Leaving Normal

Michael drove. He drove further and further away, his mind swimming with the latest mess that he had created, trying desperately to put enough distance between him and the heart breaking scene he had just witnessed.

Once again he had fucked Maria up. Once again he had hurt her and now, just to top it all off, he was leaving, again, without a word. What a coward. What an asshole. Maria's cold laugh echoed in his ears as he continued down the road.

She was right. He had been right all long. All he ever does is hurt her. Why couldn't he have just stayed away? Anger and self-loathing churned away at his thoughts as he drove mindlessly back out of Roswell.

The farewell sign loomed towards him, with the glow in the dark alien waving him goodbye, silent and mocking. She wanted him to leave this time. She told him to. A wave of pain ripped through him and he abruptly pulled over to the side of road, the strength of the heartbreak and misery her felt was overwhelming.

He sat down on the rocks and realised he was back there again. The entrance to Roswell. The line that separated his old life to his new, his love to his loneliness.

His hands were shaking. Michael pointed at a small rock and watched it explode, the force flinging dust into the air around him. He pointed at another and watched it do the same. Then another. And Another. Until finally, he felt slightly calmer.

He thought about Maria. This new dark and cold Maria. A Maria who smokes, drinks and looks at him with those angry, jaded eyes. The image still would not reconcile with the babbling, oil smelling girl that had first touched his heart.

Maria said that wasn't his fault. Maria said that most of the damage had been done by her ex husband. If he ever found out who this guy was, Michael knew with a certainty he would kill him. And it wouldn't be quick, and it wouldn't be merciful. But despite her protests, Michael knew that really, it all came down to him. If he hadn't left, if he hadn't been such a coward, too scared of the feelings Maria rose in him, too scared of her finally figuring out that she'd been wasting her time, then none of this would have happened.

His heart twisted.

He couldn't take it back. He couldn't change it. He couldn't erase it all away.

Due to his own actions she was eternally scarred.

As a teenage boy it was no wonder he fell, no wonder he was so helpless before her. She was radiant. She was filled with light and love and it burned away his monsters and his darkness, it pushed through the stone walls and demandingly wrapped him up until there was no escape. He had felt like a fly in a web, and it had paralysed him. How do you fight that? How do you fight love?

So he had run, as far and quickly as possible. Forgetting that Maria was more fragile than himself, forgetting that despite the strength of her light and love, her courage and loyalty, she had no armour. No stonewalls. And in doing so, he had crushed her. Gone was the sunshine that sparkled in her eyes, the warmth of her heart.

And now, as she was on the mend, he decides on a whim to return and fucks her up even further. He had to fix this. He had to make her smile again, make her eyes shine, make her skin flush. There was a lot to be done, lots of loose ends to tie up...

It seemed the roles were now reversed. As a teenage boy all he ever did was push Maria away, too afraid of her breaching his defences. Now it was his turn to be patient, to be persistent, to show her loyalty and love and if he could find some somewhere, maybe a little light too.

He grimaced and sat up, brushing the dust that had settled on his clothes. With now a fierce determination, and hasty sketch of a plan, he stepped back inside his car and continued to drive.

Maybe, he thought, just maybe…there might be some hope.

Authors Note:

Argh so sorry for the delay, though I guess everyone's tired of hearing me say that. I've had an awful few months so there are some real good reasons honest! There's roughly only 10 or so chapters left to write, but now my life is settled again (fingers crossed) I will try and start writing an update more regularly.

Thanks Loz, Magali, Paradise Desmonda, Scorpio6 and brokenandlonelyangyl for reviewing and not getting mad! I promise all mysteries will be cleared up soon.

I wish to especially Hannah (LadyBloodless) for her most wonderful message. I really appreciated it. This chapter is for you :D

(Oh and Sunglasses in the Rain – this fic has been going for 8 years. It was originally a one-shot but due to demand, I continued the story a very long time after I first posted. And then had a two year hiatus when my mother died.)