AN: I. I don't speak Japanese, yet I've done my best to research the words I've used, and to use them properly, or as they are used in the anime-manga. If I've used anything incorrectly please let me know. I hope you enjoy, and please let me know what you think of this story. Feedback always makes me write faster. Thanks to Arwey for continually giving me feedback, this next part is for you!

This fic is rated M for mature themes, and will probably end up with some lemon stuff. If you are underage please go enjoy some of the other wonderful stories on this site.

Disclaimer: I don't own Kenshin, or anything relating to it, and have the utmost respect for all the people who created these wonderful characters.

Updated 5/2 - Title used to be "Koi" which is a word for love. However, I was speaking to a friend who knows Japanese, and discovered that it can't be used this way. It's kinda like the English word "pretty," where it has several meanings. If you just say 'pretty' it means beautiful, where as if you say 'pretty good' it can be taken to mean 'kinda good.' Koi is apparently like this, when it's used by itself it just means 'fish,' and can never be used on it's own to mean love. Hence the title change.

Chapter 4 – Kokoro (Heart)

Kaoru could only stare into the creek. "Because it was my fault. I wasn't strong enough to stop him." Her voice was barely a whisper.

Kenshin turned to face her. "That doesn't mean it was your fault." He said quietly. "I understand you feel shamed and dishonored, but the shame is his. The dishonor is his. Kaoru-san, think of all the people we've helped. Have we ever thought less of them because they couldn't defend themselves? Because they needed help?"

"No, but that's not the same thing." Kaoru replied, tears rising to her eyes again. "You can't understand…"

Kenshin reached out to brush the tears from her face and was horrified when she jerked back from his touch. Since she'd let him hold her last night he hadn't thought she'd mind him touching her. Although he could understand her not wanting anyone to touch her, he'd thought she trusted him more than that.

Kenshin squeezed her hand gently. "Look at me, please."

Kaoru turned her head slowly until she looked into his amethyst eyes. There were tears in his eyes again, and she didn't think it was from his own memories.

As she looked at him, Kenshin slowly raised his hand and brushed the tears from her cheeks. "Kaoru-san, this was not your fault. What was done to you…" His hand started shaking. "What was done was evil and horrible and wrong, but it was not your fault. There is no shame, no dishonor, in being an innocent victim."

"No, there is no shame in being a victim." Kaoru agreed quietly. "There is shame in being unmarried and no longer shojo."

"There might be shame if it had been your choice, koishii." Kenshin whispered. "But it was not."

Still looking into his eyes, Kaoru's breath caught. Koishii. She'd been elated when he'd switched from –dono to –san, but this… Then reality kicked in.

"Koishii. How can you say that?" She questioned, her voice still barely loud enough to hear. "The only thing that made me worth anything to a man is gone."

"Oro?" Kenshin's eyes grew huge in confusion as his thoughts began to race. How could she think that her only worth was that she was a shojo?

"Kenshin, I'm more like a man than a woman." Kaoru couldn't bear to look into his eyes any longer, and resumed staring into the creek. "I can't cook, or do laundry. I practice swordsmanship like a man, and dress like a man when I do so. I wouldn't know what to do with a maiohgi, but wouldn't know what to do without my sword. I raise my voice all the time. I can be rude, and violent, and…"

"And you care more about your friends, and other people, than anyone I've ever known." Kenshin interrupted gently. "You can learn to cook, or do laundry. You can learn the fan dances. You could have learned all the skills you say a woman should have, if you wanted to. But instead, you choose to follow your heart, which is the largest I've ever seen, that it is. You choose to honor your father by learning his style, and your bring honor to yourself when you teach it to others. You give yourself, with your whole heart, to your friends. You protect those weaker than you, and you give hope and comfort to anyone who needs it. You…you are the most beautiful and courageous woman I have ever known."

Kaoru's breath caught again, and her eyes closed. She'd dreamed so many times of him saying that she was beautiful, of him saying that he loved her. She'd started to fall in love with him soon after she met him, and every week that passed had shown her new things about him to love. Yet, she knew his past still haunted him, and had understood that he kept everyone at a distance from himself. How sad was it that the one thing that had broken through his distance was something that made her feel she was no longer worthy of being loved by him?

Kenshin watched as her eyes closed, saddened beyond anything. He'd finally managed to say what was in his heart; he'd finally let his feelings for her free. He'd given her all he had to give, and it hadn't helped.

"You can say that, even now?" Kaoru whispered, her eyes still closed.

Not wanting to startle her again, not wanting to break the fragile peace they had, Kenshin squeezed her hand. When she opened her eyes and looked at him again, he again raised his hand to brush her cheek.

"Aishiteru, Kaoru." He whispered.

Tears began to stream down her cheeks again as her eyes went wide in wonder. She leaned her cheek into his hand, and he cupped it gently.

"Aishiteru." She breathed back, still crying. Even she wasn't sure how much of her tears were of joy and how many were of sorrow. "Why did you never tell me?"

"I knew you loved me, but felt I was not worthy of you." Kenshin said with a frown. "I couldn't bring myself to take you into the darkness of my world. I didn't want my past to touch you. I still don't, yet I couldn't bear for you to think that what had happened to you would change how I thought of you. I dishonored you by thinking you couldn't handle my past. I'm not sure there is anything you can't handle."

Kaoru could only stare at him. She finally had the one thing she'd always wanted, a man who loved her, and all it had taken was the loss of the one thing she had valued more than anything. "I'm not sure I can handle what happened."

"I'm sure that you can." He replied quickly.

"Ken…shin…" Kaoru sobbed as she collapsed into him, her head landing on his knees.

"Koishii." He whispered reverently, stroking a hand over her hair. When she didn't startle, he brought his other arm up to rub soothingly over her back. "It's alright. It's going to be alright." The urge to pull her into his arms fully and kiss her was incredibly strong, yet he knew how fragile she was. He didn't want to frighten her and ruin what should be an incredibly special moment.

She sobbed for several minutes, finding comfort in his touch. And as his hand rubbed over her back, she felt something other than comfort. She felt a shiver run down her back, and a tingling in her stomach. It reminded her of how she'd felt once before, when he'd hugged her. She banished the sadness of the part right after where he'd said sayōnara, and concentrated on the good feeling.

"Kenshin?" She whispered, still cradled on his lap.

"Kaoru?" He echoed just as gently.

"Would you kiss me?" Her voice couldn't have been heard by anyone with senses less honed than his. "I once thought I'd always have time for those firsts, but now I know I don't. And although he…" Her voice broke for a moment, then came back slightly stronger. "Although he took one thing from me, he didn't take this. He never kissed me. Will you show me what it feels like to be kissed by someone I love?"

Kaoru sat up, and when Kenshin didn't say anything, she scooted over until their knees bumped. "Will you kiss me?"

Kenshin looked deeply into her eyes, bringing a hand up again to cup her face. He'd always been careful to not touch her, even when she had made it obvious that was what she wanted. Now he couldn't get enough of her. "Are you sure, Kaoru-koishii?" He breathed, drawing her face towards his.

"I trust you." She murmured, running a gentle hand through his crimson hair. "I've wanted you to kiss me for so long. I don't want to wait anymore."

"Dai suki desu." Kenshin whispered reverently as he brought her lips to his.

Kaoru's eyes closed instinctively, yet Kenshin kept his open, wanting to watch her face as she experienced her first kiss. And her first kiss was by someone she loved no less, by someone she knew loved her. Not many could say that.

Kaoru felt no fear as his hand cupped her cheek, as his other hand came around her waist to pull her a little closer to him. His lips slid over hers gently, like a whisper of wind, and she found her other hand coming up to wrap around his neck.

Kenshin slid his lips over hers in a devastatingly gentle kiss, trying to show her all the things he'd never been able to say. Their lips pressed together once, twice, and then he pulled back slightly. He saw that her eyes were still closed, and a look of longing rather than anything else was on her face. He leaned in again and tilted his head a little more, letting the kiss turn more passionate. Cupping her face in his hand, he used that leverage to tilt her head more, gently sucking on her bottom lip. He heard a soprano moan echo in her throat, and praised Kami-sama that he could give her that much. That he could take her pain away for a moment.

Kaoru was having two problems at the moment. The first was that her thoughts had scattered so much that she didn't know up from down, and the second was that the one thought she had left was that she wanted to give him the same pleasure he was giving her, but didn't know how to.

Gathering her courage and her love, she ran her tongue gently along his lips, wanting to see what he tasted like. His body shuddered as she did so, and his tongue came out to duel with hers.

The instant she felt his tongue in her mouth she drew back, awed and confused by the sensations that were beginning to take over her body. Her eyes opened, and she saw only lilac eyes, burning with love and intensity.

"Kaoru-dono…" He started to apologize, thinking he had taken things to far.

"Show me." She whispered as she brought their lips together again. "Onegaishimasu."

"Kōsi desu." He whispered as he kissed her again. He kept this kiss gentle, and was amazed when her tongue came out again to clash with his. After a moment of hesitation, he delved deeply into the art of kissing, and she met his every move. He kept one hand on her cheek, the other on her waist, yet against his command they began to try and wander to other parts of her. Not wanting to frighten her, or to do anything improper, he gentled the kiss and then pulled back from her.

"We should be getting home." He whispered. "The others will be worried."

"You won't…"

"I won't tell them." Kenshin said instantly. "But I think you should think about doing so. You react differently to things than you used to, and they will wonder why."

"Can it be our secret for now?" Kaoru sighed with fear. "I know they won't think of me differently, but I still fear their reaction. Can we just keep what happened, and what is now between us, to us alone?"

"Sessha will do whatever you wish." Kenshin replied with a grin.

"Kenshin." She smiled. "Kenshin will do whatever I wish." She refused to allow him to slip back into feeling himself unworthy.

"I will do whatever you wish." He smiled uncertainly.

"Arigatō." She hugged him tightly to her for a moment, then rose, offering him a hand.

Kenshin smiled at the reversal of roles as he took her hand and rose, tucking it against his elbow as they headed home.

Next part soon, here's the glossary…

Aishiteru – I love you

Arigatō. - Thank you

Kami-sama – god, or the gods

Koishii – beloved, a term used from a man to a woman he loves

Kōsi desu – literally "I am honored."

Maiohgi – dancing fan, the specially weighted and shaped fan used in Japanese dance. Whenever you see a geisha or other Japanese dancer tossing a fan around, this is what they're using.

Onegaishimasu – literally "please honor my humble request to be taught." Traditionally, this is what a student would say to their sensei before lessons.

Sayōnara – farewell; (although this is a word often used to mean simply 'goodbye' both in fanfiction and in American culture, it is actually better translated as farewell. It's a word used when you are parting for an undetermined amount of time, and will probably never see the person again.)

Shojo – virgin, (also the word for girl, traditionally used for a young or unmarried girl, it has both meanings)