This particular chapter borrows and paraphrases several lines from oxytreza's original comic, hopefully I'm not speared for it.

Everything doesn't belong to me, this message will self-destruct, yada yada yada.

Rated M for Language: New! Now with 20% more Derogitory terms for Homosexuals!

(Why, yes, I did pull those statistics out of my butt. And yes, by more terms, I just mean Veser'll say fag and gay more.)

Chapter 3: Friendly Neighborhood Fag

After that lovely encounter of gay romance on the place I'd planned on sitting, along with a post-shock argument about where it's okay to have crazy guy-on-guy action going on with Cassi, and the groceries were put away, I was hanging out on the couch. Partially to look at wanted ads, mostly to get over the fact that a guy's tongue had been in another guy's mouth and I had to live with the owners of both. Casimiro and Conrad both sort of drifted into their rooms, and Hanna was looking around for something to eat. The door was wide open.

Someone walked by and knocked on the door frame at about the same time that Conrad had just stepped out of his room. I looked up. Some dark-haired guy smiled and introduced himself. "Um, hi. I'm Lamont, the new neighbor. I just moved in across the hall..." He trailed off when his eyes reached Conrad, and he started to look embarrassed. Oh, fuck, not again...

Connie looked at him and said, "Oh, really? Well, welcome, then." It was probably just my post-traumatic gay shock, but I could've sworn he was checking the new guy out.

Before I could read anything more into the exchange, Hanna smiled and started to introduce himself to Lamont. Hoo boy, this could take a while...

Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed Cassi enter the room, looking a bit upset over the way the new guy was looking at his man-meat. Oh, so it's not just me?

Once Hanna was finished, the angry Italian approached and shook the neighbor's hand fiercely. "I'm Casimiro," he said in a friendly, yet threatening tone.

The guy just smiled and replied, "Lamont, nice to meet you."

"I assure you, the pleasure is mine," he said smoothly, a grimace lying just beneath his friendly demeanor.

I figured it was my civic duty or something to make sure a gay catfight didn't break out right then and there, so I hopped up and started talking. "Hey, Lamont, I'm Veser. Welcome to the neighborhood, are you a CalTech student, too?" I asked, since he looked about the same age as my roommates and me.

Apparently, he was, and he got into a much more calm discussion about his majors and shit with Hanna and Conrad. Cassi stayed out of it, much to my relief.

After a half-hour or something, he left for his own apartment, shaking hands a bit too long with Conrad. I swear, he even winked at the guy. Who thought a nerdy fag like him would be so damn popular?

Lamont closed the door behind him. Conrad sat on the couch next to me, and I tried to resume my job search. Cassi decided to try to make that impossible for me and rested his head on top of Conrad's, sort of possessively.

"I don't like the way he was looking at you," he said, clutching to his boyfriend.

Conrad blushed rolled his eyes. "You're being ridiculous," he retorted.

As much as I would've like to agree with Connie so Casimiro would stop fagging up the couch, It really wasn't a ridiculous claim. The new neighbor was quite obviously interested in the geek.

After they argued a bit, Conrad and Cassi eventually went to sleep (in separate rooms, thank God), and Hanna started to wind down, too. I entered my own and started to think of how my first day in Pasadena went. Let's recap.

So look, at this point, I'm living with three total fags, one of them wants to screw the third floor guy, and the other two are screwing each other, apparently. Now there's this new neighbor, and it's quite obvious he's interested in fucking my especially faggy roommate, and... Sorry, is this too confusing? I know it was for me. Basically, one fag has a stupid crush on the Asian-ish guy, and the other fags are in some crazy gay love triangle or something.

Judging by the way they all act, I doubted they'd leave their straight roommate uninvolved.

The funny thing is, I really didn't mind that much. Just as long as no fag decided he wanted to start fucking me, it was fine. I could deal with it.

AN: Yup. That's the slightly-homophobic-but-not-really mindset of Veser for you, folks. It only gets gayer from here...

And humanity shall end soon...