Of course, the order was yet to be decided upon. Matsuda continuously tried to drop out of the debate altogether by requesting to be a second mediator, until he was flatly refused by Morwen. Asura decided it would be a good idea if he was last, and so prepared the closing speech, and giggled while nobody kept him in check. The Phantom did not request to be last or first, instead he brought a picture out of his cloak and began to weep softly under the table. Light was really the only one who cared about the order. Every time Light chose to go fifth, or second, L would choose the same so he would be arguing against Light. This of course was bad news for Light, so he would quickly change the order. Eventually Morwen became annoyed with Light, because he kept causing her to erase the order sheet and start over. Light tried to whisper a number into Morwen's ear, but L would always find out exactly where Light planned to go in the debate.
"I'll go fourth." Light whispered.
"Fourth." L said in a bored tone.
"Oh no! Change it, make it fifth." Light begged.
"Fifth." L mumbled as he took a bite out of his chocolate cake.
"Here this is what I'll do, I'll say a number, and then whatever number I pick, the actual number will be two less it, ok?" Light said. "Ok, three!" He shouted loudly.
"One." L chewed and glanced at the sheet. "Are we ready to start yet?"
"Gaah!" Light buried his head in his hands.
"So Light and L will go first." Morwen announced satisfied. She reached into her sleeve and pulled out a timer, a clipboard, and a recording device. Everyone stared.
"She's like Mary Poppins or something." Matsuda muttered.
Morwen set the timer. "Each debater will have three minutes to argue with their opposer. Alright,GO!"
Light stood up stiffly and prepared his notes. He coughed loudly for several seconds until he received some glares from his teammates. "Okay. Kira is good, because, he kills criminals and criminals are bad." Light said unconvincingly.
" Stop pretending to be bad at this on purpose, Light." L said bluntly. "You're trying to lose because you're Kira and you're afraid I'll catch that if you are persuasive enough."
"Am not!"
"Are too."
"Am not!"
"Are too."
"Am not!"
"Are too."
"Annnddd three minutes is up." Morwen reached and turned off the timer.
"Well, that was eventful." Aizawa said sarcastically, as L and Light took their seats, still engaged in a mental battle of contradictions.
"Okay, next up is Asura and Aizawa." Morwen turned the timer back on. "Go!"
Aizawa prepared his notes and began to speak dully. While he was in the middle of his speech, he paused to look up, and noticed Asura staring at him, smiling creepily and gurgling. Aizawa tried to continue but then was constantly distracted by his opponents insanity. "May I talk now?" Asura spoke calmly. He grinned again, and then laughed madly.
"Kira is killing people, but killing people is fun. You can kill people in a variety of ways. You can dismember them, but that takes time, you can eat them, or you can even tie up their intestines and stretch them out and play soccer. You can shoot, maim, poison, blow up, burn, freeze, liquidate, stab, behead, electricute, torture, traumatize, stone, put to sleep, use biological warfare, strangle, suffocate, or even bury alive! I like to kill people because I am mad, and I want to live forever. But that is a bad reason to kill people. Killing people should be an enjoyable activity, and Kira is doing it in a boring way, with just heart attacks. If I was Kira, I would be more interesting. However, Kira obviously has a heart attack fetish and if he's having a good time, we shouldn't ruin his fun….
Morwen hastily stopped the timer, and the everyone in the room felt sick. Even Light was looking pale. Morwen pulled out a basin from her sleeve and lifted it onto the table in case anyone needed to use it. "Next..?" She croaked weakly.
Matsuda stood, and so did Mogi. Suddenly everyone heard a strange beeping noise that seemed to come from the ceiling. It was very loud. Ryuzaki covered his ears protectively, but still managed to bite into his cake. Light and Matsuda both sighed with relief. One felt lucky because he had narrowly escaped possible conviction of being Kira, and the other because it meant that he did not have to debate alongside two murderers and a suspect of murder. Morwen looked up startled from her clipboard. She shook the timer close to her ear to see if it was the problem, then put it down mystified.
"What is it Ryuzaki?" Light said as he tried to act like he was worried.
"It's an alarm." L calmly stated.
"I KNOW that. What does it do?" Light asked exasperatedly.
"It makes a noise. Like this, see?" L stared owlishly at Light.
"Again, I know. The question I'm trying to ask is "why did it go off?"
" Something must have caused it." L chewed thoughtfully.
"Well, that's not vague at all." Light said sarcastically. "Fine. I'll put it this way. Why is this alarm, that makes a noise, going off? What are we going to do about it?"
"In answer to your first question, this alarm goes off when something triggers it…"
"LIKE WHAT?"
"Erm, well, in this case, another alarm."
"Ryuzaki," Light said slowly, "Are you trying to tell me that this alarm is going off because another alarm is going off too?"
"Precisely."
"So… what is causing the other alarm to go off?"
"I dunno." L tried to leave the conversation at a standstill by going up to get coffee, still cringing from the loud noise of the alarm. However, Light was undeterred, and followed him to the coffee machine.
"You…don't..know?" Light repeated unbelievingly.
"Well, if I had to guess…I would suppose it would be another alarm…" L put a finger to his lips.
"So the alarm that's going off right now is beeping because of another alarm which is triggered by another alarm."
"Mm hm." L grabbed a donut and dunked it in his coffee.
"So why aren't we hearing the other alarms?" Light asked, infuriated.
"Well, their silent alarms…"
"Silent alarms." Light looked confused.
"Yes. So they alert this alarm undetected."
"And…what…would be the point of that?"
"Light, I would advise you to relax. We have the security under control. I have the entire building monitored, I can assure you there are no intruders."
"THEN WHY IS THE DAMN ALARM GOING OFF?" Light asked angrily.
L sighed heavily. "Because the other alarm triggered it."
"And why is that one going off?" Light refused to give up.
"Because of the other one that triggered that."
"Yes, but then there has to be a particular reason for the other, other alarm!" Light crowed triumphantly.
"Of course. There's another alarm."
And with that, Light slumped over and banged his head against the table. Repeatedly.