A/N: Ack! I dare say it's a bit sad that some of you have forgotten why Ziva's in Britain. But it's all explained in the chapters before this. Really, it's my fault for not updating often. I appreciate all reviews anyway, guys. Please enjoy this chapter.

"Ziva, is something wrong? Are you alright?"

For the past hour, she'd been sitting in darkness and silence, staring at the plain white walls of her living room. It hadn't even occurred to her that Jacob would be home as well. The events of the day were far too stressful for her to care much, though. Her mind kept insistently replaying everything in her head - walking into Tony, the angry words exchanged, and the hurt in his eyes when she'd pulled away from him.

He never would understand, would he? She had almost been shaking with desperation and anger when she'd left the office but by the time she'd arrived home her hands were steady. Years of training to allow herself to suppress emotions - somewhat. At the moment, she wasn't doing well at that. But damn, she couldn't get those eyes out of her head, nor the intense guilt.

"He shouldn't have showed up," she whispered, brown eyes raising to meet Jacob's. The blonde-haired man looked confused for a second, and she did detect a flash of anger (did he really believe she'd cheat on him?) across his face, but the second emotion was gone in a moment. Instead, he sat down beside her on the couch, threading one of her delicate fingers with his thicker ones.

"What's wrong, Zee? You know you can tell me, right?" She almost flinched away from the nickname. It screamed 'Tony' - after all, he'd been the first to call her that - and it felt completely wrong hearing it come from Jacob's lips. Ziva forced herself to keep her mind on the man beside her and not the one that had recently (and very haphazardly) reentered her life. She could share the issues of the day without making everything about Tony.

"I… Someone I knew came back today," she muttered. He stared oddly at her, silently urging her to continue but she couldn't make any words come out. How did one voice to their lover that one of their former lovers was back? How did one voice their concern without making it sound like they were glad? Because… because she was far from it. The world would be a better place if Tony hadn't shown up at all.

"One of the people you knew from NCIS?" Jacob smiled softly. "I've wanted to meet them, you talk so fondly about most of them… Is it Abby?"

"No, not Abby," her downcast face erased the smile from his immediately. "It's… it's one of the ones I didn't mention often. My partner, actually. We parted on bad terms."

She was still mumbling. Jacob frowned a bit and pulled her into his arms, turning her slightly so that her head rested on his chest. She breathed a small sigh, settling into the comfortable position. Some of the tension of the day melted away now that she was safe in his arms, far away from Tony and the office and everything else that seeing him meant.

"If it's your partner, what's wrong?" Jacob squeezed her gently, laying his head on hers. "I know you and your partner right now… I can't remember his name, but you know, whatshisname… You were close. I thought partners are supposed to be close."

"We were," she confirmed, nodding slowly. "But we didn't stay that way. He and I were close friends for many years… we constantly put our lives on the line for each other and… well, him and I and the rest of the team, we were a family. But the Director reassigned us. And that family broke apart."

Ziva accidentally let out a small sob and looked absolutely shocked at herself. She hadn't ever shared the closeness of her team or how much the parting had hurt. Talking about this was bringing the feelings back to the surface. The desperation, depression, abandonment. And then the struggle to let go of the emotions and people attached to them. If she thought about it (and she did, frequently), she'd loved every single member of her team for a good reason. Britain's team had been well-suited for her, but they would never serve as a replacement.

She recovered as quickly as she could, glad her face was hidden by her hair and his chest. Then again, it would be nice to see his emotions. If he got jealous over Tony… well, she didn't want to have to go over it all again. She didn't want to tell him the exact state of their old relationship in comparison to this one. Tiptoeing around the times they'd been close would take some skill.

"His name was Anthony. Well, Tony, actually. He and I had a sort of rocky partner relationship at first. His… his first partner was killed by my brother." She fought to keep her voice monotone - she'd long since accepted that Ari was far from the idol she'd imagined he was. There was no need for Jacob to believe she was getting emotional over her brother. "We got close over time, but not on purpose. It's funny, really, we didn't want much to do with each other at first. He wanted Kate back and I just wanted somewhere to settle down. Those two wishes didn't fit well together.

But it happened anyway and we got to be close friends," she was proud of keeping her voice steady here, giving no inclination of how 'close' they'd really been. "The Director split us up once. It was terrible, but we survived - it was only a few months," she pointedly neglected to mention Somalia. Jacob knew of her scars but she'd refused to go into detail on them. "And a few years later… he did it again. But Gibbs couldn't get us back together again."

She bit her lip, pulling herself away from Jacob's chest to look into his eyes. She was surprised at how steady her own voice had become despite how hard it was to explain everything. She breathed in deep, eyes never leaving his face.

"He tore apart the only family I'd ever had, Jacob. Tony and I parted on bad terms. I haven't had contact with most of them in years. Except Abby, but you can't say no to her," she gave a small, shaky chuckle. "I was completely alone when I came here. And then…

And then I met you."