Coming Home Chapter 3: Maria's Thoughts, a roswell fanfic

Maria's Thoughts

The night Michael left; he came to see me one last time. I was the only one he said goodbye to.

It was raining, and I was brushing my hair – singing a song that I had just written. I glanced out of the window and saw him there, soaked. Once again I brought him inside and dried him off. I stared into his eyes and remembered how many times I had done this. I remembered those steamy passionate kisses in the erasure room, those quiet nights I held him when he had his nightmares, those times I fought with him, the times I cried with or because of him, the times I had laughed with him….

Michael didn't say word; he just walked up to me, put a hand on my face and stared at me. There was a question in his eyes; I nodded, knowing exactly what I was answering yes to. Our mouths fused together in a desperate but still surprisingly sweet passion. I tore Michael's clothes off and looked lovingly at his chest, we fell into my bed and everything was a blur of hands, panting, warmth and that fire that raged between us. Though, it was bittersweet, Michael memorised every bit of my body, the curves, the feel…every touch of his held a sad resonance to it. I knew deep down what was wrong.

After we finished the most amazing experience of my life, Michael kissed me again. I closed my eyes and felt wetness on my cheeks, startled, I looked up and there he was, my bad ass, 'Stone Wall,' Michael Guerin…crying. I had only seen him cry once before. This gave confirmation to my deepest fear, a fear which had been hidden sine the beginning of our relationship - that unexpected heat wave. I guess that's why I said yes, yes to him taking the last of my innocence, I wanted him to have something of me, something to remember me by. I fell asleep in his arms, hoping that if I lay there he wouldn't be able to go. That he wouldn't be able to leave me.

He did go. He got at during the night, which awoke me too. I pretended to still be asleep, to see what he'd do. I could feel the heat from his gaze; I felt his fingertips brush across my eyes, across my cheekbones and trace the outline of my lips. Silent sobs wracked my body as he leant over, kissed me on the forehead and whispered; "I love you Maria, I'll always love you. I'm sorry I couldn't say it earlier." I heard the window being pulled up and then he was gone, just like that. I ran to the window, hoping he'll still be there so I could call to him and beg him to stay, dignity and pride were not an issue right then. But there was no sign of him. I looked on my dresser and found a piece of my writing paper. It was a letter from him.

To my Maria,

I have to leave. I don't want to, but I have to go. I know you understand. I'm going to miss that, your understanding, not many people understood me like you did you know? Last night was incredible, I'll treasure every moment, though I'm so sorry for having to leave straight after. Please, don't blame yourself, there was nothing you could have done to stop this. You're the only thing in my screwed up life I feel like I did right, thank you for teaching me what Love is. I'm sorry for all those times I hurt you.

Please tell Max that I'm okay, that it wasn't his fault either. I just want to leave Roswell before I will get us into worse trouble than we are all ready in. Tell Isabel that I'm sorry but we all know that her and Max want to have a normal life, a normal family. I can't just live with the fact that there might be something better out there, something that will give me a clue of who I am.

Maria, I need to find out who I am and I can't do that with my past around me. If I stay here I will always be the irresponsible screw-up 'Mikey' Guerin. I'm not going to give you any promises, I may not come back, but I want you to move on. Find yourself a decent guy who will treat you right, never hurt you and see just how amazing and beautiful you really are. I never deserved you, but I got you all the same. Something I am utterly grateful for.

Oh god Maria look what you have done, you have turned me into a mushy…Max! Only someone with real power could do that. I expect to see your name soon on an album with a nice 8-year record deal. Maybe I might see you again in a concert with your name in lights. You're going places 'Ria.

Love

Michael

The next morning Max and Isabel called a meeting, I knew exactly what it was about. I looked at them, their faces drawn with worry about Michael and why he's missing. I remember the screaming and the shouting when I announced that Michael came to see me last night, the accusations from Isabel that I let him go, that it was my fault. I just sat there, waiting for them to finish. When they did, I stood up, pulled out my note and read out the bits that I was meant to say. Isabel demanded to see the rest of the note but I wouldn't let her, those things were private, something only I could read. Besides couldn't they see I was as much hurting as the rest of them, more even?

Max left a couple of months after Michael did, on a crusade to find him. I tried telling him that if Michael wanted to be found, he would be found, but Max turned against me. He believed it was my fault that Michael left and wouldn't listen to anything I had to say. I miss him, and his friendship.

But today, I got the shock of my life. After 8 years, Michael called me. I knew who it was before he spoke, I just knew it deep down inside. I look down at the phone, trying to make sense of it all. Why did Michael ring? Is he alright? Is he coming home? My heart flew up into my throat as I thought of him finally coming back, of finally seeing him again.

I race to my room and in a wild frenzy pulled out all of my things under my bed. Hidden behind a pile of clothes was a box, well, it's more of a hope chest really. In it were most of Michael's things that he left behind; his Metallica shirt, his sketch book with the drawings of his first vision. There were sketches of me in there, when Max gave me the book I started to cry again. There were so many sketches of me in there, me smiling, me laughing, me crying…he made me look breathtaking. Was that really how he saw me? In there is also his letter and my song book. Michael had always been my inspiration for songs, for the good and the bad. I know he told me to keep up with my singing but how could I? How could I write more songs if he was my muse? I flipped through the notepad, coming across one of my favourite songs. I had written this not too soon after he left, it's called Oil and Water.

Feeling inspired again, I went to my guitar and started singing;

He lit the fire in my heart
And with the same flame
Burned my world down stark
I gave him the whole entire thing
At first he gently held it
And then got bored and started carving

Love all one needs
What I need is to try healing
Then make sure I never
Fall back into that feeling
Love and I,
To one another never truly loyal
We don't mix too well
Love flows like water I burn like oil
Yet, I look around and there's all this water
But none that I should drink.
I notice now that I am oil and oil is
All that I should think

A tiny pin prick came
Little spurts of blood
A little trickle long enough
Can surely cause the flood
But last night he sped the process
He sliced it open
Then walked away and cut his losses

So beautiful and capable
Of bringing me good news
Now the enemy with
Knives and pins looking to bruise
You fell out as quickly as you fell in
You never fell at all
I was just kidding

Love all one needs
What I need is to try healing
Then make sure I never
Fall back into that feeling
Love and I,
To one another never truly loyal
We don't mix too well
Love flows like water I burn like oil
Yet, I look around and there's all this water
But none that I should drink.
I notice now that I am oil and oil is
All that I should think

Sighing, I climbed into bed and waited….waited for him

tbc..