Here's the actual preface, not too much longer than the first! (Thank your respective deities.)
In case you couldn't tell from the negative chapter, I'm sort of mixing this up a bit. Since oxytreza's comic only took the social aspect of TBBT, and it never explained why they were living together, their ages, where they worked, etc., I'm creating a backstory semi-consistant from the show for my little fic of horrors. Instead of the four guys being professors (or whatever), I'm going back to their college years, 'cause that's how I roll! (Yes, I really just said that. Yes, I'm ramming my head into my desk.)
Hanna is Not a Boy's Name © Tessa Stone, The Big Bang Theory © CBS (I think), and the original crossover idea © oxytreza. (Frieda Jones is mine, but I'll give her to the highest bidder. =/ )
Oh, and you get a preview as to why this is rated M, goodie for you!
Ch. 0: The Interview Begins
[Cameramen and the woman speaking earlier are now at the doorway of an apartment. After knocking and ringing the doorbell don't work, Frieda Jones uses a key she has in her purse, presumed to be given to her by Dr. Hatch for the interview. They walk in, astonished.]
[The living-room area of the well-sized apartment is a mess, with dirty dishes, trash, clothing, and old newspapers, books, and magazines scattered everywhere. An open laptop is resting on the coffee table near the couch, where an ordinary man in his mid-twenties, the great Veser Hatch, is snoring lightly. He had fallen asleep in his clothes — a large blue sweatshirt, faded jeans, and lime green sneakers — which were now rumpled from sleep. Ms. Jones clears her throat in an attempt to stir the doctor from his slumber.]
VH: Nngh, wha..?
FJ: Doctor Hatch? You told us to arrive at eleven, and when you didn't answer the door, we used the key you sent me. Is now a bad time...?
VH: Meh, it's fine... [half-mumbling, half-laughing to himself] I guess I won't have to wear a damned monkey suit for this public appearance...
[Veser tries to clear a bit of space for the cameramen to get situated and makes sure the couch is clean.]
VH: Here, Miss... Frieda, was it? Have a seat. Can I get you anything?
[The woman flashes a smile she reserves for occasions like these, the kind that help to paint her in a great light to her bosses, and sits on the couch.]
FJ: No, thank you, Dr. Hatch. Shall we begin?
[Veser plops onto the sofa next to the reporter casually, his posture lax.]
VH: Sure, why not?
FJ: So, Dr. Hatch—
VH: You can go ahead and call me Veser, if you want.
FJ: [smiling again] Okay, Veser, I'm curious, now. In just about every public appearance you've had, you've been formally-dressed, and your speech has a very polite, eloquent feel to it... You have a very official demeanor. But, today, you're—
VH: [smirking] I'm cursing, slouching, and wearing something other than a tux?
[Frieda has a blink-and-you'll-miss-it flash of mild irritation from getting interrupted again, then chuckles it off.]
FJ: Yes, and there's the messy apartment.
VH: Yeah, well, I forgot the interview was today, so I figured I'd allow you to capture "the real Veser Hatch," as your station's ads promised.
FJ: Thank you for that. So, before we delve too much into your life, why don't you share with the world what "the real Veser Hatch" means.
VH: [turning to the camera, smiling broadly] Well, being Veser Hatch means tricking the world into thinking you're a stuffed-shirt, white collar bastard screwing everyone over when you're really a normal guy with a degree in experimental physics who just doesn't give a fuck!
[Frieda Jones and the crew are shocked for a moment, before the reporter tries to regain her composure by remembering the interview isn't live. Veser just smiles slyly.]
FJ: That's very interesting, Dr. Ha- Veser. Is it difficult trying to keep up with public appearances and the little, err, "stuffed shirt scientist" facade? Does it conflict too much with your real personality to handle, at times?
VH: Not at all, ma'am! It's more shocking for people who get to know me outside of banquets and lectures this way.
FJ: Um, right. [glancing at her material] So, Veser, what did you plan on sharing with us today?
VH: I figured I'd take you down my college years memory lane, if that's alright with you, Ms. Jones.
FJ: That sounds lovely, Dr. Hatch.
VH: Let's see, where to begin...
Yyyupp. I hope most of you can totally see Veser gleefully shouting profanities at what he thinks is a live audience. Oh, and just to clear some stuff up — much as I wish he gave everyone a heart attack with his shark-toothed smile, this universe has everyone human since, y'know, selkies and zombies and vampires (Oh MY!) don't run around TBBT too often...
You guys are almost to the actual first chapter of the story... May Lord have mercy on your sooouuulllssss...