(Kit Thespian walks out on stage)
Kit Thespian: Our Disclaimer today will be presented by…
(Jenova walks, rather squirms onstage)
Kit Thespian (horrified): Whoa, ugly!
Jenova (hissing): Isss it my turn to give the Dissssclaimer?
Kit Thespian (shaking): Uh, sure, Jenova, whatever you want.
Jenova: I don't want to give the Dissssclaimer!
Kit Thespian: ...That's okay too! I can get someone else!
Jenova: Gooood… (slithers offstage)
Kit Thespian (sighs): Whew…That was the single most disturbing thing I've ever seen.
(enter Heidegger)
Heidegger: Hey, Kit Thespian, do you think this speedo makes me look fat?
(Horrified silence)
Kit Thespian (shielding eyes): Never mind. I was wrong.
Disclaimer: Kit Thespian does not own Final Fantasy VII or the characters therein. And she is not making money off of this.
Chapter Two
It's not a date!
"Ten degrees of Mako showed no effects, ill or good," Hojo read his notes out loud to Professor Gast after a day's work, "Twenty degrees produced the same results…"
Gast spoke, "Obviously we must try for a higher doses. That goes unsaid."
"How high is too high, though?" Lucrecia said, "Laboratory rats are one thing, but a human being…"
"Is another. I know, Lucrecia," Gast interrupted, "We will take as many precautions as possible to make sure that our subjects don't get poisoned."
Lucrecia nodded and walked out of the room, taking her notes with her. Hojo and Gast stood in a strange silence for a moment.
"Tsk, tsk, tsk…" Gast was smirking.
"What's so funny?" asked Hojo.
"Women are so tender, don't you agree?"
"...Well, she just has a lot of compassion, that's all."
"Compassion has little place in science. You will learn that eventually, Dr. Hojo. You cannot call the things you experiment on human or animal. To you, they must always be specimens."
Hojo did not reply, but tried to comprehend what exactly Gast was saying. It would seem by all accounts to be quite heartless and cruel. But, Hojo thought, who was he to argue with Dr. Gast? Dr. Gast was an older, wiser man than he, with years and years of working in the Shinra laboratories. Hojo had read many of his treatises on scientific studies, and working under Dr. Gast was more than the young professor could have ever hoped for at this time.
Hojo walked to the locker room where all of the scientists and technicians would place their labcoats and jumpsuits after a day's work. After removing his labcoat and hanging it up, he heard someone speak to him.
"Hey, you're the new guy, right? Haven't got a chance to meet you..."
Hojo looked and saw a young man about his age standing a few feet away. He was holding his hand out for Hojo to shake. As Hojo took it, the man said, "I'm Dr. Edward Rosem. I work in the physics department."
"Dr. Hojo."
"...That's it?"
"What do you mean, 'that's it'?"
"Well, what's your first name?'
Hojo suppressed a groan. He hated his first name. He hated it so much that he didn't even allow it to be placed on his ID. It was his father's middle name, and his mother, before her death, had insisted that he be called this. He thought it not only to be a ridicule that he should be named after the very man who abandoned his mother, but he also thought that it did not fit well with his last name. Hojo tried to evade the answer to Rosem's question.
"I don't use it very often," he said.
"Oh...Why not?"
"Because it is a ridiculous name and I despise it."
The calm, cool way that Hojo explained his disdain for his familiar name must have thrown Rosem's congeniality off course, because the physics expert stared at Hojo and blinked for a moment before replying,
"Okay..."
"You are fortunate to be blessed with a name like Edward. Kings were named Edward, and I am named for an adulterer. So there."
"Okay, okay!" Rosem put his hands up in surrender. He hadn't quite intended for the conversation to get that personal, "Sorry! I didn't mean to pry. I tend to get a little pushy sometimes; I'm sorry. Let me make it up to you. I'll buy you a drink."
"I don't drink."
Rosem smirked, "Aren't you the scientific wonder? Surely you drink something."
"I really must be on my way. But I thank you for the invitation. Perhaps I can take you up on it sometime."
"Anytime, Dr. Hojo. Later!"
This Rosem seemed like a nice fellow. And though Hojo was annoyed at the initial prying, it was obvious that the man meant no harm.
Hojo left the locker room, but stopped dead in his tracks when he saw Lucrecia coming. She had just come out of the women's locker room, wearing a dress. He had been working with her for three days now and this was the first time he had seen her out of her lab coat. She looked very pretty. She was now waiting by the elevator. Then and there, Hojo decided that it was time for a new experiment.
Within a few moments, Hojo was at Lucrecia's side, saying,
"Good evening, Lucrecia."
Lucrecia looked and smiled at him, "Hey."
"What are you up to right now?"
She shrugged, "Just going home."
"Do you need someone to walk you to your vehicle?"
"I'd like that..."
To make a long story short (or shorter), it suffices to say that things didn't go exactly as Hojo planned. The usual results of his charm experiments resulted in the girl wanting to do everything for him. In fact, sometimes he would have to flee the girl's advances, not wanting to create a mess like his father did. Hojo's alluring way made all the men who knew him scratch their heads in puzzlement, wondering how on earth he did it.
But this time, his experiment backfired.
What Hojo hadn't been counting on was that perhaps Lucrecia had some charm of her own. Not a manipulating charm like Hojo would employ, but an enchanting charm that radiated from her without her even trying. And it wasn't only charm. She was a beautiful woman, and it seemed that every time Hojo saw her, she grew more beautiful. Sometimes, he had trouble concentrating on his work when she came into the lab.
Lucrecia wasn't stupid. She could see Hojo's growing feelings for her. It was evident in all of his actions, from his opening the door for her to seeing that she always got the first cup of coffee. Of course, he was a gentleman to women in general, but he put a little more heart into it when he did it for her. From that day on, he always walked her to her car.
It wasn't really brought into light to the rest of the world (not even Gast noticed, as smart as he was) until about ten days after. Dr. Rosem brought in some reports to the laboratory, and Hojo was talking with Lucrecia. Their conversation consisted of the results of the latest experiment, but their body language suggested things that were slightly different. To the untrained eye, it would appear that Hojo was simply leaning in to get a better look at Lucrecia's clipboard notes. But Rosem, though an extrovert, was not without a certain instinct concerning these matters.
After she was finished reading the notes, Lucrecia walked out of the laboratory, but not without stealing one more look at Hojo. Hojo watched her go, and watched, and watched. Rosem had to bite his lip to keep from laughing, and he said, mimicking a pilot,
"Yoo-hoo, planet to Hojo. Come in, Hojo. Are you there, Hojo?"
Hojo threw an annoyed glance at his friend and said, "What is it?"
"You, buddy ol' pal, are officially a goner."
"...Could you please specify in more scientific terms?"
"You want scientific? I'll give it to you. Men are generally more sexually activated by sight, while women are more activated by touch. You look at Ms. Lucrecia, and your eyes send signals to your brain, which processes the data. Your brain recognizes Ms. Lucrecia to be a very beautiful woman. Thanks to a fascinating hormone that a male's reproductive system produces called testosterone, the sight data stimulates the area of your cerebrum that promotes excitement. Your entire body is affected by this phenomenon, so your brain must send signals to your heart to make it beat faster to produce enough blood to make up for the oxygen depletion that your body is going through. The increased amount of blood goes to your head, and therefore your face, hence, you start to turn the color red. This phenomenon, I have noticed, has repeated in you several times, and only when you're around Ms. Lucrecia. This occurance is also always repeated in Ms. Lucrecia. Except, well...she has estrogen instead of testosterone, but the same results insue: Blood-rushing, or blushing, if you prefer. And there are other observations that I have made which are more of the mind than of the brain, which have been scientifically proven to be two separate things. Is that scientific enough, or shall I expound into further detail?"
"...No, I think you've made a sufficient explanation."
"Dude, have you asked her on a date yet?"
"No."
"Why not? She obviously wants you to."
Hojo could not find a rational reason not to.
"Very well," he said, "I'll ask her. But it is a most unscientific thing to call it a date. It is not an entire day, nor is it a fruit. It is a dinner engagement."
Rosem bit back laughter and said, "Whatever you say, Dr. Hojo."
Hojo went into the hallway and met Lucrecia by the elevator, as usual. He walked her to her car, and as she was about to get it, he said, "Lucrecia, I was wondering if you would care to join me for dinner tonight?"
Lucrecia's eyes widened in surprise, but she answered amiably, "I would love to. Where do you want to go?"
"Um, Chapley's?"
"Do you want to meet me there? Seven-thirty?"
"All right."
As Lucrecia drove away, Hojo stood in a numb shock. Then he looked and realized that he was still wearing his lab coat. He sighed and went back into the building, heading for the locker room. When he got there, Rosem was standing in there, as were about five technicians and two professors. Rosem and a technician (a dark-skinned one) named Geko walked up to him and Rosem said,
"Hey, Hojo, are you busy tonight? We're going to go get something to eat..."
"Actually," Hojo said, "I do have a previous dinner engagement."
"With who?" Geko asked.
Rosem asked, smirking, "Hojo, don't tell me you've already asked Lucrecia out to dinner. You're a fast mover!"
Geko's eyes widened considerably, "Lucrecia? Hojo, you got a date?"
"I don't prefer to call it a d..." Hojo never got to finish his statement.
"Hey, everybody!" Geko turned to all the other men (there were about fifteen in the locker room in all now), "Hojo's got a date!"
All eyes fell on the bespectacled scientist and even a few gasps were heard.
"A date?"
"Hojo?"
"He's datin' Lucrecia!" Geko exclaimed.
"I'm not dating anybody..." but Hojo's protestations fell on deaf ears. A lot of the men were crowding around him now. Rosem was laughing to himself, despite many dagger-throwing looks from Hojo.
"How do you do it, man?"
"I've never been able to get a date around here..."
"Lucrecia's so pretty..."
Hojo grabbed Rosem by the collar and hissed in his ear, "You got me in this mess. Get me out."
Rosem held up his hands and said, "No interviews today, gentlemen. Hojo needs to get ready for his date."
"It's not a date!" Hojo spoke through his teeth.