Chapter five: "Past to Present"

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&0&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

Las Vegas Sunrise Hospital and Medical Center

May 11, 2007

Catherine walked slowly down the halls of the hospital. She had left a sleeping Grissom and decided she could use a walk. Wandering down the quiet halls she tried to sort out all the things that had happened to her recently.

She passed the nurses station and one of the nurses looked up and gave her a warm smile Catherine smiled back. She came to the end of the hall and stood in front of the elevator. She really had nowhere to go but back to the room and Grissom was still sleeping. So she punched the elevator button for 'down'. There was a short wait before the elevator doors opened and she stepped. She looked at the many floors and finally pushed for the ground floor.

Standing in the elevator she leaned lightly against the wall as the elevator began moving, she counted the floors. Nine. Eight. Seven. The elevator stopped and the doors opened. An older couple walked in. She guessed that they were in their mid-seventies. She saw how the man reached for the woman's hand as the doors closed and how he kept looking at her even when the woman turned her head to press the button for their floor.

She felt herself tear up at the simple but loving gesture. A little shocked at her own reaction she tried to suck in the tears without being too obvious. She placed her hand over the almost invincible swell on her stomach. It had to be the hormones, she was sure they had been racing even before she and Grissom had become one in the form of a new life.

At the sound of Catherine trying to hide her emotional state of mind the woman turned her head.

"My dear, are you ok?" she reached into her purse and took out a tissue, which she handed to Catherine.

"Thank you, yes I'm fine." Catherine said feeling embarrassed. The couple turned fully towards her. The older woman looked at Catherine, she had noticed how Catherine's hand had rested protectively on her abdomen before reaching out to accept the tissue.

"You know we were just in there meeting out first great-grandchild. A beautiful little girl." The woman said before she gave her husband a big smile.

"Do you have little ones?" he asked Catherine. Catherine suddenly felt like this was it. The first time she had to say it out loud, it had been a long time coming and here she was in an elevator between two hospital floors. She felt a little uncomfortable and unconsciously moved her hand to rest on her abdomen.

She was startled when someone touched her other arm.

"I'm sorry, he didn't mean to upset you" the older woman took Catherine's free hand. "We are just so happy today".

"Oh no, it's ok. I have a ...well yes I have two daughters" Catherine said giving the man with a now slightly worried look on his face a beaming smile. His worry turned into a smile.

The elevator came to a halt. The doors opened and the couple stepped out. Just before they were gone, the woman turned her head and softly said:

"Good luck with your third." Catherine stood back speechless. She decided to go back to Grissom. She suddenly needed to see him. She went back into the elevator and punched the number ten. On her way up she thought back to the many times she had been at this hospital. And every time she had been the patient, this time she was the relative and it made her feel good. She was at another place in her life. A place she had always dreamt of but never dared think she would live to see. She took a deep breath and let her mind wander back to the life she had to return to after she had let the best thing that had ever happened to her slip away.

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&0&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

Eddie and Catherine Willows home

July 4, 1999

Well she seemed all right by dawn's early light

Though she looked a little worried and weak

She tried to pretend he wasn't drinkin' again

But daddy left the proof on her cheek

And I was only eight years old that summer

And I always seemed to be in the way

So I took myself down to the fair in town

On Independence Day

She felt the pain before she was fully awake. She lay facing the window on the floor besides their bed in the bedroom, wearing nothing but a thong. As her eyes slowly opened the bright light felt like it was blinding her. She closed her eyes again and sighed softly. She tried to move. Nothing seemed like it was broken but she opened eyes again and focused on her hand before her eyes she saw the dried blood. It was her own, no doubt. She touched the side of her face softly and heard her own sharp intake of breath as pain seared down her left wrist. Then she heard Lindsey talking down the hallway.

"Is mommy up?"

"I think she is still sleeping pumpkin. Your mother is a bit lazy, so how do you feel about you and me making pancakes, chocolate chip?"

The voices dimmed as they moved down the stairs.

"Damn you Eddie." She slowly got up and took a deep breath before she walked to the bathroom. No broken bones this time. She pushed the door open and winced. On second though her left wrist was if not broken then sprained badly.

The sight that met her when she looked into the mirror made tears spring from her eyes. This would be hard to cover with make up. A big purple bruise was forming around her right eyes and she had a fat lip. She supported her left wrist with her right hand as she examined her arm. She sighed. Above her wrist were the clear marks of several fingers wrapped around her arm. She knew she would not be able to work tonight. She ought to go to the hospital just to make sure it wasn't broken.

"Catherine, rise and shine" Eddie's voice startled her. She heard him coming up the stairs.

"Breakfast, your daughter has made pancakes."

She quickly closed and locked the bathroom door just as Eddie entered the bedroom.

"I'll be right down, let me just take a shower and get ready"

She heard him kicking something around on the floor. Probably her shoes or bag.

"Just make it quit" She heard him leave and let out a breath she didn't realize she was holding. Stepping into the steaming hot shower she finally let the tears flow. She had promised herself no more. But she knew she needed to wait. She couldn't leave without Lindsey and where could she go. She had to find a solution and fast.

Well word gets around in a small, small town

They said he was a dangerous man

Mama was proud and she stood her ground

She knew she was on the losin' end

Some folks whispered some folks talked

But everybody looked the other way

When time ran out there was no one about

On Independence Day

She got ready and put on a heavy layer of make up before she walked downstairs.

"Mom!" Lindsey came running to her. "Look what I made"

"Baby, it looks amazing. Thank you!" Catherine kissed Lindsey before she sat down.

"Mom do you want OJ?" Lindsey tried to pour but couldn't hold the carton. Catherine reached out for it without thinking.

"Aouch..." she had used her left hand tears were welling up in her eyes.

"What happened mom?" Lindsey looked at her with worry. Catherine's eyes snapped up to Eddie's. She saw the anger in his eyes.

"I'm fine baby, just hit my hand in the shower before" Catherine consoled Lindsey. She picked up her fork and ate the pancake. Lindsey also ate in silence sometimes looking from her father to her mother.

Let Freedom ring, let the white dove sing

Let the whole world know that today is a

Day of reckoning

Let the weak be strong, let the right be wrong

Roll the stone away, let the guilty pay, it's

Independence Day

"Pumpkin get your things I'll drive you to school today and I'll pick you up after school and we'll go to Build a bear, how does that sound?" Eddie gave Lindsey a big smile and reached over and stroked her hair.

"Yay... but what about... is mom coming?" Lindsey looked at her mother.

"Lindsey your mother has to work. Like always" He added giving Catherine a mad stare. Catherine didn't want to pick a fight in front of Lindsey but inside she was raging with anger. Eddie always painted a bad picture of her when he had the chance. She decided there and then that this would be the last morning she and Lindsey would be exposed Eddie's bad moods, abuse and the bad life Catherine had led for way to long. And she knew whom she could turn to. He had been there all along, always letting her know he was waiting for her.

Well she lit up the sky that Fourth of July

By the time that the firemen came

They just put out the flames,

And took down some names

And sent me to the county home

Now I ain't sayin' it's right or it's wrong

But maybe it's the only way

Talk about your revolution

It's Independence Day

Let Freedom ring, let the white dove sing

Let the whole world know that today is a

Day of reckoning

Let the weak be strong, let the right be wrong

Roll the stone away, let the guilty pay, it's

Independence Day

As soon as the door closed behind Lindsey and Eddie she went upstairs. She pulled out a worn suitcase and threw in a few things from her closet. She went to the bathroom and got her make up. She opened the bottom drawer in her bedside table and reached in and turned her hand and removed a big white envelope she had plastered up unto the bottom of the top drawer, it held her passport, personal papers and some money. Then she went to Lindsey's room. She got some of Lindsey's clothes, her baby pictures and her teddy bear. She then reached in under Lindsey's bed and pulled out a small wooden box. She took a deep breath, she didn't have much time so she opened the box and picked up the small stack of off white envelopes. With them in hand and the suitcase in the other she ran to her car and was just around the corner when Eddie turned another corner.

Catherine ran the speed limit several times in order to get to Lindsey's school as fast as possible. It was hard to drive because her wrist was so painful but she ignored it.

She got to Lindsey school and almost ran to her class. She knocked on the door and went in.

"Mom?" Lindsey said confusion obvious in her voice.

"Mrs. Willows, is there a problem?" Dana, Lindsey's teacher said. She had always liked Catherine. Dana eyed Catherine with a worried look. It was obvious that Catherine had a blue eye.

"I just need to take my daughter with me" she said to Dana.

"Well, that is really against procedure..." Dana said but when she saw into Catherine's eyes she knew what was going on.

"Lindsey you can go with your mother" Catherine let out a sign.

"Thank you" she said. Lindsey began packing her things as the two women walked over to the door.

"You really should go to the hospital and have that wrist checked out." Dana said as she put her hand reassuringly on Catherine's good arm.

"I can't not now, maybe later. Thank you for this" Catherine led Lindsey to her car and they were off. No long after they found themselves outside a familiar townhouse.

Roll the stone away

It's Independence Day
Martina McBride Independence Day

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&0&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

Las Vegas Sunrise Hospital and Medical Center

May 11, 2007

The doors to the elevator opened and Catherine stepped out into the hallway. She almost ran to Grissom's room.

"Hey Cather..." he greeted her but she was by his side her head on his chest before he could finish his sentence. He could feel hot tears seeping though his hospital gown.

"Hey Cath, what's wrong honey?"

"We, not I wasted so much time. I should have never gone back to Eddie."

"schhhhs... Cath honey what has brought all this on, I thought we had already had this talk. And the one good thing that came from that was Lindsey." There was a long pause before she whispered:

"I wish she was yours"

"Me too, but that doesn't matter Catherine, and you know that right?" She smiled a little. He started to stroke her hair as she slowly came down.

I bet we've been together for a million years

And I'll bet we'll be together for a million more

Oh it's like I started breathing on the night we kissed

And I can't remember what I ever did before

Then she heard the door open and someone entered.

"Mom are you ok?"

"Yes I'm fine" Catherine turned around and smiled at her two daughters. She reached out for them and they both walked over to Grissom and Cath.

He reached for Lindsey who happily jumped up and sat on the side of his bed. Her older sister was a little hesitant until Catherine reached out for her.

"Girls, Gil and I have some news we'd like to share with you" blue met blue when Catherine locked eyes with her oldest daughter.

If it's absolutely perfect, the last puzzle piece

And it all just comes together like we had it planned


What would we do baby without us

What would we do baby without us

And there ain't no nothing we can't help each other through

What would we do baby without us. Sha-la-la-la

Johnny Mathis and Deniece Williams Without us

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&0&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

Carson Street Cafe

129 Fremont St

Las Vegas

April 11, 2007

I feel like I'm dragging you down a one-way street

I don't know which ways up

All I ask of you is to stay on your feet

That should be enough

If we stand around it could pass us by

We could give up now, and never even try

Lori looked at Catherine. She felt her heart drop but picked it right up and smiled at Catherine. This was a case and nothing else.

"Lori, I work with the CSI. We are working on a big case at the moment. I don't know if you've heard of it. A serial killer is going after young classically trained dancers, and we don't know why, where he meets them or..." Catherine felt herself being unusually uncomfortable talking about the case. "...or where he kills them and therefore..." Lori had already gotten the picture.

"You need me to play the decoy? I've heard of the case, seen it on the news, read about it" she finished Catherine's sentence.

Catherine sat back speechless. This girl was something else. Catherine never liked stereotypes but a lot of the girls she herself had danced with had certainly not be straight A students, but Lori was different. She had immediately picked up on where the conversation was going. Catherine quickly gave Lori the basics from the cases and asked her how she felt about the plan Grissom had been forced to agree to by a media-loving Ecklie. Catherine hated the plan herself. At least until now, but maybe it was more because she really liked this girl. And they had looked at several girls some from the Nevada Ballet Theater, some of the Vegas show girls but no one fit the profile. Finally they had hit the strip clubs. Something Catherine had strongly opposed, then one day Warrick and Nick had come back saying they had found the girl but they wanted Catherine to approach her.

That was why she had been at The Flaming Flamingo that night. And what she had seen had convinced her within seconds. Lori moved very well, she was young, had clearly had some training and had the long blonde hair and blue eyes the killer went for. The hair had to be all the way down to the bottom and curly and the eyes piercing blue.

"So you can understand why we would like to use you. However, there is a lot of security involved because this is pretty risky. Therefore, we also need to do a background check up on you, if you decide to help us out. So you should go home and think it over for a couple of days first" Catherine advised.

"I have a question?" Lori said waiting for Catherine to nod.

"If you don't know where he meets or kills his victims then where should he ever get to meet me?" Once again this young woman impressed Catherine. Lori had been contemplating the case instead of her own involvement all the time Catherine had been speaking.

"Well my boss Gil Grissom is trying to figure all that out and if you decide to get involved we'll give you more info as soon as we get it" Catherine told her.

"So how involved can I be?" Lori asked looking straight at Catherine. "I always liked watching those crime TV-shows. I usually solve the case just from watching the trailer."

Catherine laughed. Grissom would not have liked that comment. Then she got serious again.

"This is a high profile case and you would be a decoy but you are not a trained CSI so there would be a lot of things you would not be able to get in on... but I will see what I can do" Catherine said. Their food came and they ate in silence for a while.

"Can I at least come down to the lab?" Lori asked. Catherine's eyebrow arched up. This girl knew quite a lot for someone who was taking her clothes off for a living. A GOOD living she thought with a smile. Again this was not your average college student gone stripper. She liked Lori and knew she would be putting herself on the line for the CSI.

"You know, I'll let you come for a visit first ok? It would only be in the lab. No field work, I would be doing paperwork but you could get to meet the guys and get a briefing".

"Cool, I'd really like that" Lori said. She was surprised. Catherine was really nice, not just after her as a decoy.

"Could you tell me a little more about yourself?" Catherine asked.

"Sure, I grew up in Indian Hills Nevada. I am an only child and my parents owned an art gallery." Catherine watched as the young woman spoke and noticed the sadness creep into her eyes.

"My parents were killed in a car accident a little over a year ago and I decided to come to Vegas" Lori said. She looked away not wanting Catherine to see her eyes.

"How old are you Lori" Catherine asked.

"Just turned 19" Lori said looking straight at Catherine. Lori saw how her mentioning her age made Catherine's eye quickly snap away from hers as if she was thinking about something else.

To breathe in life and breathe out

Like tomorrow is today

Breathe in life and breathe out

It's not so long to wait

Breathe in life and breathe out

Wipe the dust from your sweet smile

And breathe in life.

The sound of Catherine's cell phone made them both jump.

"Willows. Yes I'm talking to her right now. I'll be back later, just need to... Yes but we need to go over the details later ok? What? Let me talk to him..." Catherine mouthed an 'I'm sorry' to Lori as she waited for someone to come on the line.

"Yes I'm here... I really don't know. No, I don't think so... that is why I never wanted you to know in the first place... Gil I don't care..." Lori could se Catherine was getting upset about something.

"Gil are you seriously suggesting that I'd... no way... what do you mean I don't... can't we talk about this later..." Lori picked up the menu and began studying it. She felt uncomfortable eavesdropping on Catherine's conversation but she couldn't help but listen to the heated argument. Catherine raised her voice slightly.

"Why are you bringing Lindsey into all of this... no I want to be the one to tell her...ok but wont you be there when I get back to the lab... I'll see you tonight then...how about Chinese" Catherine listened to the one on the other end. She suddenly laughed out loud.

"Right back at ya...and give Linds a hug ok"

She hung up and looked at Lori.

"Sorry, so do you want me to take you home before I go back to the lab?" Lori nodded.

They walked to the car and Catherine began driving. Lori gave her directions and pretty soon they pulled up in front of a cheap apartment building. Catherine remembered when she had to live in a place like this.

"Do you live alone?" Catherine asked; Lori nodded.

"Don't you have any other family you could have stayed with after your parents died?"

Lori looked at Catherine; and then slowly shook her head from side to side. Catherine looked at the young woman. She felt sorry for her but also felt a need to protect her. She told herself to snap out of it. All of this was simply brought on by what was going on in her personal life.

She reached into her purse and pulled out her business card. She was about to hand it to Lori when she turned it over, grabbed a pen and wrote her cell phone number on the back of the card.

"Just in case. Let me know what you decide. If you decide not to do it, that is fine as well" she reassured the young woman, knowing what kind of pressure she had put on her. "No matter what you can still visit me in the lab one day."

Lori was about to open the car door when she turned to Catherine.

"Did you ever... I mean..." she couldn't finish her sentence. Catherine looked at her signaling with a smile and a small nod for her to go on.

"Were you ever a... I mean did you ever dance? Like me I mean" Lori said in a small voice looking down at her hands.

Catherine was stunned. She didn't know what to say. She decided the truth would be the only right response considering this entire situation.

"Yes I did" Catherine said the younger woman's eyes snapping up to meet hers.

"Why did you ask me that?" Catherine said.

"I don't know" Lori admitted before she continued. "When I saw you at the club you walked around between the tables like one of the dancers, and I saw how all the men looked at you. Plus I heard some of the girls talking about you the other day," she finally confessed.

Catherine didn't know what to say.

"One of the girls had talked to this guy Nick Stokes, I think you know him" Lori watched Catherine's surprised look.

"He was there with this other guy, they were looking for possible girls to do the decoy job I guess. After they had been there one of the girls was talking about this dancer who had become a criminalist with the CSI and how she had quit dancing after she had met this guy who got her into the lab." Lori said.

Catherine was stunned. She had no idea her life story was out there, she guessed however that her revealed biological relations to Sam Braun had sparked a rumor or a story or two about her. She was pleased that Lori didn't say anything about that.

"For what it's worth your friend was right. I used to dance before I began working at the lab. Do you have any other questions?"

Lori looked pensive and finally shook her head.

"I'll call you all right" she said as she descended from the passenger seat and onto the pavement.

She waved at Catherine as she drove back to the lab before she walked to her apartment.

I just want something real I can hold onto

I believe it's near

Life's too short to know the truth

Maybe it's already hear

We could throw ourselves into the fire

We could give up now and never even try

To breathe in life and breathe out

Like tomorrow is today

Breathe in life and breathe out

It's not so long to wait

Breathe in life and breathe out

Wipe the dust from your sweet smile

And breathe in life.

Lori locked herself into her small apartment. She shed her think jacket on the table in the small kitchen and left it there with her purse and keys.

She walked to the tiny bathroom and opened the cabinet. She took out a bottle of eye make up remover and splashed some on a piece of cotton. She removed her fake eyelashes before removing all her eye shadow and black eyeliner. She washed her face in hot water and finally moved her hands to the back of her neck. She removed hairpin after hairpin and finally lifted the blond wig she had been wearing off. Soft strawberry blond curls tumbled down to her shoulders and she watched herself in the mirror as tears slowly ran from her piercing blue eyes down her cheeks. She looked at the piece of paper she had tucked into the side of the mirror.

It said: Catherine Willows Criminalist CSI Las Vegas. She reached out and pulled it from the side of the mirror and turned it: 267-7342-203 Anytime, Catherine.

We're chasing something we've dreamed of

is not always out of reach

It's never far away from us

'cause I believe that

To breathe in life and breathe out

Like tomorrow is today

Breathe in life and breathe out

It's not so long to wait

Breathe in life and breathe out

Wipe the dust from your sweet smile

And breathe in life.

Lucie Silvas Breathe in

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&0&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

END OF CHAPTER FIVE