Regrets

The steady sounds of his wife sleeping soothed Alex's turbulent mind. As outwardly calm as he had seemed earlier that evening, he had only appeared that way for Isabel. She needed a steady support to lean on; god knows she hasn't had many over the past few years. Why is Michael back now? After so long? He wondered.

He wished he could leave right now to check up on Maria, to see how she was handling this new development. Maria. Regret, sadness and a deep painful self-loathing flittered around inside of him whenever he thought of his broken-hearted best friend. She was so fragile now, so lost…the familiar rage rose up when he thought about those lost years, those years where he should have been taking care of her. He would never forget the angry words they had shared, the only argument they had ever had in their long history of friendship.

/flashback/

"Maria you don't understand! I'm trying to help you, please, just let me be your friend!" His voice was hoarse. He had been yelling at the door for over half an hour. "Please. I'm so worried about you…Liz is worried about you…just let me come inside!"

"Fuck offf Alexs, jusst fuck off. I dun't need you…I don't need annyone. Jusst leave me alone." Her voice was slurred. It was 3pm and she was already drunk. His eyes stung as he scrubbed the worried tears away from his face. He had given her space for the last year while she pushed everyone away, like everyone had told him to, but enough was enough. He couldn't just sit by and watch her isolate herself anymore.

"No Maria. I'm not leaving here until you open the goddamned door." With a look of grim determination, he planted himself firmly on the porch of Michael's apartment. After being thrown out of her house, she had taken to staying there, which he doubted did any good for her emotional well-being. "You might as well just let me in, as I'm not moving from this spot until you do."

"Fiine, ssit there and rot for all I care! You're jusst washting your effortss" She screamed back.

He peered through the letterbox and his breath caught at what he saw. Total chaos. Bottles of whiskey and tequila, cans of beer, empty packets of cigarettes…all were littered across the floor. Papers were thrown haphazardly, clothes strewn everywhere... How does she live like this? He despaired. It had been 2 years since Michael had left, and instead of Maria slowly moving on, she was rapidly deteriorating.

After 10 minutes sitting there in silence, he suddenly heard a crash come from inside the house. Panic crept along his spine as he listened for any more sounds. Nothing. He couldn't take it anymore. With a strength that was unknown to him; he kicked down the door that stood in his way and ran into the hell hole Maria had created for herself. As soon as he walked in, he saw her. She was lying face down on a pile of newspapers, a half empty bottle of bourbon still grasped in her hand.

For a few seconds his heart stopped. What if she's…oh Jesus, no… he ran to her, uncaring of the broken glass that was scattered across the floor. "Maria!" He yelled, and turned her over onto her back. Her face was bruised, sallow, and too gaunt for his liking. Her once sparkling green eyes were shadowed by dark circles and rimmed with red. She lay limp as he quickly checked for a heartbeat…after a few moments he felt it. Sagging down onto the floor he allowed himself to breathe, relieved that's he was okay.

Laying her down back onto the sofa, he attempted to wake her. They needed to talk. "Maria…Maria…"

Her eyes opened slowly, trying to focus through the drunken haze. "Alex?"

Gazing into those dazed eyes, for a moment she seemed like the old Maria he knew. But it was short-lived. As soon as she said his name, she remembered everything else, and he could see those walls come back up while she scrambled away from him.

"What are you doing in here!" She hissed. "I told you to go away." Swift anger washed over him and his fear for her pushed the fateful words out of his mouth without thought.

"I heard a crash! I thought you were hurt! You are hurt! Look at you Maria! You're a fucking mess! Look at this place, what the hell do you think you're doing! Do you think this is going to get Michael back? You wallowing here, killing yourself slowly with booze and whatever other fuckingdrugs you're using!"

He wished he could stop himself, but 2 years worth of worry, while he watched his friend throw her life down the toilet, came pouring out.

"Do you think he'd be proud of you for this? Michael is never coming back! Can't you see that? He's probably dead. And you lying here, ruining yourself, isn't fucking worth it. He isn't worth it. You need to get over it Maria and you need to stop treating it like it was the end of the goddamned world. Do you have any idea what this is doing to your friends? Or to your family? Your mother is sick with worry over you and you may be too selfish to care but it's destroying her seeing you like this. It's destroying all of us. Or are you too coked up to even realise that?"

He stopped, out of breath. The silence that followed was so tense, so thick, that he felt incapable of moving as he waited for her response.

'SMACK'

His head whipped around to the left as Maria hit him full force across the cheek. Her eyes were blazing. She hit him again. And again. Her fury wielded in her small hands, causing Alex's nose to crack and blood to flow.

"Get. Out." She whispered her voice dark, deadly and full of rage. He had never heard her sound like that, it was tone quite alien to the Maria he knew and loved. He shivered slightly.

"Mari-"

"GET OUT! GET OUT! GET OUT!" She screamed while tears streamed down her dirty face, "Don't ever talk to me again! Don't ever come by here again! Go back to Isabitch and those pathetic people I once called my friends. I don't want your help little boy, I just want your absence. You may as well be dead to me now." Her last remark was said so coldly that it chilled him.

Nodding mutely, he stared at her now turned back, and then left.

/end of flashback/

That was the last time he saw her, until a few years later, when he had gotten that awful call of her being in hospital.

Alex took deep breaths, and focused once more on his beautiful wife lying next to him, unaware of the turmoil he was in. It was ancient history now. Michael was back, Rath has gone for now, and he was slowly progressing to a shaky new friendship with the girl he had always thought of as the sister he'd never had.

Shaking his mind of the dark thoughts, he settled back down in bed and wrapped his arms lovingly around the blonde goddess that lay next to him.

- - -- - - - - -

AuraBell: Aw I'm glad you're liking this, and hehe patience my dear, patience, things will be revealed in their own time…:D

Angelic: Wow an emotional response, you have no idea how pleasing it is to see that. Trust me, Michael will not be happy, but you'll have to keep reading to see it, as I'm afraid I have a tendency to try and draw things out as long as possible. Try not to hate me for it lol. Thankyou for reviewing!

Rachael and Caitlin: I'm sorry it's been a while, I was going to update sooner but I got distracted by Reading fics instead of writing them lol. I hope this satisfies you two a little! Thank you both so much for pushing me on this!

Veronica: Ahh intrigue is good, something I was hoping to create lol. Nice to know I haven't failed. And you will see soon enough what drove Rath to those extremes (contrary to this fic – I do actually like the guy)

Review please! The more encouragement I get, the quicker I write. Honest. Nothing gets me writing quicker than a good ole ego boost or a straightforward honest criticism/critique.