Chords of Faith Chapter 5: Legacy, a stargate: atlantis fanfic

Author's Note: "Legacy" was featured on Nichole Nordeman's CD "This Mystery." This story was written for daisyscrapper, who suggested the song. I hope you enjoyed it, my friend. ~lg

oOo

"Will you be accompanying Colonel Sheppard and Dr. McKay?" Woolsey's question stopped John in his tracks as Teyla struggled to find an answer. "I only ask because I've yet to receive your formal request to return to active duty."

John turned to stare at Teyla. "Of course she'll be returning, right?" He looked as if he expected a positive response.

Teyla hated to admit her struggle. "I have yet to make a decision about my future with the team."

"Oh!" John blinked in surprise. "Well, okay." He went his way, and Teyla followed a little slower.

She really did not know what to do now that she'd had Torren. While she had carried him in her womb, she had debated whether or not to stay with John's team. After all, her son should be her priority. And Kanaan, now that he had been cured from Michael's experimentation. But she could not just abandon John, Rodney, and Ronon. Not after all this time.

Two days later, Teyla cradled her newborn son and slowly paced her quarters. Kanaan had been allowed to move back onto Atlantis, and they had settled into life as a little family. Just what Teyla had wanted before she even learned she was with child. But, now, her life was less than satisfying. Even with Torren to care for and Kanaan to hold her, she missed something.

The iPod, a gift from John after his last visit to Earth, switched songs, and Teyla slowly moved to change the music back to something softer. Torren had just dropped off to sleep, and she did not want the happier beat to wake him. She froze, however, when she heard the words.

I don't mind if you've got something nice to say about me.
I enjoy an accolade like the rest.
You could take my picture and hang it in a gallery
Of all the who's who and so-n-so's that used to be the best
At such-n-such. . .It wouldn't matter much.

Teyla's hand hovered over the skip button, but she continued to listen. She liked the accolades that came with being on Colonel Sheppard's team, but she also needed to be available for her son. If she lost her life before she was able to raise her son, the accolades would not matter.

I won't lie, it feels alright to see your name in lights,
We all need an "Atta, boy" or "Atta, girl."
But in the end, I'd like to hang my hat on more besides
The temporary trappings of this world.

Was her place on John's team temporary? It certainly was not what she had planned for her life. She had told Mr. Woolsey that when she asked him if he had children. She needed to know that her son had a mother who would be available for him.

I want to leave a legacy,
How will they remember me?
Did I choose to trust? Did I point to You enough
To make a mark on things?
I want to leave an offering,
A child of mercy and grace
Who blessed Your name unapologetically.
And leave that kind of legacy.

Teyla stared at her son's face as he slept. She wanted a legacy for Torren, for all Athosians. She hoped that, one day, her son could look back on what his mother had accomplished and say that she made a difference. Her time in Atlantis had provided a way for her to do just that. But could she give that up to be always present with her son? What if Michael still lived? The Wraith? Those who sought the end of Atlantis? Could she honestly leave her position on John's team, where she actively fought for good, and stay at home all the time?

I don't have to look too far or too long awhile
To make a lengthy list of all that I enjoy.
It's an accumulating trinket and a treasure pile,
Where moth and rust, thieves and such will soon enough destroy.

As the music waned, Teyla drew in a deep breath. She wanted so much more for her son than the life she lived. She wanted him to grow up knowing freedom from the Wraith. She wanted him to have every opportunity to mature and learn. She wanted wanted a legacy for him.

Not well-traveled or well-read, not well-to-do or well bred.
Just want to hear instead, "Well done, good and faithful one. . . ."

John had clearly added this song to her iPod. He had developed a faith in one called Jesus Christ not long ago, and Teyla had briefly asked him about it. John called it a relationship with Jesus, and, while she did not understand much of this faith that John called his own, she knew it had changed his life. While she no longer believed in the Ancestors as gods, and while she had not made any other decision regarding faith, she still appreciated this song. Through an apparently random occurrence, John had helped her make her decision.

She had a legacy that she could leave Torren. It might take her far from home, and it might ultimately take her life. But she must do everything within her power to secure his future and the future of every child in Pegasus who one day would live in the shadow of the Wraith.

Laying her sleeping son in his cradle, she bent over and rocked him until he settled back into sleep. The door to her quarters opened behind her, and Kanaan walked over to her. "He's already sleeping?" His surprise made her smile as he joined her in watching their son. "Why does it take so much longer when I try to put him down?"

"You worry too much," Teyla whispered. "Perhaps he senses your anxiety."

"Or maybe he prefers the comfort of his mother's presence."

Teyla's eyes slid shut as she realized the effect of her decision. Still, it must be said. Straightening and looking Kanaan in the eye, she said, "Well, there may be a time when he will have to learn to do without."

As the meaning of her words registered on Kanaan's face, Teyla let out a deep breath. The chorus of the song played through her head one more time, an echo of her own desires.