Chapter four: "Secrets and revelations"
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Carson Street Cafe
129 Fremont St
Las Vegas
April 10, 2007
Lori and Catherine sat in silence. Both of them lost in thought. Catherine feeling bad that she was not there for Lindsey. Lori confused. What did Catherine want with her? The waitress came with their orders.
"Catherine, why am I here?" Lori asked. She suddenly felt very uncomfortable. This was not what she had been expecting. The women opposite her had said little or close to nothing in the last 15 minutes.
"I'm going to get straight to the case here okay?" Catherine said watching as the girl eyed her with a suspicion she felt was vaguely familiar.
Catherine contemplated just how much she was going to tell Lori. Some things were better kept a secret for as long as possible. She sighed remembering how she had sworn than secrets and lies would be a thing of the past just a couple of hours ago.
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Nevada Ballet Theater
1651 Inner Circle, Las Vegas
March 11, 2007
Catherine stepped into the dressmaking room. She looked around at the miles and miles of costumes hanging down, laying or sitting everywhere. White, pale pink and flesh colored ballet dresses dominated the rows but black, red, blue, greens and yellows were also present. She stepped closer and her hand reached out to touch one of the feather like dresses.
"I've never seen you here before" Anna said.
"Yeah... I work most nights so my mother usually picks up my daughter" Catherine felt usually at ease with this older woman.
"Oh I see, well she is a wonderful dancer and so beautiful, I knew she was your daughter as soon as I saw you" Anna told Catherine as she poured her a glass of water. Anna watched as Catherine drank the water.
"Thank you" Catherine handed her the glass. And was about to get up.
"Well, I'd better get going" she said not feeling like this was the right time to ask about the young woman from yesterday.
"You know you daughter really has a special gift and you can just see how much she loves to dance" Anna said as she gestured for Catherine to sit back down.
"Well, thank you and I love to watch her, unfortunately I rarely make it to her classes, but I'm here today and I think I should get going because her class ends in..." Catherine for some reason heard herself speaking faster and faster. But she was interrupted.
"I didn't mean Lindsey. I meant your other daughter," Anna said noticing how all the color in Catherine's face disappeared as her eyes snapped up and went to hers.
"Yeah, I thought so" Anna said. She saw the tears begin to slowly slide down Catherine's cheeks.
"Dear don't cry. Sure knows she has, I guess she must take after you" Anna said giving Catherine a small hug before reaching over and grabbing a tissue from the box on the table.
"She told me she had seen you, so I figured you'd be back as soon as possible." Catherine felt like the entire world was zooming in on her. She felt like she was going to pass out.
It was her daughter she had seen dancing yesterday. She was here, after all these years. Maybe there still was a chance. But then Catherine remembered the letter.
"My dear, everybody makes mistakes" the sound of Anna's voice brought her back to reality.
"The real issue is how they correct them" In an instance Catherine was up and out the door. She ran up the stairs and back to the entrance where she found Lindsey, who was just finishing.
"Mom" Lindsey gave her mother a big hug "You came to pick me up. Can we go now?" Catherine nodded. The information she had just received had completely swept away all rationality.
"Let's go home Linds" They drove home, Lindsey talking about her new routine. Catherine pretending to be listening.
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Las Vegas Sunrise Hospital and Medical Center
May 11, 2007
He woke to some disturbing sounds. At first he had trouble recognizing where he was in the first place. Then he realized what he was hearing. It was Catherine in the adjoining hospital room bathroom throwing up.
He suddenly didn't care about pain or bullet wounds all he wanted to do was to get to her. But as he tried to get up he had to admit that there was no way he was going to make it to her in time.
"Oh my God" he heard her saying in-between convulsions.
He frantically kept on pressed his emergency button, calling out for help.
"Catherine honey, I've called for help" before he got an answer two nurses bolted into the room.
"Mr. Grissom" they both said.
"Not me her..." he pointed to the bathroom and they both ran to her. When they got to the bathroom, Catherine was on her knees in front of toilet. Every time she retched, Grissom felt like he was being punched in the stomach.
"God," her voice was quivering. "I have nothing to throw up. Could you please get me a glass of water?"
One of the nurses ran to the pitcher besides Grissom's bed.
Catherine was sitting with her back against the wall when the nurse got back. She was a ghastly shade of gray and the hair around her face had become wet with sweat and was sticking to her forehead and cheeks. As soon as she saw the nurse she grabbed for the glass and took a big gulp.
"Slow down," the nurse tried to warn her but it was too late. She groaned, thrust the glass back at the nurse and lunged toward the toilet. The few ounces of water she'd managed to ingest came right back up.
"I should have known better," she muttered as she slumped against the wall again.
"Take sips," she was instructed as the glass was handed back to her.
Catherine sat back and took a couple of deep breaths. Then she went to Grissom's bed.
He hated the fact that he could not be there for here, holding her hair back, stroking her back and kissing her neck. He was frustrated but she didn't let him. He held out his hand and she held onto it like she was holding on for life. He looked at her, again amazed at how beautiful she truly was. He started to say something but she cut him off.
"Don't you dare feel like you are depriving me of anything. Gil, you've given me everything and more" she put his hand over hers on her lower abdomen.
"I'm just a little older than I was last time and even though I might not feel a day older inside my body tells me something else. I'm going to be fine, I just need to take better care of myself." She told him.
"If anything ever happened to you.." he felt himself tear up.
"Gil we've made it through, from now on it is pure happiness" Catherine whispered before she leaned down and kissed him deeply.
Ever since you came into my life
I've been feeling more alive
Now that I found
That real love never dies
Could be you and I
I just hope that this time it's right
I wanna hold you all through the night
I just wish that this love is right
I wanna be with you day and night
I wanna shout
I wanna tell the world
That everything's allright
I wanna hold you, baby,
Close to me
All through the night
When it's dark
Our love will be the light
Julie Shout (Our love will be our the light)
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Catherine Willows' home
March 11, 2007
"Mom, are you going to get out of the car?" Catherine realized they were parked outside their house. She had no idea of how long they had been there, or how she had ever been able to drive home.
"Sorry Linds" They got out of the car and walked into the house.
"There you two are. I was waiting for you" Lily came up and gave Lindsey a quick kiss on the cheek.
"Go get your things and I'll drop you of before I go over to Nancy's" Lindsey nodded and gave her grandmother a hug.
Catherine looked at her mother with confusion.
"Don't tell me you've forgotten Catherine. Lindsey is going to Laurie's house for a sleepover and I'm going to join your sister for dinner." Lily looked at her daughter. She was worried. Normally Catherine wouldn't forget about Lindsey's sleepovers, because she so rarely let Lindsey participate in them.
"Oh, yes of course mom." Catherine actually let out an audible sigh of relief. She wanted to be alone, so the other two leaving suited her perfectly. She gave Lindsey a kiss as she sprinted past her with her sleepover backpack and a stack of CDs in her hand.
"Bye mom, have a great night" Lindsey was almost out the door, and Lily was putting her coat when Lindsey stopped and turned.
"Mom call Grissom and have him come over. I don't want you be alone" Catherine looked up and smiled at Lindsey. Lindsey didn't catch the sadness in her eyes but her mother did.
"Thanks baby. But I think I'll just have to relax by myself tonight" Lindsey eyed her mother with an arched eyebrow but decided to leave it at that.
"Ok, see ya tomorrow" and she was out the door.
"You should listen to your daughter. She has a point. Sweetheart we all need someone" Lily said and smiled at Catherine before she closed the door behind her.
As soon as Catherine heard the door close she got up and walked upstairs and into her bedroom where she quickly shed her clothes before she stepped into her shower. The cascades of water made her feel better, but the soothing feel of the water could never replace what she was really craving.
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"Is it a crime to want a little human contact?"
Catherine Willows – Weeping Willows 5.22
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Catherine Willows' home
12.20 a.m.
March 12, 2007
There were nights when the wind was so cold
That my body froze in bed
If I just listened to it
Right outside the window
There were days when the sun was so cruel
That all the tears turned to dust
And I just knew my eyes were
Drying up forever
After her shower Catherine had walked to her bed where she collapsed clutching the letter in her hands. She slept until the sound of her cell phone ringing woke her. She glanced at the clock and sighed. She had overslept by several hours and not made it into work but she had absolutely no energy. She fell asleep again without answering the phone.
About fifteen minutes later a black SUV pulled up in front of her house. Grissom sat in the car and looked at her house. Everything inside was pitch black and he was worried. Catherine being a little or a lot late happened rather often, but not showing at all and forgetting to call in never happened. Lucy in reception had tried her cell phone earlier but without any response. He had intended to pull her aside to discuss something private after work anyway, so he figured now would be a good a time as any, he now had her no-show as an excuse to bother her at home.
I finished crying in the instant that you left
And I can't remember where or when or how
And I banished every memory you and I had ever made
He flipped open his cell phone and call the first number in his speed dial. He let it ring until the answering machine kicked in. He hung up and redialed. He proceeded to repeat this process until she finally answered.
"Gil, I'm sorry I didn't call in, but I'm taking a night off and I'm not in the mood to talk." He sat back looking at his cell phone. She had hung up. That was it. Something was seriously wrong and he had a pretty good idea of what it was. He got out of his car and walked to her front door.
Inside Catherine could not sleep anymore. She had not heard the first couple of calls he made. She had ignored the many next. But eventually she had to answer. She knew she had not called in sick and felt obliged to let him know she was still alive but would not come in.
Now she was on her bed crying. On her side, her back to the door just like she had been so many times before. At least she was home alone. She didn't need to hide her heartbreaking sobs. Then suddenly she heard something. Someone knocking on her front door. She sighed and tried to ignore it. But the banging wouldn't stop. Her cell phone now started ringing. She picked it up and read the caller-id. It was Gil.
"Catherine open the door." She heard him shout. She felt like nothing made sense. She felt so small and alone and just wanted him to go away. She hated anyone seeing her cry and be vulnerable.
"Catherine please. I need to make sure you are ok?" he kept knocking on her door. She sighed heavily and slowly got up and began walking downstairs.
"Catherine I'm going to break the door if you don't..." Grissom stepped back as the door suddenly opened slowly. And what he saw truly frightened him. She was dressed in a white tank top, baby blue bra straps entwined with the straps of the top, she wore white loose pants and her feet were bare, showing off her perfectly nail polished toenails. Her hair was loose and all messed up and her cheeks still damp from the tears he knew had recently been shed. But to him she was beautiful as always.
"Gil, look I'm fine, still in one piece as you can see. I'm sorry about ditching work tonight, I promise to be back tomorrow" she began to close the door but he took a step ahead placing his foot inside her living room and his body close to hers.
"I'm not going anywhere, now let me in" his tone was soft but still demanding. She shot him a there-is-no-way-in-hell look but she saw the determined look in his eyes and knew it would require more to convince him.
"Gil..." she pleaded with him trying to push him back out using the door to let him effectively know he was crossing her personal boundaries.
But when you touch me like this
And you hold me like that
I just have to admit
That it's all coming back to me
When I touch you like this
And I hold you like that
It's so hard to believe but
It's all coming back to me
It's all coming back it's all coming back to me now
There were moments of gold
And there were flashes of light
There were things I'd never do again
But then they'd always seemed right
There were nights of endless pleasure
It was more than any laws allow
Baby Baby
"Catherine" he reached out for her but she drew back as if he had hit her. "Please let me in"
"Don't Gil... don't touch me." she stepped back and showed the door into his face. Grissom decided to go with another tactic.
"This is not about work" he stepped forward and was once again on the doorstep touching into her living room. Catherine flinched at his words. She was starting to feel like a dear caught in the headlights. Determined to get rid of Gil she stepped closer hoping he would back off. He didn't.
"Catherine you are hiding something from me. I want to know what it is. Look at you, it has obviously upset you," he said watching her relax a little. She took a deep breath. He apparently didn't know. She had a feeling he knew just seconds ago but now, she wasn't sure.
"Gil as I told you earlier, it's personal," she told him hoping he would back off.
If I kiss you like this
And if you whisper like that
It was lost long ago
But it's all coming back to me
If you want me like this
And if you need me like that
It was dead long ago
But it's all coming back to me
It's so hard to resist
And it's all coming back to me
I can barely recall
But it's all coming back to me now
But it's all coming back
He had had enough. He wanted more from her. Expected more. He wanted honesty. He used a little force as he pushed her away from the door and stepped into the living room closing the door behind him.
"You're lying to me!" he slowly walked towards her backing her up against the wall. At first she looked directly into his eyes with anger and confusion. But as he kept walking her courage failed her and she ended up wall against her back looking down at her feet. He knew she was struggling and he was very aware of the way situations like this had probably developed in the past when Eddie was involved. Therefore, he didn't get too close to her or touch her anymore. He just stood there in front of her until she lifted her head.
"Catherine I would never hurt you, please just tell me what's wrong. I hate seeing you hurt like this" he couldn't help himself but reached out and softly stroke her cheek. He felt his heart sink when he saw big tears fall from her eyes. She cried silently but when he tried to pull her in for a hug she refused.
"I told you not to touch me," she told him. "Now please leave." she tried to push past him but he put his hands on each side of her head and slowly leaned in.
"Tell me the truth Catherine. Let me in" he looked her straight into her eyes but she refused to look at him.
"Gil let me go," he could hear the desperation in her voice. He tried to grab her but she was faster. She ducked under his arm and was gone. She ran up the stairs but he got to her before she reached the top.
"Catherine I'm not going to hurt you, please believe me I just want you to tell me what is going on" he was determined not to scare her. But he needed answers as well. She turned and looked at him but she didn't answer so he continued:
"I just want you to tell me this isn't true" as he spoke he pulled out an off-white envelope. Catherine let out a loud sigh as she recognized what he was holding.
There were those empty threats and hollow lies
And whenever you tried to hurt me
I just hurt you even worse
And so much deeper
There were hours that just went on for days
When alone at last we'd count up all the chances
That were lost to us forever
But you were history with the slamming of the door
And I made myself so strong again somehow
And I never wasted any of my time on you since then
"Where did you get that" was her only response.
"Apparently my name was on the birth certificate so they sent me a copy as well" the words hit her like a ton of bricks.
They stood opposite each other without saying a word as seconds then minutes passed by. Finally someone broke the silence.
"Have you seen her?" that made her collapse. He had asked her the only thing she had not wanted to answer truthfully. He was by her side in an instant pulling her into his arms.
"I'm so sorry Gil," she whispered. She had no more tears only regrets; she felt like an enormous weight had been lifted off her shoulders, maybe this was finally the end of a lifelong net of secrets and lies. But she wasn't the only one. He had regrets of his own and a lot of questions.
"Catherine why didn't you tell me?" he asked. But he already knew the answer.
She slowly rose and untangled herself from him.
"Gil I want you to leave now," she got up and walked into the bedroom and closed the door leaving him alone out at the top of the stairs. Both of them struggling with all the history that had come between them, the past had suddenly become the present.
If you forgive me all this
If I forgive you all that
We forgive and forget
And it's all coming back to me
When you see me like this
And when I see you like that
We see just what we want to see
All coming back to me
The flesh and the fantasies
All coming back to me
I can barely recall but it's all coming back to me now
Celine Dion It's all coming back to me now
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END OF CHAPTER FOUR