So yeah, this chapter was hard to write because it made me sad :/

And it took me forever to write, and of course I did it in a car on my laptop lol

Well...enjoy!

And review, I like those.

I like pickles too, but I don't think you care.

I canceled my date with K.C. on Friday – instead, I'd be going to the funeral of Travis Markus Goldsworthy. CeCe was a wreck, as was I until I realized that now I had to be the savior. So I calmed down, and also calmed down CeCe enough so all she was doing was sniffling with occasional tears. I told her to pack a bag and she'd spend the night – or however long she liked – at my house.

She did as told; in the meantime, I took the kettle on the stove and filled it with water to make tea. I was pulling out a mug from a high cupboard when I heard a loud bang from upstairs.

I quickly discarded the mug, bolting across the kitchen and threw the swinging door. There was another loud thump, and I ran through the space between the living room and dining room the staircase just off from the front hallway.

The bangs and thumps grew louder and more frequent; the sound of glass shattering got my heart to beat frantically. Once I reached the top of the stairs, I heard loud screams and crying – and I knew what happened. It got to CeCe, because I felt the same way and did the same thing.

In a hurry, I kept opening doors until I reached hers, and saw that picture frames and bedside lamps were broken and shattered on the ground. The sheets on the bed were ripped and torn, as were the pillows, the fluffy cushion within ripped and fluttering everywhere. Sitting on the edge on the bed, in the middle of the chaos, was a heartbroken CeCe who was holding a picture frame with care.

Her fingers caressed the photo, tears falling down her ruby red cheeks. The sight was heartbreaking, something out of a movie maybe. The way she looked, her expression that of someone who's lost everything, the rain only added to the effect. It was sorrowful and morbid, how the lightening darkened and brightened just the right features on the aged woman to make her look almost as bad as she felt.

"CeCe…" I mumbled; the woman stayed motionless.

Cautiously, I walked towards her, not wanting to startle her. Once I reached her side, I placed a hand on her stiff shoulder. She still didn't move. I glanced at the photo she was staring at with such love and my breath caught.

There, was the love of my life with his parents, and I was even in it. It was the summer before my third year in college, and we were celebrating Bullfrog and CeCe's anniversary. Those were happier days, and the sight of the picture made my eyes burn with more tears.

"I remember that day, it was wonderful, really. You out did yourself, sweetie. And I had so much hope when I watched you and Eli, the way you would look at each other adoringly. Like you were sixteen again and nothing in the world mattered but your love. It reminded me of how Bullfrog and I were." CeCe spoke, and I didn't like the tone she used, it sounded empty. Void of emotion.

"Oh, CeCe." I choked up, trying to hold back the tears that threatened to fall.

"But then Eli died, and now Bullfrog. Nothing lasts forever." CeCe said her voice still cold and a bit harsh.

"Don't be like that. Don't give up." I tried pleading with her.

"What is there to give up? I've lost my child, I've lost my husband. I don't have any other family than them. And now they're both gone." I shook my head and kneeled down beside her, grasping her arm.

"You have me, CeCe. I'm not going anywhere. I promise. Just don't get lost in this, don't give up. Bullfrog wouldn't want that and you know it. He'd want you to live your life until it was time for you to join him. So don't grow bitter, don't give up on life." I soothed, my eyes pleading and staring at her expression.

A flash of lightening light up the room as CeCe turned to look at me. I almost felt afraid, with the way she looked at me. I saw no hope, no life, nothing. The color seemed to disappear as well. And I felt the hopelessness seep into her as we stared into each other's eyes. And that's when I knew that I wouldn't be able to save her.

"Leave." She said, I shook my head feeling tears falling.

"No. Not when you're like this. I won't." I said, my voice cracked in the middle, my resolve starting to break.

"I don't need your pity. Go. You and I both know that I have no reason to live anymore. There's no debating. As soon as my husband was pronounced dead, I knew that this was it." She said, but her expression softened as she looked at me. "You are a wonderful girl, Clare. I'm not going to burden you with my issues. With this. So go."

"No!"

"Go, Clare. There's nothing you can do to change my mind." CeCe took he arm from my grip and pet the side of my hair. "You're like the daughter I never got. And if you were mine, I'd be honored to have such a wonderful woman as my daughter."

"I'm not leaving. I won't let you do it." I cried.

"Would you rather me suffer like you did with Eli? I have no friends, no will! I don't think I'd last much longer even if I wanted to."

"CeCe-"

"I'm not asking you to go, I'm telling you." She stood, pulling me with her.

"Don't do this." I cried and clutched the sleeves of her arm.

"Good-bye, Clare." Without my knowledge, I ended up at the doorway to her room. She had pried her arms from my grip and shut the door in my face. I went for the doorknob but it was locked so I banged on it fiercely, crying her name, begging her.

The storm picked up and I could hear it howling outside, I could see the light from a flash of lightening, and as thunder rolled and reached my ears, so did a loud bang that sounded like a gunshot.

"CeCe!" I wailed, fists pounding on the door.

But it was too late. She was gone.

I never felt so alone and sad as I do now. CeCe had killed herself; Bullfrog had died, as Eli had. The Goldsworthy's were no more and I felt a terrible rift form in my chest. It was all my fault that CeCe died, I was there, I tried but I guess I didn't put in enough effort. Her blood is on my hands, forever.

I had called the cops after my futile attempt to get the door open, and they busted down the door. I didn't go in. I knew if I did, I'd lose it. I couldn't save her, I couldn't save Eli, I couldn't even save myself from the pain I felt from losing just Eli.

I was weak, I was pathetic. I was nothing. If I was stronger, I would've saved CeCe, I would've found a way to keep Eli out of the war. But I didn't. I couldn't. Because I was weak, I had no will, I was – and always will be – pathetically weak.

I looked around me, and saw that I had made it home finally, after hours at the police office being interrogated. Of course I had to be, someone committed suicide and I was in the house. So naturally, I had to give them the full story.

I don't even remember what I told them, I just remember being there. The room was awfully bright, trying to seem cheery even though the room was used to break people to spill their secrets.

I kicked off my heels and dumped my purse and coat on the couch, trudging up the stairs to my room. I didn't turn the lights on, just stripped to my undergarments and slipped in bed.

Obviously I wasn't going to sleep, I couldn't. Because when I closed my eyes, I saw CeCe's broken expression, I saw Eli's beautiful face, and I saw myself for the pathetic being I was. I kept my eyes open as long as possible, staring out into the darkness of my room.

Unfortunately, it was still raining, so the soft thrum of rain soothed me and sleep washed over my body. Another misfortune was I didn't slip into unconsciousness. Sure, everything was black for a while, but then I saw them again.

This time, I was actually dreaming, and I was in the middle of complete blackness. A spotlight hit me, only showing the ground beneath me. Then, another spotlight appeared. The person in it was the holder of my heart, Eli.

Beside him was another spotlight, with CeCe. Eli wore his soldier's uniform, CeCe in the clothes she died in. I felt my eyes prick with tears, this was so wrong. They were both dead.

"I thought you loved me, Clare. But you let me die!" Eli said, I choked on a sob, watching him glare at me coldly.

"I do love you! With all my heart! I never stopped!" I cried helplessly, wanting to run into his arms.

"Why did you let me kill myself?" CeCe snapped, her glare just as cold as Eli's.

"I tried to help you, to save you. But you wouldn't let me!" I wailed, the tears falling from my eyes quickly.

"If you cared for either of us, you would have done something. But you didn't. You betrayed me, the man you love! The man that loves you!" Eli hollered, and my chest ached at his words. "You let me die!"

A gun went off, echoing in the infinite space around us. Eli's emerald eyes went wide and he glanced down at his chest, the clothe darkening and I gasped. His gaze went up to me, then down, and I looked down as well to see a gun in my hands.

I tried to drop it, but my arm stayed up. My hand trembled, before pulling the trigger again, another shot to his chest, then another. I cried and grabbed my arm with my free hand. But it didn't budge. Instead it moved over to CeCe, pointed directly to her head.

"No!" I cried as the gun went off again, the blast waking me up.

I bolted up in bed, breathing erratically, looking around my room. In despair, I placed my hands on my face and wept. It was my entire fault. Everything.