sum.2: AU In an exclusive, international all-boys college, Avery is in disguise of a male. Since this school has the best chance of helping her become a pilot for the U.S. Air Force, why not spend four years as a guy? Of course, she didn't even think that maybe, just maybe, one of her room mates would be smitten with her, she would find her long-lost twin brother, her ex-boyfriend would be there—oh, and that she'd fall in love?

A/N: Oh, lord. Did I ever mention that there is much much more drama then previously mentioned in the second summary? (Here's a hint: Mattie's and Avery's parents & step-parents do make appearances~ Lots of drama in that one *kols*) Oh! The chapter before last had…*counts* four! Four cameos of phrases from semi-popular things. If you can pinpoint the phrase and guess which book/show/movie it's from, then I will write you a one-two-three-four-five-shot, you pick the genre and characters, just keep it Hetalia. (And no Nordics. Or Turkey. Or OCs. I don't know any of those. And the Asian family. Everyone else, though, I'm good with.)

So R&R! Enjoy!

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Chapter 9: "Incest Victims Have Less Suppressed Memories Than You!"

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P.S. Chapter title = from George Lopez. Benny said it sometime during the Earthquake episode. Lol it seemed fitting

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I didn't question it when Toris downright refused to go to the bar. I was fine with it, anyway, since it was Felixia's shift. And I was currently dressed as a girl.

So it was just Toris and I, non-ceremoniously catching up over McDonald's.

I mostly ignored the uninteresting parts. Which was pretty much everything.

"…blah blah blah blah—oh, and then I really like this one girl, and blah blah blah blah blah…"

It took me a moment to notice that teensy bit of information hiding in all of the boring junk.

But at least I noticed it.

"Woah woah woah you like a girl?" I asked with a smirk.

Aw, he was so cute, acting all flustered and stuttery. "Well, y-yeah but you-you wouldn't know her. She's off-campus and sh-she rarely does anything attention gr-grabbing, so of course you don't know her…" he trailed off as he realized he made no sense whatsoever.

I smiled sweetly at him. "Then why don't you two get together?"

He returned with his own weak smile. "She likes someone else."

Wait, this sounded kind of fishy…

"Hm. So, is she American?"

He looked at me with curiosity. "No, she's Polish."

I just barely held back from doing a spit-take. "Is her name Felixia?"

He nodded.

I shrugged. "Never heard of her," I mumbled as I took a long sip of my chocolate smoothie.

He continued staring at me for a few more moments, then sighed. "So, what have you been up to?"

I chuckled. "Well, you already know the gist of it. Miraculously ran into my long lost twin brother. My room mate is in love with me. Currently-going-out-with-Gilbert. Failing physics. You know, the ushe."

He blinked and noticed it immediately. Why didn't I have quick reflexes like him?

"You're going out with…Gilbert?"

I nodded. He couldn't possibly know who I was talking abou—

"Beilschmidt?"

I suppressed groaning, and nodded again.

He had the Toris-equivalent of a scowl. "I'm sorry, but you could do so much better, Avery."

I pouted. "Well what if I don't want better?"

He looked at me wryly. "You know, I heard one of your exs has been looking around for you—"

"Really? Which one?" I said before I realized it was a trap.

He rolled his eyes and smiled slightly. "Oh, yes, Gilbert is exactly what you want. That's why you are nearly jumping out of your seat at the mention that an ex might want to get back together with you." I did not appreciate his sarcasm.

"No. I was just merely curious, you know? Got to know my options." I nodded. Yeah, that sounded like a reasonable enough excuse.

He raised an eyebrow. "So you're saying you wouldn't break up with Gilbert if I told you that Ivan was—"

"IVAN BRAGINSKY?" I shriek-whispered.

He nodded, leaning back in his chair.

I blinked in shock. Wow.

Hm, on the chance I'm veering off into the inappropriate, I feel it's necessary to mention that Ivan was my first. And you know what I mean by first.

We dated all the way from eighth grade to the second-to-last year of high school. Then his sister got all psycho-bitch on me during the summer, so I gave up on that romance. Then I met Toris around the beginning of the school year, who was currently being forced to live with his craggy old grandmother, so I immediately invited him to live with me. And then we kind of got attached. And—

You don't want my details.

Ivan, being number one and all, had a very very special place in my heart. And the only reason we weren't together now was because of his sister.

I shuddered. "What happened to Natalya? Ivan wouldn't dare look for me after the shit she said."

He smiled slightly at me, in that semi-sweet semi-suspicious way of his. "She moved back to Russia with her older sister. There was some big family conflict or whatever, and one side of her family wanted the girls to stay away from Ivan. So now he's all alone in that apartment of his…" he trailed off, waiting for my reaction.

I frowned in thought. "You aren't bringing this up just because he asked you to, are you?"

He laughed, although it sounded forced to me. "What? How would he know that I was going to run into you here, of all places?"

I scowled at my milkshake. "He could've simply said 'if you see her, tell her this and that and blah blah blah.'" I noticed the frown that occupied his face. "I do know that you two are rather chummy."

Chummy meaning Toris was too scared of Ivan to stop being friends with him and listening to what he told him to do.

Toris half-smiled at me. "I see you've gotten smarter than you used to be, Avery."

I glared at him and crossed my arms. "What's that supposed to mean?"

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So far, only Matthew, Toris, and Gilbert knew where my girl-lair was (i.e. my house off-campus.) I'd very much like to keep it that way.

Mattie and Toris were both invited over as soon as I realized I had nothing to do today.

Both were staring incredulously at my television.

"Hey, Toris? What's Ivan's number?"

Toris, too shell-shocked by the sight of my grotesquely mangled electronic, rattled off the digits absentmindedly. I quickly saved it as a contact, then compared it to Ivan's previous cell phone number. Nope, they weren't the same.

At least Ivan was smart enough to get a new cell phone as soon as Natalya left.

I poured myself a glass of cherry limeade and left the kitchen, still messing with my phone.

I looked at the boys, who were just now recovering, and spoke. "I'm going upstairs to place a call. You two don't, like, bitch-slap each other or anything."

Both snorted, as if it was undignified and completely reserved as a chick thing to do. (However, I've witness both of them do it, so I don't understand why they were being prissy boys about it now.)

I quickly climbed the stairs and slid into my room. After locking that door behind me, I went to the double protection and hid in the bathroom connected to the bedroom. And finally, I called Ivan.

While I called Ivan on my mom-use only phone (I told her I got a new phone. Which was true. She just now called this one only.), I was reading that text message from Gilbert.

Lol ur in HS?

I frowned. Why'd he have to make it all seem like a joke.

Yeah, why?I replied.

Just then, Ivan picked up the phone.

"Privyet," he murmured tiredly. I realized I had woken him up. I glanced at the clock in my bathroom. It was only two-thirty PM. How could he still have been asleep?

"Tch. I can tell you're getting plenty of sleep," I said sarcastically, hoping he would recognize my voice.

Lol al told me I just wantd 2 doubl-chek

I rolled my eyes at Gilbert's reply.

"A-Avery?" Ivan rarely stuttered. And when he did, it meant he was caught completely off guard.

"The one and only~" I cooed.

Doesn't change anything does it? I felt a twang of guilt as soon as I hit the send button.

I pursed my lips. Me and Gil weren't really dating. It was more, friends-with-benefits-currently-without-the-benefits, right?

Right.

"You always were a morning person, da?" Ivan hummed in response. I could faintly hear his bed squeak as he shifted his weight.

God, he didn't let go of anything, did he? I bet that's the same bed he's had since he was fourteen.

& y wuld it?

Hey Gil I'm busy right now I'll call you later, okay?

It was hard, juggling the conversation with Ivan and with him.

K but im holdin u 2 dat promiz

Sure whatevs

I laughed. "I'm sure two in the afternoon is not morning, Ivan."

He simply grunted. "And how exactly did you get this number?"

I grinned. "Toris gave it to me!"

Ivan groaned in anger. "I can't trust him with anything."

I snickered. "How it came off to me when he told me was that you were wanting me to call you. Now how am I supposed to do that if all I have is your old phone number?"

"…damn boy can't keep anything a secret…" he mumbled, along with several pieces of Russian.

I rolled my eyes as I realized he completely ignored me. "Whatever you say, Ruski."

I heard him sigh. "Where exactly have you been, da? You completely disappeared after graduation, changed your numbers, and moved."

I noticed the hurt tones in his voice. "Aw, don't be so vain. You're acting like I did all that just to get away from you."

"Well, what else was I supposed to think?" he asked simply.

Hm. Good point.

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Oh lord. Very short chapter. *frowns* I didn't mean for Ivan to get too involved. But, damn, I got a good idea out of this! (Mostly because I remembered that Ivan and Gilbert, like, hate each other. With a fiery passion.)

So, Ivan's in the story! Yay! (Makes me damn happy anyway.)

Now I have all of the most common pairings mentioned! AmericaXRussia, AmericaXPrussia, AmericaXEngland, and AmericaXLithuania. (Yes, I know AlfredXFeliks is kind of crackish. Oh well. LOL)

So! Review! Hope you enjoyed! :D